Just Peachy

by Mo-go

Chapter 1

It was business as usual for the Ponyville Public Library. Which was to say, the Ponyville Public Library's usual lack of business. Ponyville was not known for its scholars. Twilight Sparkle didn't mind one bit, however. Such lulls gave the librarian ample opportunity in making up for the rest of the town's lack of interest in her books with her continued attempts to read each and every one.

Today's tome was a particularly large, worn and dusty one, written in such an old form of the Equestrian language that she had to re-read each sentence at least once to decipher its meaning. Twilight couldn't picture a better way to spend an afternoon. It was just the time of day when the sunlight came through one of the upper windows at such an angle that it coated all of the main room in a warm yellow glow, softened by the thick pane. The desk at which she currently sat was placed to take full advantage of this, and the soft warmth enveloped Twilight like the most comfortable blanket. She carefully turned a page, yellow of its own accord, sending another waft of the book's must into the air. She took a deep, contented breath, savoring the sensation.

The coughing fit she found herself in at the next moment made her regret the decision. Tears blurred her vision as she tried to quell the outbursts. Little black stars accompanied them as she continued to fail. The sudden appearance of a glass of water wasn't questioned for a moment before she downed it.

Twilight cleared her throat, and was quite relieved to find that she only did it once. "Phew! Thanks, Spike."

"No problemo!" replied a high-pitched voice, "but I'm not Spike, silly!"

Twilight turned from her book. "Oh! Sorry, Pink-"

It wasn't Pinkie Pie, either. The orange mare beaming at Twilight did have a mane that could rival the pink pony's in absurd curliness, however.

Twilight's brow arched. "I'm... I'm sorry, but who are you?"

"Oh, Twilight, you're such a goof!" the mare said with a dismissive wave of a foreleg. "It's me, Peachy Pie!"

"Uh... right," Twilight said, quite certain that she had not then or ever before known a Peachy Pie. "What brings you here?"

"Well, I was helping the Cakes again today, and I thought I'd try another new recipe, and I think it turned out great, so I thought I'd share the first batch with my friends!" replied Peachy, all in one breath. She procured a wicker basket from her tangle of dark orange hair, and offered it to Twilight. "I hope you like it!"

"Oh! Well, that's very thoughtful of you, uh, Peachy, but I've just finished breakfast," said Twilight, failing to sound not the least bit perturbed and giving the mare what she could only hope looked like an apologetic smile. "M-maybe next time?"

"That's okay, Twilight, I'll just leave it here for your lunch. Be sure to tell me what you think, okay?" She plopped a large, steaming pastry atop Twilight's book.

Twilight gave a wooden nod. "S-Sure. Thanks."

For a moment, there was only the faint sound of a bird tittering from outside as Twilight tried her best to keep her false grin from faltering in the face of the genuine one, then "Alrighty, then! See you later!" and Peachy bounded out of the library.

The second the door shut Twilight sprang to it, locked it tight, checked, shut and locked each window, flipped the library's sign to its "Closed" side, and scooped the pastry into a waste bin before incineratung it with her magic.

She slumped to the floor with an heavy exhalation as her heart beat against her chest in audible thumps. Once she was able to breathe again, she called "Spike! Remind me to reinstate our entry ward later today!"

The baby dragon peered over the handrail of the library's loft. "The ward? I thought you said we wouldn't be needing it anymore. That Ponyville was too nice a place for burglars."

"It's not burglars I'm worried about, Spike..." Twilight stopped herself, considered for a moment if it would be wise to worry her little assistant, and decided it wasn't. "You wouldn't happen to know anypony named 'Peachy Pie', would you?"

Spike tilted his head. "'Peachy Pie'? No, I don't think so..."

Twilight nodded. "I thought not." She turned back to her book, flinching at the sight of the grease stain in its center. That would take some magic to remove. More than she had the energy for if she were to keep the old paper intact. It would have to wait. She flipped back a stack of pages with the utmost care. It looked like the old book's knowledge would serve a more immediate usefulness than Twilight had hoped. She stopped on the beginning of a chapter three previous to the page she'd been reading on Cockatrice. The one titled Doppelganger.

---

Ponyville's square bustled with ponies of all shapes, colors, and sizes. It was a bright Sunday afternoon, and the farmer's market was in full swing. Carts loaded with produce of all varieties lined the perimeter and cut through the center, evenly spaced, while ponies wove through them. The air was thick with conversation and the scent of fresh-cut grass.

