A guy gets on the MTA here in L.A. and dies. Think anybody will notice? These are the final words of the hitman known as Vincent, at least on Earth they are, but what happens when this unstoppable force of a human wakes up in Equestria, a world where his line of work is almost nonexistent. Can he adjust to his new home or will he find a way to bring his old habits to this world. And will the mane six be able to make a new friend out of this human or will they gain an enemie whose destructive and violent nature knows no limits.
I own none of these characters from their respected Movie or TV series. The story and idea is all I created that's it.
Collateral is a 2004 American crime thriller film. The character Vincent and those mentioned from film and the movie itself belong to DreamWorks and Paramount Pictures.
My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic and it's characters are own by Hasbro Studio.
More, soon, right? RIGHT?? :D
Of course Vincent's adventures wont end anytime soon. Even if might take a while it will be worth it.
I wonder if the CMC will try to hire Vincent to whack Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon?
Funny idea but I don't think Vincent would take them serious enough.
Not bad *insert "not bad" face here*
4930581 thanks for the "not bad" face I'm happy to have one
some mistakes, you should reread this.. but aside from that it's good
Now I'm getting pissed at the nonsensicalness of the hitman not killing lyra, for chasing him, grabbing him for TWO minutes, and THEN he IMMEDIATELY forgives them and it's all sunshine and rainbows... WTF
This is just beautiful XD Oh jeez, I'm gonna die
4945021 Wow thanks people say it's good but it had yet to be called beautiful thanks
4933373 The thing about Vincent is that I try to bring as much of his personality from the movie to the story as possible and in the movie he's not the type to panic in certain situations or have a happy trigger finger. He's cool and collective he thinks on his situation and the outcome that will come from the decisions he makes and he knew that if he killed them then others would know they where missing increasing his chances of being found also they didn't grab him, the Timberwolves attacked them in the Everfree (Chapter 5) he killed them off and knew that he could use Derpy and Lyra to his advantage to gain information about his new surroundings and finally he has no reason to be pissed with them. Annoyed for causing him some complication yes but it benefit him and for the time being he'll put up with Lyra's personality.
Hitman in Equestria? I'm interested.
Also, you might need an editor. I'm always open for the job.
4994355 If you feel your up for it than sure I had been meaning to edit it myself but writing chapters and then going back and looking for every little mistake is easer said than done.
And, enter teleportation spell! No? Ok, never mind.
4999062 teleportation? What do you mean.
4994374 I'm up for! Just whenever you're about to publish a chapter, shoot me a comment on my user page.
4999085 Lyra is a unicorn, so I forgot that teleportation is an advanced spell. Oops.
5000566 If needed be can u tell me how I would do that.
5001133 One second. Asking RazedRainbow how to do it. What I can tell you is that when you created the fic, you had to enter a password that allowed you to see unpublished chapters.
5001461 sounds complicated.
4959971 Good job up to chapter 3(except the grammar, read the corrections before putting them in) , but after that the characters are just unreadable.
5025003 I appreciate the honest opinion right now I'm focus on getting chapters done, later I'll either edit them myself or have a friend do it. Just for my own curiosity what don't you like about the characters? It's your opinion so it won't hurt my feelings.
5025018
Uhh.. where do I start.
CMC are acting like suicidal, fearless retards. They are kids, not mentally handicapped ponies with suicidal tendencies.
Lyra and Derpy have nor personality beyond "Durr muffins" and "Durr Humans". (I read up to chapter 5)
Vincent is acting illogical, Inconsistent, trigger happy. I have not seen the movie for like decade (can't remember when), but the character I remember acted completely different (my memory is foggy at best so can''t say for sure).
Timber wolves are not acting like animals, but more like controlled murder drones. Unless someone is using them to magically murder stuff they are really OOC.
Basically its really inconsistent, and character motivations, emotions, and instincts have noting to do with their actions.
Sure you might have had couple of moments, where they did something logical, but not most of the time. And the actions seem to be really forced for the sake of the plot, and there is no real plot anyway. It's more or less replacing character motivations, and story progression with "Because I the author sad so!".
5025070 ok I respect your opinion but let me see if I can explain what I was going for the CMC went into the forest because Scootaloo saw a glimpse of Vincent when he ran into the forest. This was intended because in my opinion she always manages to convince Applebloom and Sweetie Belle to do crazy things, Applebloom from a certain episode, while afraid of the Everfree still went into it, and Sweetie Belle really just seems to go along with the other two.
