This follows the life of my OC, Snow Veil. She is part of the weather team and lives her life like she's stuck in a rut, that is until she is assigned to Ponyville. There she discovers friendship and a new meaning to her life.
Constructive Criticism, Comments, you know, all that good stuff.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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--This is the first fan fic I have ever written. The first bit of creative writing I've ever done outside of school. I came up with the idea in the shower one day, and probably a good 3 days after that decided to put it to paper since the idea wouldn't go away...
Constructive Criticism, Comments, Ideas, you know, all that good stuff.
As this is the first fan fic I've ever written, ever, it may be due for a rewrite, but i dont feel like it now. It also is completed as it is in a spiral notebook. I just need to get around to typing it all up. When a chapter is finally typed up I will post it. --
Ya, this summary gives me 0 information about this story. Nothing. Nada. No plot hints or anything.
I actually got more off it about your personality than your story: you seem to lack confidence and are a thoroughly assured this is a bad idea, but also think "what's the worst that could happen?". You are preparing the reader for the worst, while simultaneously hoping that they wont be harsh because you're new; this point towards you knowing you need the criticism, but wanting praise, even empty praise, more. I would guess you have Authoritarian guardians and tend towards Avoidant behavior when uncomfortable, but there isn't much to go on and I am not a professional.
Anyway...sit down and try to explain the story. In the first chapter, write what is called an "Author's Note" which would basically give any important information that wouldn't fit in the actual story. You can also give information about your update schedule, request pre-readers, give shout-outs to friends if you feel like it...basically anything. Try to keep it as short as possible though. DEFINITELY don't let it become longer than the chapter itself.
In later chapters, start or end with the authors note if something changes that isn't part of the plot line itself. "The killer was actually a griffon, despite me writing 5 pages describing a rock for you guys. Enjoy." doesn't work unless it is a joke. "I placed the Everfree three miles away from Ponyville, to the North, West and South. Ponyville is basically surrounded on very side but Canterlot's" does work, and provides very important information the reader might need to understand what you wrote. It really changes the story too, if you state the heroes need to escape into the Everfree, since then they have 3 directions to go in which point toward different nearby settlements.
Later, I'll swing about around and check out the actual story. To be honest, you are probably right; it'll need work, and a lot of it at that. Still, this is yours. Be proud of it and make it amazing.
419052 To your point, I actually was a little hesitant to post this one. I'm in the process of writing a series of short stories based on a Senses Fail album at the moment. Some are looking much better than this and some are about the same level as this. You see, I got grounded due to grades recently and lost the rights to my computer, therefore I'm using my parents' computer, which can pretty much wander the internet and thats about it. I decided to try my hand at writing mainly as a time waster. But like I said, This probably wont get the attention it deserves from me until after my album write.i You actually judged my personality very well too... was it really that obvious
431675 What album? Still Searching is my personal favorite from the band; coincidentally I first heard about them just a little while after it was released.
I'm happy you have some information about your story in the summary, but most of it is still dominated by your comments about yourself/how you view your writing. Move everything that doesn't say something about the main character, what will happen or what has already happened out of your summary.
Yes, this includes BOTH instances of -this is my first story- and the paragraph that follows each.
Skimmed the story; it read somewhat flatly but that's pretty normal for first stories. I suggest finding a story you really love and reading it as you write; you'll unconsciously start copying the style of the other author. Do this for a while, using a different story each time and eventually you'll have your own style; that's how I developed mine and, on occasion, I still find myself mimic-ing another author as I write something out.
432590 Yup, its still searching, and i read military history based in the cold war and WW2, you know, nonfiction... it all tends to read flatly
I think as the other person mentioned before -- and I also want to say, I think it's important that you just keep writing. I was flamed for *years* on other websites (this was years ago, when I first started) but I never quit because I wanted to continue telling the stories I loved. I think it may be the same with you, because this story is here. Whatever you do, if you want to tell your stories, don't give up.
I only have time for the first chapter at this point (getting late on this side of the world) but I'll definitely be watching this.
Good writing,
Sosai
"I’m here to give you a had with whatever you need help with.”
it should be a hoof. sorry.
Do I sense... shipping?
I came to check this out. Nice story so far. Now, to the other three chapters!