So we live, you and I, on either side of the edge- and we run, and we scream, with the dilated stare of obsession and dreaming
Not everypony handles the coals of loneliness with a tender grasp, and when flesh begins to blister it helps to have the cool hand of friendship- Friendship that can be hard to find in an abandoned universe when your brother is Discord and his chaos eradicates what life is found.
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very good! for some reason i thought that harmony was celestia, don't know why though.
4883270 Thank you so much redbit1234! I wrote the beginning to be purposefully ambiguous in regards to "Harmony"/Lilly because i wanted the reader to focus on what she was and what she might be, thus building her up in their imagination so the reality of her very "human"/mortal/flawed traits could come through with greater impact. For example, at the beginning she is described almost as watching over Equestria and appears to be a protector, but by the end it is shown she is not a god or force of nature at all- she is not a magical, benevolent being, just as she is not Harmony, but instead a very "human" character who is lonely and creates life to fulfill her needs- not those of life itself.
I wanted to make dynamic, realistic characters This includes Discord, who is just another powerful near-immortal with valid emotional dilapidation. I hoped to show the reader Leo (Discord) isn't just chaotic and cruel, but instead hurt, lonely, and full of self-hatred, lashing out at things he sees as completely beneath him- like kids at an ant hill.
I really wanted people to read into this story, as almost ever metaphor was chosen to deepen characters or illustrate some point of the story.
I am completely rambling at you, but i cannot say how elated I am that you commented, read, and enjoyed my story. Thank you ^-^ truly.
If you have any advice I welcome it, but if you would rather be on your way, i hope life brings you many joys.
Glory and Honor
4883577
any advice? i not the the person to ask for advise, i haven't written any stores yet, nor can i say my English grades were any good (C-B's mostly, i am 16 years old)
I can however see how much time you put into this fic, it feels like i am reading from one of those well-written books that has 1000's of pages yet manages to stay interesting, a hard feat to accomplish.
good job on making l life-like characters by the way.
4883658 Thanks Redbit, you are and will forever be my very first commentor. As corny as it sounds, I won't forget it, thank you :)
You made my night ^-^
Made Discord a bit more violent didn't ya? Personally, he strikes me as a fun-loving Joker-like character (minus the killing
.) Also, I'd hold off on large language. Not that there's anything wrong with it per se, but as a rule if a person has to go to the dictionary more than 3 times per chapter, they switch stories.
thank you so much for the feedback NobleValor! i did make Discord a little darker to give sustenance to his chaotic personality. I wanted to provide a convincing reason for his personality rather than saying going with the show's explanation which seems to be "he is chaotic because he is the spirit of chaos". I wished to make his character deeper than that, and to make him more relateable while still making a story which doesn't conflict with any show cannon. I know both him and Luna (as nightmare moon) killed extensively in this story, but it wasn't for wayward reasons- Discord has incredible power. He can literally break the laws of the universe with his magic. Luna literally moves the moon and arranges stars with her magic. These are two beings who, if they lose their minds or even throw a fit, could casually eradicate swaths of life. Discord and Luna are often written about with pity and portrayed as victims, but i think the horrors they most likely committed are often overlooked. At the same time, i didn't want to portray them as generically "bad" and call it a day- to do so would be equivalent with "discord is chaotic because he is the spirit of chaos". I tried to write them in a way that shows the scale of their mistakes unforgivingly, but at the same time portray them so that the reader ends up forgiving them for their genocide and murder.
I also appreciate your advice for writing style. I believe it is advice i will have to take. I tried to write in a poetic manor, and often times a word like "evanescence" can be used in place of several (evanescence means to disappear gradually like vapor). This can provide better flow and allow me to spend those saved words elsewhere, but it only works with a reader familiar with them, and FimFiction is probably the wrong place for it. Plus, i know it can seem gaudy.
Thank you again for your comment, it means a great deal to me, and that you took the time to read my story.
I hope you have a wonderful life! i mean it, i hope you take the reigns and love the life you live.
glory and honor
Loved it :3 well written and had a great atmosphere :) keep up the great work :3
6611557 that really means a lot. Thank youwith all my heart