Page generated in 0.024 seconds
Total duration
634 users online
1,014,683 hits today, 2,658,435 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
suspense O_O
You need to use more detail. He's walking, and a black hole appears and spits something out? All that in only one sentence? You should have devoted at least a paragraph to that. Also, try to avoid having character bring technology from Earth to Equestria. It's really cliche and uninteresting. Finally, please watch your tenses. You switched from past to present tense a few times, and that is a big problem in writing. Overall it was good, just watch these things. I suggest looking at a published novel and using that as a guide for how to write. It's what I do sometimes.