Twilight seeks information about Discord, and goes to his statue to lok for answers.
Twilight Sparkle prides herself on her knowledge, but some things simply defy explanation. Seeking knowledge on her most mysterious of enemies, Discord, she turns to the one being she never thought to ask: Discord himself. When Discord directs her to a book detailing the time he ruled Equestria, will Twilight be able to resist reading it?
Twilight Sparkle walks through the Canterlot Statue Gardens, one statue in particular in mind. She finds the statue in the center of the hedge maze, with nopony else around. “Discord…” She approaches the Draconequus, the words of Princess Celestia coming to the forefront of her mind. “Discord is the mischievous spirit of disharmony. Before my sister and I stood up to him, he ruled Equestria in an eternal state of unrest and unhappiness.”
Twilight stands before the statue, looking into the mismatched stone eyes. “What were those times like? What did you do to those ponies so long ago? And why do none of my books talk about you?” She rears up on her hind legs, placing her front hooves on the statue. “Why are you so hard to find out about?”
How nice of you to ask, Twilight Sparkle.
Twilight steps back in surprise, falling over onto her back. “D-Discord!?” She stares at the statue, which remains motionless. “Calm down, Twilight. You’re just imagining things! That wasn’t him, he’s right there, encased in stone!” When nothing appears to contradict her claims, she sighs in relief, looking at the statue. Out of curiosity, she places a hoof on the statue, looking into its eyes. “Discord?”
Ah, there you are. That was rather rude of you, leaving me alone like that. And after wak-
Twilight drops her hoof, Discord’s voice cutting off as soon as she loses contact. “Oh no! I have to tell somepony! One of the Princesses, preferably! They’d know what to do!” She turns and gallops away from the statue, eyes wide with fear.
She teleports back to the statue, placing her hoof on it once more. “Alright, Discord. What do you want?”
Me? You’re the one with the questions, Twilight. I’m just the one with the answers.
“Answers? You can answer my questions?” Her eyes light up at the prospect of more knowledge, especially about Discord and his rule.
Yes, I can. But I won’t. Or rather, I will answer half of them.
“Only half? But I have so many!” She looks pleadingly at the statue, her eyes wide.
No, you had four. I'll answer two.
“What?! But I have more than four! I want to know everything!” She stamps her hoof against the ground.
You can’t always get what you want, dear Twilight. But if you try, sometimes, you just might find, you get what you need.
“Ugh… fine. My first question is-“
Ah ah ah, who said you get to choose the questions? I’ll only answer the ones I want to answer.
“But that’s not… oh, never mind. Fine, any information you can give me will help. As long as it’s reliable.” She sits down, keeping her hoof on Discord.
Twilight, would I lie to you? Well, yes. I would. But I won’t lie now. I’ll give you simple, straight answers. After all, you’re a simple and straight girl.
“I am not!” Twilight scowls at Discord.
Oh, fine. You’re not straight.
“Hey!”
ANYway… Your fourth question, “Why am I so hard to find about?”, is simple. Because Little Woona didn’t want anypony to find out about me. She began a massive cover-up operation to hide everything even remotely related to me. Which is sad, because I was in a lot of really good stories.
“Princess Luna? What about Celestia? Surely she would share her sister’s opinion?”
You don’t have a sister, do you? And don’t call me Shirley. As for Celestia, well, that answers your third question. “Why do none of your books talk about me?” Well, books can’t talk, silly. And as fr why I’m not in any of your books, it’s because you’re not looking in the right books.
“But, Princess Luna’s cover-up…” Twilight tilts her head in confusion.
Celestia kept a copy of a book for herself. She would later put it away in storage, because she didn’t read it, or something like that. I don’t know how her mind works. The point is, there is a book out there that tells all about my time in Equestria. Would you like to see it?
“A book? Yes, I would! Oh, please, show it to me!” Twilight hops up and down in excitement, unintentionally running her hoof up and down the statue’s stomach.
Oh, a little to the left… right there! Ah, that feels good…
Twilight sits down abruptly, her whole face turning beet red.
Aww… Now, the book. I don’t have it.
“You don’t? But… how can I read it if I don’t know where it is?” She looks at Discord in despair.
By going to where it is. I know where it is, even if I don’t have it. There is a section of the Royal Library, a section more off-limits than the Startwirl the Fuzzy section.
“Starswirl the Bearded.”
Whatever. You need a key to get in, and there’s only one copy of the key. Luckily, the monk who guards the room has it.
“A monk? Seriously?” Twilight narrows her eyes at Discord, doubting him.
Yes, seriously. Just get the key and open the door. The book is the only thing in there. You can read to your heart’s content. Oh, but lock the door behind you. It’s off-limits to all but the Princesses or the monks. So, you won’t be allowed to be there.
Twilight looks at Discord, weighing her options. She lowers her hoof, not wanting Discord to influence her decision. After a moment of thought, she puts her hoof on the statue again, a desperate gleam in her eye. “Okay. Where is this forbidden section?”
****
“Oh, hey Twilight! Anything I can help you with?” The Guard smiles at Twilight, who glances around nervously.
“Oh, yes, actually! I was just- hey, what’s that around your neck?” Twilight smiles widely, a little too widely for the Guard’s comfort.
“Huh? Oh, it’s just a necklace. A key-shaped necklace. What did you need?” The guard grins nervously, looking around. Nopony else is in sight.
“Oh, I was just looking for a copy of the ‘Alchemical Encyclopedia Vol. III’. Do you have one?” She looks at the Guard innocently, twiddling her hooves.
“Oh, uh, sure.” He looks at the directory behind him. “It should be in-“ He looks at the directory, his eyes becoming hearts. “I never realized how much I loved this piece of paper...” He doesn’t notice the key float off his neck, surrounded by a purple aura. “Oh, Dewey Decimal System. Our love was never meant to be!”
Twilight runs off with the key, finding the hidden passage Discord told her about. “The ‘Want-It, Need-It’ spell. Works every time!” She enters the vault, a small circular room with just enough room for her to lay down with her saddlebags beside her. She closes the door, locking it and sealing herself within the vault. She finds the hidden compartment in the wall, removing a leather-bound tome from within. “Alright, Discord! Let’s find out what you did so long ago…”
She places the book on the floor in front of her, and begins to read, her quill copying the words into a blank book she had brought with her.
