One Strange Man

by Field Marshall Nuggetman

Just Stop

Author's Note:

Before you read this very very defected fucked up story that satan himself had delivered to me and force me to write it horriblelly while at gun point I would like to say Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

This one-shot(maybe) is very weird for me but as I said I was at gun point by Satan so I didn't have a choice.

Not edited yet hoping to be edited by tomorrow.

"So Princess, how was your day?" Asked Twilight as they gather around the royal dining room and prepare for dinner.

"Quite well Twilight, I just had a meeting with the The UK chancellor, and he agreed with the terms of surrender," answered Celestia.

"So does this mean we have the entire continent of Europe under our control?" asked Rainbow Dash.

"Exactly," answered Twilight. "Now the final problem is taking the rest of the United States and getting the barrier to control the people over there.

"I'm just very happy that the war against the humans is almost finally over." Relieved Fluttershy as she takes a sip of tea.

"I have to agree with you there Fluttershy, after what the humans did to Spike, and my sister I can't wait for them to be finally gone," replied Rarity.

"Can we have a 'horray we won the war against the humans party' right here in this room when it's all over Princess?" asked Pinkie as she jumps right into Celestia face, and her huge eyes stared right into Celestia's eye.

"I'm sure something like that can be arranged."

"Yay!" screamed Pinkie as she sat back down.

"Where's Applejack? It isn't normal for her to miss dinner especially if where having Apple pie for dessert."

Wondered Twilight as she looks around the room.

Then Applejack came into the front door looking worried.

"Applejack is everything alright?" asked Rarity.

"It's Big Mac, he was killed a few hours ago," said Applejack as she started to cry a little.

"Oh my what happened?" Asked Rainbow Dash.

"He was at the Western front when a drone attacked him and his platoon. When they founded him, he was already did with a picture of his family on his right hoof."

"That's horrible," said Fluttershy. "Are you alright with all this."

"A little. They asked me to arrange a funereal when his body comes back. I'm just more worried about Applebloom, after what happened to the rest of CMC I just don't know how to react when I tell her the news."

"I'm sure she'll understand, I know her well enough to know that she'll take it quite well." Said Rainbow Dash trying to clam her best friend down."

Then a blue electric ball appeared right into the middle of the room causing every pony there to stare at it. When the guards came into the room, the ball was already half the size of the room. When the electric ball disappeared, there was a single human standing there.

He was a pretty tall man. He is about six foot seven, and he was wearing a military uniform but very different from any country they seen before. He had a light brown hair and dark hazel eyes.

"Huh I swear to god, I just need to adjust the teleport device again, come on." Said the unknown man as he looks around the area.
"But at least I got where needed to go."

As he turns around, he noticed Celestia and the Element of Harmony staring right at him.

"Oh well hello there are you quite confused that there's a human right in your face, and he isn't converted yet?"
The ponies around him were speechless.

"Of course you are, you don't even know who I am yet."

Then Princess Celestia finally had the courage to respond to this young man.

"I am Princess Celestia the ruler o-"

"The kingdom of Equestria blah blah blah."

"How dare you disrespect the princess," yelled the guard behind as he charges at the human, but before he even got close to him, he just vaporized into nothing. He didn't even turn around or touch him.

"How did you even do that?" asked Pinkie Pie.

"That's for me to know and you to never find out," responded the young man.

"Alright, I had enough," yelled Celestia using the royal Canterlot voice. "You teleported into my castle without permission, you disrespect me and the element of harmony, and you vaporized one of guards which I think is dead now."

"Yeah, do you want some sort of death wish or something?" wondered Rainbow Dash.

"But first please tell us your name, and the reason you're here," ordered Twilight as the guards started to convert towards the strange man.

"Well first if of all, I would like to say how a beautiful castle you have here and secondly, I would like if you change the converted people back to normal and leave them alone."

"Yeah right, like we're going to do that," said Rainbow as she started to laugh.

"Yeah!" yelled Pinkie as she high five Rainbow for agreement.

"Look guys, I'm not really a violent person but for the last time just convert every one here back to normal, and no one here will get hurt."

"What are you going to kill us with your fist?" questioned Twilight as she stares into the strange man's eyes.

"Alright first of all, I don't like your attitude so shut the fuck up and secondly, I'm not from is world."

"What do you mean from 'this world'?" questioned Applejack.

"I'm known around the multiverse as the Persecutor, I go around the multiverse judging species of how they act and what they do and so far your species has been the worse type of people I have witness for a long time and as for you to know I have ended various type of races and species across the multiverse."

"So what we took over a species that was greedy, violent, selfish, and chaotic and converted them for the better good," explained Celesita.

