Tales of Discord

by Moelogroc

Chapter 5

Twilight carefully adds oil to her lantern, with only her horn light to see by. She giggles happily as she fills it up, lighting it with a quick cantrip. "Don't die on me like that, you pesky lamp! I have a book to read!" With that, she settles back in, reading and copying the ancient tome...

****

Discord sits on a couch, his arms crossed as he refuses to look at his companion. Amethyst Shine sits next to him, reading a book quietly. Discord suddenly sighs, pouting. "Uuuugh... I'm bored!"

Amy sighs, lowering her book. "You said I could have today off. Remember our agreement?"

Discord grumps, scowling at her. "I don't recall shaking on it. Besides. You cheated."

"I did not! You said I had to clean up all the seeds in town square, and I couldn't use my magic. You didn't say I couldn't lure wild birds in to eat it all."

Discord sighs, tearing out the last page of a book. It turns into a cartoonish heart and floats out the window. "I'm going for a walk."

Amy glares at Discord, looking at the last page of her book fly out the window. "We had a deal, Discord!"

He points a claw at her face, his breathing deep and heavy. "I am altering the deal. Pray I do not alter it further."

Amy merely looks at him in annoyance.

Discord rolls his eyes, taking off the black helmet. "That joke's ahead of our time anyway..."

With that, the pair head outside. In town, they can see many ponies traveling in pairs, eating lunch in pairs, or buying flowers in pairs. Discord picks at one ear, pulling a flower out of it. He pokes his paw into Amy's ear, causing a rat to jump out of a bouquet and startle a young mare about to take a bite from it.

Amy yelps at Discord's wet willy, glaring. "Discord!"

He feigns innocence, the flower tap dancing on his tail. "What? I told you, I'm bored! And what happens when I get bored? I make some fun!"

Amy sighs, shaking her head at Discord's antics. "You know, it's strange how quickly one can get accustomed to living with the literal personification of chaos, but after two weeks I already feel like we've been roommates for years."

Discord wasn't listening, instead standing on her head, now only six inches tall. The flower is nowhere in sight. "What's going on, anyway? There some special occasion I don't know about?"

"It's Hearts and Hooves Day. You know, the celebration of love?"

"Love?" Discord pauses to think, stroking his beard. With a snap and a flash, he reappears at normal size next to Amy, holding an actual heart and a pair of horseshoes. "What do organs and feet have to do with love? Whatever that is..."

"Where did you get those?!" Amy stares at the still-beating heart, turning a little green. She moves a forehoof to her mouth, noticing her horseshoes are missing. "Are those my shoes? Is that my heart?!"

Discord chuckles darkly, spinning his hands around each other, too quickly for Amy to see what he's doing. With an adorable squeak, he shows her a balloon dog, which barks happily as it floats away. "You didn't answer my question."

Amy look at her forehooves, her shoes back where they belong. She can feel her heart pound heavily in her chest, and pushes the whole incident to the back of her mind, in a folder marked "PTSD". It was a very full folder.

"W-well... It's just a phrase. It means we keep our loved ones in our hearts, metaphorically, and also in our hooves. As in, we embrace our lovers and family. It's a holiday, a day in the year specifically set aside to celebrate how great it is to love others and be loved in return. Naturally, we feel love all year round, but today is a day for us to focus that emotion, that deep, positive feeling, and to relish in it with special care."

Discord pauses, thoughtful. He holds up a jar of pickle relish, confused. "When did condiments come into the picture?"

"No!" Exasperated, Amy swats the jar away. "Look, on this day, everypony goes out, spends time with loved ones, and just basks in the warm emotion of love and care. Can't you feel it?"

Discord reaches out with his senses, tasting the air. It does taste sweet, and warm, and with a spicy undertone that promises to heat up later. "Oh my, yes. This. Is. Delicious! I can feel the raw emotion, and soak it all in!" He grins, a nasty, evil grin. "And I know just how to make it better."

"No, Discord, wait! Why ruin a good thing? Can't you just let these ponies enjoy one day without making something fall from the sky, or doing unspeakable things to somepony? Can't you just give it a rest? ...Please?"

Discord looks down at Amy, at her pleading with him. "Oh, alright. But only because I just remembered I did that trick last week. Don't want to get repetitive. On my honor, today shall be chaos-free."