In the earliest of days, in a time when Equestria was still young, Discord decided to walk amongst the ponies. He donned his guise of Cotton Candy, a brown Earth stallion with a poofy pink mane, and moved from place to place without being recognized. After eleven days and seven nights, Discord decided that life among ponies was even more boring than he could have anticipated.
"What can I do to make their lives more interesting?" he said to himself. At that same moment, a nearby yellow pegasus mare commented wistfully to herself, "The sounds of the birds are so beautiful. Oh, I wish I could make beautiful sounds like they do."
Discord silently agreed with her. She could not make the beautiful and inspired calls of birds. Her voice was soft and mundane. “Do you now, my dear? Perhaps we can make your wish come true. What is your name, young one?” Discord approached, his thoughts whirling through his head, as wisps of smoke trailed out his ears to float above his mane.
The mare gasped in surprise at her strange visitor, stammering a reply. “M-my name is M-M-Muse, s-sir!” She shrinks back, hiding her face behind her long pink mane.
Discord chuckles, placing a claw upon her head. The mare stares at the pony’s arm, wondering why he has an eagle’s claw. She looks from his limb to his face, surprised to find Discord inches away, in his true form. “You wish to sing like a bird? I can make that happen. Sing for me now, my dear Muse!” He tosses the mare into the air, snapping his fingers. She vanishes from sight, a soft scream of fright abruptly cut off. Discord dons a white toque, reaching up into a nearby tree and plucking a soft blue egg from a nest. He hums as he cracks the egg open, a fully formed pegasus falling from the tiny shell. Muse lands on her hooves, swaying drunkenly as she tries to focus her eyes.
Discord sneers at her, reclining against thin air. “Well? I’m waiting. Sing for me!” Muse squeaks in fright, emitting a soft chirping sound, not unlike a bird. She gasps in surprise, her eyes wide as she turns to Discord. She opens her mouth to speak, but instead of words, the soft trilling of birdsong escapes her throat.
Discord hums and haws, opening Muse’s mouth to look at her throat. “A bit pitchy, and it lacked any real melody, but you’re off to a good start. I’m afraid I’m going to vote no, but get some practice in and come back next year.” He snaps his fingers, vanishing in a flash of light, leaving Muse alone and confused in the field.
Muse ran back to town, in her terror forgetting she could fly. She saw ponies working hard, tilling their fields or building homes. She stopped an Earth stallion, quickly telling him of her terrifying encounter with the Draconequus outside of town. The stallion looked on in amazement, smiling at her. “Hey, that’s pretty good! I’ve never heard a birdcall so realistic before!” He walks off, leaving Muse confused and worried.
Every attempt to tell her tale resulted in more birdsong, to the amazement of the villagers and the growing concern of Muse. Soon, she realized the futility of her actions, and returned to her cottage to sulk.
Other ponies came to Muse, asking her to teach them how to mimic birds like she did. But they left in annoyance after she refused to even speak to them, responding only with more birdsong. Villagers muttered to themselves when she came to town, telling of her boastful attitude and staunch refusal to speak to them. Even shopkeepers become annoyed with her, and denied her goods unless she speak to them like a normal pony. Finally, in despair, she fled to the fields, back to where it all began.
Muse lay in the field, her sobs as soft as a dove’s. She wished she could take back her words, that she had never met Discord.
“So, this is what it sounds like when the doves cry. I’ve been wondering about that for a while now.”
Muse looked up in surprise, and sees Discord floating lazily above her head.
“Of course, I could have just told your story to an actual dove. I’m sure that would make it cry. Tears of boredom. Is this how you repay me for my gift? It’s what you wanted, isn’t it?”
Muse stamped her hoof, glaring at Discord. She opened her mouth to yell at him, an angry raven’s caw coming forth instead. She fumes, pointing a hoof at her mouth.
Discord waves his paw dismissively. “Yes, yes. ‘This isn’t what I meant!’” Muse is shocked to hear her own voice come from Discord’s mouth. “‘I wanted to make beautiful sounds, like the birds do, not only speak in chirps and coos!’ But you must agree, this is just as fun, isn’t it?”
Muse stomps in anger, clucking like an angry chicken. Her face turns bright red as she stares at Discord in shock.
Discord laughs at the mare, shrugging. “Chickens are birds too! You make the sounds of birds that you find so beautiful! Would you prefer a different way of making beautiful sounds? One that all ponies can appreciate, that all ponies can participate in?”
Muse gasps, fluttering her wings. “Yes, I’d like that very much!” She gasps again, hearing her voice again. “Yay!”
“Consider it done, my dear.” Discord took hold of the petulant mare, ignoring her squeak of surprise and fright. “Let’s make something of you, shall we?”
“O-okay…” She cowers in fright at Discord’s manic grin.
Discord tore the mare to pieces, neatly separating her pieces into piles. From her tendons he made stings, which he used to make lutes, lyres, and fiddles. Her hair was used to create bows for the instruments. From her hide, he created a piece of leather, stretched tight over a wooden frame to make a drum. From her bones, hollow pegasus bones to aid in flight, he made flutes. He held a shimmering orb of energy, the same blue-green her eyes had been. “Isn’t this better? Now you can spread the beautiful sounds to all ponies, Muse. I shall call it… Music!”
Discord places a swizzle straw into the ball of ethereal energy, drinking it all. He smacks his lips, savoring the taste. “Mmm! Sweet, like you were in life!”
Once again donning his guise as Cotton Candy, Discord hauled a cart of instruments into town, freely distributing them to the curious town folk. “Come one, come all! Come and claim an instrument, to make Music with! Birdsong has nothing on this, folks!”
****
Twilight looks up from the book, horrified. Could it be true, that Discord created music from the body parts of a pony? Some of her friends were musicians. Pinkie Pie could play all kinds of instruments. Was she benefitting from Discord’s cruelty every time she heard Lyra play on her harp? “No, no it can’t be true! Don’t be ridiculous, Twilight! The book clearly mentions Equestria, and the Hearth’s Warming Eve pageant used trumpets to announce the rulers of the three nations, which came before Equestria! It’s just a story!” She nods to herself, satisfied at her logic. A small part of her brain points out that that wasn’t music, and that the story never mentioned trumpets, but she quashes those thoughts as she turns back to reading.
Discord walked through the village of the three races, observing the ponies as they lived. They had such simple lives, idly going about their business, with an almost sickening amount of order and routine. Discord pitied and despised these creatures, who had no concept of chaos, or the opportunities it could provide.
