Twilight Sparkle Finds a Magic Pickle

by GraceFu

A Study on Ancient Recipes: The Pickle

Celestia’s sun shone directly overhead, as her prudent student, Twilight Sparkle, walked down one of Ponyville’s highest traffic streets. Dozens of ponies were selling their goods, and while she wanted to enjoy the aroma of fresh flowers, the sound of colts playing, or the sweet sound of street musicians, there was no time for any of that.

Tomorrow was the day she had to go to Canterlot. To give a presentation on her most recent research, “Magic and its Quantum States, and Possible Computational Abilities.” Today was the last day she could schedule her interview with Pinkie Pie, lest be bogged down by the academics’ interviews and letters.

She arrived at Sugarcube Corner. Pushing the door open and letting loose a gentle jingling of the bells, Pinkie Pie bounced out of the kitchen.

“Hi Twilight! Here for the interview?” Pinkie Pie said.

“Yes. Is it okay if we do it now?”

“Nooope! I need a pickle first!”

“Okay let’s get st– oh. Er, okay…”

“You don’t have to get it if you don’t want to, you know.”

“No no, it’s fine! I’ll get you a pickle.” Twilight wore a slightly confused look. Twilight muttered under her own breath, “whatever that is…”

“Okie Doki Loki! See ya Twilight!” Pinkie Pie bounced back to the kitchen.

What is a pickle? Twilight thought to herself. It was unlike her to not know something. Thankfully, she seemed to remember seeing a book on pickles. Whatever that is. So she made her trip back to her library.

Back in the library, she started rummaging the shelves for that book… Er, what was the name?

“A study on Ancient Recipes: The Pickle,” Spike said, a book in his hand and a ladder in the other.

“Thanks Spike! I really think you read my mind sometimes,” Twilight said as she jerked the book away from Spike, causing him to tumble down the ladder. As Spike rubbed his head, Twilight flipped open the book and started reading.

Wait. A couple weeks?! I’ll never make it! Twilight exclaimed to herself. What’s a cucumber anyway?! I’m not gonna make it I’m not gonna ma–

“On it!” Spike said aloud, “I’ll get the cucumber. You can come up with the spell to speed up the fermentation while I’m gone!”

“What? Are you reading my mind?” Twilight wore a shocked expression.

“Nope, you just say it out aloud!” Spike pushed open the library door, releasing another familiar jingle.

Twilight calmed herself down by doing the breathing exercises Spike suggested she do after he read a couple books on relaxation. So I just need to make a spell that speeds up the life cycle of these little critters on the skin of the cucumber… Easy!

2 hours later…

“I’m back!” In Spike’s hand was a fresh, green cucumber. The moisture on its skin reflected rays of sunlight that made it seem like it glowed. The slight smell of cucumber floated in the air, making its way around the library.

“Oh, thanks! I’ve prepared the salt water and the spell. Just put it in this jar while I set up this last line of powder. The floor was decorated with an intricate crop circle. Inside each circle was a tiny note that explained which quantum flavour of magic to inject.

“You ready Twi?”

“Sure am!” Twilight grinned. She fired up her horn, and blasts of magic found their way to all fifteen circles. The library shook and shuddered, having never experienced such intense magic before, but after a mere 5 seconds, the spell was set up. Firing a final blast of pure magic directly at the jar, there was a blinding light and a loud boom.

The noise echoed around all of Ponyville, but it was a weekly experience to the residents by now. The jar was smoking. To Twilight, observing the jar was her only priority now. As the smoke cleared, it revealed more of the jar. According to her calculations, fermentation should be accelerated from a time span of 2 weeks to just over a minute. After that period, the spell would wear off and she should find herself a pickle. As she waited, a question entered her mind.

“Spike, where did you get this cucumber, by the way?”

“Oh, I got it from the Everfree forest, no biggie.”

“Oh, that’s fine th– What? It’s not safe! You could’ve gotten hurt! Don’t make me worry like this Spike!”

