Saint's Equestria

by saintgat99

When Changelings Attack

When the manure hit the fan, it was Pinkie Pie who kept all the ponies going. With her jokes, pranks, and generally happy attitude, she kept everypony happy, and gave them hope that someday peace would return to Equestria.

The only pony Pinkie had a problem with keeping happy was herself. The other ponies had the opportunity to feel scared, sad, pessimistic, but Pinkie had to be happy and bouncy for everypony. On the outside, she seemed oblivious to the terrors of the world, but on the inside, she was more afraid than any of them.

The only life Pinkie had lived was a life filled with happiness, laughter, friends, and most of all, parties. But laughing away your fears only works while you have enough air. Eventually, even Pinkie would be fearful and depressed, for Equestria was gone, the princesses were gone, parties were gone.

Harmony was gone.

Pinkie bounced around the vegetable stand, (if you could call the blackened potatoes and rotten lettuce vegetables), laughing and joking in the hope of making the sales-pony smile. The stallion's face, however, remained solemn, and a hint of jealousy glimmered in his eyes at the happy pink pony.

If he only knew her pain.

While she was in the middle of a particularly funny joke about a walrus and dental-floss, when she saw Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy approaching.

They were following another pony, one she'd never seen before. Well at least this pony didn't need to be made happy! There was a smile on their face like she hadn't seen since the rebellion's beginning.

"Hey, a new pony!" she yelled in their face loudly, excitement extremely evident,"What's your name? What's your name?"

The Boss was taken aback at Pinkie's intensity. Insanely energetic...I guess she'd be good for the Saints., "My name is the Boss, and you are?"

"My name is Pinkie Pie! We need to throw you a welcoming party!"at the sound of the word 'party' her poofy mane flattened.

Um, what the fuck just-, their thoughts were interrupted by her mane popping back up, and her smile returning, Well, that's creepy as fuck.

"Listen, Pinkie Pastry, I don't need a party. I want to know if you'll help me with something."

She smiled,"Sure, what do you need help with? Sword-fighting, wrestling, cupcake-making," Rainbow Dash shuddered at the thought of cupcake-making,"Tuba-playing, hoof-wrestling-"

The Boss cut her off by putting their hoof in her mouth,"Slow down! I need somebo- somepony to join my gang. I already have Fluttershy and Lesbo-Hair, and I need some more-"

They heard Rainbow Dash growl from behind them,"What do you mean, Lesbo-Hair?"

They snickered,"I need some more help, Pink Pal. Together, we can take back Equsra. How's it sound?"

At that, the sales-pony from earlier finally laughed,"Take back Equestria? You aren't going to be able do that."

The Boss looked around Pinkie,"What was that, asshole, I think I heard a challenge."

He smiled,"It was a promise. Those gangs are too much for a rag-tag group of ponies to take on. Especially with a little bitch like that Fluttershy with ya."

Pinkie, Rainbow and the Boss all got in defensive positions.

The Boss took the normal approach,"Shut the fuck up about Fluttershy."

Rainbow took the wrong approach,"Boss, what do you mean, 'Lesbo-Hair'?"

And Pinkie, after months of having to be happy and make people laugh, finally snapped. "The buck you think you are, talking about my friend that way, you bucking piece of manure? I ought to go to your bucking mother's house, get a bucking fork, come bucking back to this manure-stain on the food industry, and shove it up your bucking PLOT!" she then turned around and bucked him straight in the face.

While the Boss, Rainbow, and Fluttershy gasped at the outburst, the stallion simply stumbled back, and smiled a bloody smile. "You shouldn't have done that."

All of the sudden, Twilight Sparkle's magic-shield went down. All of the ponies looked up in horror, in exception of the sales-stallion, whose smile became even larger.

"Twilight fell asleep," Rainbow said, looking back at Twilight's castle, crestfallen.

"Yup." said the sales-pony, as he began to change color and morph into a hideous insect-like creature," And here comes the calvary!"

Suddenly, thousands of changelings erupted from Canterlot, heading towards the now defenseless Ponyville.

Almost defenseless. I'm here, aren't I? The Boss thought, staring up to the bombardment, grinning. "Well, Pinkie, Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, here's your chance to prove yourselves."

Fluttershy tapped the Boss's shoulder, timidly," Um...How?"

The Boss chuckled darkly,"We're gonna kick some ass."

As a changeling flew straight in the Boss's face, they threw it on the ground, and bashed its skull in violently.

A disgusted look fell over the mares, except for Pinkie, who had already taken action with her party cannon.

"Lesbo, Fluttershy, come on!" the Boss yelled angrily as they they bucked a changeling away. Rainbow Dash snapped out of her stupor, and began to fight as well. Fluttershy was clearly trying, but wasn't making much progress by kindly asking the changelings to stop.

Suddenly, a series of wubs! began to sound out, as brightly-colored lights shot at the changelings.

The Boss stomped another changeling's head and the ground,"Who the flying fuck has a dub-step gun?"

Pinkie refrained from shooting her balloons of death, (the death part was fireworks inside of them!), for a moment to reply,"It's actually called a Bass-Cannon."

Rainbow looked up from the changeling ear she was biting off to yell,"Does it really bucking matter right now?"

"Dashie, using the incorrect title of something is wrong at all times. All times."

"She's right, Rainbow." The Boss was interrupted by another attack. When the poor creature made its crucial mistake, the Boss accidentally blew out a burst of magic, shooting it back.

"Holy shit, I have a laser-horn! Fuck yes!" They started shooting at changelings with it,"Pew pew, pew pewpew!"

Rainbow dash groaned,"Are you seriously being that immature right bucking now?"

