A journey of love and danger
An alabaster unicorn sat alone in her queen sized bed. One of her hooves held a small mirror up to her face, the other gently traced up and down what was once beautiful and wrinkle free. She studied her once purple mane that came to a fine curl, which now merely lay straight downward, matching the sadness the unicorn felt growing with every graying hair.
No matter what her wife told her she knew the truth, Rarity had become an old, ugly mare. Rainbow Dash shouldn’t be stuck taking care of her. She always thought Rainbow should be finding some new mare, one her own age, physically speaking of course; one that could keep up with her, one that wouldn’t sadden her that little bit every time they were together, but that was one thing Rarity always loved about Rainbow, loyal to the end. This time however, it was an end neither mare could handle, it was Rarity’s end.
“Hey Rarity” Rainbow called from the halls. The cyan alicorn trotted into the room, she held a glass of water in a magical grip, “I got the water you…” Rainbow stopped when her eyes came upon the unicorn.
Seeing the mirror in wife’s hoof again, a frown crossed her face, “Rarity, what are you doing with that?” She asked a little annoyed, knowing exactly what this behavior always leads to.
“You can tell me the truth you know” Rarity crocked with her raspy voice, quickly followed by a sigh. “I know I’m ugly, shriveled up, just a husk dragging you down from the life you should be living”, Rarity continued, tears now filling her eyes. “Why don’t you just be honest like this mirror and tell me what I really am, a stupid old crone who should just be left to die alone with her fourth cat” she cried gesturing towards Opal 4 who was lying atop of Tank.
Rainbow Dash was definitely fed up with this now; she knew if she was going to get Rarity out of this revolving door of emotion she seemed stuck in, then Rainbow would have to do what she did best, act fast and with passion. She swiped the mirror out of Rarity’s hoof and tossed it out a nearby window. Rainbow stepped up to the window and shot a small beam from her horn. The sounds that followed Rarity could only assume were her mirror blowing up accompanied by several ponies running and screaming thinking it was some kind of changeling terrorist strike.
Rainbow watched the scene below, I’m gonna have to apologize for that one, she figured.
Rarity was about to yell at her for breaking her favourite mirror, but Rainbow spoke first. “I told you, those stupid mirrors are broken” she said still looking out the window, “nothing that says your ugly could possibly be working right”. Rainbow turned to Rarity, giving her a small grin, “and you know me, always willing to take out the trash” Rainbow finished with a wink.
Had this happened many years ago, Rarity would be about ready to cause the alicorn some serious pain for breaking the old heirloom, but it seemed the longer she was with Rainbow Dash, the easier her anger slipped away at the sight of that silly grin and she had been with Rainbow Dash for a very long time.
Rainbow trotted up to the side of Rarity’s bed, grin never leaving her face she asked, “can you promise to stop using broken mirrors?”
A small giggle escaped Rarity’s lips, “of course, and I’m sorry for getting so worked up, you know how I can get dear, I’m fine now though,” she lied.
“Ok, so you’re sure you’re good?” Rainbow asked, raising an eyebrow at what was obviously a fake smile; a particular smile that she knew once up, was near impossible to get passed.
“Absolutely peachy darling,” she lied again. Rainbow sighed deciding not to push the matter knowing it would only cause unnecessary stress, besides she knew what was really troubling Rarity, the same thing that troubled Rainbow Dash each day. The thought that it was drawing ever closer, the thought that each time they cuddled at night it could be the last good night they would give each other. Rainbow hated those thoughts; she had a plan that would get rid of them, but that would have to wait for later, right now she had to give Rarity her water.
Hey, where’d the glass go anyway? She wondered scanning the room, then glanced down when felt something cold surrounding her hooves. Guess I got a bit distracted by the whole mirror thing, she thought, noting the shards of glass and small puddle of water around the bed. “Sorry about this Rares” Rainbow said shifting her gaze back up to Rarity, “I’ll grab you a new glass and clean this up”.
“I don’t really feel thirsty anymore” Rarity said in a tone barely above a whisper, “I think I’ll just take a little nap” Rarity started slipping deeper into bed.
“Are you sure?” Rainbow asked almost panicked, those dark thoughts coming back as this was her third nap today, “I mean I’m still full of energy, how about we go to the park or talk or something? Doesn’t that sound like a fun thing to do? Huh? Huh?” Rainbow asked, getting a little closer to Rarity’s face with every question.
“It does but I really just feel a bit flustered, we’ll have a nice chat when I wake up, ok?” Rarity replied now fully covered by blankets and closing her eyes.
“Ok, cool” Rainbow sighed. She gave Rarity a small peck on the forehead, “I’m going for a minute, I’ll be back by the time you’re up” Rainbow said whilst levitating a small towel, a dustpan and a brush past the mess on the floor, cleaning as they go.
Packing everything up and closing the blinds, Rainbow came close to Rarity and whispered “I love you now and forever, my little diamond”. Rarity smiled remembering the poem Rainbow wrote for her on their anniversary; opening her eyes ever so slightly to see Rainbow, she whispered back, “and I love you now and forever, my little rainbow”. Rarity closed her eyes once again, dreaming of that special night many moons ago.
