Day Twenty
It has already been a few days since our return from Cloudsdale. Everyone has settled into their daily routines and went about their business. We were all a little behind on our jobs/chores, so we haven't seen much of each other during that time. Pinkie and I had tried to make some free time to spent together, but she was roped into some really important baking thing. I would like to think things have been getting back to normal, but lately, I’ve been noticing something strange about Rainbow. Like yesterday for example. We both decided to chill at the lake some time after work.
“Finally!” I say with glee as I fall to the grass. “Work was a pain in the ass today.”
I look over to Rainbow as she looks off towards the lake. I can still see the soft glow coming from the gift I gave her. Honestly, I’m thrilled that she’s still wearing it. I thought for sure that because it was a piece of jewelry that she would eventually take it off out of due to some macho wannabe thing. I was pleasantly surprised to find that wasn't the case. She wore that thing everywhere from what I hear from the towns’ ponies. Which I got a lot of praise from them at what an unbelievable sight it was to see such a thing in person.
So I was happy that she was happy with the gift.
“Tell me about it.” She says stretching her legs as she bends over, swishing her tail around. “I had to go up to Cloudsdale and talk to my forepony. Might need to do some overtime on a storm front coming in.”
I nod. “I know that feeling, Rainbow. You’d be surprised how many ponies break stuff each day. My entire book is filled with appointments. I guess Lyra’s sink is broke, again... Not to mention I had to go to the spa and add some sealant to the tiles in the washrooms.” I shake my head. “I hate that job.”
“Why’s that?”
I roll my eyes. “Well, when it’s the stallions washroom it isn't that big of a deal. The mares on the other hand... Let’s just say I get more than a few tail slaps to the rear. Ass feels like a pincushion after.”
I see Rainbow’s fur stand up as she turns to face me. “What?”
I shrug. “Ladies tend to get frisky when I go there. I know they're just playing around though.”
“...What.” She looks serious.
I wave it off. “It’s nothing, Rainbow, I swear. You know how mares can get.” I chuckle a little at a memory. “I still can't believe I got hit on by Spitfire. I told Big Mac and he didn't believe me!” I shrug it off. “Whatever, I’m just glad the work day is over.”
I close my eyes and enjoy the cool air that washes over my sweat. I didn't have time yet to get washed, but it doesn't really matter. I slowly feel something settle on top of me. I open my eyes and see Rainbow decided to lay on me. What strikes me as odd is the way she is looking at me right now.
“You alright?” I ask.
She seems shaken as she looks away. “Y-Yeah...”
Another shrug for me as I try to relax with her on top of me.
“Actually.” I open my eyes to see Rainbow looking at me again. “You smell rather, um, nice...”
My face screws up in confusion. I don't think I have ever heard Rainbow say that before.
“Um, thanks?”
I see her lean in slightly and freeze up when I feel her tongue touch my cheek and run up to my forehead. Alright, that is something she never has done before either.
“Uh, Rainbow...”
She has a far away look on her face. “Yeah?”
“Why did you just lick me?” I ask confused.
Her eyes seem to widen. “I-um... I gotta go!”
Without another word she jumps off me and flies away. I’m left there trying to comprehend what had just happened. Was that like a way of showing thanks? I mean, my dog use to lick me and it wasn't that big of a deal but, Rainbow isn't a dog. Now that I think about it, she’s been acting rather odd lately. Yesterday she kept nuzzling my hand. The day before that she kept bumping into me. At first I thought it was some kind of prank, but she just kept doing it, even after I told her to stop.
I just hope she is alright.
This has seemed to be an ongoing thing. Just these small little differences in the way she acts around me now. No matter how much I think about it I just can't figure out what the reason for it is. Was she just appreciative of the gift? Does she feel she owes me because of the expense of the gift? I don't know. Today I’m going to spend some time with Pinkie. We haven't talked much because of that large order, but today she should be done.
I set my quill down. Time to get ready for the day.
I'm currently walking towards Sugarcube Corner. I can't wait to see Pinkie. I know we’ve only been dating for a week or so now but I can't help but feel happy around her. Not the normal kind of happy that she usually brings to ponies either. A weird sort of feeling of being complete. I don't know, maybe I'm just being sappy? All I know is that I can't wait to see that pink ball of sugar.
