• Member Since 30th Jul, 2013
  • offline last seen Feb 27th, 2016

Field Marshall Nuggetman


A wise man once told me- you should always follow your dreams and become what ever you want. So I became a brony. I wonder if that was a good idea?

T

With the barrier expanding and the human population depleting looks like Equestria is undefeatable. Until one day a strange young man appeared right in front of her throne.

What he is about to say will change the course of human history and end the once beautiful kingdom of Equestria.

I would like to thank my trusty editor Fantasia Archsage for editing of course what else would he do bake me cookies?

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 24 )

You were right about needing an editor.
I've never liked CB stories mainly because they all revolve around the same thing. Regardless, you seem to have your head in the right place, but damn! OP much?

I don't really see the point in editing this simply because it doesn't appear to have had that much thought put into it. Remember: Just because you put glitter on dog shit don't mean it's candy.:pinkiecrazy:

3684080

Well it's like having bacon without eggs,sausage or grease itself

It has to be good or perfect.

And that is why children, that we should never try to wipe out the human race even if we're winning. Because a super being will come here to restore balance and kill us all. :pinkiecrazy:

hey man this should be a series precursor that visits the pony verses and fixs problems I would enjoy it if was to be like this but remember it's a suggestion :moustache:

3684466 I agree, this needs more, although...I wonder how he's react to Molestia? :trollestia:

Vlad #8 · Dec 26th, 2013 · · 1 ·

This doesn't need an editor. This needs euthenasia.

Seriously.

Awkward, unnatural dialogue, horrible portrayal of previously-established characters, transparent story, and a God-awful OC. The entire story is just...painful to read.

I couldn't for a SECOND believe these were the mane-six and Celestia. You start in the middle of the story with no frame of reference, just assuming your audience knows what the Hell is going on. Nothing is ever explained regarding the plot, and in a story like this you NEED that to understand why the characters behave like they do.

The OC is just...concentrated Gary-Stu. No believable emotion, over-powered, a paper-thin explanation for his existence and no explanation for his actions. Why did he wait so long to interfere? How can he claim to have the superior morality when he vaporizes people that CLEARLY can't seriously harm him, all seemingly on a whim? And if he could destroy them all with just a thought, why reveal himself at all instead of just killing them all and fixing everything himself?

Even putting your complete butchery of the English language aside, there was NO effort, NO forethought, and NO skill put into this story. I have only disliked a grand total of one story on FIMfiction in the time I've been on this site, but you, dear author, have truly earned yours.

i love it. MOAR plz:moustache:

tis but a rushed penis cone :moustache:

3684720 I am the Fimfiction doctor. And I diagnose you with a case of 'Genre Ignorance Disease' and 'Stick up the ass Syndrome' . The first one was found because of your blatant lack of knowledge on the TCB genre including your confusion about how the characters were gary-stu despite the fact that it is common in the TCB genre. The Stick up the ass Syndrome has been diagnosed because of the unnecessary assholery in your comment and the fact that you couldn't let any mistake go.

The cure for Genre Ignorance Disease is simple, read up on the TCB genre. However the Stick up the ass Syndrome is in it's advanced stages and there is nothing I can do. I suspect the syndrome to spread to your brain in less then a month, which at that time any evidence of your old self will be gone and you will be nothing but a douche bag who can't let anything go and you will take everything seriously. Even when you are having sex with your SO you will be bitching about something insignificant. The only thing I can do for you is tell you to go offline for a few days, if only to slow down the affects of the syndrome.

I am sorry sir/mam. There is nothing else I can do.

3685821 In any other situation, you might have had a point there. If I had only shot down the story without offering any reasons why, then yeah. I would be a major douche.

However, you did raise one point. Perhaps if I already had the answers the author failed to put into their own story, I could appreciate the characters a bit more. That would by no means save the story in my eyes, but it might let me look at it in a different perspective.

But prior knowledge of the universe this story takes place in doesn't justify leaving so many questions unanswered. And while I admit I was far harsher than I had to be (and do apologize for), every reader asks those questions. These characters are separate from canon, so what are their motivations? What started the war? Who is the OC?

And yes, I did get angry. I admit that. That's why I acted as harshly as I did. But the potential I saw in the story, unrealized as it was, could have been something absolutely fantastic if effort was given.

Some background on the OC and smoother dialogue could have made this a good read. I guess I was more disappointed than anything.

3686934

And while I admit I was far harsher than I had to be

You shouldn't have been harsh. You can tell someone about a stories flaws without being a complete jerk. Also all of your excuses for being rude were weak, so I won't bother picking apart the rest of your comment. Because all it is are weak excuses.

But it is good that you apologized, so I won't hold it against you any longer.

3686970 Well, any excuse given for something inexcusable is inherently weak.

I can't make myself like the story, but I shouldn't have been so...unpleasant about it. So I AM sorry.

Putting a weak little apology in with pointless justifications didn't seem...adequate in comparison to the wrong committed.

3686970
3687131

Uhh.... Quick comment isn't this should be done via PM?

Cause i don't thinks it's about this story anymore.

Comment posted by Dusk Moonlight deleted Dec 27th, 2013
Comment posted by dark_zero deleted Feb 20th, 2014
val

THE MISTAKES
so many
still liked the story

3684354 You mean that in a good way, right?





if not, then... well. this!
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EDITOR!

What the actual fuck?

Well the story was good, a little short but good but I need a little more of it, something that explains how it all started in a few words I WANT MORE ..... plz :fluttershysad:

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