“Don’t worry Rarity”, Rainbow whispered to the sleeping mare, gently stroking her mane, “I’m gonna find a way around this, or my name isn’t Princess Rainbow Danger Professionalism Dash-Belle”. Wow that’s become a real mouth full.
Rainbow made her way to the door; she took one last look at Rarity before quietly trotting outside the boutique and taking to the air. Ok I got a mission to start, and this is the most important thing I’ve ever done, so no screwing up, Rainbow thought as she soared over the streets of Ponyville, next stop, the library.
Rainbow Dash landed a short distance in front of the library; she took a moment to take in how much the house had grown since Twilight first moved in. It seems so big nowadays, Rainbow thought, staring up at the old tree building, I guess they did have two full families in there for a while; I wonder how Spike’s been handling things since he left. Rainbow shrugged and to a few steps forward to come right up to the door.
Rainbow knocked hard against the entrance to ensure the librarian would hear her wherever she was in her maze of a house.
A familiar face answered the door; it was not Twilight herself but somepony very close to the librarian. Somepony who, despite her many quirks, was a pony Rainbow was happy to call a friend. Princess Trixie Lulamoon.
“Dash, how are you my friend?” Trixie greeted her with a warm smile and a hug.
“I’m fine Trix, I just need to ask Twilight about this thing I wanted to check out” Rainbow replied pulling back from the usual lung crushing embrace.
“Of course, come wait inside” Trixie turned away from Rainbow and shot a small ball of energy from her horn down one of the halls, “she’ll just be a moment” she said turning back to Rainbow Dash with a grin.
Rainbow took a couple steps inside, she gazed around the room that was once the main library, now just a lobby for the much grander collection in the back. Rainbow gaze returned to Trixie who was staring down the hall expectedly. “So what was that energy thing anyway?” Rainbow asked gesturing to the hall said ‘energy thing’ disappeared in.
“Just a little spell I use coax Twilight out of one of her study session” Trixie explained, “give it another second and…” she was cut off by the sound of Twilight screaming somewhere in the library.
“What the hay! TRIXIE!” Trixie turned to Rainbow, “here she comes” she said calmly. Twilight came storming into the room teeth bared, cheeks flustered with rage and eyes narrowed to a very annoyed glare, “Trixie, do you remember what I said last time?” Twilight asked, her anger building up almost to the point of her mane catching fire. “I said you do that one more time and I’d…”
“Rainbow Dash is here to see you dear” Trixie said trying to keep Twilight from telling Rainbow about the rather embarrassing punishment system Twilight had set in place, the last thing she needed was Dash making fun of her, Trixie couldn’t help it if she liked to cuddle.
Twilight turned to Rainbow with a warm smile, “hey Dash, good to see you again, just give me one second and I’ll be with you”, she turned back to Trixie, her smile quickly faded. “Wait for me in the study; we’ll talk about this later”.
Trixie gulped and quickly galloped out of the room, “haa haa, you’re in trouble” Rainbow called after her, “shut up” Trixie cried back before disappearing down the hall. Twilight shared a small laugh with Rainbow before deciding it was best to get straight to business so she could quickly get to Trixie before she touched any of her books.
“Alright Rainbow, what is it you need me for?” Twilight asked a little concerned, “this doesn’t have anything to do with Rarity does it? Did something happen?”
“Yes, I mean no, wait…” Rainbow mumbled, getting a little mixed up with questions. She took a quick breath, “look Rarity’s fine, but it does involve her health, I think I know a way to help her”.
Twilight sighed, “Rainbow I told you, old age isn’t something that can be helped, alicorns may be powerful but we can’t stop the Grim Reaper from collecting normal pony souls”.
“Yeah yeah, I know that” Rainbow said a little annoyed, having heard this all before, like I’d forget something when it comes to Rarity’s health. “I remember reading about this thing a while ago in one of your egghead books. It said something about being able to rejuvenate ponies so they could be young again, do you know anything about that?” Rainbow asked.
“Hold on” Twilight said, her horn lighting up. She closed her eyes and scrunched up her face as if focusing on something very hard. A moment later she relaxed her face and opened her eyes as a book came flying out from the hall, landing at their hooves with a page opened. “Here it is, but I doubt this would work Dash. There is a reason this book is called ‘Myths of the Everfree’ you know”.
Rainbow grinned at Twilight, “’cause all this stuff in the Everfree forest, right?” Rainbow knew this was not what she meant, but it was far too much fun messing with her friend.
“Of course” Twilight sighed; she quickly skimmed the page before her, “Rainbow, looking at what it says here, I think even if this does turn out to be true, it would be way too dangerous to attempt going there. Much more so when dragging Rarity behind us”.
“It’s alright” Rainbow brushed her off coolly “I’m the princess of awesomeness, nothing’s gonna slow me down” she said puffing her chest out confidently.
“For the last time, princess of awesomeness is not a thing!” Twilight corrected for what felt like the hundredth time.
“Not important” Rainbows gaze returned to the book, “This is for Rarity, that’s all that matters”.
“Look Dash, I know you don’t want Rarity to die, no one does, but I also know Rarity wouldn’t want you risking your life on this wild goose chase for her” the book snapped closed.