One house caught his attention, mainly because of a garden in front of it. It was a simple garden, it’s only outstanding feature being how untamed it was. The garden looked like it hadn’t been tended to in weeks, with weeds and insects running rampant, and the original contents could only be guessed at. Discord reached out with a hoof, literally plucking a villager from thin air. The cream-coated Earth mare seemed highly confused, staring at the odd-eyed pony who held her.
“Hello, my little pony. Tell me, who lives in this house, and why is their garden in such a state of chaos and mistreatment?”
“This is Harvest’s house, and she hasn’t been seen in weeks! Not since she went into the forest to help find a lost foal. She was the only one who didn’t come back.” The mare looks around nervously. “How did I get here?”
“Hmm… fascinating!” Discord tossed the mare over his left shoulder, causing her to vanish before hitting the ground. She would later find herself in her neighbor’s bed, write the whole experience off as a bad dream, and actually started a happy relationship with said neighbor in the months to come.
Discord went to explore this forest, and give this “Harvest” mare a stern talking to. For he was bored, and could think of nothing more fun than to torment a pony for getting lost in the woods. He walked along the paths for three days and seven nights, getting distracted by the many strange sights within the forest.
Eventually, he found something even he hadn’t expected. A pony, standing in the middle of a clearing, unmoving. As Discord approached, he noticed the pony was in fact made of stone. “Now, why would a pony turn into stone? That’s boring! There are plenty of other things to turn into that are more fun!” Suddenly, a cockatrice leapt from the bushes, fixing Discord with it’s terrible gaze. Discord stared at the creature in bemusement, revealing his true form, turning the beast into a marshmallow with a snap of his fingers.
“Case in point. Now at least you’re tasty.” The marshmallow squawked in fright, running off into the woods once more. Discord turned his attention back to the stone pony, giving her a curious glance. “Harvest, I presume? Well, you were once. You're a picture, just an image caught in time. We're a lie, you and I. We're words without a rhyme. You've been left on your own, like a rainbow in the dark.”
Discord cradled the mare’s face in his paw, running a claw along her forehead. “I wonder what thoughts lie in that stoned head of yours. Let’s take a look…” She pressed his forehead against the mare’s, his head sliding inside the statue without harming it.
Discord traveled through the Ether, into the Collective Unconscious, a realm where all dreams and thoughts are real, a realm all creatures share a connection to, and where magic is chaotic and strong. With his mind connected to Harvest’s he easily found her mind, idly dreaming her dreams. The mare, her mane a vibrant orange now that she was not made of stone, happily worked in her small garden, watering her vegetables. She seemed happy, living her simple life, free of concern.
Discord recoiled in surprise as Harvest’s garden abruptly burst into flames, but Harvest merely sighed, continuing to water the plants as they burned. When her watering can was empty, she steped back, tears forming in her eyes. She kicked the ground in frustration, looking at her garden. “It’s just not fair…” She turned to go inside her house, a sad piano tune playing from out of nowhere. After a minute, as the song dies away, the sun set, and then rose again, Harvest happily walking out of her house to water her garden.
Discord watched in amusement as the scene repeated itself, calmly walking behind the mare as she walked into her home. As she went to her couch, he placed a paw on her shoulder, a comforting gesture. “You try your best, but it’s not quite there. You’re a simple mare, living simple dreams.” Harvest turned in shock, but Discord was gone. His voice slowly faded out as he left her alone. “Time to step up your game, my dear. I’m taking you home, and you’re going to make something of yourself…”
Back in the clearing, Discord pulled his head out of Harvest’s, blowing onto her face. Her body turned from stone back to flesh and fur, Harvest gasping as she breathed again for the first time in weeks. She blinked in confusion at the mighty Draconequus before her, stepping back in terror. “What are you? And why have I seen you in my dreams?”
“Me? I am Discord! Spirit of Chaos! And I have plucked you from the realm of stone and slumber, to return you to your home! And to punish you for neglecting your garden.” Harvest squeaked in surprise as she felt a sharp smack across her backside, Discord’s long tail emerging from the ground behind her to deliver his “punishment”. “Now then. Shall we go home, young one?”
“What’s going on?” Harvest backed away, bumping her flank against a coffee table. She whirled around, staring at her home. She looked back, seeing Discord once more in the guise of Cotton Candy, sitting at her table.
“I emptied your fridge.” Discord munched on a carrot as Harvest’s empty icebox stood open behind him. “But that’s not important right now. Right now, we’re going to give you a new life. All you need to do is listen to me.”
“I'm dreaming. Nothing makes sense! I must be dreaming.” Harvest sat down, trying to make sense of things. Discord tsks disapprovingly, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. Harvest looks down, seeing Discord apparently growing out of her side.
“Nonsense! I just pulled you from the Dreamworld. You’re wide awake. Now, go enjoy your life. I have planted the seeds of the future outside. Take care of them. And don’t let me catch you neglecting your garden to go get stoned again.” Discord walks outside, leaving the carrot-topped mare alone in her home.
Harvest tried to return to her normal life, finding her garden exactly as she had left it. She found several identical gardens scattered throughout her yard. At first she was dismayed, fearing the return of the frightful beast should she fail to take care of these, but she found that when she did work on one garden, the results were duplicated in the others. With this newfound shortcut, she could deliver five times the produce for the same amount of work. With her newfound success she was secure for the rest of her life.
Unfortunately, her life would end two weeks later. The other villagers, curious as to how she could return so suddenly, and produce so much extra food, watched her carefully. When they saw her magic gardens, they decreed that she had returned from the forest after learning witchcraft. Fearing for their lives and homes, the villagers tied her to a pole in the town square, burning her to appease her foul masters, and to remove the taint of witchcraft from their town.
A certain brown stallion with a pink mane watched the flames climb high, the ashes of the mare floating through the air. “Well. That was unexpected.” Discord shrugged, feeling bored again.
****
Twilight stops reading, giving her eyes a chance to rest. “Even when you try to be good, you only produce evil, Discord. The Princess was right about you. These were terrible times.” She feels something tickle her nose, and sneezes, kicking up a cloud of dust. “Ugh! I guess nopony’s cleaned this place in a while!” She chuckles, rubbing some of the dust out of her eyes, turning the page to read the next story.
