The Return of Rainbow Shimmer

by JasmineRebeckah

Canterlot High

Rainbow woke up in a world she'd never seen before. And she saw familiar figures...her friends, standing on two legs. They also looked very different.

"How did you do that, Rainbow? You were with us back there, now here!" asked someone she didn't know. Golden hair with red highlights...it seemed so familiar.
"Who are you?" Rainbow asked in reply.
"You don't know?" the golden-haired girl asked, surprised.
"Honest!" Rainbow exclaimed. "I'm Rainbow Dash, Equestria's Princess of the Sky. And you?"
"You came from Equestria?" the figure that looked like Pinkie asked.
"Yes, I'm a princess there." Rainbow replied.
"I'm Sunset Shimmer," the golden-haired girl replied. "This is Applejack, Rarity, Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie."
"Awesome. I'm here to get Rainbow Shimmer back! That jerk stole an Element of Harmony from my world. And she imprisoned my home!" Rainbow stood up, but fell down. "Woah!"
"Yeah, the walking took Twilight a while too," Fluttershy quietly said.
"Where do we start?" asks Rainbow Dash.
"The cafeteria. I saw her head that way, " Sunset Shimmer replied.
They all waked into the school. They saw Rainbow Shimmer, who ran off. They ran after her. They were in front of the portal.
"Well well well!" Rainbow Shimmer said. "Unless you let me keep your crown, this portal home will be destroyed."
"Never!" Rainbow Dash grabbed the hammer from Rainbow Shimmer. She threw it tithe ground. Rarity ran behind Rainbow Shimmer and grabbed the tiara.
Rainbow Shimmer then picked up the broken hammer. She was mad.
"Why didn't they accept me?" asked Rainbow Shimmer.
"You showed them up." Rainbow Dash replied. "All the time."
" The magic of friendship really is awesome. I'm starting to see that now." Rainbow Shimmer exclaimed.
"Yes. It is magical." Rainbow Dash replied. "Why don't you stay here? They can teach you." Rainbow Shimmer handed over Rainbow Dash's crown and moved out of the way.
"Bye!" Everyone called to Rainbow Dash, waving. She stepped though the portal once more.

Comments

[FicusCat]

derpicdn.net/img/view/2012/12/27/194459__safe_rarity_image+macro_reaction+image_wtf.png

The pacing of the story is way too FAST. Too many things happen without any détails or descriptions, any confrontation is resolved right away. You even managed to resolve the whole EG in 300 words without describing anything or building any character interractions.

And the plot is ridiculous and full of holes, you don't describe anything, there is no struggles and no characters interractions at all in the whole story.

[Armalite]

Kill me.

[AceCombat101fan]

I like your story.  Why does it have down votes?

[TheSunnyPony]

Um... pardon, but... the fic could have had more pacing. It was a bit too fast.... If that's OK with you.

[null_name5656]

4336219 ...I miss assertive Fluttershy sometimes.

[HelloMilky]

I have read this story.

pinkie.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw10502-