• Member Since 22nd Mar, 2012
  • offline last seen Apr 24th, 2012

DuhBankz


E
Source

Recent reports from the very edges of Equestria has told of absolute chaos approaching from the south. Ponyville is caught in the middle of the trouble and Twilight Sparkle is requested by Celestia herself to stop it before it goes out of hand.

Chapters (4)
Comments ( 9 )

I don't understand why the ursa major is such a major occurance. They've obviously been around a long time, and ponies must have dealt with them before, and not have shut down civilization. Intriguing, I'll see where this is going.

I don't understand why your ratio of likes to dislikes is so low. This story shows great potential, and it deserves a higher rating than this. Well written, a few grammatical things to twitch over, but nothing major.

405672 It is my first fic so I expected the low rating. But thanks for your feedback :twilightsmile:

406847 Thanks to that comparison you've helped me fix something :twilightsmile:
The ponies are quite small to the Ursa, but not nearly that small, when i wrote "the clouds hanging hiding it's head" I meant to make them seem as if they were quite low clouds. Thanks for this :raritywink:

Hmm... I like this story alot, but it just seems a hint rushed to me. For a first fic it's fantastic, but if it were to be expanded upon or redone after it was completed and the depth was increased (like twilight reflecting on spike while she's in everfree, more explanation to events, different PoVs, etc.) then it would probably come off a bit more polished.

Other than that? this is a nice piece of work.

Login or register to comment