One evening in Equestria, Discord traveled through the village of the three races, and was delighted by what he saw. Chaos and revelry filled the air, for the carnival was in full swing, and the villagers welcomed the chance to break from the bonds of routine and simply cut loose. Discord laughed merrily, greatly amused by the ponies and their ability to surprise him. He distributed cotton candy to the villagers, some of which held chaotic surprises for the consumer. Discord basked in the glory of the carnival, feeding off the emotions and wild surges of energy in the air.
As he walked, he noticed a dark cloud over an Earth mare, visible only to him as he observed the emotions and magic in the air. Clearly, the blonde-maned mare was having problems, and her foul mood was bringing down the atmosphere. This annoyed Discord, for he didn’t like to mix his flavors. “Good feelings taste good, and so do negative emotions, but I simply cannot stand to have the two share a plate. I must either lift this one’s spirits, or bring down everypony else’s!” He took a minute to think about his choice, but decided not to spoil the bland, but spirited, chaos the ponies were spreading. He rose from the ground, walking next to the orange-coated mare.
“Greetings and warm peanuts to you, my dear! How are you enjoying the festivities?”
The mare shoved past him, not even looking at him. “I’m not! Now I’d appreciate if y’all’d leave me be. I’ve got things to take care of.” She trotted away from the frolicking festival-goers, while Discord rubbed his chin in thought. He stepped out from behind a tent, walking beside the mare.
“Perhaps I can be of service. You see, your foul mood is putting a damper on the fun, and if you don’t let me help, I’ll just have to run the fun for everypony.”
“Fine. See if I care. I’ve got too many problems to worry about some fancy carnival. You know how hard it is to be an apple farmer around here? This is grape territory, and Grape Vine’s gonna buy my farm!” The mare stamped a hoof in anger, looking into Discord’s red-and-yellow eyes beseechingly.
Discord got an idea, a way he could sow the seeds of chaos while simultaneously removing this mare’s anger from his emotional feast. “My dear, I think I have an answer to your problem. I think I can remove the source of your woes. If you’ll agree to my help.”
“Really? You’ll help me out? Why? What’s in it for you?” The mare is eager, but cautious.
Discord laughed, wrapping a forearm around the mare’s shoulders. The mare jumped as Discord shed his pony form to carry her to a secluded location. “I have a passion for solving problems. It fills me with glee to haul a pony out of the fire, and set things wrong what once went right. Now, I can help you, under a few specific conditions. First, tell me what’s going on.”
The mare looked around nervously, but saw nopony else around. The odd creature had pulled her out of the fire, alright, but had deposited her squarely into the frying pan. “Well, my name’s Appleseed. Round here, the fruit of choice is grapes, and that prissy purple pony, Grape Vine, owns the largest farm in town!”
“Technically, it’s called a vineyard.” Discord waggled a claw in front of Appleseed’s face, to her annoyance.
“My point being, she's the biggest grape provider around, and my apple farm’s struggling. Now, she wants to by my farm and kick me out, so she can grow more grapes! And I don’t have the kinda money I need to keep the place.” She hung her head, looking at Discord pleadingly. “Can you help me?”
Discord thought about this, a plan formulating. If the local economy depended on grapes, how fun would it be to suddenly replace them all with apples? The thought had him chuckling in anticipation. “I can help, if you agree to the following terms: You must do exactly as I tell you, when I tell you.”
“Alright…”
“You must see this through to the end. At no point can you back out or change your mind.”
“Understood.”
“And finally: You must step up and take control once this is all over. You’ll have a farm to run, after all.”
“That’s easy! I planned to do that anyway!” Appleseed spat on her hoof, offering it to Discord. “You got yourself a deal, mister!”
Discord grinned, grabbing her hoof with his eagle claw. “Yes… Are you ready? Let’s resolve this issue quickly and cleanly. I’m missing the festival!” The color seemed to fade from Discord, spreading from his claw onto Appleseed’s hoof. She stared in horror as Discord seemed to melt, wrapping around her body and being absorbed, laughing wickedly.
“Wait! This wasn’t part of the deal! What’re you doing?!” She fought, but found she couldn’t move her body. Discord’s claw was the last to be dissolved, and her eyes momentarily resembled his before returning to their natural color.
Appleseed laughs, tapping a hoof on the ground. “Of course it was. You do exactly as I tell you, when I tell you to. The easiest and by far most efficient way to ensure that, is to just take over your body. And you gave me permission, and agreed not to back out or change your mind. Time for you to mare up and fix this problem.” She runs to the village, working her way through the crowds.
It was about dusk when Appleseed finally found Grape Vine. The Earth mare was exceedingly purple. Her coat was a light plum color, her man a darker mulberry, and even her eyes were fuchsia. Appleseed clapped a hoof on Grape Vine’s shoulder, to which the mare responded with a warm greeting, as she had been drinking many of her grape beverages that night.
“Appleseed! So nice to see you here! And I thought you’d be packing your bags, ready to sell me your farm! You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to buy it!”
Appleseed chuckled as she led Grape Vine away from the stalls, chatting like old friends. “Oh, you’re gonna buy the farm alright. I just wanted to try one last time to keep my place on it. And you know what? I was searching through my old cellar, and I found this entire barrel of cider. I know you’re a wine drinker, but you haven’t lived ‘til you’ve tasted some of Grampa Scrumpy’s fine cider! What do you say we head over and break the ol’ girl open?”
“Appleseed, are you trying to convince me to grow apples again? You know nopony buys apples here. Grapes are the fruit of the land!” Grape Vine staggered as she gestured dramatically, giggling at her clumsiness.
“Course not, Vine! Just two friends, sharing a drink before one kicks the other off her land. Besides, there’s nothing new for you here, and I bet I could outdrink you any day.” Appleseed led Grape Vine to her farm, away from any witnesses. All of her workers had either left or gone into town for the festivities, so the two mares were the only ones around.
Grape Vine scoffed, staggering into Appleseed. “Are you offering a challenge? I can outdrink any pony in town! And I’ll prove it! Show me this promised cider, Applejack!”
Appleseed led Grape –
****
Twilight looks back, reading the page over again to make sure she had read that correctly. “Show me this promised cider, Appleseed!” Twilight rubs her eyes, using her magic to remove the words from the book she was writing, correcting her mistake.
“That’s weird. My eyes must be playing tricks on me.”
****
Appleseed led Grape Vine to a large wooden door, set into the middle of the field, surrounded by apple trees. “Right over here, Vine. This is the end of the line.”