“What!? So we’re just supposed to sit on our hooves and wait for her to die? That is not happening Twilight!” Rainbow Dash yelled swiping at the book now floating in midair. Twilight quickly pulled it away from her and sent it away, deep into the library.
Rainbow got right in Twilight face, she was almost angry enough to beat her close friend until the library wall got covered in a new coat of red, “who are you to decide who lives and who dies?”
“I-I’m not deciding life and death” Twilight stuttered nervously backing off slightly, knowing where this could go and the rather unsanitary outcome it would lead to. “I’m just doing what I know Rarity would want… please don’t do anything rash Dash, nothing good can come of it” Twilight pleaded.
Rainbow Dash smashed her hoof in frustration into the ground. She pulled her hoof out of the hole she had made, turned to the door and stormed out, slamming the door behind. Twilight lowered her head, tears stinging from her eyes, “I’m sorry Rainbow” she cried. “Please don’t hate me”.
Rainbow Dash started aggressively kicking the ground as she walked, muttering to herself, “stupid egghead… it’s fine when she wants to risk her life in some crazy endeavor for the one she loves, but when I do it, it’s suddenly a foalish notion she would never condone”. Rainbow stopped below one of the library’s side window, staring down at the ground. Rainbow Dash let out a heavy sigh “what am i going to do?” she asked herself weakly, “Twilight’s never gonna give me that book, and without the book I’ll never find the healing thing, and without the thing, Rarity’s gonna… gonna…” before Rainbow could finish her cry she was hit on the head by a falling book, knocking her to the ground.
“What the hay?” Rainbow asked getting back on her hooves; she looked down to the book at her hooves. She recognized it as the same book Twilight brought out before. Rainbow tilted her head up to the window, there Trixie was, half leaning out the window.
“I know what it’s like when you know you have to take a desperate chance for one you love most, even if they don’t want you to” Trixie explained, “ I expect a thank you note later… and chocolates are always a welcomed addition…and peanut butter crackers of course ” Trixie chuckled.
Rainbow flew up to Trixie and wrapped her in a hug, “thank you so much Trixie, I really am glad to have you as a friend you know”.
“I know” Trixie said returning the embrace, “don’t hurt yourself too badly or I’ll never hear the end of it, and don’t worry about Twilight, she’s a little upset after the yelling, but I have my ways of cheering her up no matter what the cause”.
“And what would those be?” Rainbow Dash asked, knowing exactly what response her mischievous friend would give.
“A magician never revels her secrets”, Trixie replied with a wink, “now go save that mare of yours, and seriously… chocolates, peanut crackers, my hoof, by Friday, you got that?”
Rainbow and Trixie hoofbumped, and Rainbow began sailing off into the sky, book in hoof “see ya then” she called back before getting out of earshot.
Dash began flipping through the pages until she came to the same passage Twilight showed her before, it began with the title: Fountain of Everlasting Love.
“Are you sure I can’t talk you out of it or at least go with you?” Fluttershy asked her friend as they sat at the edge of the Everfree forest. Rainbow Dash was flicking through her saddlebags checking to see if she had plenty of supplies for the journey, Rarity lay by her side still sleeping through her nap. Rarity had become quite the heavy sleeper in old age, so Rainbow thought it best to take her out while she was asleep rather than when she was awake and could say no, Fluttershy however, thought Rarity knew Dash’s intentions and merely feel asleep on the way here, given how often she seem to rest.
“Look Fluttershy you know I would love to have you come, but I can’t risk anyone else’s life on this slim chance” Rainbow said resting a hoof on Fluttershy’s shoulder. “Besides I think your wife would kill me if you got even the tiniest scratch on your head” Rainbow chuckled.
“Well…” Fluttershy began, trying to think of a way to convince her friend, “…we could both come along. You know we would do anything for you. Both of you”.
Rainbow used her magic to lay Rarity on her back and gently wrap a rope around both their bodies, “I know Flutters, but we’ll be fine, we’ve been to the Everfree forest countless times. I just gonna fly as close to the position on the map as I can, go in, throw some of this magical water in Rarity’s face, and get out, it’s just that simple”.
Fluttershy looked at Rarity’s restraints then back at Rainbow Dash, “may I ask what the rope’s for?” Fluttershy asked pointing a hoof at Rainbows side, “I’ve seen you carry unconscious ponies on you back before with no trouble, what’s different now?”
“Oh…” Rainbow turned her head to Rarity, “this is for when she wakes up and tries to get me to go back home”.
Fluttershy’s eyes widened in realization, “wait, you mean she doesn’t even know you’re doing?”
“Hay no” Rainbow laughed, “if she knew, I wouldn’t have even made it this far”.
“Rainbow Dash that is incredibly deceitful” Fluttershy said frowning at Rainbow’s behavior, “I know I would never want Pinkie to do something like this, even if it was for me”.
Rainbows frowned back; she had had enough with ponies trying to stop her, “you know what the difference is Fluttershy?” Rainbow asked rhetorically as she began flapping her wings, lifting her slight up from the ground, “you and Pinkie will never have to know the pain of watching the pony you care for more than anything else waste away while you just sit there and watch like a useless lump!” She screamed.