Pinkie started pewpewing herself,"Come on, Rainbow, it's fun! Pew pew! Pew pew!"

Rainbow Dash shook her head,"I'm surrounded by idiots." she then Karate chopped a changeling making a "HWA! HYAH!" in good measure.

Pinkie then suddenly grabbed the Boss by the tail, prompting the Boss to nervously ask,"Um...Pinkie?"

"Hold it, Bossie, just doing something I've done with Twilight before."

"Does that involve creepy lesbian horse sex?"

She began to spin the Boss like a mini-gun, and magic-bullets began to shoot the changelings even faster.

"THIS IS ENOUGH VIOLENCE!" hissed a voice in fury. Pinkie Pie dropped the Boss, sending them crashing to the ground.

Every changeling and pony in all of Ponyville witnessed a terror that day. One they could never have seen coming.

Flutterbat.

"Come my babies, enjoy your meal." Flutterbat said, as suddenly, thousands of bats flew in screeching loudly, and pulsated themselves upon the town.

"Dine only upon the changelings. Not the ponies, for they are our allies."

The changelings figured that it was about time for them to get the hell-out-of-Dodge, and all flew away quickly, being chased by the bats. The slow changelings were caught, and had their blood sucked out of them.

The Boss watched on in horror, thinking, Note to self:Do not mess with Pinkie Pie, and do not mess with Fluttershy.

The shield went back up, and they heard a voice ask quietly,"What in the hay goes on when I fall asleep?" Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, and the returned-to-form Fluttershy all ran and group-hugged the purple pony who asked the question.

"Oh, it's so good to see you, Twilight, we've all missed you!"

"I've missed ya egghead, hasn't been the same without you."

"I missed you so absotivily much! We all did, Twilight! We should throw a party!"

Twilight smiled,"We can have a party later, Pinkie, first I want to meet our new friend."

Pinkie appeared on top of the Boss's back in such speed, they swore she'd just popped up there,"This is the Boss! They're the leader of the 5th Street Alter-Colts, and we're gonna take back Equestria!"

Twilight raised her eyebrows and smirked,"Of course he will, just like I'll get another good night sleep sometime." she turned back towards her castle, and walked back, her head down.

"Hold it, Twilight Sparkle," the Boss called. She looked back at them sadly, and turned around to see what they had to say.

"I am the leader of the Third Street Saints, and I am from a universe ruled by humans." They said. Twilight gasped at the word human. They continued"You see, Twilight, I started out shy, worse than even Fluttershy, and were against all of the odds. I took over a city, lost it, took it over again, became a celebrity, took over another city, fought terrorists, became fucking president, took on aliens, and became emperor of the universe! If I can do that, I know I can take this place back."

Twilight chuckled,"You see, I have heard nothing from your long-drawn speech except empty promises. You cannot do all of those things. Nopony can." she started to walk away again.

Rainbow Dash stopped her,"Wait! Look at what the Boss, Pinkie, Fluttershy, and I did together. What all Ponyvillians did together."

Pinkie Pie smiled at Twilight tenderly,"As a town, we all banded together and fought back. We do it every time you pass out."

Fluttershy finished their sentiment,"All we need is somepony to help us take the fight to the offensive. And the pony who can do that, is the Boss."

Twilight's eyes began to moisten,"So, you believe in them that much?" they nodded,"I trust my friends more than anypony. If Applejack and Rarity approve of them as much as you do..." she nodded at the Boss,"We can try what they want."

The three mares cheered aloud, and Pinkie whispered in Twilight's ear,"Plus, I've heard from Luna that the Saint's colors are purple, so that's a plus for you!"

Twilight frowned,"How does Luna know that?"

Pinkie smiled,"Evidently you've never spent any time with Luna! She loves video-games!"

Twilight looked on in wonder as the Boss, Rainbow Dash, and Fluttershy headed towards the Carousel Boutique, being led by the bouncing Pinkie le Pew.

Author's Note:

Well, enjoy.

Comments

[rikusorasephiroth]

MURDER TIME
FUN TIME!!!!!!

[forrest yuchnitz]

will we be seeing any of the saints or just the boss and ponies? and by saints i dont mean just the importent figures i mean the grunts too like you see on the sidewalk of a controlled territory

[saintgat99]

4696109 the grunts are going to be Ponyville citizens.
There's enough clones of them to be fine.
And Johnny, Pierce, and Johnny are coming.

[tyler chabot]

Yay flutterbat and also really good I'm loving this so glad I stumbled upon it

[Jeff the Killer]

this is so gonna go awesome, Saint Style!!!

[Random Dude]

4699765 2 johnny's?

[saintgat99]

4763050 I see the Boss as my Boss, so I usually make mistakes like that. If I didn't check my writing, there would be way more.

[you that read wrong]

4695924
Yeah, i played all day, n drank all night cuz im in saints row trick.

[rikusorasephiroth]

4790677 So How many Genkis you killed in SR the Third?

[you that read wrong]

4793087
I dunno 3? I dont play the thirf much but when i do its usually on my legit 100% complete maxed out guy that ends up destroying the police force with his bare hands. But i think i killed three total across all my saves damed things are going extinct youd be suprised at how much thier fur alone is worth.

[rikusorasephiroth]

4793237 Yeah, but they're hard bastards to kill, so I wouldn't be too worried.
Their teeth make great decoration for hats though.

[you that read wrong]

4793475
Oh they arnt to hard when your invincible to every thing but melee damage, or have a tank or VTOL, stag must be hunting em to support thier military funds since the thimg have more hralth than brutes but i suppose it was worth it for those ginki costumes.

[rikusorasephiroth]

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