The filly with the necklace of death.

by ElectricWaveScratch

ending

Then i snapped back,to see what i did. I had to do something,so i killed myself the way i killed my mother and sister. But it did not work.
I still lived. I then tried something else,magic but i only realized have a broken horn. I wanted to cry,but then i realized that my father still lives,so i asked him over. He was not actually Abusive,but loving but still a caspar. He helped me with bringing everypony back to life,but no mother which was good. Also everypony wanted to kill me for this but then Vinyl Scratch jumped in front of me. "STOP!" she shouted. She knew i was snapped,so she told everypony. They left me alone then. I also got my horn repaired in the hospital,Derpy adopted me and Vinyl as her kids and me and Dinky are now friend. I had a good life. Fluttershy even gave me a pet! A beatifull kitten. As i said before,i had a great life. My father even stoped being a caspar and whit a magic,hid his horn and married Derpy.And,well,thats why i never want even see a necklace anymore. And i don't like gore anymore,yay! But why did i like it in the first place? I dunno.

Comments

[Distrance]

I'm not sure WHY someone would want to spend their own time making a drawing when you didn't put nearly as much effort into the story...

nonsensical plot, terrible spelling, grammar of a 3rd grader, lack of spacing, and a (not)prologue and ending to push it 1 word over 1,000 so you could publish this. I mean it didn't even feel like a story, It felt more like a summary.

It's harsh, but appropriate summary of my opinions.
It's just.... not good imo.

[ElectricWaveScratch]

416228 Spelling i can explain: i am Slovakian. But the rest? Nope,i cannot. I guess it is because i am stupid as hell,only eleven and suck at life.

[Distrance]

416289
I do hope I didn't put you down? I'm extremely strict when it comes to reviewing fan-fictions. A month of browsing does that to you.

Keep trying, keep improving as you go. Writing doesn't come naturally; You have to work till perfection.

Seeing as that you are Slovakian, you should consider commissioning a pre-reader to look over your fiction and correct any errors. Check the 'group' listing for a 'pre-readers' group.

[Gmode]

Screw all you haters! I'm pretty sure if I read this, it would suck, but the idea is flawless! Some revision and this guy could be an award-winner!

[ThatInsaneAlicorn]

No offense sis,but it sucked,sorry :(

[ElectricWaveScratch]

469102 When in the name of GLaDOS did YOU read it?!

[ThatInsaneAlicorn]

491090U Uuuum....

[ExpressionPoint]

Jesus Christ, what the fuck did I just read?

[Smg065]

This is a funny trollfic! Please make a sequel.

[RedZobe]

media.tumblr.com/9d6e42b9fb51ada1b7d404fbc05c4f19/tumblr_inline_mqbg62CSNp1qz4rgp.gif

[Pirate Jesus]

As a rage reviewer, and a veteran reviewer at that, this is usually the kind of story I'd just write a crucifyingly harsh review of and then leave to rot, but given (A) you are seeming to actually take the criticism well and not flame out, (B) this story luckily doesn't contain a black and red alicorn OC, and (C) you're just a kid starting out writing, I'm inclined to be less harsh and more constructive.

First thing's first, the grammar. Grammar is one of the most basic ways that even good ideas can have a bad presentation. Your grammar, particularly in your title and description, are your first foot forward with your audience. I realize this puts you at a disadvantage since English isn't your first language, but even basic steps like capitalizing your title and making your sentence flow clearer will work wonders. Furthermore, I'd suggest finding someone skilled in English, particularly syntax, and ideally someone who also knows your first language to help edit and translate the words a little smoother.

As for the story itself, there are a few larger holes in the plot. For one thing, making Vinyl of all people ponies go all Kill Bill is a highly questionable choice. It might just be me, but it seems very out of her character. The back story with her mother is also very confusing and at times contrived, especially with her having an artifact that acts as a super weapon macguffin.

The last major flaw that deals the killing blow is your chapter size. A story like this cannot be wrapped up neatly and well in a thousand words. I'd say ten thousand minimum would still be a really short length, but it would at least be passable at that point. Remember: just because the story posting rules say it has to be at least a thousand words does not mean it recommends a story be only a thousand words.

I'm not going to sugar coat it for you. This is still a failure as a story no matter how delicately I put it, but it's still nothing to be ashamed about. All writers start out with bad stories. I made quite a few god awful stories when I was younger, but due to practice and guidance from my mentor, I got better and am now even published in an actual book. The best advice I can give you is to learn from this failure, don't give up, find someone who can help teach you who really knows their stuff about writing, and practice like crazy. Do that, and you could really have a future in this one day.

Well, enough of the mushy pep talk stuff. Commander Fowler out.

[Super Trampoline]

Super Trampoline's Super Bad Fanfic Theater Episode Three: The filly with the necklace of death.

Welcome! Today, we turn to ElectricWaveScratch's freshman effort "The filly with the necklace of death.". According to the author, "Electric Waveorina Scratch has allways had a liking in gore but when she reads a hate-fiction about her sister she goes insane whit murder whit the weapon her mother,Instant Death used to put ponies up in their time,the necklace of death."

The author had the strange tic of always writing "whit" instead of "with". In their defense, they were eleven when they wrote this. It still sucks.

Link to the story: http://www.fimfiction.net/story/19253/the-filly-with-the-necklace-of-death

For my own (hopefully NOT horrible) stories, visit http://www.fimfiction.net/user/Super%20Trampoline

Have a great day! ^_^

[Dancing Dead]

This is literally the worst thing ever created. Adolf Hitler looked like a pretty good guy compared to this story.