Lyra is meant to be a human obsessed pony because that's the theory is like about her, she finally sees there's a human in equestria and she'll do what she has to to gain his favor.
The muffin thing with Derpy was just a small reference to those who know about Derpy and muffins. If you read back to the answers and question chapters I've made Derpy more smart because I hate that still some fics describe her as kind of dumb and slow, so I wanted to do a different approach with her.
Vincent is meant to be cool and collected that's why he isn't freak king out, being in equestria he believes in the uncertainty of the univourse, a trait I've always liked about him, to him this is just another situation the universe has throw him into. He's not trigger happy though the timberwolves attacked him first. Also he shot that Timberwolf before it could move because he hates that whole stupid "wait for it to attack you when you know it is going to attack you" thing most books and movies do. I the movie, the club scene is a fine example of this he doesn't wait for the guards to start shooting at him he takes them out before they notice him or when he shoots the detective who didn't shoot at him once but Vincent shot him before he could see him. And sees Vincent is a cold human being so he shouldn't have bothered saving Lyra, Derpy, or the CMC but he knows that he's got no where to go, he calculated that saving them would work to his advantage and it did he got a place to stay and some pawns to use.
Finally the timberwolves really the idea of them and there behavior came from the movie "The Grey" the wolves in that movie seek bean hence for their fallen brothers. That's what I wanted to add into them, their not just stupide animals they wanted revenges on Vincent that's why the majority of timberwolves went after him . They also saw Lyra, Derpy, and The CMC as a meal which is why only two go after them.
That's my explanation for why I did certain things the way I did. Hopefully that gives you a better look at the story. I don't expect it to change your view on the story but if you continue to read it than great if not alright then no hard feelings.
Hurray! This turned out good!
On the list of crossovers I never, ever thought I would see, a Michael Mann film was....right up there.
But....this isn't very good. Tom Cruise's internal monologue sounds nothing like him or any human being, the prose is sloppy and has some odd word choices, there's the occasional run-on sentence, tense and conjugation is all over the place, you don't use commas in dialogue clauses, and the prose slips into first person in the fifth paragraph for no apparent reason. On the bright side, it doesn't make me want to gouge my eyes out with a melon baller, like some other stories I've read. All in all, a far cry from the tight, assured filmmaking of Mann, but nothing that can't be improved with (a lot of) practice.
So practice. A lot. And brush up on the fundamentals of English grammar.
5109118 yeah this is my first fic so its definitely going to have problems. I think it really leaves something to be desired. The beauty to the Vincent character is that he seem to adapt to any situation he gets himself into so I really do think on how he'll react to this world considering this isn't L.A, N.Y, or any other city Vincent might have been to. The sad thing is I think more could be done with the Vincent character and that's why I chose him to see what I could do. Anyway I appreciate the honest criticism, it I'll help me to improve in the future and for now I hope you enjoy whatever you fine in this story. One more thing I haven't had time to have this edite yet so I guess you can consider this the rough cut or something.
Nice, but can you please break up the huge chunks of words into easier to read sections?
5267841 Got it, sorry this isn't edit very well since I'm usually busy hoped you still enjoy it.
I wonder how him meeting the princesses will turn out... I hope to see more chapters in the future. (Ps. You may need to edit the chapters :3 )
5268261 If you happen to know good editor with a lot of free time on there hands than I appreciate to know, cause I] need one bad, anyway more will come, hope you enjoy and stay tone.
you made vincent a wimp how the fuck did you manage that
5270065 The guy kills 6 timberwolves with a gun and his wits how do you figure that?
me at work...
Oh hey Cupcakes.
5293409 finally someone gets the reference.
Like and Fav....
And hope you'll teg it op again.
Good, but may need an editor. (Me?)
5888019 If you got the time to edit then yeah that be great.
GAH! The punctuation! Commas and periods bro. Plus, slow the pacing. But, it was still good, and it's nice to see you're still alive.
6224423 honestly dude I'm not good at those things I'm only keeping this story alive for a few friends who really like it for whatever reason otherwise I'd be done.
6224446 Hey, I didn't mean to sound like a dick. I could assist with that if you like.
6224466 no no dude trust me I know this story isn't written good and I know my writing is bad and I'm ok with that like I said I'm only keeping this fic going for a few friends so no hard feelings
still if you would want to edit it your help be very appreciated
i like this crossover
6224990 Glad you do hope you continue to enjoy it.