A few tears were slowing flowing down Rainbow’s tense face; one or two hit the ground at Fluttershy’s hooves, “goodbye Fluttershy, I see you later for the party Pinkie will probably throw, because there is no way I'm letting this fail, it has to work…it…it just has to” Rainbow Dash closed her eyes, wiping away some tears and quickly flying off above the Everfree forest. She didn’t mean to take her frustration out on Fluttershy, she certainly didn’t want to leave her sensitive friend in such a state, but she knew apologies would have to come later, right now she had a life to save.
Rainbow Dash soured over the Everfree forest with a map in her hooves, she glanced back and forth between the map and the forest itself, trying to find the best position to land that was close to where she needed to be. Just as Rainbow began to land she felt the pony on her back begin to stir.
Oh boy, here it comes. Rainbow thought, preparing herself for the inevitable tongue lashing she was about to receive, I better start moving, if we’re deep enough in the forest maybe it’ll convince Rarity that we might as well continue on.
Rarity awoke immediately knowing something was wrong by the green above her and the sensation as if her bed was walking. She blinked a couple times just to make sure this was just some weird vision that happened with age. Rarity turned her head to the side seeing what appeared to be a very familiar set of cyan saddlebags, Rarity sighed wondering what she’d been dragged into this time. “Rainbow Dash, where are we going?”
“Hey Rares, have a nice nap? As for where we’re going, we’re just making a quick stop to the Everfree forest to get you some magical youth water” Rainbow said casually as she continued trotting into a much darker section of the forest.
“My nap quiet lovely thank you, I dreamt of our anniversary when you wrote… wait what was that about the Everfree forest?” Rarity asked momentarily distracted.
“I’m not stopping or turning back Rarity, that’s something I just cannot do, so you can stop bothering to try and stop me right now” Rainbow held her gaze forward but Rarity could still tell she had that serious look on her face.
Rarity was about to protest but she knew if Rainbow had already gone this far there was no convincing her to turn back, so she decided to at least try her best to keep Rainbow Dash from making any more rash decisions, however little Rarity could actually do, “fine Rainbow…” Rarity sighed.
Rainbow Dash stopped, a little stunned by what she heard, “… we’ll go on this silly quest” Rarity continued, “but with two conditions, the first is to let me down, it’s a little uncomfortable with the rope, the second is to stay close to me, no running off unnecessarily and leaving me all alone” Rarity said a little sad at that of being left alone in this place.
Rainbow Dash untied the ropes with her magic and gently set Rarity down, Rainbow turned to face Rarity, looking her in the eyes, “what makes you think I’d leave you alone” she asked a little hurt by the accusation.
“I don’t mean it in a particularly bad way darling” Rarity explained, “but you have a tendency to run off to fight the monsters ahead because you think that’s the best way to keep those you care about safe. All I really need is to have you close to me and I’ll be fine”.
Rainbow stepped next to Rarity and nuzzled her affectionately, “staying close to you? Now that sounds like something I can do”. Rarity giggled at Rainbows touch and cute remark, she took a few steps forward and turned her head back to see Rainbow, “shall we darling?”
Rainbow trotted up to Rarity’s side and wrapped a wing around her body, “we shall” she answered with a grin. They began trotting forward determined to find the water and restore Rarity to the mare she once was. Little did they know something very dangerous was watching them from the tree branches, licking its lips in anticipation for the taste of alicorn flesh.
Rainbow Dash lit her horn up as the pair entered a particularly dark section of the forest. The trees stood tall and close together completely eclipsing the sun from the ponies view, a thick mist covered the ground and the bottom of their hooves. The deeper they got the thicker the fog was, even with Rainbow’s light they could only see a few meters in each direction. This is the perfect hunting ground for some of the foulest creatures in all of Equestria.
Rainbow Dash trotted forward calmly and confidently, she used her wing to hold onto her wife to keep her close and provide some obviously needed comfort to the shivering mare.
Rarity heard the rustling of branches and snapping twigs all around them; it was beginning to weigh on her mind. She would swear she could figures moving around them rapidly, not the type of figures one might expect to find in this forest such as a manticore or a certain rhyming zebra; this figure seemed pony like, but moved far too swiftly for even a Pegasus in a clear sky, let alone in a dense forest.
“Rainbow, can you hear anything? Or see anything?” Rarity inquired getting as close to the alicorn as possible.
“Just what you’d expect, I see the trees and hear the breeze, not much else, why?”
“You don’t see anything in the trees? Like a pony or something”
“A pony in the trees in the middle of the Everfree forest? I know you’re scared Rarity but that’s just being silly, there’s nothing to be afraid of”, Rainbow gave her a comforting nuzzle and continued to press on.
The pair stop as all the tree tops around them started shaking uncontrollably. There was a deep, ominous voice that seemed to come from all around them, “there might be some things you need to be afraid of my little pony” it said in an almost whispering tone that sent shivers down the ponies spines.
“Who are you?” Rainbow shouted at the voice.
“What are you?” Rarity added now shivering on the ground next to Rainbow Dash.
“I’ve been trying to answer those questions for what feels like a millennia, last time I encountered your kind it was the lovely sun princess, she and I had a nice chat before we settled down for… dinner” the voice laughed, still from somewhere in the forest Rainbow Dash couldn’t seem to pinpoint.
