Six Friends

Six friends learn about friendship
Six friends fight to live
Six friends love and tolerate
Six friends hate and kill

Six friends wield elements to save
Six friends wield weapons to kill
Six friends have everything
Six friends have nothing

Six friends have bright futures
Six friends with no hope
Six friends only know life
Six friends know only death

Six friends and ten thousand and one friends
Six friends and ten thousand and one enemies
Six friends and one mentor
Six friends and one nemesis

Six friends with everything to gain
Six friends with nothing to loose
Six friends, Twilight, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Rarity, Fluttershy, Applejack
Six friends, Jake, Kyle, Alice, Sam, Leon, Mack

Hearts decorate the walls
Blood coats the walls
Fine silk rugs lie on the floor
Shell casings litter the floor

Quaint wagon
Makeshift 4x4 truck
Beautiful gowns and dresses
Rag-tag armor and insulation

Wood stone and marble
Metal iron and plastic
Love kindness and tolerance
Flesh blood and bone

Kindness
Heartless

Loyalty
fanaticism

Generosity
Tactician

Honesty
Suspicion

Magic
Cunning

Laughter
Anger

So different yet so alike

We're so different than you
We've changed so much
We wish it would all end for you
We wish it would all end for us

All we can do is watch and cry
All we can do is fight and scream
Maybe someday it will end
Maybe someday it will end

Six friends ignorant of hate
Six friends ignorant of love
Six friends Loving to save
Six friends Killing to live

Maybe the princesses can help
Maybe the army can help
You're not alone
We're on our own

We watch to your ignorance
No one will remember us
We will
All we do is kill

You can still make it
We're already dead
There's still a chance
Remember to aim for the head

Never give up
No one will save us
No don't do it
One last time kids

Don't
3
Please
2
Just wait
1
Please

Life goes on
Life goes on

Love lives on
Hate dies off

Six friends lost in time
Six friends immortal in time

Six friends are now seven
Six friends are now none
It only gets better
It only gets worse

Friends until the end
Friends until the end

Twilight dropped the quill, tears overflowing from her eyes. It had been a week since Princess Celestia had unveiled to the Element bearers a magic mirror which can peer into another world. What they had seen shook them all to the core. The mirror had since been hidden and locked away. The Princesses were working on a way to travel to the world they had seen. To try to end it's suffering. She'd seen six children, no older than nineteen, fight and die against a foe that couldn't be killed. They were overwhelmed by sheer numbers of... things. They had gone down fighting. They were so different that them, but Twilight couldn't help feel connected to them. They were all gone now, and Twilight had seen it all.

She fell backwards onto her backside, and started weeping uncontrollably.

“Twilight? Are you okay?” Spike asked softly as he entered her room. Twilight turned and gazed into his eyes. Spike saw her red puffed, bloodshot eyes quivering in woe. Spike sat down next to her and hugged her tightly. “It's okay Twilight. They're in a better place now. It's okay.” Spike cooed soflty.

“It's n-not f-f-fair Spike.” Twilight stammered in between sobs. “They were so y-young. W-W-We didn't e-even know who t-t-t-they were.” She cried, hugging Spike in return. Spike silently cried as he remembered what Twilight had told him a few hours ago. She had hardly talked all week. The same was true with the other elements.

“I know Twilight.” Spike said softly, more tears streaming out. “I know.”

Twilight cried into Spike's shoulder. She couldn't do anything to help. All she could do was sit there and watch. They had been so young, and they had adapted to their environment. They had forced their personalities to change. Their clothes. Their transportation. They had been so much more advanced than the ponies could ever imagine.

Twilight stood up, still crying, and slowly made her way to the dark poem on her desk. She slowly picked up the quill once more.

Six friends gone
But not forgotten

Twilight gently laid the quill back on the desk and backed away from the poem.

“T-Twilight?” Spike asked worriedly.

Twilight stared out the window near the desk. Bright moonlight streamed in, shining directly on Twilight. “I... I think everything will be okay Spike.” Twilight stated with quivering confidence. “We'll go to their world. And we'll stop those things. There are others there. Others that we can save.” Twilight said, fresh tears forming. “They didn't think so, but they aren't forgotten.” Twilight whispered. “Sam, Mack, Alice, Leon, Kyle, and Jake, the Elements of... The Elements of an unforgiving world. The lost Elements.” Twilight said shaking. “Gone... gone but not forgotten.

