MandaloreDash
Joined 19th Feb, 2013 ·
Offline
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- DontWakeTheNeighbour · 61k words · 510 35 · 11k views
- IAmNotSmartest · 30k words · 388 15 · 7.6k views
- DoktorSigma · 69k words · 3,457 265 · 39k views
- KillerSteel · 19k words · 53 3 · 1.4k views
- SlayGuy295 · 18k words · 50 4 · 1.2k views
- Dusk Melody · 1.6k words · 70 8 · 1.8k views
- unleashedtwilight · 6.8k words · 57 12 · 3.5k views
- Doctah WAAwee · 8.2k words · 330 47 · 5k views
Featured In3
Human in Equestria17,080 stories ·16,885 members
- Fighters for The Right to Publish Stories Involving Characters of the Species Homo Sapiens and Against the Unequal Treatment of Fimfiction Users Through The Introduction of Gold Accounts and Against Any Other Changes To Fimfiction.net Made by Poultron1,230 stories ·467 members
*S*M*L3,427 stories ·13 members
Stats
Page generated in 0.131 seconds
Total duration
981 users online
1,419,683 hits today, 1,887,535 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Might wanna rephrase this part of the summary: "the real life implications of a man, with no parenting experience, assuming responsibility for the care and development of a child that is not his own."
Because all parents start out with no experience and the phrasing could be related to anyone seeking to adopt an infant. So you might wanna rephrase it to get the messege better across.
Hope that helps.
3867214 Thanks for catching that. I changed it to emphasize that he's also raising her alone, and in secret.
What'd you think of the rest of the fic?
no
3867317 Well, you put me on your watchlist, so I must have elicited some kind of "yes" from you.
3867330
i1.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/007/447/hello-yes-this-is-dog.png
What's that? Oh yea it's literally My Little Dashie in diary format, it's well written though
How the hell does salad get cold? It's already cold, who heats up their salad!
Fluttershy is going to kill RD when she gets back.
3871477 "What's that? Oh yea it's literally My Little Dashie in diary format"
Actually, it's a darker retooling of the story intended to point out and deconstruct its flaws. The actual plot diverges wildly from the original, and has a much more disturbing tone.
3871563 it has the same basic premise of a depressed guy finding Rainbow Dash on the road. That's why you have so many dislikes
3871577 You are probably right, but I'd say it's hardly my fault that people don't read the description and end up mistaking a deconstruction for a rip-off.
Imagine if people thought that Spec-Ops: The Line was a Call of Duty rip-off.
3871593 Well spec ops is a third person game and call of duty is a first person game.
As for your story, it might have been better just to have changed the pony to another member of the mane 6
3871629 I considered that at length, but one of the biggest points I wanted to make was that RD actually has personality, and a far less subtle one than any other mane 6 member.
A great many of the points I'm making here could only really be accomplished with Rainbow as the protagonist, especially when you get to some of the more ridiculous leaps in logic that the original perpetrates.
So, I was left with a choice between choosing another pony to lure in MLD fans with the idea of a spin-off, or going with the idea that both stories start at the same point in time, but diverge wildly as time goes on, and I felt that the latter allowed me to convey a stronger message.
3871669 Ah well expect a lot of dislikes just from people who think your ripping it off
3871692 I expect there are also a few dislikes in there from MLD fans who don't like the idea of the story being critiqued or deconstructed, but I'm not intimidated by the idea of polarizing reception as long as there's still a few people who get the point.
EDIT: Actually... maybe a change in title would help get the point across.
While I appreciate the effort (if anything, MLD definitely needs some good old deconstruction), so far, it kind of undershoots what could be a truly remarkable "answer" to the original. Then again, I'll hold back my criticism until we get far enough in this story...
One thing I will applaud you for is giving the guy an actual personal life, instead of just the wall of text saying: "THIS PLACE IS SO MISERABLE AND SO IS MY LIFE PONIES ARE ALL I HAVE LEFT"
3892598 Ha! Trust me, the shit's gonna hit the fan before long. We're still only 4k words in, and on the first year.
I have plans... Oh boy, do I have plans...
I don't see it as a deconstruction. When I read this a little I felt like I was reading a re-telling of My Little Dashie. Honestly, if you really deconstructed it the story would look like a comedy.
3893172 Well, I hate to be the guy who E-warriors for his own story, but even this early in it's already digging into the characters' personalities and backstories.