Sun princess? As in Princess Celestia? Rainbow rubbed her chin thinking for a moment, she disappeared a long time ago; Luna seemed to think something bad happened to her. This thing couldn’t of…could it?
A dark figure appeared in front of Rainbow Dash just beyond some trees. It was far away enough so Rainbow couldn’t see its details, but she could see the outline of what appeared to be a tall pony standing on its hind hooves with two horns on its head and wings furled at its sides.
“During our little chat…” the voice continued as the figure took a step closer but remained outside of Rainbows light, “…we figured I needed a name, being as unique and quote unquote vile as I am, we settled on… Creature” on the final word it stepped out of the shadows, revealing its full form.
It was indeed a pony-like creature, with blood red eyes, a black coat, long, dark grey mane, and a short dark grey tail, however there were several features which made this thing distinguishable from a pony. Its hind hooves seemed normal but no pony stood upright on them for extended periods of time with ease. It had two griffin-like talons for front hooves that acted like claws, two black horns on its forehead that curved up, and its wide grin revealed a mouth of teeth sharp enough to tear through bone and flesh as if it were a salad.
Creature licked his lips with a long snake-like tongue, “so this is the part where you run, yes?” he asked coyly, his grin spread even further across his face to a length Rainbow Dash thought would only be possible for a really excited Pinkie Pie.
Rainbow Dash’s wings flared up, “guess again bub”.
She charged at him, horn lighting up and hoof readying for a right hook. Rainbow had become incredibly fast with age since she kept her young, fit body for as long as someponies have lived, Creature however, was much faster. He caught her hoof mid swing and placed his other claw on her horn, his mere touch seemed to dull her magic. His claw began crushing Rainbows hoof; she fell to her haunches and cried out in pain.
“AHHHH! STOOOP!”
“I intend to my dear” Creature said calmly, “after all I wouldn’t want you passing out from the pain, meals are always better when they’re squirming”.
Creature brought his claw down from rainbows horn and began stroking her face, she wished she could have batted him away, but the pain kept her still.
“Leave her alone you beast” Rarity called out, still laying at the same spot feeling too weak from the short walk earlier to stand up.
“I almost forgot you were here, unicorn” Creature replied, his gaze not shifting from Rainbow Dash.
He stopped stroking her face and settled his claw on her shoulder, “tell me sweet thing” he said playfully, “What do you think the unicorn should be…” he bent forward placing his still grinning muzzle next to Rainbows ear, “…appetizer, or dessert?”
“D-don’t t-touch her” Rainbow whimpered, “d-do what you w-want with me…just let her go”.
“You ponies are so cute when you’re crying, tears also add to the sweet taste of alicor-”
He was cut off as an energy beam came from behind Rainbow Dash and hit him right in the center of his chest, knocking him down and releasing Rainbows hoof. Rainbow turned to see her savior and it was none other than Rarity, who now stood tall with smoke emitting from her horn.
“I said leave her alone Creature, and when a lady gives you a command you damn well better do it”
Creature got back up on his hind hooves and stood over Rainbow who was now lying on the ground holding her injured hoof. Despite the fact Creature started laughing his small yet deep laugh, the ponies could tell he was hurt as he clutched at his chest with his claws and winced.
“I was wrong little unicorn, maybe you will make a decent meal, but for now I think I’ll take my leave” Creature laughed as he began unfurling his batpony wings.
“You’re not going anywhere until you get down on your haunches and beg for Rainbow Dash to forgive you, and I expect to see real apologetic tears mister”
Creature simply laughed before he vanished before their eyes, at first it seemed like some sort of teleportation, but Rainbow noticed a few leaves lift up from the ground in the direction he appeared from.
“Wow Rarity, that was totally awesome” Rainbow turned her head to face Rarity, “how did you…” she stopped notice Rarity had collapsed on the spot and didn’t appear to be breathing.
Rainbow Dash leapt up to her hooves, ignoring the pain in her crushed one, she rushed over to Rarity and scooped her up in her hooves. She began screaming and shaking Rarity’s body.
“Rarity? Rarity speak to me! Please!”
Rarity’s eyes were barely open, she whispered, “I suddenly feel very tired again Rainbow”, then her eyes closed completely, and her body went limp.
Rainbow Dash tore through the forest faster than she’s ever gone before; thick, healthy trees were stripped bare by her incredible speed. Rainbow clung to Rarity’s body which lay drooped over her back.
“Faster…faster you stupid body” she yelled at herself, tears filling her vision making it harder to maneuver around the trees.
She came to an abrupt stop as found a cave with a strange symbol upon it, she recognized it from one of Twilights many boring lectures over the past few decades. It was the symbol for eternal love in some old language called preeck, thank Celestia I have an egghead friend, Rainbow thought as she quickly dashed inside.
Rainbow came through a small stone hallway that led to a large stone dome shape; in the center was a small pit that sat behind a small sign with something scribbled in preeck. Rainbow flicked through her memory trying to associate each symbol with words and letters until she came up with what it said.
‘All those who feel love are welcome to the fountain, feel the pain that comes with mortal love and leave in peace weary travelers’.
Rainbow placed Rarity in the center of the pit and began franticly searching the room for anything. There was nothing, no other writing, no other doorway or even any windows, just the sign, an empty pit, and two mares.