Grape Vine blinked in confusion, staring at the door. “Why set a cellar in the middle of the field? Wouldn’t it make more sense to plant crops here?”
Discord ran his claw along Grape Vine’s chin, turning her head to look into her eyes. Grape Vine was initially confused, seeing Discord protruding out of Appleseed’s head. Discord chuckled, lifting Grape Vine into the air. “Oh, there will be trees here. We just needed the right fertilizer.” He tossed her into the air, snapping his fingers. A wine glass appeared in his hand, and he held it under the purple cloud hovering overhead. It filled with a dark liquid, which Discord drank gleefully. “Ah, a fine Amontillado. Almost seems fitting.”
He poked the cloud, causing it to rain red red wine over the field. The cloud slowly disappeared as it spilled it’s contents, leaving no trace of the purple mare. Discord tossed the wine glass away, retreating back inside Appleseed. She went to the barn, returning with a bag of apple seeds, which she spread over the clearing. Some of the seeds appeared to be made of gold, but Appleseed doesn’t notice them. “And with her gone, there’s nopony to buy your farm.”
Discord quietly retreated from Appleseed’s body, leaving her to finish seeding the field. “And wouldn’t you know it? She named her old friend Appleseed as the sole recipient of her vineyard and business. You’ll be the top fruit purveyor around here then. And apples will spread to all corners of Equestria! And my golden apples will travel with them, sowing chaos while I’m here, having fun.”
Appleseed paused, looking to Discord. “But, what if anypony asks about Grape Vine? What should I say?”
Discord put a finger to her lips, shushing her. “You know nothing. To the heart and mind, ignorance is kind. There’s no comfort in the truth. Pain is all you’ll find.” His eyes swirled with many colors, as did Appleseed’s, and she believed him. If she stayed quiet, she would live her life peacefully, and her family could grow apples and spread them to all corners of the map.
Discord patted Appleseed on the head, donning his guise of Cotton Candy once more. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ll be going. There’s so much fun to be had here!” He leaves Appleseed to her planting, anticipating the chaos to come.
****
Twilight finishes reading, rubbing her eyes again. “This book is starting to take it’s toll on me. But I can’t stop now! There are still so many more pages to go!” She hunkers back down, turning the page to continue reading.
Twilight settled in to read the next chapter of Discord’s book, lifting an eyebrow at some notes scrawled in the margin above the words.
Hello dear reader. Have you been enjoying the stories so far? Do my little tales amuse you? If not, then perhaps it will please you to know that this chapter is going to be a little different. You see, instead of using chaos to spice up one pony’s life this chapter, it tells how I made my grand appearance, making that “Village of the Three Races” into the stepping stone for taking my throne! Hope you enjoy. Love and kisses, Discord
Twilight scoffs, shaking her head. “’Love and kisses’? That’s not how you end a note, Discord.” She decides not to copy that note into her book, instead moving straight on to the story. Surely one little omission won’t hurt, right?
****
Discord floated through the air, doing a little spin of joy. He could feel his power growing, his influence spreading through the land. “It never gets old, does it? Spreading chaos and just having fun with life! My own life, and the lives of these ponies. It almost makes me want to… break into song…”
Look at this place! Isn’t it neat? Wouldn’t you think that my life is complete? Though I do tend to want so much more, more from things I play with.
I see this village, what does it hold? What opportunities could I unfold? Looking around here, you’d think,
“They’re all boring, predictable, orderly folk. They have routines, all the same, nothing fun.” You see a life? I see existence. It’s so dull. There’s no fun. I want more!
I want to spread some excitement ‘round here! I want to laugh, laugh at their misfortune! But these ponies are so… oh, what do they call it… tame.
I suppose being a spirit, I’m a spirited guy. Just looking for things that are fun, or entertaining. And yet, everything seems so… how to describe it… lame.
They’ve nowhere to hide, nowhere to run! But don’t worry, ponies, I’m just having fun! Wandering free, I’m going to see, chaos unfold.
How could I stare, at their lives, and then not help them? It just isn’t fair! It’s so dull and routine! I’ll shake up their day, spice it up, I say! Make things chaotic. Something to enjoy, a shiny new toy, for me to play with!
I am a lord who is sometimes bored. I have urges and need to fulfill them. After I’ve had my fun, I simply won’t… what’s the word… care.
It’s time for a change! Nopony will know, what I have planned for you all below! My legacy: You all will see, chaos unfold.
Discord snapped his fingers, disappearing in a burst of light. He reappeared in the center of town, holding a trumpet in his paw. He took a deep breath, blowing into the trumpet, producing a long, loud, and nasally kazoo sound. The ponies all found themselves physically dragged toward Discord, and when the sound of the kazoo-trumpet finally ended, every pony in town found themselves in a heap surrounding the draconequus.
“Greetings, ponies! It is I, your new lord and master, the Spirit of Chaos and Disharmony, the draconequus with the most-equus, DISCORD!” Two bursts of confetti exploded behind him, and the ponies stared in shock and confusion. Discord opened his eyes, looking at the villagers in annoyance. “Oh, come on! A little response, please? Even a scream of terror?”
A pink Earth mare with a flower in her mane screamed in terror, then fainted. Discord rolled his eyes, tossing the trumpet away. “Well, it’s a start.” He snapped his fingers, and the ponies all found themselves standing, while Discord was seated on a chair made of marshmallows.
A brown Earth stallion stepped forward, pointing a hoof at Discord. “Who are you, and where did you come from?”
Discord sighed in annoyance, facepalming. “Didn’t you hear my grand introduction? I’m not doing it again.” Twin beams of scarlet light burst from his eyes, striking the stallion. With a puff of smoke and the sound of a clock winding, a brown Earth colt now stood in the stallion’s place. “I’m Discord, and I’m taking over!” Dramatically lifting his claw, he telekinetically dragged a grey Pegasus out of the sky. A muffin landed in his claw, and nopony was sure exactly what happened to the mare.
“Any questions?” Discord bit the top of the muffin off, tossing the rest into a nearby field. When it hit the ground, it turned into a grey headstone, engraved with the words:
Here lies a grey Pegasus. A wonderful pony, but a terrible muffin. Seriously. She didn’t have blueberries or anything.