I walk into Sugarcube Corner with a smile on my face as I see Mrs.Cake behind the register looking worse for ware. She lazily looks up to me and gives a tired smile.
“Oh hello, deary. I guess you came by to see Pinkie?” I nod. “She’s in her room. Tired out from all the work, but I think she will be happy to see you.”
“Thank you.” I say before I show myself to Pinkie’s room. I knock on the door. “Pinkie?”
I hear a loud ‘thump’ of something falling before the sound of scrambling hooves could be heard. Soon the door comes flying open as I get my first look at Pinkie. Her mane is actually straight, but not the straight I seen on our date. It’s still curly, but laying against her neck. It’s glossed slightly from what I can only assume is sweat. The more I look, the more I notice. Pinkie’s fur is matted and she has large bags under her eyes.
“Hey, Anon.” She gives me a tired smile. “I missed you.”
“I’m sorry to come by unannounced, Pinkie. Forget I even came by, you should get some rest...” I say concerned.
“No, I can sleep later. I haven't seen you in days!” She pleads.
I look over to her bed then back to her. “Come on, Pinkie.”
I wave her to follow as I walk past her into the room.
“What are you doing?” She asks.
I take off my shoes and fall onto her rather nicely sized bed. I pat the spot next to me.
“Might as well get comfy.” I say.
I see her blush some. “A-Are you sure?”
I chuckle a little. “Pinkie, we slept in the same bed in Cloudsdale.” I nod my head to the open spot. “Hop on.”
Her grin widens as she closes the door and practically leaps from where she stood over to the spot next to me while giggling like mad. We both lie down and face each other. She looks so sleepy as she tries desperately to keep her eyes open.
“How have you been doing?” Pinkie asks.
“Fine, Pinkie. I’ve been rather busy myself as well.” I admit. I run my hand through her mane and can feel the sweat. It doesn't bother me though. “You’ve been working hard.” I state matter of factly.
She nods a little. “Yeah, I’m a little gross right now.” She says trying to pull away.
I just pull her closer. “You’re not gross, Pinkie.” I say with a smile.
She tries to push me away playfully. “Come on, Anon, I’m covered in sweat.”
I shake my head. “You don't sweat, Pinkie.” She looks at me confused. “There’s a saying from my world. Hor...” I bit my tongue now that I realise the wording of the saying. I quickly think up a solution. “Animals sweat, males persperate and you, Pinkie, you glow.” I say running my hand through her mane again.
She giggles some. “I like that saying.”
Pinkie leans in and gives me a tired kiss.
“So the Cakes got anymore orders around that I should know about?” I ask once we break away.
She shakes her head some with a sigh of content. “That should be the Cakes last custom order for the year.”
“Glad to hear it.” I say as I wrap my arms around her and pull her closer.
She gladly buries her head into my chest. We just fall into a comfortable silence.
“Anon...”
“Yeah?”
“Do you like Rainbow Dash?”
Well that is rather out of the blue.
“Of course I do. Don't you like her?”
I feel her shift some in my hold.
“I-I didn't mean it like that.”
Now I feel confused.
“What else could you mean by it?”
“Do you like like her.”
My mind goes blank. “...Why would you ask that?”
I don't know how she could think that.
“Well, You two seem awfully close. I don't really say much or mind it but...” She trails off.
“Pinkie, that’s just ho-”
“-ow bro’s act.” Pinkie finishes with a sigh. “You always say that.”
“Well it’s true, Pinkie.”
She shakes her head. “I don't think it is, Anon.”
“Are you calling me a liar?” I ask shocked.
She looks up with the same look of shocked. “N-No! I-It’s just that... That I’ve been noticing Dashie is, well...” She looks off into the distance.
“Is what?”
“I-I think she likes you at least. Really likes you... After you gave her that gift. I seen a look in her eyes when she looks at you or talks about you. Whenever she looks at that necklace she just stares off into it like she is lost in thought.”