Spike walked over and embraced her once more. And there they sat, bathed in Luna's moonlight, sharing a moment the human children never got to experience. Twilight looked out towards the moon. It looked just like the moon the humans had stared at as thousands of monsters charged at them. The same moon that had illuminated the children's blood as it... “Gone, but not forgotten.” Twilight whispered. “Not forgotten.”

“C'mon Twilight. Let's go see Pinkie Pie. She'll know what can cheer you up.” Spike suggested.

Twilight gave a wry smile. “I already am.” She said, gazing up at Luna's beautiful moon. “Let's go.” She said, her voice picking up. “Everything is going to be okay I think.” She said simply.
“Let's see if Pinkie will throw a party.” Twilight suggested.

“Well, what kind of party Twilight?” Spike asked, trying anything to keep Twilight from dwelling on the poem... and the children.

Twilight smiled. “A party to celebrate our friendship and our love.” She said, tears brewing. But this time, they were tears of joy. Joy for what they had. And joy that maybe... just maybe, she could see the children in the life after. The life where life lives fully. Where there is no pain and sorrow. Where the children can finally be at peace.

Twilight gathered Spike on her back, and made her way to the door. The poem lay on her desk, lightly waving in the wind of the open window. The last relic of six friends. Six friends who were dragged into an un-winnable war, and whom lost their lives.

Six friends until the end

Gone but not forgotten

~The end

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Comments ( 16 )

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Schwarzwald

Schwarzwald #1 · Apr 7th, 2012 · · ·

Amazing poem/story.

Twilicorn

Twilicorn #2 · Apr 7th, 2012 · · ·

D'aww. Feature worthy!

Armalite

Armalite #3 · Apr 7th, 2012 · · ·

419282>>419279 Thanks guys! I just started writing poems this year, and it turns out that I'm pretty good at it Who woulda thought?

Dr. Fumbles

Dr. Fumbles #4 · Apr 7th, 2012 · · ·

Warning! Long comment incoming!
*Initializing critic mode in 3... 2... 1...*

This was pretty good, but I do have a few problems. It certainly wasn't bad, it was just... I guess you could say random?
If this story is a sequal or a prequal to another story, or something else, let me know. If not, then that is the problem. The poetry isn't bad, in fact it's quite good, but there is no real reason to care about any of it. What I mean is that I have no idea who Jake, Kyle, Alice, Sam, Leon, and Mack are, nor do I know what they are doing or why they are doing it. I have no emotional investment to the characters. It seems like you were trying to write one of those stories that gives little to no detail to the why's or how's, and instead uses a common fear, notion or idea that people can relate to, such as 'Soft Rains will Come' (a personal favorite of mine), to tell the story without actually telling a story, which is a great, though difficult, concept. However, you were too specific in areas where there should not have been details at all. By giving the names of these six characters, and even placing them in an age group, you have started to give them each their own individual identity, which naturally makes me want to learn more about them. However, you kill these characters before anything is learned, thus preventing any emotional bonding, yet a portion of the story assumes we should feel bad for these characters. In a story of this nature, it would probably be better to keep them anonymous, or perhaps to simply represent humanity as a whole (like the story I mentioned above did). Doing that would allow the reader to feel personally invested in the story, since we all represent a part of humanity.
The second problem follows along the same lines with the too much detail. Stories like this can feel a little stupid, no offence. It's not your fault, it is just simply the concept. This (almost) gives the way overused cliche of 'Earth/humanity is evil/terrible'. That concept is rediculously difficult to pull off, and almost everyone tries it unfortunately. Even the popular story 'Somewhere only we know' comes off as a little silly to me, and kinda fails with the concept. It relies way too heavily on HUMANS ARE BAD!!! which drowns out the good portions of the story. Don't get me wrong, it is a wonderful story, but that one downfall almost ruins it for me. It is easy to get carried away with the 'Human life sucks' idea, but you don't want to sound too misanthropist. As I said, this concept is nearly impossisible to achieve (yet when done right, can make some of the greatest stories). Not only is doing it right difficult, but being original is perhaps the hardest part.
To come back to the point, you use a very... strange way of approaching this problem, whether intentional or not. Unfortunately, it does not work out, but only for the reasons given about detail, as I said earlier. Instead of using the nuclear holocaust or world war gambits, you choose the... zombies? mutants? aliens? I have no idea what it is, and therein lies the problem. You give the interesting detail of 'monsters' yet never elaborate. We know these monsters aren't other (functioning, rational) humans because Twilight doesn't address the children as monsters as well. Because of the bizarre nature of the childrens demise, we want to know more about their situation since it is nothing we can relate to (especially since we barely even know what is happenning), as oppossed to war, plagues, etc.
Most importantly, it seems like this was meant to be part of a bigger story. Again, you give details in places where they did not belong, yet never explain about the things we want to hear about. Who were those children? What were they fighting? Why were they fighting, and most importantly (again), why should I care? The reader wants to feel rewarded for reading your stories, so they don't feel like they wasted their time. Luckily, this story is fairly short, so it doesn't need to worry about that as much.
Having too many loose ends is usually never a good thing; the reader shouldn't be asking questions at the end of a story. Some stories actually try to do this and succeed, since they tend to be more thought-provoking or mind blowing, but that is not the case here.
Also, the Lyra comment felt a little out of place in a story of this nature. It really slowed the momentum you were building.