"Oh for the better good? Look around Celestia your own troops,friends and family died for what you think is a dangerous race, well let me tell you a little story. I been to another type of Equestria where every pony there treated others with equality, and no pony tried to kill each other. I met the others, you and them treated me like I was their family members. I set up my own home there where I am now I'm helping them solve their problems like it was my own. You guys in the other hand are different. You guys think your race is the perfect race. Even Adolf Hitler had some type of tolerance, but you guys you just couldn't except the fact that the human race was more happier, smarter and enjoying their life. You were jealous so you and your little ponies created potions and the barrier to take over the human race and hoping you guys could be like them. Well that's not going to happen not on my watch."

"And how exactly are you going to end our little lives?" questioned Celestia.

"That's for me to know and you to find out."

"Well I'm not going to let you do that." "NOW GIRLS."

Then the mane six activated the Element of Harmony upon the man but before it could fire the strange man lifted up his right hand and then all of the sudden the elements of harmony went right off of the mares, and they just felt to the ground. The elements however went to the man's right arm and floated around him.

"How did you do that?" Asked Fluttershy.

"You girls had lost control of the elements when you attacked the humans on this planet. The element of harmony doesn't follow your orders anymore. It now belongs to me until I find a right and good people to use it."

"Well then guards kill this man NOW." Yelled Celestia as a platoon of royal guards appear and surrounds the strange and threatening man.

"Well this seems a little unfair doesn't it, let's make this battle a little bit more fair," said the man as he lifted both his arms, and the barrier was destroyed.

"WHAT THE HOW DID YOU DESTROYED THR BARRIER?" yelled Celestia as she sees scraps of the barrier falling from the sky.

"Like I said Celestia, I'm not from this world," answered the man as the guards around him was vaporized and so was everything around him.

The he focus towards the mane six. He quickly teleported next to Applejack and Rarity. He picked both the up and threw them across the room. When they landed, both of their necks was cracked and laid dead on the floor.

Then when the bodies hut the floor he quickly took out his laser gun and shot both Pinkie, Fluttershy, and Twilight as their body was Vaporized. Not a single scream or a drop of blood came out. They just simply vanished.

Rainbow Dash quickly charged at him, but he quickly dodged her attacked and grabbed on her wings.
"Hey let me go you bastard."

"You better watch your mouth young lady before I take it." Responded the man as he twisted her neck leaving her dead.

"Well looks like your now all alone like you always were."

"Your never stop me. I will destroy the human race and then take over the other Equestria."

"Oh really what would your sister think of you after all you did?"

"Don't bring my sister to this she died in a accident which I couldn't even prevent."

"Then say hello to her again," said the man as he steps aside and there was Luna looking right at Celestia's eyes.

"Huh, Luna? Your alive? But how and help me please defeat this human, and we can rule together," pleaded Celestia as she grabs a hold of Luna's hooves.

"I'm sorry sister, but your not the older sibling I used to love. Your now just a selfish and miserable pony who now has no one but yourself."

"Please Lulu I can change I can go back the way I was just help me kill that man."

"It's not gonna work Tia. This man showed me what you were doing while I was gone. Millions of humans was killed because of your selfish ways. The elements of Harmony died to save you. Twilight trusted you to lead them, millions did, but you became a monster, the monster you thought were in the humans."

"I'm so sorry," responded Celestia as she begins to cry.

"Sorry isn't going to cut it. Good bye sister I will remember you, the old you," answered Luna as she leaves the room and leaving the man and Celestia together.

"You ready now?" asked the young man.

"Yes I'm ready."

The man takes out his pistol aims it at her head and take the shot.

The body was vaporized into the air, and she was gone forever...

Luna came back to the room again and looked around.

"Thanks for helping me stop her," said the young man.

"My pleasure this Celestia was getting out if hand. I'm sure my Tia will never do such things like this."

"You can't be sure Lulu remember anything is possible and any one can become a monster."

"Yeah your right."

"Come on, let's get out of here," said the man as they jump on the Telepad and teleported away.

Comments

[phallus of malice]

You were right about needing an editor.
I've never liked CB stories mainly because they all revolve around the same thing. Regardless, you seem to have your head in the right place, but damn! OP much?

I don't really see the point in editing this simply because it doesn't appear to have had that much thought put into it. Remember: Just because you put glitter on dog shit don't mean it's candy.

[Field Marshall Nuggetman]

3684080

Well it's like having bacon without eggs,sausage or grease itself

It has to be good or perfect.

[phallus of malice]

3684092
Well said good sir.

[SIR OM NOM NOM]

And that is why children, that we should never try to wipe out the human race even if we're winning. Because a super being will come here to restore balance and kill us all.