I would’ve just laughed it off if it wasn't for how serious Pinkie is talking right now. I just sit there trying to process what she could see that I couldn't. Sure Rainbow has been more friendly lately, but, that can't be because she likes me. She’s into mares and that’s a fact! Rainbow told me on... that day.
“That’s not possible.” I say looking away.
“Why?”
“I can't tell you.” I answer honestly.
Why can't you tell me?”
“I Pinkie promised Dash I wouldn't say anything. I’m sorry, Pinkie, but I can't tell you. Losing a friend’s trust is the fastest way to lose a friend-”
“-forever.” She finishes with a tired sigh.
I pull her close. “Trust me, Pinks. Rainbow and I don't have anything going on between us.” I let out a sigh. “I will admit that we are rather touchy for friends, but I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that what you think can never happen. Trust me.” I say with a smile.
She smiles back. “I-I’ll trust you, Anon... It’s just... I know I see something in her eyes. Please, Please tell me you will talk to her about it.”
I nod. “If it makes you feel better, I will talk to her about it tomorrow.”
“Thank you.” She says with a happy sigh as she pulls me closer.
“Now, how about we get some sleep?” I ask.
I didn't get a response as I hear her soft snores. I just pull her a little closer to me as I lay my head down to sleep.
I soon found the light of a new day shining brightly in the sky as I slowly stir awake. I look down to see that Pinkie is still in my hold and looking a lot better after getting some sleep. I see her eyes flutter open as she looks at me with a smile.
“Good morning.” She says in a loving tone.
“Could be better.” I say with a smirk as I lean in and give her a kiss. “Good morning.” I say once we pull away.
She giggles. “You’re right. It did get better.” Pinkie stretches in place. “Want me to make you some breakfast?” She asks.
I nod. “I would love that.”
“I’m just going to take a quick shower.” She said walking off.
“I’ll be here.” I say as I relax some.
Though my relaxing doesn't last long. Soon I find my mind wandering on Rainbow and what Pinkie said. If it wasn't for the fact that I knew Rainbow liked mares, I wouldn't be questioning if she likes me. That’s the thing though, she likes mares and... And I already tried having her... I let out a sigh as I rub my face at that memory. I know she isn't like that. Today I will ask her and she will probably laugh about it and tell me that she was just really appreciative of the gift I gave her.
I nod in reassurance. That’s exactly what will happen. I know Rainbow Dash just as well as Pinkie. It will be just a small thing we can laugh about. I will tell Pinkie and she will laugh too. Having settled my mind, do I close my eyes in wait for Pinkie to be finished.
I’m sitting at the kitchen table in the back of the store with the Cakes as Pinkie cooks.
“So you guys finally finished this big project?” I ask the Cakes as we wait.
“Yup. Took a little more time than we would’ve guessed, but this is the last custom job of the year.” Mr.Cake says with relief.
“Good to know.” I say with a smile.
Mrs.Cake sets down the spoon she was using to feed the twins as she looks to me.
“I know you’ve probably been just worried sick over Pinkie.” She smiles at that as she leans against Mr.Cake. “I know that when I didn't have my honeybear I couldn't sleep.”
I couldn't help but smile as Mr.Cake gets red in the face.
“Not in front of the kids, sweetie.” He says in embarrassment.
Mrs.Cake chuckles some as she goes back to feeding the twins their baby food.
I nod. “Yeah I’ve been missing Pinkie. We had a great time at Cloudsdale though.” I say with a smile. “The wonderbolts were amazing.”
Mr.Cake gets nervous. “We heard that there were some problems too.”
I feel my smile drop some, but I keep it held. “It’s alright. If I let them bother me then they win. We went, we met some bad eggs, but we also met some good ones too. All in all it could have been better, but I wouldn't change what happened.” I answer honestly.
“That’s good to hear.” He says. He then perks up. “We also saw the gift you got Rainbow. I have only hear of a crystal prism. Never in my life did I think I would ever see one!” He says with excitement.
Mrs.Cake turns to face me as well. “I agree! Oh it is so beautiful. I don't think I could ever imagine such a perfect gift.” She says with stars in her eyes.
I wave it off. “I don't take all the credit. A very nice unicorn up in Cloudsdale gave it to me.” I rub my chin. “I really need to think of something to give that mare as well.”
