Twilight had always known her kind to be a race of peace and kindness. However, when faced with something they don't quite understand, those bounds are tested. After a two legged creature arrives in Ponyville with a spear in hand and an injured Scootaloo, the citizens act in a manner which Twilight hadn't foreseen.
Perhaps the world around them isn't as black and white as she had once thought, but filled with shades of gray. Journey with Twilight and company, as they discover this for themselves as they venture beyond the borders of Equestria.
(Edited by DF)
Chapters (5)
It exists!
Is that a......black samurai? Or a tribesman? I can't tell mainly because of the hat that he's wearing, which is primarily featured in Asian cultures, i.e. Raiden from Mortal Kombat, or ninjas from those old gritty Japanese shinobi movies. The weapons seem African -Zulu or something- enough, but it's that damned hat! Any answers? And a thumbs up for something that not people take on, a human from a very past era.
Ok, before I even read this story, I have to say this:
Shades of Gray?!
You really couldn't have called it anything else? Have you not heard of the infamous "Fifty Shades of Gray" that is currently infesting our pop-culture?
Your writing needs serious work. Your capitalization and punctuation are extremely inconsistent, and you seem to have a dreadful allergy to commas. Commas exist for a reason, and while some writers go overboard with them, in your case you absolutely need about three times as many as you actually have. This story also feels somewhat preachy and has a few too many FiM fanfic cliches.
There could be potential here, but this chapter needs a beta reader and a major rewrite before you continue further work on the story as a whole.
1031580
I get what you're saying, but I actually think naming it "Shades of Gray" is actually an incredibly clever move (if it was intended this way). The infamy associated with it will draw readers to investigate. It doesn't appear to have anything to do with the infamous book, so I think it's a perfectly fair name.
1031604
That's a good point. I was only teasing anyway.
1031612>>1031604 There's a story on this site called "Fifty Shades of Neigh".... I think you understand. The cover image is... Borderline SFW...
xande warrior?
this is beautiful
cant wait for more
yep definitly a xande warrior
Dude, that was awesome. I can not wait to see where this story goes!
Jeez... authors coming up with new and original ideas for HiE fics, blows my mind every time. Well...go on.... keep writing...please
Swag
Dayum, that picture is nice. The description was interesting and it's a bit of a different take on HiE. Plot-wise it's looking good.
1031571 Yes he is an African warrior, and I wouldn't think too much on that hat. I know those hats are from Asian culture but I think they look really cool so I gave him one.
1031580 Sorry never heard of it
1031601 I know that, I left it in my author note that I'm looking for an editor for this. It's easier to get an editor if they can actually see what they're getting into.
1031604 Honestly I really don't know what you guys are talking about. Is it a story on this site or something?
1031660 I think it's actually called Zande.
1031697 Thank you
1031781
1032013
If you don't know, you don't need to worry about it.
1032013 well its like the donut or doughnut thing and i prefer xande over zande xande looks more exotic
hmmmm... New take on the HIC concept... Pony moral compass skewed back to rational, if a little dark, reasoning... Celestia (should) be furious with the town... Instant track! PROVIDE MOAR!
Ahh... I like what I see. As others have stated, it needs a bit of work, but your looking for an editor and that should solve that problem. I myself would help you if I wasn't already working with a few others. Anyway, you've got an interesting concept, a good plot, and your story seems to heavily feature Twilight Sparkle. If we see more Fluttershy, then you've got everything a story needs to be great!
... Perfection requires a Twilight/Chrysalis pairing, but somehow, I don't see that one coming.
1032013 '50 shades of Gray' is an adult novel if you know what i mean...
This has got to be my favorite Human intro to pony fic I've seen so far. I like how its a tribal civilization and not a modern day one that is introduced, it makes more sense in my opinion.
Love it, I'm watching you, don't disappoint ^-^
A very well done story. I was hating the town of Ponyville throughout it. One thing I need to mention though is that you need to use more commas in your sentences in dialogue.
Original Dialogue
“I don’t understand why were you looking for it?” Celestia asked.
Edited Dialogue
“I don’t understand, why were you looking for it?” Celestia asked.
The second one sounds better. One trick you can do is to say it out loud. Decide for yourself whichever sounds better.
Love it.
1032013
More now. If not now void will consume you.
Also blatant racism from them ponies. Also even I. The show they're racist. Everypony anypony.... What if there's dragons or Minotaurs that doesn't count them.
I only read this cause of the name, glad I did
I saw the picture and I thought "awww yeeeah"
Then I saw the title and wondered if this had anything to to with that terrible, terrible book.
But I'm glad that this was more Massai than inner goddess.
Am liking this, will track.
When I did see this I read the title as 50 shades of grey, its is really similar.
1031604 You might think that, but I already have a fic called Shades of Grey, I can safely say it didn't draw any attention because of it :P
I'm just glad I published mine first!
-Scott.
P.S. Yes, you should totally all go read it.
Before read this fiction, I'll just put some expectations.
1. I fully expect the human to run into Zecora and for her to be driven to nightmares/tears by the fact that one of the greatest predators of her kind has come to Equestria.
2. Human being able to run for days on end, as opposed to the far less endurable ponies.
3. Omnivory jokes.
1032013
Seriously, DON'T listen to Pascal... The name for the story FITS LIKE A GLOVE! That the world is actually not just black and white, but filled with shades of gray, is a perfect poetic notion.
I do know about 50 shades of grey, and its'...Ahem.. content... but Seriously!
If people looks at your fic, and atumatically think it has somthing to do with that story...It is them there is somthing wrong with...
I mean, it is like saying that Avatar, the movie, is the same as Avatar: the last airbender...
Actually, I just thought of the popular notion that life, or morality, is neither black nor white, but is painted shades of grey.
)
I did not think of that awful, awful excuse for pornography pretending to be a story.
Nice story, please continue, (hope that you find an editor though.
I should also note that I am both horribly jealous and confused that you got featured for one chapter...
1032013 so to translate the mesage
twilight is basically saying is "We some Ingnant Bitches"
1033528 Not surprised you were hating the town, they did come off as jerks.
1035350 Like I said, I don't know anything about this apparent erotic novel. And I like the name, so I'm keeping it. I just hope people aren't coming into this thinking hey where's the clop?
1035400 Yeah this is pretty much what I was going for. And yes an editor has been found.
1035427 Well I must have missed that. But if it did get featured take solace in the fact it didn't last there very long.
1036014 Oh, it did get featured, be sure of it. That's how I found it! And, your story deserves it. This is certainly very original, and even though there are a few grammatical issues, the fact that I was able to enjoy the story in spite of them is a testament to the quality of the premise! I look forward to the next chapter!
1036014 Aww, I wouldn't do that! I'm glad you got featured... I'm just jealous and confused at the same time :)
1032013, the hat is also possible for an African to have.
What's his name?
Well, because of the ponies' racial behavior, I would now find it very enjoyable to go down and give them all a piece of my mind. (Good work, BTW.)
interesting story idea
a great example of what HiE stories can be. Keep writing, I will be watching closely for updates.
In defense of the title, it works for me and people have been using it as chapter titles, book titles, article titles, essay titles, fanfiction titles, and everything long before that book came out. Thats like saying you can't use the word "Mickey" as a name any more because Disney happened to name his mouse after it.
Hahahaha! I like this so far! Keep it up good sir!
Quick question is he the only human in Equestria or can we expect more?
Just letting you know that I created a account just to tell you that you have a excellent story going on. Keep it up!
Next chapter. WHEN ???
1072470 It's with my editor now, so sometime this week.
1073435 well in that case ... *cough* ahem
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