We're not your parents anymore

by Warampharos

Mom, dad, why?

A friend.

Discord, after the chaos he provoked, after the disharmony he caused between the Mane 6, made a friend, Fluttershy.
And he promised he would use his magic only for (mostly for) good purposes.

Some days had passed after that event, which changed his life; Discord was helping the Princesses with Equestrian management. He thought about his family, that it was a lot after he got the "Spirit of Chaos" reputation from their parents. So he decided to take the day off: he went to the throne room, where Celestia used to work.

"Celestia?" Discord asked, "Can I have the day off?"

"Of course, Discord. I saw your hard work. By the way, why do you want the day off?"

"Well, it's because I want to visit my parents. It's been a while since I haven't seen them"

"Ok, you can go" said Celestia, Discord snapped his finger, instantaneously teleporting himself to his home. It was a very big palace set in the Void. The house was being levitated due to the absence of gravity. There were dotted bushes, flying sandwiches and a honey pond. After going through the main garden (which was made of playing cards), he rang the bell, which made a donkey noise:

"HI-HOOOOOOO" and a being, half shark and half snake, opened the door

"Oh, it's you, Young Discord"

"Yes, George. Are my parent’s home?"

"Yes, I'll call them. Meanwhile, enter the house, if you please" Discord walked into the house. It felt very weird, even weirder than Chaosville. (That’s what Discord called Ponyville when he turned it into a Nuthouse) which was because of his parents' effort. Then, in the main hall, a pair of draconequus, with a similar look to Discord, greeted happily him: they were Jumble and Malice.
Malice hugged her son "Discord, my little darling"

"Hi, Mom. It's been a long...time since we have seen each other." said Discord, who was embarrassed from the situation.
Jumble said "How is my big champ?"

"Very well, dad, thanks" Discord replied, satisfied by his dad's compliment. Then, a flying slice of pizza went towards Discord, and licked him; it was Bob, their pet.

"Hey, Bob," Discord laughed when Bob greeted him "how is my favorite pet in the world?" he started petting it. Discord continued playing with the slice of pizza.

"Who is? Who is?"

"Arf arf"

"Yes, it's you, it's you"

"Come here, Bob" they went to the kitchen, where the waiter was cooking some delicious food. Meanwhile, Discordium and Discord started talking.

"So, what did you do now?"

"Well, I spread Chaos. As usual"

"That's my boy," Jumble said proudly “And tell me what was the most chaotic thing that you've done. Try to beat mine, did you remember mine?"

“I don't remember it"

"Well okay…hmm” he was remembering “Ah yes! I was walking home, and I saw a tree, I don't know why but I really liked it. I was also reading a comic about fighting. It was called "Pony Ball Z", it’s also famous today. So I decided to transform the tree into a warrior. I snapped my fingers and the tree started moving. But I thought “This tree isn't complete.” and I snapped my fingers again, and I gave it a battle suit. Oh, and a scouter. Then I said, pointing at a rock “What does your scouter say about that rock's power level?!” The tree smashed its scouter, crying “It's over 9000” and then it exploded"

"Wow"

"You know," Jumble sneaked "this magic that I used let me meet your mother"

"Oh, sweetie," Malice continued "That’s magic trick that your father used to make me fall in love with him" she said, kissing Discordium on the cheek.

"Wow, I don't believe I've done something weirder than that”

"Anyway," Jumble said, "Did something else happen to you?" he laughed "like...getting a girlfriend?"

"No, but I‘ve made friends"

"Oh, and do you still spread chaos?"

"Well, not anymore" Silence in the room. Discordia's food blocked in the throat, making her coughing. Then laughed again

"AHAHAHAHA. Good joke, son. I know you were joking just from the beginning"

"No, dad I'm never been so serious. And I'm never spread chaos anymore…"

"Son" Malice said with a choked voice "Tell me this is a nightmare"

"No, mom" and Discord became even more serious "This is reality" Discordium became serious

"Son, you know our family exists to spread chaos everywhere… Look, your grandpa was a Chaos Spirit, your mother was a Chaos Spirit, I was a Chaos Spirit. Now you tell me that you don’t want to be a Chaos Spirit! Why?!"