“Ready!” I hear Pinkie call out.
We all look down to see our plates were made and set before us. Sadly, no bacon on mine. I let out a sad sigh as I eat my eggs. Pinkie takes her seat next to me.
“So what do you two have planned?” Mrs.Cake asks.
“I gotta still hit up a few jobs around town. Nothing too serious.” I answer.
“I’m going to head over to the library. Twilight wanted me to help her with something.” Pinkie says.
“Well I wish you both luck.” Mr.Cake says. “We’re going to take the twins out to the park later.”
“You two are free to join us when you’re done with everything.” Mrs.Cake adds.
“Sorry, but maybe a raincheck.” I say sadly. “I think I might need to raise my standards when taking jobs around town.” I say to myself as I think over my work for the day. “I have more than 20 that are just small cracks in the wall. Anyone could fix them.”
“It could help clear up some of your schedule so you have more free time.” Pinkie says.
I shrug. “Yeah, but I know that the only reason things are busy right now is because I haven't been around in awhile. As soon as this stuff is leveled out then it will start to thin up.” I admit.
“Well don't go and get yourself exhausted by over working yourself.” Mrs.Cake says worryingly.
I smile at her caring. “Don't worry none about me.” I look over to the clock then to Pinkie. “Gotta go, Pinks.” I lean in and give her a quick kiss. “See you later.” I say with a grin.
“Not if I see you first.” She says with a giggle.
I wave to the Cakes. “See you around.”
With that do I show myself out and get ready for my day ahead.
I let out a sigh as I walk into my house. The jobs weren't that hard but they do start to wear on you in time. I decided that I would take a quick shower before I went to search for Rainbow. Pinkie wants me to talk to her, so I didn't want to put that off for longer than I had to. So once I was fresh and clean do I head on over to Rainbow’s house. I was close enough to give a holler.
“Hey, Rainbow! You there?!”
I get nothing in reply as I try a few more times with the same result. Guess she wasn't here? I notice Fluttershy walking by at just the right time as I meet her on the dirt path to Ponyville.
“Hey, Fluttershy!” She stops and hides behind her mane. Something that is normal, so I continue. “Have you seen Rainbow by any chance? I was looking for her.”
She nods. “I-I seen her walking to the lake earlier today. Maybe she is still there?”
I let out a sigh. “Thank you, Fluttershy.”
I turn to leave but hear the shy pony call to me.
“Anon...”
“Yeah?”
“I-I was um, I was wondering about something.” I raise my brow at her and motion for her to continue. “Well, that gift you gave Rainbow. Did it mean anything?” She asks.
“Mean anything? It was just a gift. What else could it mean?” I ask confused.
“Oh, well. I was just wondering if maybe you had feelings for Rainbow Dash.”
“Feelings for her?” I repeat. “Well I like her as a friend if that’s what you mean?”
She shakes her head hesitantly.
“No, well, um... What I meant was. Do you feel maybe, more for her. Like, more than a friend?”
“She is my bro.” She shakes her head again and I let out a sigh. “Can’t you just tell me what you mean?”
“Well, ok... Do you like her as a special somepony?”
I know that my face probably contorted into a pile of mush as the confusion set in.
“Uh... No...” I say not sure where she got that idea. “I don't like her like that...”
“Well... Ok...” She says going on her way.
Well that was weird. Like really weird. I just shake that encounter away as I head off towards the lake.
It didn't take long to spot the cyan rainbow pony sitting by a tree. I walk up to her but am surprised to actually hear her crying silently to herself. I soften my steps when I notice that she was talking as well.
“What is wrong with me.” I see fresh tears fall. “Why am I feeling this way?”
I’m really concerned now. Whatever she is dealing with has to be major. So rather than keep silent or retreat. I do the only thing possible.
“Rainbow?” I call out softly.
I see her jump up as she quickly turns from me.
“H-Hey!” Her voice cracks some as she clears her throat. “I didn't know you would be here.”
I keep walking up until I am right next to her.
“Hey, what's going on?” I ask with concern.
“Nothing’s wrong!” She say quickly while she wipes her face. “I-um just fell during practice. Hurts kinda.”