Attending one of the carts was Applejack, proudly selling the literal fruits of her family's efforts on Sweet Apple Acres. There was rarely a slow sales day for Applejack, and today certainly wasn't one of them. She'd not opened shop two hours ago, and already her weekly stock was running low, all but one of her apple bushels empty or very nearly so. That one full bushel, however, was spoken for.

Applejack raised her gaze to meet the great clock in the center of the square, her Stetson only just shielding her eyes from the summer sun's rays. Her best customer was a bit later in coming than usual. She hoped it meant good business for her friend, Celestia knew the Cakes could use it, but she couldn't help but feel uneasy.

She shook her head. There was no reason to be worried on a beautiful Sunday like this. No doubt Pinkie was merrily mixing an extra batch of muffin batter, or skipping around the storefront making sure everypony was satisfied with their sweets.

For a moment, Applejack wondered why her cart was swaying. She shot her nervous hooves a scowl as she stopped their shuffling, using one to give the grass a definitive stomp. She scoffed. That was just about enough of that. Pinkie would show when she pleased.

She cast the clock another nervous glance.

---

A peach mare hopped happily along the streets of Ponyville, greeting everypony with a grin. Today's treat was sure to be a hit! She'd followed her gut on the impromptu recipe, and, really, who would know baking better than her gut?

She hoped her friend Rarity would agree. Sometimes it was tricky to get her to taste the treats, as she was always worried about her waist, but Peachy was just sure her waist would love it, too!

---

Twilight Sparkle burst from the library door in a cacaphony of lavender magic and fluttering paper, leaving behind a befuddled baby dragon. She tore through the streets of Ponyville as quickly as her legs could carry her, dodging as many ponies as she did bowl over. There was no time to stop and apologize; there was hardly time to correct her stumbling. The angered shouts fell on deaf ears.

Sugarcube Corner had never seemed so far away, neighborhood blocks had never stretched on for so long, and Twilight had never run so fast. Her breath grew shorter as the tendons of her legs grew tighter, and the occasional flick of her head couldn't get her sweat-drenched mane out of her stinging eyes.

One last hill. Dread was her fuel as fear whittled her down, but nothing could stop her sprint: not Nightmare Moon, not Discord, not even -

A stray pebble sent Twilight face-first onto Sugarcube Corner's concrete porch. It would take just a bit more magic than she could currently conjure to set the teeth back into her gums properly, but the healing spell was one of reflex; it was already underway before the pain had registered.

Twilight's breath rattled in her throat as she tried to lift herself. Her forelegs wobbled beneath the immense weight of her chest, and gave. The taste of copper was all she knew as blackness consumed her vision.

Comments

[Mo-go]

A little story I plotted out roundabout November, I think, but never got around to turning into a legitimate story. Found out that it's going to be put so brutally out of place by an upcoming episode that I gave up on it for a while. I've now decided to see if I can get it completely written before the episode is aired.

So, this is new for me. I haven't published any of my work in... a longer stretch of time than I'd care to think. It's been a while since I've written any larger, cohesive works, too. And there's the added stress of a rapidly approaching deadline. I've decided to forego the usual amount of time I spend editing and rewriting (Indefinitely), in favor of hopes for some feedback. I really, really need feedback.

I've rewritten this chapter at least thrice, now, and it's never quite jibed with me. Trying to stay dry as I can, but it's a bit darker than I'd meant it to be because of that. Given the sopping narration I'd started with, I'm okay with being a bit dark.

Hope it's not too painful.

[Little Solarflare]

The story is good, but it seems a little rushed.

[Mo-go]

371929
Many thanks for commenting!

I was worried about that. Anything in particular that you feel I should expand upon, or is it just too short a chapter?

[Capriccio]

Peachy Pie approves.

images.wikia.com/mlp/images/d/d9/PeachyPie.png

Got my attention, and a track.

[Little Solarflare]

Chapter is fine, just read over some sentences, they could be improved to make the story flow s little more smoothly

Otherwise keep up the good work!

[Mo-go]

372733
I take it that's just the fanon name for the filly? I might have to use her, didn't know about her until now. And wook at her widdoe wo-wo bwades!
Thank you!