Seeing this, the ponies panicked, fleeing from the town square as quickly as possible. Discord snapped his fingers, randomly teleporting ponies to various parts of town, resulting in mass confusion and several collisions. “I’ll take that as a ‘No’, then!” He ducks as a large stallion flies overhead, propelled by something just out of sight. “Hey! That almost hit me!”
Discord’s marshmallow throne melts away, leaving him sitting casually in the air, one leg crossed over the other. The sticky mess flows over the fainted mare, picking her up and depositing her safely in her home. “Poor dear. And she was so kind, greeting me before anypony else did.” Discord animates all the flowers in her house to keep an eye on her while she sleeps, the sight of which would cause her to faint in terror all over again in ten minutes.
----
Ponies fleeing the town find themselves teleported right back inside, running back into town instead of out. One large mare gives up after the third try, grumpily sitting down and refusing to run anymore until she’s allowed to flee in a proper manner. “Oh, you’re no fun.” grumps Discord, crossing his arms and scowling at her. The mare sticks her nose in the air, declares “Hmmph!” and refuses to even look at the Lord of Chaos. Discord nods his approval, then hops off to find somepony else to torment.
----
A particularly confused lavender unicorn looks around at all the chaos, uncomprehending. Discord rows a kayak past her, stopping to tickle under her chin. “Keeping up with everything, my dear? The fun’s only getting started! There’s so much more to see! Join me!” He grabs the mare, putting her in a life vest and seating her in his kayak as he rows across the ground, gouging out a section of street. Discord turns his head to look at any unseeable viewers, an apologetic look on his face. “Sometimes reality ensues, folks. Deal with it.”
Everything goes black for a moment, the sounds of chaos and terror still sounding out. The lavender mare quivers in fright, while Discord comforts her with his words. “There, there. Just giving you a moment to rest, take in all you’ve seen. Here, let’s take a break. Just assume that more chaos is happening, though. Your poor mind just can’t handle it all.” He pats her head softly, grinning in a friendly way.
****
Twilight rubs her head, finding her mane slightly ruffled. She stops, shivers, and resumes reading.
****
“One week later, in a secret meeting place!”
Everypony in the room turns to look at the brown earth stallion questioningly, causing him to grin sheepishly and rub his head. He hides his face behind his poofy pink mane, waving a hoof to indicate the others continue.
The speaker of the group, a blue unicorn mare wearing a fancy purple suit, gives the stallion a withering glare before continuing. “…Right. Now, as I was saying, before Cotton so rudely interrupted me, the time to strike is now! The six of us are our village’s only hope! Our last breath! The final barrier against the tyranny of our manic, megalomaniacal invader! The-!”
“Thank you, we get it…” The leader of the group, a white-coated unicorn in shining steel armor interrupts. “This isn’t one of your court cases. You can spare us the theatrics, Consul.”
Legal Consul returns Silver Shield’s glare, but steps down anyway. “As you wish, Captain Shield.”
“Now, then. Amy, how certain are you that Discord will be resting today?” Silver Shield turns to a lavender unicorn mare (whom you may recognize from the kayak), holding her head high.
Amy (real name Amethyst Shine) nervously steps forward, clearing her throat. “Quite certain. Cotton Candy and I were there when he retreated into that cooking pot. We heard him say-“
“Ah, that was fun! Time for a quick nap! See you in a week, my little ponies!” Cotton Candy helpfully speaks up, finally done hiding behind his mane. The pink earth mare beside him stares suspiciously, unnerved by his uncanny impression of Discord.
The final member of the group, a sky-blue Pegasus with a mane comprised of six different shades of gray, swoops into the middle of the group, pounding one hoof against the other. “So let’s go! Now’s our only chance to strike, while he’s weakened from causing so much trouble these past few days!” He looks around at the others, daring one of them to challenge him.
“Agreed, Sergeant Storm Front. Now is when we strike!” Captain Shield steps forward, hefting the silver shield that is her namesake. “Everypony, grab your anti-chaos weapons! Notched Pickaxe, take us to the secret tunnel you’ve prepared!”
The pink mare salutes sharply, grabbing her enchanted pickaxe that is her namesake in her teeth. She lets out a muffled war cry, charging forward and bursting through the thin façade covering the tunnel.
Amethyst Shine blinks, staring after the crazed pink mare. “How did we not see her dig that?” Shrugging, she grabs her anti-chaos daggers in her telekinesis, charging after Notched Pickaxe. Captain Shield and Sergeant Storm Front follow, the later grabbing a warhammer that crackles with electricity. Legal Consul and Cotton Candy trail behind, the former equipping herself with a spray bottle of Liquid Order, the latter grabbing a white plate holding a sandwich. So armed, the Final Hope of the Village of the Three Races charges into battle!
Legal Consul gets three steps before tripping over a molehill, landing flat on her face. Cotton Candy tosses the plate at her, and she instinctively devourers the sandwich in five bites. “Feel better?” Cotton asks. “Yes… much!” Consul replies. “Good.” grins Cotton.
Cotton stamps a hoof onto Consul’s head, causing her to explode into a flurry of blue pixels. “YOUR HEAD A SPLODE” monotones Cotton, grabbing his plate and trotting after the others. A new sandwich spontaneously appears on the plate, and Cotton grins wickedly.
----
Notched Pickaxe bursts from the ground, landing on all four hooves and panting heavily. Digging the final hundred feet of tunnel at a 30 degree angle upwards was more tiring than she had anticipated when she took off running from the secret lair. She is standing in front of a cooking supply store; Amy, Captain Shield, and Sergeant Storm Front appear a few seconds later.
“Right! I’ll go in first! Luckily my shield will protect me.” Captain Shield approaches the door, which is knocked off it’s hinges by Storm Front’s hammer. At her glare, the pegasus jumps back, nodding. “Just clearing the way, ma’am.”
Captain Shield walks inside, a single cooking pot on a shelf in front of her. She raises her shield, yanking the lid off the pot with her telekinesis. “Your reign is at an end, Discord!” When nothing happens, she slowly lowers her shield, looking into the pot. “Wha? Empty?”
A lions paw suddenly erupts from the pot, grabbing Shield by her fabulous mane and hauling her inside the pot. She shrieks in terror as the lid slams back into place, knocking the pot to the floor. It hops around, loud clangs and bangs resonating from inside it as the others outside watch helplessly. After a moment, it sits perfectly still.
“Go touch it.” Cotton Candy prods Pickaxe forward, causing her to jump in surprise.