As I said, the poetry and story aren't bad, and it does have its good points as well. Just take this as friendly advice from someone who wants to help. If you have read to this point, then thank you for taking your time to hear what I had to say, and remember that this is mostly just my opinion.
Now, I await much TL;DR.

LightHero01

LightHero01 #5 · Apr 7th, 2012 · · ·

Well this was... different. Don't get me wrong it was a VERY good poem but it kinda feels... bleh at times. I mean it WAS good but like Dr. Fumbles said it DID give a little bit too much detail at parts while at others it gave too little. Like for one thing the whole "monsters" thing, like Dr. Fumbles said before me, it was very... undescriptive for a lack of a better word (because I can't fucking spell "veage" ) when discribing them. At first glance my mind IMMEDIATLY thought zombies, most likely from all the zombie games I play, but then I thought it could also be a sorta post-apocaliptic thing like in a "Fallout" game setting, but the zombies are more likely. I also felt like the whole "giving the characters names" thing was sorta bitter-sweet, like it drew me into the story a bit more, but at the same time making me want a backstory to this because I feel like I'm missing out on alot of info, hell I'd write a backstory myself if it wasn't for that everytime I go to write something I GET WRITERS BLOCK. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. Sorry about that, but yeah it stands alone well enough by itself but it could be greatly improved with a backstory. Also I have a problem with the whole "Princesses are trying to find way into world to help" thing, because doesn't that seem a little, I dunno, "iressponsible"? I mean, sure its nice of them to want to help but doesn't that put Equestria in danger? Like if it IS zombies then chances are it could possibly infect ponies if it somehow gets into Equestria and mutates to be able to infect them. I personally think that the Princesses would leave things be and let nature run its course. You may say I'm heartless for saying that but you must remember "The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few." and, seeing as the Princesses have probably made this choice before, it seems they would do it again if it meant keeping Equestria safe. Also the Lyra comment was WAY outta place and it took the mood and momentem the story had and threw it on the ground for a second there. In short, a pretty good poem, a story that coulda been better but good overall, and I enjoyed it alot, even more so with the fact that it has very few spelling errors and the ones it DOES have are very small, has a good idea behind it, I'd say was pulled off nicely, and overall enjoyable and MUCH (times 9001 ) better than most stories I see on the front page that can't even spell "the" correctly and have no plot whatsoever. Going in my favorites and getting a like, keep up the good work and, FOR THE LOVE OF CELESTIA KEEP WRITING, you are very talented and have lots of room for inprovement. (I really need to work on my tendency to ramble,this comment/review was WAY to long )

Armalite

Armalite #6 · Apr 7th, 2012 · · ·

420328>>420125 Thanks for the critics guys! I had a random flash of insperation when doing this, and the concept behind the idea when I started was for the readers to answer their own questions. The reason for the story actually, was the fact that it needed to be over 1000 words in order to be submited So I created a story on the author of the poem. That's why the story was done kind of on the fly. I tried to give it the same atmosphere as the poem, which was really hard. However, becuase of the feedback I might do another story about this world. Whether or not these kids will be involved, I'm not sure, but it will be in the same world. Oh, and one more thing... zombies.