Rainbow slowing floated down to Rarity; she gingerly placed her ear against Rarity’s chest, hoping against hope to hear something.
Silence.
That was all she heard. The bitter mocking of death rang through the stone room.
Rainbow Dash buried her face into Rarity’s chest; tears poured out of her eyes and ran down the side of the limp mare.
“This is all my fault” Rainbow cried into Rarity’s chest.
“I should have just let you go how you wanted, surrounded by friends, holding my hoof… not here, not in this pointless cave, in this stupid forest, with that Celestia damned monster laughing at us from who knows where.
“I messed it all up Rarity, I should die not you; you’re too perfect for even heaven to hold you… just come back please”
Rainbows tears that flowed down Rarity’s side began to land on the ground beneath the pair, had Rainbow Dash’s eyes been open she would have seen the faint, rainbow coloured glow that emitted from the tears before they returned to their regular state.
Rainbow Dash heard hoof steps around the cave entrance just as a dark figure blocked most over the light that shown through it. A dark and strange voice began to speak to Dash, but she didn’t need to look up to know who it was.
“Hello there darling” Creature said, a smirk spreading across his face. Rainbow cringed at that word, the word Rarity would always use.
“Guessing you’re here to kill me” Rainbow Dash sobbed into Rarity’s chest.
“Yeah, it’s kinda my thing” Creature laughed, he began approaching Dash, she heard the familiar clop of hooves as well as the clicking of claws. She looked over to him only to see Creature was now on all fours.
“I thought you were biped” she inquired, standing up straight to face him.
“It’s more of an intimidation/fighting stance thing, good for when prey tries to resist, but it’s not really necessary when the prey wants to die, wouldn’t you say?”
Rainbow Dash glanced to Rarity then back to Creature, “I guess so” she sighed. Dash bent forward slightly as to expose her head and neck to Creature, “just make it quick”.
“What kind of horrible, pony eating monster would I be if I didn’t take requests like that?” Creature raised his claw above Dash’s head and prepared for a swift strike. “Say hello to Celestia for me”, Creature claw quickly descended, and as it was just about to end Dash’s life a beam of energy shot Creature in the chest knocking him down. “Ok that’s getting old fast” Creature muttered to himself as he lay on the ground.
Rainbow Dash turned to her savior hoping events had repeated and Rarity was there. She squinted at the sight, there was a figure there, but it glowed so brightly Dash could not see clearly.
“Well…” Creature returned to his upright position on his two hind hooves, “guess I’m back to two ponies to kill”. He took a step forward and almost collapsed feeling much heavier than before. Creature stared down at his hooves trying to find the problem. He looked to the glowing figure and bared his teeth in an aggressive manner, “what did you do?” He asked, eyes burning with hate.
Dash heard a small giggle come from the glowing figure, “your heart is filled of hate, while mine is full of the love I both give and receive from the mare I love, you never stood a chance Creature”.
“Rarity?” Dash asked still crouched over staring at the figure, “is it really you?”
“Yes my little rainbow, I could never leave you” the figure’s light dimmed down. Dash could now it was indeed Rarity, but with one slight difference, she now had a beautiful set of wings; not like the ones she had long ago at the young flyers competition, not pegasi wings but a pair of alicorn wings.
“that’s it” Creature grumbled, “I’ve had enough of this friendship and love is magic puke you ponies keep throwing up, I’m hungry, and you… have just become my favourite meal” he grinned. Creature attempted to take another step forward but found himself incapable. He glanced down only to find his legs had turned to stone and his midsection was now slowly changing. “NO NO NO!” he yelled “this can’t be happening”.
Creature stared up at Rarity, she met his gaze, “I’ll kill you pony”, he stretched out his claws only for them to become stone.
“Love trumps hate darling” Rarity said watching the creature slowly freeze in place, “and it seems you chose the wrong side”.
Creature’s body was now completely frozen, his eyes still burnt with rage staring at Rarity. She smiled before being tackled to the ground by a rainbow coloured blur, and attacked with a flurry of kisses on her face.
“Rain…Rainbow…RAINBOW DASH!” Rarity yelled at her attacker between kisses, Rainbow Dash stopped her assault and gazed into Rarity’s eyes.
“Sorry” Dash apologized with her silly grin cover her face, “I’m just so happy you’re back, like you don’t even know how happy”
Rarity giggled, “oh I have an inkling, but before you show me how happy you are, perhaps we should find a place a little less dungeony, and with less creepy statues”.
“Sounds good” Rainbow replied, her smile fell, “I may need to make a few stops on the way home, I might of upset a few ponies on the way here. Plus I’ve also got to pick up a thank you card, chocolates, and peanut butter crackers”.
“Trixie?”
“Trixie” Dash confirmed.
“It’s ok Rainbow Dash; you can take all the time you need, after all…” Rarity began; she turned her head to the side to see her new wings, “… I think you and I just got a lot more time together”.
Rainbow Dash’s smile returned and she planted one last kiss one Rarity’s lips. she came close to her ear and whispered, “ I love you now and forever, my little diamond”.
Rarity’s smile grew a little bigger, pleased as ever to see Dash’s sweet side, she whispered back, “and I love you now and forever, my little rainbow”.
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Ohh at last!