“I’m not gonna touch it, you touch it!” She prods Amy, pushing the unicorn forward.
“What?! No way, Sarge should touch it!” She prods Storm Front, pushing him closer to the store.
“Me?! This was your call, Amy, you touch it!” He hops behind her, pushing her forward.
“Yeah, but it was Cotton’s information that brought us here! He should touch it!” She runs over to Cotton, pushing him forward.
“Me? But it’s Discord’s pot, make him touch it!” He gets behind Discord, pushing him forward.
“Okay, I’ll touch it.” Discord says, going over to the pot. The remaining four ponies sigh in relief, watching in terrified anticipation as Discord looks over the pot. He lifts the lid, but nothing happens. All five sigh in relief, their terror vanishing in an instant. Storm Front suddenly looks up, anger, terror, and confusion all crossing his face.
“Wait.”
“Took you long enough.” Discord waves cheekily.
Screams of terror fill the shop as Amy and Cotton flee, Sarge and Pickaxe balking before the Mad God in front of them. Discord busts out laughing, slapping his knees in good humor. “Oh, this is just too good!”
His laughter is short lived, as he catches a hammer to the face. His eyes bug out as Sarge smacks him across the cheek with his hammer, staggering Discord. Sarge turns to Pickaxe, terror on his face. “Run!”
Discord grabs Storm Front in his eagle claw, the roof breaking away as he grows to giant size. Storm Front struggles feebly in Discord’s grip, dropping his hammer as he does. It impacts the ground with a comical *squeak*, but the humor is instantly ruined by Storm Front’s scream of fright. Discord shakes Storm Front viciously, stopping after a few moments and glaring at the stallion. Storm Front reels, dizzy from the ordeal.
Discord grabs a tiny inflatable hammer from behind his back, smacking Sarge in the face. It squeaks adorably, causing the pegasus to stare in confusion. “W… What?”
Discord lets go, making Storm Front fall. Before he can hit, Discord swings the hammer, now grown to giant size itself, striking Storm Front and sending him flying over the horizon. A brief twinkle in the sky marks the stallion’s departure, accompanied by a faint *ting* sound. “Home run!” Discord growls in satisfaction.
Pickaxe, meanwhile, had turned and ran, hiding behind a building. She pants heavily, bracing herself against the wall. Discord, back to regular size, floats around the street, calling out to her. “Pickaxe, come out to PLA-AY!” She digs under the dirt with her tool, replacing it above herself as she does. Safely tucked away beneath the dirt, she waits for Discord to leave. She gulps in panic when she hears his voice above her.
“That’ssss a nice hiding place you have there. It’d be a shame if something were to happen to it…” A soft hissing sound emanates from above, followed by a large explosion. Pickaxe remains unharmed, but so does Discord. “Found you!” he cries in delight, grabbing Pickaxe and lifting her up to look him in the eyes. She responds by embedding the pickaxe into his head, right between the eyes. “Eat anti-chaos, demon!”
Discord look at her bemusedly, then at the tool between his eyes. “Well. That’s annoying.” He plucks the tool out of his face, tossing it into the sky. Somewhere, in another dimension entirely, it lands in a rock on top of a mountain, awaiting some brave soul to reclaim it.
Notched Pickaxe grins sheepishly, staring the bemused spirit in the eyes. “Uh… sorry?” Discord cocks an eyebrow, then shrugs and lowers her to the ground. “Well, if you’re sorry, then I guess I can forgive you. Now run along.” He pats her backside, pushing her forward. She turns her head to look at him in confusion, tilting her head. “Really?”
“Yeah. Go on, off with you.” Giving her rump a light kick, he gets her walking. She walks away, breaking into a trot, then a full gallop as she runs away as fast as she can. Discord grins happily, watching her go. “She’s gonna turn out to be juuuust fine.”
----
Amy and Cotton catch their breath, their weapons forgotten and their hearts heavy. Amy looks at Cotton in despair, clutching her chest as she struggles to breathe. “Oh, Cotton! What’re we gonna do now?”
Cotton instantly recovers, grinning at the lavender mare. “Simple. We’re gonna play a little game.” He snaps his eagle talons, causing a broom to appear in front of Amy. He shifts seamlessly into Discord, patting Amethyst Shine on the head affectionately. “You were always my favorite, Amy. Those others were real jerks sometimes. You were a janitor before you joined that little ‘resistance group’, so why not take it up again? Here’s how the game works: I cause chaos, you try to clean it up! If you can fix things by the end of the day, I’ll take the next day off! Otherwise, we start again in the morning. Sound fun?”
Amy stutters, staring in shock. “B-b-b-but… What about Cotton?”
Discord waves a paw dismissively. “Oh, that was me all along. A simple trick for me to be in two places at once. Besides, it’s fun! Now come on! Let’s go play our game. Being a janitor’s not so bad! It could be worse: you could be a librarian.”
He turns to look at the unseeable viewers, grinning maliciously. “Yes, I mean you. You know who you are, Miss TS.” He leads Amethyst Shine away, the poor mare crying silently.
****
Twilight suddenly feels a shiver go down her spine, and a dark chuckle echo through the room. Her eyes itch from the dust, and she rubs them furiously. “Brr… this is starting to feel like a horror story… I wonder how it ends!” She eagerly turns the page, the light from her lantern reflecting off her red pupils…
Twilight carefully adds oil to her lantern, with only her horn light to see by. She giggles happily as she fills it up, lighting it with a quick cantrip. "Don't die on me like that, you pesky lamp! I have a book to read!" With that, she settles back in, reading and copying the ancient tome...
****
Discord sits on a couch, his arms crossed as he refuses to look at his companion. Amethyst Shine sits next to him, reading a book quietly. Discord suddenly sighs, pouting. "Uuuugh... I'm bored!"
Amy sighs, lowering her book. "You said I could have today off. Remember our agreement?"
Discord grumps, scowling at her. "I don't recall shaking on it. Besides. You cheated."
"I did not! You said I had to clean up all the seeds in town square, and I couldn't use my magic. You didn't say I couldn't lure wild birds in to eat it all."
Discord sighs, tearing out the last page of a book. It turns into a cartoonish heart and floats out the window. "I'm going for a walk."
Amy glares at Discord, looking at the last page of her book fly out the window. "We had a deal, Discord!"
He points a claw at her face, his breathing deep and heavy. "I am altering the deal. Pray I do not alter it further."
