- Member Since 3rd Jan, 2014
- offline last seen Oct 1st, 2016
The13thDoctor
Hello, I'm the Doctor. I'm just here to put words together and make a story. That's all you need to know.
The13thDoctor
Joined 3rd Jan, 2014 ·
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You uploaded 26 chapters in one day?....
My deity, I shall read this as soon as I am able.
cool
Cod use some improvement but I'll fave it for now
I like it. Though you should have uploaded a chapter in the evening, at least once a week. It would get way more attention.
4730701 Thanks for the tip though!
from purfect day
to OH HOLY....
suspense O_O
so many refrences
achievement hunter nice
Dose this guy have a class for everything?
this is all I have to say spanish flea time
This is the most awsome story ever
You need to fix the tenses. You keep switching between past and present tense.
You need to use more detail. He's walking, and a black hole appears and spits something out? All that in only one sentence? You should have devoted at least a paragraph to that. Also, try to avoid having character bring technology from Earth to Equestria. It's really cliche and uninteresting. Finally, please watch your tenses. You switched from past to present tense a few times, and that is a big problem in writing. Overall it was good, just watch these things. I suggest looking at a published novel and using that as a guide for how to write. It's what I do sometimes.
This chapter is a mess man. Some of your sentences are complete gibberish.
Like this one: "Every female like me without those personalities!"
What does that mean?! I suggest reading a chapter aloud before posting it. You will be surprised by how it sounds.
6902853 Thanks for the tips, my good man. I'll make sure to watch out for those. This is my first story to be published on the net after all and I try my best to take all criticisms.
Ever heard of Suspension of Disbelief? You have shattered my Suspension of Disbelief. Why would Vinyl have a song from Earth? Why does Rose conclude that humans are more advanced than ponies, when they are shown to possess electronics(For example, Vinyl's advanced music system)? Why would the Mane Six show up randomly, comment on his dance skills, and then leave? I know he's an idiot, but why would Ryan assume that bullying statistics from Earth apply to Equestria? There are just a lot of assumptions here.
Kinda a carbon copy with chapter by chapter as the same
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