Congrats on writing your first story!
Old Rarity makes her second appearance since putting your hoof down.
It's a little heartbreaking to see her like this, not just because she lost her youth and three cats, but much more so because she seems so convinced that she does not deserve to spend the last few days of her life taking up a mere fraction of the infinity of days that Rainbow Dash will have forever.
This made me laugh.
I got most of these, but I don't know where the Belle came from.
Pinkie! We need a mic drop!
i.chzbgr.com/maxW500/8136526848/h7720FF22/
Thank you.
When you said everypony is an alicorn, this is not what I expected, but I am so glad you went there.
I love the Trix/Dash/Twi interactions here.
Oh come on, Twilight, by my count we have at least 6 alicorns right there in Ponyville to help out. What could possibly be so dangerous?
Everytime Rainbow Dash talks to another from the Manesix at this point I'm waiting to find out who you paired them up with. Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie? D'awww.
I gotta admit I was expecting AJ.
Which reminds me, between RariDash, Twixie, and PinkieShy... where does that leave Applejack?
Rarity is surprisingly cool with being tied up and 'kidnapped' in her sleep. Makes you wonder if Rainbow Dash has done this sort of thing before in some form or another. They have been together for a very long time at this point.
Sudden bombshell as we are told Celestia has been missing for a while, and this thing might have eaten her. That was one creepy scene. Good thing Creature got caught completely off guard.
I got really worried at the end there. The description Rainbow translated sounded more like the place was designed for a mortal+immortal lovers to die together. Good thing I was wrong. It was a very moving ending, I wasn't sure what was going to happen while RD cried about her selfishness in forcing this on Rarity.
Fortunately it was a happy ending.
This was a lot fun to read. I was not sure how serious I could take a story with an (almost) all alicorn cast at first. But I think you did a good job in making it work. I look forward to seeing what else you write!
Course since this is your first story there is some room for improvement, particularly in some technical aspects.
The main issue appears to be punctuation.
Now there are a couple things I noticed while reading which I decided to write down. Hopefully it will help you.
This section seems written in present tense, while the rest of the story takes place in past tense?
Though I would not put it past Rarity to refer to herself as an old crown, I think you meant crone.
You appear to forget punctuation at the end of dialogue almost systematically.
Also, I am not sure if it is usually appropriate to use a ',' before starting dialogue. Unless you start with the said tag like in the first sentence up there.
Since we're on dialogue, you sometimes have two separate speakers in the same paragraph:
This might be okay to make an exception for, since it's that short.
In these two cases it actually is fine, but you're missing an enter in the middle of both paragraphs.
Here for example, I do not think you are meant to use the comma, but a period, after smile.
While we are here, unless Twi has been blind till recently she probably meant to add a 'you' in there.
Presumably you meant peck (a kiss).
Wherever.
Needed. Liked.
Missing words. "Didn't mean to" ?
This might need to be "Vile" ?
Heard.
Missing a word. "take all the time you need" perhaps?
Also, the last period is outside the quotation.
4415480 Hey Crowscrowcrow glad to see you liked the story, thanks for favouriting
for some reason I've been unable to contact you, I can't comment on your story and I'm not sure if you received my PMs 'cause I actually asked if you wanted to be a prereader.
The 'Belle' in Dash's name comes from her marriage to Rarity, I'm not sure about this myself but I've seen a bunch of other writers say her name is Rarity Belle, so I figured I'd roll with that.
I hoped people would like the Trix/Dash/Twi interactions, at first I was unsure but since you like it I guess it's good.
I kind of surprised myself with the lack of Applejack, but as you know I have several stories in my head, most of which involve her as a prominent character, first I just gotta get past the ones that don't involve her, which is this one and the first prequel, but after that I hope to do something with AJ
I knew punctuation would be my main problem, I looked up the proper use of apostraphes so I think those are fine (for the most part), but I knew my use of commas would need improving
thanks for pointing out the little mistakes (not sarcasism, I really appreciate it), I intend to fix those when I'm back from TAFE in a few hours.
Always nice talking to ya mate
4416569
Oh horsefeathers!
I don't know how on earth it happened, but you were blocked!
The best I can guess at is that I must have miss-clicked once when I hit the follow button at the time.
I'm so sorry about that.
This is the first time I have come across the idea of Rarity Belle, but then I have not read many Rarity stories. Makes sense when you put it like that though.
Well, we'll just consider these warm-ups for the real apple flavored dish then won't we?
Nice talking to you, again.
I think the biggest problem with this story was setting it off in the future and putting in too many extraneous details. When you set a story in the future, you are always taking a big risk with a disconnect between the reader and the setting.
One of the major attractions of fanfiction is that we know the characters to some extent beforehand. When we set something off in the distant future, we end up with the problem where the characters are more divergent from what we know them as today. The more different the characters are, the less recognizable they are, and the more they just become OCs. If they aren't much like they are today, then it makes things hard on the audience.
Here, we had the problem where we had Princess Trixie (apparently with Twilight), Fluttershy and Pinkie as immortals as well, Celestia missing.... it all is thrown in there, but there's no real substance to it. This disconnects the reader from the story.
Ultimately, when you tell a story, everything in it should be relevant to the story you're telling. Trixie's presence, Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie being together, Celestia going missing (which we only hear about towards the end for no real reason)...
