When a human in Equestria attempts suicide, the ponies who shunned him are forced to care for him in Ponyville Hospital.
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yay it back
Jason's gonna fuck it up, isn't he?
10572443
In my hands, most likely
Holy crap, this is actually getting continued. Time to reread.
A tad heavy on the grammar mistakes, but otherwise a decent start. I hope that you enjoy the writing experience bud.
That evolved monkey can easily be a greater threat than all of them combined if he chooses to.
10572493
Thank you for the criticism if you would like to point out the specific mistakes, I can go in and fix those
10572524
That’s why there is only one, because “apes together strong”
Bitch!!! He could have ripped your worthless throat out very easy if he so desired.
10572555
Of course partner, anything to help ya out. I'll shoot you a message here in a lil while that'll contain what I caught.
as mentioned before lots of grammar errors, and the one quotted below is just the first one i re-found after scrolling back up quickly:
should be "material"
and the idea he ran into the forest, just to immediately come back to ponyville seems kinda off, if you have a plan by all means ignore this, you're the captain of the ship now. Also apparently you do comedy better? its in your notes but i found the story losing humor after you took your shot at it. I mean something was looking at him in the dark and he "woop woop" out of there.
but afterwards all monologuing came across as too serious. Anyway thats my two cents. I hope this doesn't discourage you, just wrote this to point out a few things. Good luck!
don't care if its good or bad as long as it is here
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH YYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH IT'S BACK BABYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
10572557
i.ibb.co/KV8Z9vs/ape.jpg
10572587
No kidding. Humans can do pretty insane feats of strength.
10172135
Yeah :D
Dang, its been a long time since Ive read this. I had forgotten this story existed. Im glad its back and hopefully Jason finds some kind of closure in this story. Or yknow, global domination
10572925
Global domination seems like the only way.
This typo really through me off cause until you read the next line it actually makes sense. but as others have said, so far it looks like you have picked up well apart from typos. maybe see if you can get an editor?
hey fam, if you need someone to proof read / edit shoot me an @ in the lands of the banned
You don't need these - to go from another scene. It's nerve wrecking to hear it on auto read.
10572953
Thanks man, yr a real pal
10572625
The whoop whoop whoop part was what was left by the author, and I tried to slow it back down to a more serious tone that the story original was going for, although I guess I actually made it gently plant it’s face on the ground with the force of an avalanche.
I wasn’t trying to make if funny really, iI was trying to curve it back to be more serious, I’m just use to having comedic undertones.
10572994
Got it
your doing whatever the god of fiction's work by working on a fic that was cancelled.
on note related to the chapter, yeah it seems like that manticore is going to have a bad day which is going to help Jason via stress outlet.
Well hello there Zoidberg, didn’t know that you could be channeled
But seriously, other than a bit of grammar issues this is rocking along at a great pace!
Just hope the Mods for the site don’t nuke it like they have done with other transferred stories
10572443
It sure sounds like 'famous last words'
10572448
A question if you don't mind... Did Vlad had the story planned out to the finish, or are you making it up as you go ?
got to re-read this one entirely now to remember the details but damn i hope twilight gets torn to shreds by celestia this time.
10573513
I unfortunately didn't get a planned out story from him, so right now i'm winging it, but hopefully i can get an idea of where i want to go
Honestly at this point Twilight should just outright nake a public declaration as Princess over everything that's happened to set things straight. Tell everyone he is not a monster and all the things originally said about him since his appearance are false, and that despite being like any other person he was completely denied food and shelter, treated like garbage for years because he wasn't a pony.
Edit:
10573596
At this point Celestia herself has things to answer for, given she sent him to Ponyville in the first place but upon finding out what's happened to him years later she outright refuses to help him or punish those responsible. Twilight may have been horrible but as of late she seems to be trying to redeem herself.
Fun fact: Equines have much better night vision than humans!
10574132
Too bad Jason currently isn’t the most lucid he can be at the moment
guuuuh i dont renember a thing about this fic. i will have to reread entire thing
10574132
Man really should've studied horse biology before going to Equestria.
10573063
its your first story being shared everywhere (if im remembering that correctly) dont be so hard on yourself. if you're honestly scared of ruining whats here (which is hard cause usually something is better than nothing) why not draft your own version from scratch and continue? its work but it allows everyone to see where your at as a writer. people have waited long enough for this story a little more wont harm anyone.
Not sure about the backpedaling on the death, but I guess it does improve chances of not having an ending with everyone in Ponyville dead.
Though since Jason still THINKS he killed someone he'll probably be more prone to use lethal force since he thinks he already has so no reason to hold back.
Glad to see this continuing.
btw, using "hr" in brackets gives you a nice horizontal rule, like so:
[ hr ]
Which looks like:
10575420
Thank you, this will be very helpful
I think that is supposed to be hand
10575788
I cant quite say after all this he would be very emotionally stable
10575698
Fixed it
Hey man, thanks for doing this. I know it's not easy to write, and I imagine doubly so when you're trying to finish someone else's work. Good luck! We're cheering for you.
Thank you so much for bringing this story back, and so far you are doing well.
Should be capitalized.
One
Should be, "duct taped their." Duck tape is a brand name, the generic cloth-based strips lined with adhesive is known as duct tape. "Tape" should be "taped" so as to fit with the proper tense of the sentence. "There" should be "their" as their denotes possession while there is reserved for location.
Missing a "would" between "she" and "rather."
Missing punctuation at the end of this sentence. Could put whatever you want, comma, period, exclamation mark, question mark. All work in this context but do alter the tone of the message.
"Those" should be "these" in this case as he is among ponies at the moment, albeit sleeping ponies.
"the" should be "to."
Unless you mean to tell me that he fell into a cache of weapons, this should be "material."
While "there" is used for location (usually meaning a place that is not here), given the structure of this sentence the eyelids are possessive of the position they are in. Thus the proper version is "their" and not "there."
The first "to" should be "too." Too is an adverb and an adjective used as a descriptor for excess. To is a preposition and used for spatial remarks; in other words, you used the right "to" in the other instances but messed up here.
Don't feel disheartened by the mistakes. Better to make them now on a platform where at worst you'll get critiqued by people like me, then it is to write in a more serious setting with possible cash on the line and make these same mistakes there. I trust you'll do a good job writing this story to its conclusion and I eagerly await the next installment.
Your doing great! Thx for bringing it back❤
Is he somewhere around the barn?
My only question is, if he lost his will to live, why didn't he just let the manticore eat him?
10603009
Good point
“The cancer, the despair... the fucking god awful ponies everywhere.“ Ha, that rhymed!