Amy merely looks at him in annoyance.
Discord rolls his eyes, taking off the black helmet. "That joke's ahead of our time anyway..."
With that, the pair head outside. In town, they can see many ponies traveling in pairs, eating lunch in pairs, or buying flowers in pairs. Discord picks at one ear, pulling a flower out of it. He pokes his paw into Amy's ear, causing a rat to jump out of a bouquet and startle a young mare about to take a bite from it.
Amy yelps at Discord's wet willy, glaring. "Discord!"
He feigns innocence, the flower tap dancing on his tail. "What? I told you, I'm bored! And what happens when I get bored? I make some fun!"
Amy sighs, shaking her head at Discord's antics. "You know, it's strange how quickly one can get accustomed to living with the literal personification of chaos, but after two weeks I already feel like we've been roommates for years."
Discord wasn't listening, instead standing on her head, now only six inches tall. The flower is nowhere in sight. "What's going on, anyway? There some special occasion I don't know about?"
"It's Hearts and Hooves Day. You know, the celebration of love?"
"Love?" Discord pauses to think, stroking his beard. With a snap and a flash, he reappears at normal size next to Amy, holding an actual heart and a pair of horseshoes. "What do organs and feet have to do with love? Whatever that is..."
"Where did you get those?!" Amy stares at the still-beating heart, turning a little green. She moves a forehoof to her mouth, noticing her horseshoes are missing. "Are those my shoes? Is that my heart?!"
Discord chuckles darkly, spinning his hands around each other, too quickly for Amy to see what he's doing. With an adorable squeak, he shows her a balloon dog, which barks happily as it floats away. "You didn't answer my question."
Amy look at her forehooves, her shoes back where they belong. She can feel her heart pound heavily in her chest, and pushes the whole incident to the back of her mind, in a folder marked "PTSD". It was a very full folder.
"W-well... It's just a phrase. It means we keep our loved ones in our hearts, metaphorically, and also in our hooves. As in, we embrace our lovers and family. It's a holiday, a day in the year specifically set aside to celebrate how great it is to love others and be loved in return. Naturally, we feel love all year round, but today is a day for us to focus that emotion, that deep, positive feeling, and to relish in it with special care."
Discord pauses, thoughtful. He holds up a jar of pickle relish, confused. "When did condiments come into the picture?"
"No!" Exasperated, Amy swats the jar away. "Look, on this day, everypony goes out, spends time with loved ones, and just basks in the warm emotion of love and care. Can't you feel it?"
Discord reaches out with his senses, tasting the air. It does taste sweet, and warm, and with a spicy undertone that promises to heat up later. "Oh my, yes. This. Is. Delicious! I can feel the raw emotion, and soak it all in!" He grins, a nasty, evil grin. "And I know just how to make it better."
"No, Discord, wait! Why ruin a good thing? Can't you just let these ponies enjoy one day without making something fall from the sky, or doing unspeakable things to somepony? Can't you just give it a rest? ...Please?"
Discord looks down at Amy, at her pleading with him. "Oh, alright. But only because I just remembered I did that trick last week. Don't want to get repetitive. On my honor, today shall be chaos-free."
Suddenly, there was a terribly loud noise.
"RAAAAWWWWWRRRR!"
Then, there was a terribly loud silence.
"..."
Everypony looked for the source of the noise, and as one, looked to Discord. Discord, on the other hand, looked toward the forest, where a large shape rises from the trees. The villagers follow his gaze, seeing a large, purple-coated, star-studded, saber-toothed bear.
There was panic in the streets as ponies fled in droves.
Amy glares at Discord, pointing furiously at the star-bear. "Chaos-free, huh? You liar!"
"It's not me this time! Honestly, an Ursa? So predictable, so boring, and too salty. I promised a chaos-free day, and I intend to deliver. And anyway, how often do I get to play the hero?" He stands tall, a patchwork cape of many colors attached to his shoulders, blowing dramatically in the wind. "Avanti!"
While the town panics, Discord teleports in front of the Ursa, arms akimbo. "And just what do you think you're doing?"
The Ursa looks at Discord, then lets out an ear-splitting roar. "RAAAAWWWWWRRRR!"
Discord is unfazed, and taps his foot in midair. "Don't give me that tone, Missy! Don't you know what today is? It's Hearts and Hooves Day!"
"RAWR?"
"I don't know, something about lovely loving lovers loving as only loving lovers love. I was confused too. But you know, I bet it'd be great for the economy. So many ponies buying things, making things, and tomorrow all the leftover product will be on sale! That's the key right there. Have your anniversary be a week after Heart's and Hooves Day, and get chocolate for half off the regular price!"
"R... RAW-RAWR?"
"What? You mean you don't know? Why, my dear, it's simply divine! Think of all you can do with it! Chocolate milk, chocolate bars, chocolate kisses, chocolate fondue, chocolate body spread, chocolate chips, even chocolate bunnies!"
"RAAAWR!"
"No, it's not actual bunnies encased in chocolate. Not yet, anyway... Good idea, though. I should try that! Wanna come?"
"DO I?!" The bear, now pony-sized and somehow capable of speech, dances happily in front of Discord.
"Excellent! We can have our first Heart's and Hooves Date! And I saw a couple of deer running away earlier. Up for some actual hearts and hooves? My treat."
"And we can still have chocolate bunnies?"
"Sure! Let's go!"
With that, the pair frolic off into the woods, and the official census states that rabbit population shrunk 42% that year. Discord got bored halfway through the date, and opened a portal underneath the Ursa. She was never heard from again. The Village enjoyed three whole weeks of peace while Discord was gone, and hoped he was gone for good.
Alas, he returned the next month in the guise of Cotton Candy, telling of a malicious rabbit creature that was stealing eggs, painting them bright colors, and hiding them in odd locations.
But really that was just me in disguise. And they bought it! They still do the whole egg thing! -Discord
****
Twilight's quill snaps in half, causing her to quit writing. With a flash of her horn, the brown feather quill is fixed, and she finishes copying the story, omitting Discord's addition. "Well, that's interesting. Hearts and Hooves Day has been around longer than I thought. But, I suppose love has always been around, so ponies would want to celebrate it. But Discord? I guess an Ursa would be a terrible first date, though!" She laughs at her joke, turning to the next story. She picks up her quill, straightening out the blue feathers as she sets it to begin writing again...