I move in front of her and take a knee. She keeps her face looking away so I couldn't see her. I take my hand and direct her to face me. When I get a good look at her I can see that her eyes are bloodshot red, the fur around her eyes and cheeks heavily matted.
“Rainbow. What’s going on?” I ask with a stern tone.
“It’s nothing.” She says with no emotion.
“Seriously, Rainbow, what is th-”
She slap my hand way. “I said it’s nothing!”
I don't allow myself to get angry. “Doesn't seem like nothing.” I say neutrally.
“Yeah! Well it is!” She turns away once again. “What are you doing here anyways?” She says hotly.
“Honestly? Pinkie said she wanted me to talk to you. You’ve been acting weird. We’ve all noticed. So I’m here to ask why...”
I see her fur stand on end. “J-Just leave me alone.” She says.
“Rainbow we nee-”
“WE don't need to talk about anything!”
I see her about to get up and take off any second. So I quickly grab her and pin her to the ground.
“No!” I scream. “You’re going to tell me what the fuck the problem is!”
She is struggling now. Kicking and even biting me! I have never seen her this desperate before. I thought about letting her go, but I held her down tight and let her tire herself out.
“Let go!” She screams as she kicks me in the chest.
I grunt from the blow but keep holding. “Not until you tell me what’s the matter!”
“I. Said. Let. GO!”
The next thing I know I’m laying on my back looking at the sky. Everything is spinning some. I bring my hand up to my nose and feel all the blood. I choke some from the blood pooling into the back of my throat. I spin over so I can spit it out.
“Oh my gosh! I-I didn't mean to!”
I feel Rainbow try to help me up but I push her away. She broke my nose, I really wasn't in the mood anymore. I can't believe she head butted me! I stagger some as I get up.
“I’m sorry!” She calls out as I stumble away.
I had to get to the hospital before this thing gets set in a fucked up way. I think Rainbow knew that I wasn't playing around anymore, because she didn't even try to follow me. That was good, because I would’ve probably done some serious damage to her.
I shake my head as I touch my nose lightly. Nurse Redheart is really good at her job. Set the nose and everything. I just look to my journal with a frown.
Tomorrow I’m going to get to the bottom of this. Rainbow wants to do this the hard way. Seems she forgot that I was the one that invented the hard way.
I set my quill down and get ready for bed. I didn't want Pinkie to be worried, so I told Twilight to tell her that I would see her once I settled things around town. Twilight was worried when she saw my nose, but I assured her that it wasn't as bad as it looked and would be healed soon. My mind was still racing with questions as I try to sleep. Something was happening to Rainbow and I wasn't going to let this slide.
With a sigh do I close my eyes and wait for tomorrow.
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Yeah I can understand the ire over transformations. Body transfers I can fully tolerate and do enjoy full transformations though I can't. Not to mention theres little point in putting a human tag in it if the main character will be human for only a chapter or two and then turn into whatever he'll turn into.
Though I'm more tolerant of humans transforming into other animals for some reasons. *shrugs*
Will this be a romance with Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie? By the way I like this story it's sweet and kinda funny in spots.
Oh man, shits getting real. I feel so bad for rainbow, they have a great relationship and all these new feelings must be really confusing for her. I've heard of this happening in real life, sometimes you just click with someone, regardless of your sexual preference. That can make someone really confused, how can they have romantic feelings for someone they didn't feel sexually attracted to. Anyway, keep up the good work.
I hate this, too; it makes me grind my teeth... It stinks of Conversion Bureau and/or general misanthropy. I take a razor jab at it in my "Short Shorts" collection.
Okay, have to ask this since you said that humans being turned into ponies doesn't sit right with you. What about humans who only transform partially, like over time they grow wings but still have a human body? Sorry, have a compulsion to ask strange questions sometimes.
huh, does the prism represent like an engagement for pegasi?
I also don't like the transformations. I think it's cause I like the conflict that just being a human being brings to a story. Plus the terrible puns and awkward situations.
And here I thought that I was the only one with a vehement hatred of humans turning into ponies. Now if it's a temporary transformation, or the human can go back and forth at will, I can tolerate seeing as I have a thing for shape shifting. But a permanent transformation sends me into rage mode.
