The build up seemed kind of pointless, and overall seemed a little thin on detail.

3844349 It's the first storiy I've written, so i know ill get better the farther i go.

you really don't need to write fade out. Just use a page break or at the very least a double spaced paragraph. Like tinker strike said, this story is in dire need of some proper description as well as pacing. In just one 2700 word chapter you got the human into equestria, set up a party, got romantically involved with Dash, had sex ect ect. It all feels unbelievably rushed. Not to mention the grammar and spelling errors.

I'd recommend reading more humanXdash fic and gathering ideas before tackling one on your own.

Not going to lie I enjoyed this.