375562
I don't mean to press you, but if there's anything that stuck out as rough I'd be more than grateful if you would point it out. I'm awful at seeing that sort of flaw in my own stuff, especially when it's still pretty fresh.
Thanks again.

[Capriccio]

375702

It's actually her canon name, from the Talent Show episode.

[Mo-go]

375898
... Well, crap. That may cause some confusion.
I'd not remembered that scene. Hopefully no one else does.

[Starlitomega]

What makes this even stranger is that one of the blind bags is named Peachy Pie too, but that's neither here nor there really. I like how the story is shaping up thus far though i'm not exactly sure how dark you plan to make it in the future.

If i have to pick anything to fuss about it's that you have a few too many passive sentences in your story. If at all possible, try to make everything you type that isn't dialogue an active sentence and as concise as possible.

Example:
Attending one of the carts was Applejack, proudly selling the literal fruits of her family's efforts on Sweet Apple Acres. There was rarely a slow sales day for Applejack, and today certainly wasn't one of them.

Applejack tended To her stand proudly selling the literal fruits of her family's labor at Sweet Apple Acres. Slow days were rare for the blonde pony's stall and today proved no different.

In this instance we lose a few unnecessary words, drop those nasty was and wasn't words, we avoid using Applejack twice in such close proximity, and we get to change "today certainly wasn't one of them." to "today proved no different." but we could also elect to use a more exotic word. "today proved no exception."

The more you play with it, the more you'll find it comes easier to you, but the one thing you should do is keep writing and reading. If you want to see what NOT to do, just read my oldest story. So much fail written into so many pages. I think the only reason i keep it up there is a reminder of how bad my writing was and still is at times.

Anyway, I'll be keeping my eye on this one.

Starlitomega/Starlitalpha

[Mo-go]

I'm so blasted tired right now. I've failed utterly. I thought I had until the twenty-ninth for the new episode to air, and all of this past week made certain that even then, finishing this would be a feat. I had no time for ponies until this morning, and a quick skim of EQD alerted me to the fact that the episode's left this story's entire punchline in tatters. I've not even seen it yet!

I'm torn as to whether I should even attempt to see this the rest of the way through. I've worked long enough on the next chapter that I'm almost pleased with it, and I really did like the concept the story revolved around, but now that a certain character has been revealed to be what it is in Canon... the joke just isn't as special.

Considering that only the blasted intro has been posted makes this seem like a whole lot of drama over a shallow story. Maybe it is. But I can't quite describe the feeling of having everything that's slowly been building itself in my mind over the last half-year being swept out from under me

[Mo-go]

453422
Thank you so much for your comment. I'm more than grateful for your time; sorry I hadn't read it until now.

Not so strange a thing, in fact: The name of the character and the cutie mark image are from that very blindbag toy.
The story's content was not meant to so much as flirt with anything truly grim; its tone, however, was meant to build itself into something more and more oppressive, and I didn't want people to expect everything to be light and goofy. Perhaps I should've rethought the tags.

Bless you a billion times for bringing that flaw in my style to light. It's exactly the sort of thing my lack of proper, formal education in writing has left me blind to. I'll not be forgetting this. I owe you.

And don't dare be ashamed of your earlier stuff! ApplePie was cute for what it was, even for all its faults. You've exploded past it in the last few months; I encourage you to try seeing that story as the meter of how far you've progressed in so short a time, not as a failure.

[Starlitomega]

492177
Given your earlier comments, i can only assume that this is your only story underway at the moment. If this is true you need to rectify that immediately by starting more stories. No matter your vocation or hobby, sleep is death. Its always a good idea to have another story to fall back on when one story frustrates you.

Worst case scenario, when you get stuck on a story, go back to an earlier point in the story and either put the section in another pony's hooves, or add another pony and make them play off each other. Most of not all of my stories are making two ponies talk to each other and see what they do.

Thank you for your kind words on apple-pie. It was the first story i posted where i saw any inkling of potential in myself. I don't pretend to have all the answers, but if you'd like to, feel free to send any new stuff to me and i'd be happy to pre-read for you. I'll mostly be looking continuity, character flaws and passive sentences though. I'm still struggling with punctuation in regards to quotations myself so you may want to rely on someone else or yourself for that.

Whatever you do, don't give up on writing.
Starlitomega