There's no point to it. It doesn't add to the core story, which is about Rainbow Dash pushing to save Rarity's life.
There's nothing wrong with setting a story in the future, but when you do it, you need to keep the scope fairly narrow, or else you run the risk of losing the audience and making them feel disconnected. Narrowing the scope of your story - sticking to what matters - helps in cases like this. A lot of the scenes felt fairly pointless, in the end - the core of the story was Rainbow Dash trying to save Rarity.
The second problem was that the conflict was pretty weak. Rarity didn't really do much to push back against Rainbow Dash; she thought she was going to get aruged with, and instead... nothing. No payoff. It just felt kind of pointless to include that if she wasn't going to push back against it. The creature itself was the main "villain" but even there it just kind of was there - it didn't really feel all that engaging as a threat.
The net result of these two things was that I never really felt connected to the story.
4416620 I know what you mean, these were my two biggest concerns with the story, that's why I felt a prequel is necessary, in that I plan to come back to the present and provide a little background and substance to the parts that seem like they're just kind of there
4416600 accidence happen, just as long as I can talk to you now then it's all good
Indeed, the apple flavored dish is on it's way
nice talking to you mate
4416654
Well, here's the question you need to ask yourself when you include something in a story:
Why is it there?
What purpose does the conversation with Fluttershy serve? How does it further the plot? I don't even know why this scene is there, because it didn't really feel like it furthered the story at all and felt redundant.
Princess Celestia being offed by the thing was, apparently, meant to make the creature feel like more of a threat... but the creature just didn't seem "worthy" of offing such a character, and moreover, the fact that it was mentioned at the last minute really kind of hurt it. If Twilight had said that the Everfree was dangerous, and foreshadowed the danger more, it might have worked better.
Trixie's inclusion also confused me; if Rainbow Dash had simply gotten the book or stolen the book, it might have worked better. Trixie didn't feel very much like Trixie, but moreover, she didn't serve much point to the story you were trying to tell, which was Rainbow Dash feeling like she had to do it alone. She did do something (Rainbow Dash got the book from her) but she also expanded the scope of the story and was just something which felt a bit thrown in, rather than being a necessary part of a story.
It is not always best to tell a story with the minimum number of characters, but when you're telling a short story, particularly a short story where we're thrown in at the deep end, minimizing the cast is often wise as it helps keep the reader from getting confused, and helps keep them focused on target rather than making them ask questions the story isn't meant to answer.
4416600 hey crowscrowcrow I just remembered there was something I wanted to say to you a bit back but couldn't because of the accidental blockage
anyway just wanted to say congratulations on writing over 50 chapters for Trixie's Forest Retreat, I love that story
on an unrelated note I was wondering about what groups to add my story to, for example, twixie and pinkieshy are present but not prominent so is it still appropriate to add my stories to those groups or is that just going to be an annoying mislead to those groups?
4418431
Thank you
It feels kind of crazy heh.
As for groups.
Unless they are prominent it is probably not appropriate to add to a group dedicated to them.
That said, the exact rules vary from group to group so there could be groups that are okay with it. I just would not count on it.
4419107 yeah I think it would really depend on group I guess, after all the Raridash group has a section called, 'Raridash as a secondary aspect' but I haven't seen this type of folder in other groups, so I guess I hold off on that.
anyway how your story going? you usually update Wednesday right, so is 53 coming tomorrow?
4419123
Exactly. I think you will find that over time you stumble across groups you did not even know existed that fit the story as well. Sometimes because other people add the story to their group even.
As far as I know there is absolutely nothing prohibiting late group additions so do not worry about it too much.
Yes, Wednesday and weekends. 53 is about half way done, but I've been preocccupied, working with an editor to make the early chapters proper English.
4419158 as far as am concerned it was all proper English, but we both know I'm not the best in that area
I look forward to your next chapter mate
4419182
Practice makes paranoid.
I look forward to seeing you again now that you have a voice again.
I also cant wait to see what you will do next for your story.
Ah btw, i did not get the pm, but i'd be happy to proofread in the future.
4419199 PARANOID!? who said I'm paranoid? are they in the house? are they behind now as I type this message?
heh heh, anyway, putting my mild insanity away for a second, I've began working on the next story. Like I said it will be called Celestial Swan Song, I'll send you a message when I'm satisfied, so god knows when
After that I think I'll break away from this series for a bit and try something else, see how I feel
Vastly underrated story. I quite liked it, though some explanation to everything would be great in a prequel! Raridash is my favorite paring and I like how you portrayed them. I look forward to seeing more from you!
4448879 awww, thank you so much, that comment really gave me a smile like this
. I'm working on the prequel now, hopefully it'll be out later this week, Crowscrowcrow will be editing so with any luck the next one will be even better.
Also, thanks for the favourite and the follow, I will try not to disappoint
Not bad, a bit chunky in spots, some typos, and the occasional tense slip, but it was enjoyable. I would be curious about what foolish chance Twilight/Trixie got involved in, and I need to agree that Celestia's passing was a bit out of left field. Still, interesting. Thumbs up.
So emotional
So emotional
So emotional
6156049 I hope you found it enjoyably emotional, mate