• Member Since 24th Mar, 2013
  • offline last seen Dec 6th, 2016

fishii10


Xbox/Steam fan. Rarity is best mane six.

E

After a minor flaw in an experiment, carnage occurs in Ponyville as Rainbow Dash becomes a lethal goddess.

This is an entry for the Writer's Training Grounds #010. I used the last topic since I haven't seen It Ain't Easy Being Breezies yet.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 7 )

After a minor flaw in an experiment, carnage occurs in Ponyville as Rainbow Dash becomes a lethal goddess.

i.imgur.com/9HY53al.gif

4047457 What else would you expect from a fic written for a dare? Did you even read it?

So I've failed you all this time round. Sorry to waste your time with this, I thought it'd be a laugh to write. :ajsleepy: Maybe I'll have better luck with the next writing prompt. Seems as though my OC somehow curses everything I write, so from here on out I'll just stick to canon characters.

I thought the tiny bit of shipping between the OC and Pinkie was wonderful, but everything else was trying too hard or was not given enough attention. With more effort, this could have been really good.

The basic premise doesn't strike me as that awkward or hard to do. If you ever revised it, with more thought put into it, I think it could be much better. :derpytongue2:

Oddly enough, the Pinkie x OC shipping was my favorite part.
Huh, that's weird.

I kind of like the premise, though. One thing - we could have really used a little more description of the Goddess Rainbow Dash when she first appeared. For example, I had no idea how big she was supposed to be.

As for my biggest complaint: well, let me use some quotes from the story.

I fell onto my back in shock, struggling to get up off my hooves.

Humans are probably too much for even the Wonderbolts to carry while flying.

OK, even though I decided to overlook the inclusion of a nameless main character OC, my brain still had a problem with not knowing whether OC was pony or human. Or whether they just spontaneously changed every once in a while.

Wow. I've really left this one alone a while. Stuff I've taken from it:
-Shipping's a yay. That's good, 'cause I'm just about to upload another fic, and this time it's shippy. :pinkiehappy:
-Logic's a neigh. My excuse is that this was written in a day or two for a complete dare, but I really might consider rewriting this in the coming months.:twilightblush:Maybe by September?
Thanks for the feedback, and I apologise for those whose time I wasted with complete cringiness. I'll do better next time, I promise:fluttercry:.

Login or register to comment