Suddenly, there was a terribly loud noise.

"RAAAAWWWWWRRRR!"

Then, there was a terribly loud silence.

"..."

Everypony looked for the source of the noise, and as one, looked to Discord. Discord, on the other hand, looked toward the forest, where a large shape rises from the trees. The villagers follow his gaze, seeing a large, purple-coated, star-studded, saber-toothed bear.

There was panic in the streets as ponies fled in droves.

Amy glares at Discord, pointing furiously at the star-bear. "Chaos-free, huh? You liar!"

"It's not me this time! Honestly, an Ursa? So predictable, so boring, and too salty. I promised a chaos-free day, and I intend to deliver. And anyway, how often do I get to play the hero?" He stands tall, a patchwork cape of many colors attached to his shoulders, blowing dramatically in the wind. "Avanti!"

While the town panics, Discord teleports in front of the Ursa, arms akimbo. "And just what do you think you're doing?"

The Ursa looks at Discord, then lets out an ear-splitting roar. "RAAAAWWWWWRRRR!"

Discord is unfazed, and taps his foot in midair. "Don't give me that tone, Missy! Don't you know what today is? It's Hearts and Hooves Day!"

"RAWR?"

"I don't know, something about lovely loving lovers loving as only loving lovers love. I was confused too. But you know, I bet it'd be great for the economy. So many ponies buying things, making things, and tomorrow all the leftover product will be on sale! That's the key right there. Have your anniversary be a week after Heart's and Hooves Day, and get chocolate for half off the regular price!"

"R... RAW-RAWR?"

"What? You mean you don't know? Why, my dear, it's simply divine! Think of all you can do with it! Chocolate milk, chocolate bars, chocolate kisses, chocolate fondue, chocolate body spread, chocolate chips, even chocolate bunnies!"

"RAAAWR!"

"No, it's not actual bunnies encased in chocolate. Not yet, anyway... Good idea, though. I should try that! Wanna come?"

"DO I?!" The bear, now pony-sized and somehow capable of speech, dances happily in front of Discord.

"Excellent! We can have our first Heart's and Hooves Date! And I saw a couple of deer running away earlier. Up for some actual hearts and hooves? My treat."

"And we can still have chocolate bunnies?"

"Sure! Let's go!"

With that, the pair frolic off into the woods, and the official census states that rabbit population shrunk 42% that year. Discord got bored halfway through the date, and opened a portal underneath the Ursa. She was never heard from again. The Village enjoyed three whole weeks of peace while Discord was gone, and hoped he was gone for good.

Alas, he returned the next month in the guise of Cotton Candy, telling of a malicious rabbit creature that was stealing eggs, painting them bright colors, and hiding them in odd locations.

But really that was just me in disguise. And they bought it! They still do the whole egg thing! -Discord

****

Twilight's quill snaps in half, causing her to quit writing. With a flash of her horn, the brown feather quill is fixed, and she finishes copying the story, omitting Discord's addition. "Well, that's interesting. Hearts and Hooves Day has been around longer than I thought. But, I suppose love has always been around, so ponies would want to celebrate it. But Discord? I guess an Ursa would be a terrible first date, though!" She laughs at her joke, turning to the next story. She picks up her quill, straightening out the blue feathers as she sets it to begin writing again...

Author's Note:

It's been a while, and I'm a little rusty. I wanted to do something for Hearts and Hooves Day, and I've had Discord on the mind lately. Mainly after finding this. Discord and love mix together like water and something that doesn't mix well with water, so I hope you all enjoy. Partly inspired by a "30 Minute Ponies" prompt where Discord saves the day.

Comments

[FanOfMostEverything]

Twilight appears to be subtly going mad. And her magic is becoming ever so slightly transformative in ways she likely doesn't intend. This bodes ill. For her. I like crazy Twilight.

[Vicron]

Holy crap, I completely forgot about this one. Nice chapter by the way.

[The Warmaster]

Did I hear a star wars reference in there?
Discord's altering the deal, threatening to alter it further, sounds just like Vader and Lando When Lando betrayed Han. Good job, can't wait for more!

[Navydivea]

....More. O.O