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Frozen Legacies

Being born completely apart from the family line of unicorns is one thing. But when Emerald Frost, a Pegasus that is able to manipulate arcane energy much like a unicorn, leaves town after having enough of being treated like a freak of nature, he realises that he is the only one that can counter what that town has produced. Returning there, the pony gets swept up in a problem much greater that he can imagine, and that a sweet mare makes solving those issues that much harder.

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 5 )

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DuskPhoenix

DuskPhoenix #1 · Jan 16th, 2014 · 1 · ·

This seems like it is working up to be a great story, though I don't know if his parents calling him "Emerald" is an error or a nickname. If it is a nickname, could you please explain it?

I did spot a few errors in grammar, though the only one that I remember now is the lack of capitalization on the "I" towards the beginning. The sections could also be spaced a bit further apart, but that's just my personal preference. You are doing good in grammar and structure, those are just nit picks.

Also, the lack of names really breaks immersion, and is a glaring and somewhat irritating problem. I would be happy to help you with the names, though I don't have a Kik or Line. Feel free to PM me if you like though, this is definitely on my watch list.

Lightning Clash

Lightning Clash #2 · Jan 16th, 2014 · 1 · ·

I like this very much truthfully. Set out very nicely and you said you have plans to make this story a long one! But I do hope you find good names for the unnamed characters.
You earned yourself a like and favourite. Can't wait for chapter 2!