“Oh no, I assure you it was safe. I asked Pinkie Pie since she seems to know all about these things, and she said that the plotline wouldn’t follow me, which meant I was safe… Whatever that means.”

“Pinkie being Pinkie.” Twilight shrugged it off. Her eyes fell back onto the pickle in progress. When the spell finally wore off, the pickle glowed slightly as a result of the timer she put in the spell. It lifted itself into the middle of the jar, and then shrunk completely, disappearing.

“WHA–” Before Twilight could finish her utterance, the pickle grew to an enormous size, even breaking out of its prison jar. It pushed Spike and Twilight out of the way, giving both of them a slight headache. It shook a little, and then shrunk back down to normal size, still shuddering, before it started hopping around on the spot, and then stopped shaking completely.

Twilight Sparkle is amazed, dumbfounded. She never thought she could change the properties of a vegetable, despite her Mary Sue alicorn powers and god mode cheats.

Shaking her head back to sanity, her jaw dropped to the floor, as she tried to take in exactly what happened. I never programmed the spell to do this, it shouldn’t have shook and shrunk like that! What happened? Twilight was starting to panic again. What if this pickle is poisonous? I couldn’t have poisoned it could I? Wait there’s no way I could’ve poisoned it… but what if it was sentient? Could it be alive? Is it ALIVE?

“SNAP OUT OF IT!” Spike said as he burst Twilight’s thought bubble. She shook her head again, and this time returned to sanity for real. This time, she picked up the book, and cast another spell on the pickle, running diagnostic tests on it and ensuring all measurements fit.

“Thanks Spike, it seems to be safe.” Twilight heaved a sigh of relief, before placing the pickle in another jar. “I’ll bring this to Sugarcube Corner now, then. Do you mind helping me look over the library?”

“Sure thing, Twi!” He scurried over to behind the counter, picking up his Daring Do comic book and returned to reading. Twilight made her way to Sugarcube Corner, again.

The door activated a jingle as Twilight pushed open the door. Pinkie Pie, as if on cue, bounced out of the kitchen at the exact same moment.

“Have a pickle?”

“Sure do!” Twilight levitated out the jar, beaming with pride. Suddenly, her face turned sour.

“Where’s the pickle? And why is the jar in pieces?” Pinkie Pie said, on the verge of laughter.

A… Magic Pickle?

Comments

[FloydienSlip]

Hey there! I'm FloydienSlip, and I'm here to give you your WRITE review. This story is much shorter than those I'm used to working with, so the review, by association, is going to be much shorter than those I tend to write, so you have my apologies if certain things are generalized. Let's get started!

First things first: the tags. To be honest, I don't think of either of them fit. "Random" would probably be more suited to the kind of story you have here.

I'm going to be blunt here. This honestly reads like a trollfic. There's no explanation as to why Pinkie wants a pickle, why Twilight has never heard of one (or a cucumber, for that matter), or what the hell actually happens it at the end. The premise of the story itself is silly, and while silly can be good, it's not at all what I was expecting from the story.

Your style is very telly. You tell the reader what happens, and while you do partially make up for it with Twilight's thoughts, it's not enough for a solid narrative. One of the things you could have done, for example, was describe Twilight's walk back to Sugarcube Corner, instead of throwing the entire trip into one small sentence. Describe Twilight's thoughts. What's happening with the pickle? How does she feel about it? The other thing is that the story feel incomplete. The last line makes no sense at all, and we're not given a resolution, not even a vague one.

A couple more things to talk about here. First, don't link another story in the middle of your story. Self-promotion will get you nowhere, not to mention the green text is incredibly distracting and not actually relevant to the story at all. It's also considered good form to write out numbers less than one hundred. One thing that helps this story is your mechanics. Your grammar and spelling were actually pretty decent, despite there being several comma errors. So, good job!

In summary: change your tags to just "Random." Give the reader some explanation as to what's happening in the story. Try and go into more detail with scenes and immediate actions of the characters.

Continue to write, and you will improve.

- FloydienSlip, WRITE’s analytical audiophile