[nothing_to_see_here]

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[zombieboy671]

hey man this should be a series precursor that visits the pony verses and fixs problems I would enjoy it if was to be like this but remember it's a suggestion

[FoxWithAMask]

3684466 I agree, this needs more, although...I wonder how he's react to Molestia?

[Vlad]

This doesn't need an editor. This needs euthenasia.

Seriously.

Awkward, unnatural dialogue, horrible portrayal of previously-established characters, transparent story, and a God-awful OC. The entire story is just...painful to read.

I couldn't for a SECOND believe these were the mane-six and Celestia. You start in the middle of the story with no frame of reference, just assuming your audience knows what the Hell is going on. Nothing is ever explained regarding the plot, and in a story like this you NEED that to understand why the characters behave like they do.

The OC is just...concentrated Gary-Stu. No believable emotion, over-powered, a paper-thin explanation for his existence and no explanation for his actions. Why did he wait so long to interfere? How can he claim to have the superior morality when he vaporizes people that CLEARLY can't seriously harm him, all seemingly on a whim? And if he could destroy them all with just a thought, why reveal himself at all instead of just killing them all and fixing everything himself?

Even putting your complete butchery of the English language aside, there was NO effort, NO forethought, and NO skill put into this story. I have only disliked a grand total of one story on FIMfiction in the time I've been on this site, but you, dear author, have truly earned yours.

[Crusder12]

i love it. MOAR plz

[tomzon]

tis but a rushed penis cone

[poisedanimeBloke]

3684720 I am the Fimfiction doctor. And I diagnose you with a case of 'Genre Ignorance Disease' and 'Stick up the ass Syndrome' . The first one was found because of your blatant lack of knowledge on the TCB genre including your confusion about how the characters were gary-stu despite the fact that it is common in the TCB genre. The Stick up the ass Syndrome has been diagnosed because of the unnecessary assholery in your comment and the fact that you couldn't let any mistake go.

The cure for Genre Ignorance Disease is simple, read up on the TCB genre. However the Stick up the ass Syndrome is in it's advanced stages and there is nothing I can do. I suspect the syndrome to spread to your brain in less then a month, which at that time any evidence of your old self will be gone and you will be nothing but a douche bag who can't let anything go and you will take everything seriously. Even when you are having sex with your SO you will be bitching about something insignificant. The only thing I can do for you is tell you to go offline for a few days, if only to slow down the affects of the syndrome.

I am sorry sir/mam. There is nothing else I can do.

[Vlad]

3685821 In any other situation, you might have had a point there. If I had only shot down the story without offering any reasons why, then yeah. I would be a major douche.

However, you did raise one point. Perhaps if I already had the answers the author failed to put into their own story, I could appreciate the characters a bit more. That would by no means save the story in my eyes, but it might let me look at it in a different perspective.

But prior knowledge of the universe this story takes place in doesn't justify leaving so many questions unanswered. And while I admit I was far harsher than I had to be (and do apologize for), every reader asks those questions. These characters are separate from canon, so what are their motivations? What started the war? Who is the OC?

And yes, I did get angry. I admit that. That's why I acted as harshly as I did. But the potential I saw in the story, unrealized as it was, could have been something absolutely fantastic if effort was given.

Some background on the OC and smoother dialogue could have made this a good read. I guess I was more disappointed than anything.

[poisedanimeBloke]

3686934

And while I admit I was far harsher than I had to be

You shouldn't have been harsh. You can tell someone about a stories flaws without being a complete jerk. Also all of your excuses for being rude were weak, so I won't bother picking apart the rest of your comment. Because all it is are weak excuses.

But it is good that you apologized, so I won't hold it against you any longer.

[Vlad]

3686970 Well, any excuse given for something inexcusable is inherently weak.

I can't make myself like the story, but I shouldn't have been so...unpleasant about it. So I AM sorry.

Putting a weak little apology in with pointless justifications didn't seem...adequate in comparison to the wrong committed.

[Field Marshall Nuggetman]

3686970
3687131

Uhh.... Quick comment isn't this should be done via PM?

Cause i don't thinks it's about this story anymore.

[stormscorpion]

I like it

[dark_zero]

very nice

[val]

THE MISTAKES
so many
still liked the story

[platogkrone]

3684354 You mean that in a good way, right?

if not, then... well. this!
i.ytimg.com/vi/ctDPV28RSDQ/hqdefault.jpg

[thatguy45]

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EDITOR!

[Big Brain Boi]

What the actual fuck?

[LigerfoxZeroX]

Well the story was good, a little short but good but I need a little more of it, something that explains how it all started in a few words I WANT MORE ..... plz