"Because I've decided to have friends instead of doing my mission"

"Son, it's your destiny: you can't deny your destiny"

Discord started to get angry "OF COURCE I CAN!!!”

"ENOUGH.” Discord's dad proclaimed, “I DON’T WANT A SON WHO REFUSES HIS DESTINY!!!" when his dad finished that statement Discord's literally heart ripped into pieces: Jumble didn't want him as a son.. "Get out my house... NOW!! And don't your not welcome here anymore, and don’t even call this your home”

"But..."

"NO". Seems your pet Bob is more apt than you"

"But, dad, it's only a slice of pizza…” Discord then glanced to his mom, “Mom, say something" But Malice remained silent.
Discord knew he wasn’t welcomed here. He started walking away slowly towards the door. He was walking away his house; he was officially out of the Draconequus family. After he passed through the door, he started crying deeply.

A friend…

The start of a friendship,
But the end of a relationship.

Comments

[Clocklike]

Discordia and Discordio

[Jet Lignite]

Sequel?

[Mr Marshmallow]

Another chapter where the mane 6 find discord crying and go to talk to them?

[Warampharos]

4010817
4010984
Oh freaking yep

[General Winter]

"Destiny"? And since when chaos cared about "destiny" - and all predictibility with it?

Nice story!

[ssssssssssssss]

DAT dragon ball z refrenece

[Warampharos]

4012580 I mean, there are over 9000 Dbz references in Internet

[ssssssssssssss]

4014690
Lol its not so "PUNNY" anymore!
That was terrible, smile.
I know.

[Strythio]

I have come to dislike this story, and would like to explain why.

Let me start off with the things that I did like. I liked the story direction; you set it up as a casual visit and ended with a more sombering retreat. Additionally, the parallel between the usages of "A friend" at the beginning and the end were rather clever, and added a level of depth. "Got what you wanted, lost what you had" kind of lesson there.

Also, I actually do understand what ultimately happened here. Discord pays a visit to his family, and things don't quite go as planned.

Now, towards the elements that made me dislike the story.

The writing is obstructive to enjoyment. With the way it is written, I had to constantly stop reading just to restructure some of the phrasing in my head. The main issue with the dialogue is that, while excessive "he said" statements can be bad, you also don't want floating dialogue.

For the most part, you didn't leave much dialogue hanging, but the conversation with the "dog" and Discord's brief talk with Celestia were the examples of cringing bits that really needed something attached in order for there to be more of a feeling to them. Not to mention Discord's revelation to his family and their reactions tended to have some dialogue bits where you didn't know who the speaker was until Discord responded.

You used roughly 1K words for this story when the limit was 3K for the Everfree Northwest Writing Comp. The fact that you went far under the world limit and had such little imagery and description of specific emotions and situations grated me to the point in which I could not just stay neutral on the matter. Just one example of a scene you could have improved (to increase impact) by using more description:

"ENOUGH.” Discord's dad proclaimed, “I DON’T WANT A SON WHO REFUSES HIS DESTINY!!!" when his dad finished that statement Discord's literally heart ripped into pieces: Jumble didn't want him as a son.. "Get out my house... NOW!! And don't your not welcome here anymore, and don’t even call this your home”

That paragraph alone could have been stretched to include any actions that Discord's father performed while saying these words. A claw pointed to the door, an angry expression, a swift rising from the chair, maybe a snap of firework, anything that could have better painted the scene here.

Discord's reaction even could have been described. His body posture could have sank, his straight face could have a stretching frown, a pain in his chest as fiery as a burning cannon could have described his heart breaking in a much less blatant way.

"Discordia and Discordium". They had the importance to be named but not tagged? After a re-read I assume that they were the waiters/servants, but I do not even recall Discordia getting a designation.

Really, the story itself is not bad, but it is poorly written imho. It feels like a rough draft of sorts that the writer did not bother reading aloud to themselves before submitting.

[Warampharos]

4142848 Thanks for the advice. I'll count it