Could This End?

Source

Applebloom has been hiding her secret from everypony for a long time now, what happens when Applejack finds out about this affair. He must be kept a secret, but, for how long?

Chapters (3)

Chapter one · 3rd Jul 2014 · 1,093 words
1,093
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Chapter two · 5th Jul 2014 · 1,538 words
1,538
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Chapter three · 26th Dec 2015 · 354 words
354
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Comments ( 7 )

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pendrake72

pendrake72 #1 · Jul 4th, 2014 · · · Chapter one ·

@rainbow dash68...

Just a friendly point-out & correction...

It is Apple Bloom (two words), not Applebloom (one word); unlike Apple Bloom's elder sister Applejack (one word).

Same thing with Sweetie Belle (two words).

And, just in case it comes up later in your fan-fiction, Big Mac's proper full-name is Big McIntosh (exactly like the apple cultivar), not Big MacIntosh (as in the computer brand).

Lightning Splash

Lightning Splash #2 · Jul 4th, 2014 · · · Chapter one ·

Oh, I always thought Sweetiebelle looked wrong. Um, I don't mean to be rude, but, I believe it's Applebloom and though I'm probably wrong I'll keep writing that way. but thanks for pointing that out anyway. oh and I know that his full name is Big McIntosh but thanks for telling me how to spell it 'cause I didn't know before. I hope you liked it.

DarkBlueDreamer

DarkBlueDreamer #3 · Jul 4th, 2014 · · · Chapter one ·

Glanced over this one out of curiosity, not sure what to expect just yet.

It reads quick, a little rushed. Just feels like there could be more. More description of the settings in each scene, a little more back and forth in action and dialog so that things don't seem to happen so fast. Like the Truth or Dare scene. You could do a lot more with that... Scootaloo trying to get more info and tease Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle thinking it's sweet and being a sappy-romantic (mimicking Rarity as she tends to do) and such. Obviously the tension is in Apple Bloom not getting caught, but being too eager and naive to properly cover her tracks, but it just seems forced here.

Also, what was said, Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, two words.

4638770
Looked this up because it was bugging me, and you're right. Big McIntosh is the name used on the toys. The show VO credits always use "Big Mac" amusingly enough. Then there's the Hub website which uses Big Macintosh, so there's plenty of room for confusion and I'm pretty sure either works. I usually see fanfics use Big Macintosh since it sounds more like how it's pronounced in the show.

pendrake72

pendrake72 #4 · Jul 4th, 2014 · · · Chapter one ·

4638844 ...

The youngest Ponyville Apple Family member is listed as Apple Bloom (two words) in:
~ 1. the show's credits
~ 2. closed captions / subtitles
~ 3. merchandise (toys, trading cards, games, etc.)
~ 4. canon-info wikis.

It is up to you if you want to continue writing as one word, but Source Accuracy is one of the foremost and major storytelling factors to good fan-fiction writing.
.

4639218 ...

Unless Big Mac starts using a PC (MacIntosh) in lieu of apple farming, I would favor using of the more accurate apple cultivar (McIntosh) name...