For instance, the original tried to paint Rainbow Dash as being submissive and just doing whatever the human told her. I've already pointed out in my story that Rainbow is far too hot-headed and independent to just take everything lying down, and in a bit, I'll be getting even deeper into the issue.
I've also established that the human character would obviously have a professional and social life, instead of simply existing in the pony-sized vacuum that MLD put him in, and I've even given him some more... unnerving traits that will play a big part in events to come.
Though, you're right about how it hasn't diverged too majorly from the core subject just yet. I'm going for a structure similar to that seen in Evangelion. So, the story is going to start off almost normal, but by the end, it will be nearly unrecognizable.
So, I ask that you be patient, and perhaps look just a tad more critically at the characters and their actions, as compared to the original.
And, if you don't mind light spoils, even I was pretty unnerved at the chapter I just wrote.
It's coming out in a couple days, and I have no doubt that it will answer more than a few of your concerns.
3893485
Hideaki Anno said that it was hard to properly insert Mari in Rebuild of Evangelion because Evangelion is a really structured show. The accelerating complexity of the story as the episodes go by may make it seem unrecognizable to many, but the fact that Episode 25 and 26 have been found that it can to parallel to End of Evangelion in a way shows that it's still part of a deliberate structure.
3893570 You mistake my meaning.
I mean unrecognizable in that things change so much over the course of the plotline that you might not even see the beginning and end as being a part of the same story.
The Asuka we saw early in the series is not the same Asuka we saw at the end, which is what I'm going for with my character progression as well, especially in the case of Rainbow Dash.
This guy is a complete idiot. It's quite an accurate portrayal.
3924149 Heh... Being an idiot is actually the least of our dear human protagonist's problems.
I think we're already past the point where shit gets real, but would you believe me if I said it gets real-er?
I'd just like to point out that ponies have hair not fur, it's a minor distinction, but significantly more important, say for people with dander allergies. Here and now you know!
Rainbow Dash eating meat? That just gives me the shivers...
Next chapter when :3
Hey, just a heads up about the comments:
Alot of them contain very valid criticism, but were written very early in the story's lifecycle. The story was only just finished today. I would ask you to make up your own mind by reading the whole thing before commenting or rating. If it's not your thing, that's cool. Just gimme a fair shake. :)
3950936
i don't know why. horses eat meat all the time.
11027231
Shit, I forgot this existed. Um, let's see, probably has something to do with cutsy ponies just suddenly and without warning scarfing down a rat whole. You know RD didn't cook the damned thing in the alley! She straight up went horsy on it.
11029169
i suppose that would be rather unnerving for most people, much like I've heard people be very disturbed from seeing a horse just lean down and chomp a baby chicken as it passes by.
And so dies hope, not with a bang, but a whimper.
I know it's likely you'll never read this, but on the off chance you do, know you have at least one fan of your work. I can see why this fic has so many downvotes - it's not what most people would come here to read. A lot of people are gonna feel called out. That said, in an ocean of escapism, you wrote a very somber story of realism. If nothing else, you deserve a thumbs-up for the bravery for forging your own story, conventions be damned.
11029915
I know you wrote this comment two years ago, but I only checked this page on a whim today. I no longer engage with the MLP fandom, but I still remember this story as a decidedly positive thing I contributed to it.
I've always been more interested in realism over pure, mindless escapism. I'm better able to empathize with characters when they feel like real people, and that was one of the key issues I had with MLD that caused me to write this. I wanted to show the hidden horror behind a situation like that, and hopefully make something with a deeper meaning behind it.
I'm particularly happy with how the dream chapter turned out. I feel like my symbolism was on point, and I managed to tell several stories in so few words.
Other times, I feel I was too explicit, and I could have left more unsaid, while still painting the necessary picture.
Since then, I tried to get other stories off the ground (including a really strange idea I had where Earth and Equestria merged... shortly before the Great Depression). None of them went very far, though, and I didn't feel comfortable posting them. They either weren't fleshed out enough as an idea, or were far too complicated and meandering for me to pull off.
At any rate, I'm glad to see this story is still reaching people, even if it's a very slow process. I wish more people had gotten the chance to read it while it was still relevant, but that's the nature of a saturated market. C'est la vie.
Thank you for your interest, and I hope you have a great day. If there's anything else you'd like to ask me, I'll be checking my messages here for the next few days.