Hmmm I kind of wonder if in your Equestria exist herds, because that could solve so many problems…and add some too
In Soviet Russia, Rainbow tastes you!
3970075 I wouldn't think so personally as pinkies reaction to how RD is acting is suggesting no herds.
Or at the very least she has trepidation of the notion.
3970320
good point
Yeah I agree Humans turning into ponies does kinda irk me I mean it can be done well but it loses a little bit of drama and tension.
Also good chapter and if he can't notice the signs dash is putting out he's pretty blind.
Can't wait for the next part to see hoe it goes. Hope it comes out soon.
3970251 This fucking made my day.
The way rainbow's been acting lately
Damn, how much more can the drama escalate before it explodes?
I'd also like to say that this is one of the few stories that I can't help reading updates as soon as I find them.
Keep 'em coming.
3972407
Get out.
3970075
I will confirm that there are no herds in this universe.
3973955
Or…is it? Or are they want to start it? After all…ponies are herd by nature, and also there also exist friends with benefits too
Well on your last thought of humans turned pony got to remember Twi did turn a frog into an orange. Wouldn't say it would be easy or maybe not permanent but could be possible with a lot of things helping out. I would agree with you though. Not a big personal fan of instant ponification or the such, but can make for interesting stories.
3976797It is more interesting when it happens over time, with a Body In Revolt vibe to it, with the pain and discomfort of having something happen internally, especially when you become aware of What is causing the agony... Your body is irreversibly changing and you don't know what the final result will be, or even if you will survive.
3979415
Unfortunately the other reason I don't care too much for instant major changes you also just named and I am such a nerdy type of fool I think in great detail of what things causes what and how things would take place and then changes like that I get all emotional on because I am just weird that way.
My amazing writing skills you can tell I don't have seem to lead to long awkward sentences.
3979496
I don't mean sudden changes, I mean slow mounting discomfort that may only get slight mentions early on, until it reaches the point were agony is almost constant, no sudden changes, just a horrible, gradual one. The change could be over several weeks or even months or years, at a certain point, the body would be unable to move for a time, due to conflicting joints. Emotional trauma, physical... Hehehe.... Would be fun to write one, I need to practice Dark anyway
3979597
I did understand the meaning this nother reason I can't be a writer. I get too emotional when reading. Background Pony for example was murder to me.
3979330
Yeah he should. He clearly did what he said he wouldn't, derail the story from Anon/Pinkei, and made it about Rainbow.
3980243
Two things.
First: Anon and Rainbows "friendship" was clearly anything but what they thought it to be. To make it simple for you. I played on the concept of "Friends with benefits" but added an element where one of them would be definite that no feelings could be returned *Rainbow being gay*. So now that Rainbow is acting weird. Anon still thinks it's something else, because in his mind, he KNOWS Rainbow is gay.
Second: Just because I want to play on a drama aspect doesn't mean this is a Rainbow ship fic. So I would kindly tell you to stop acting like you own my story and either down vote it and leave before the conclusion or stay and shut the fuck up.
Thank you for reading.
3980343
Well since you asked so kindly for that downvote.
Glad to see that you can't handle one unimportant persons opinion.
3980642
It's not that I couldn't handle your comment, it's that it was so unbelievably stupid to read that I had to give you the facts. So, bye bye. Nothing further we need to discuss anymore. I wont be crying over your little thumb down kid, believe me on that one.
3979610
I get overly analytical of details...
3981239
Eh I understand completely .
3980343
keep up the fun story!
Love writers with great humor and a backbone for their own work
hhahahahahaha " I invented the hard way" lol
Uhm, quick question. Is Rainbow ACTUALLY gay? Or did she just say she was gay to get out of a relationship with a strange creature and she is actually heterosexual? Because now that he's given her such a thoughtful gift and she's displaying these emotions, she finds out she is actually attracted to him. Not because he's different, but because he's a good guy. I mean, we've seen little things since the beginning of the fic, but after the gifting it's been blatantly obvious that she has feelings.
So all of her emotional turmoil would be her realising she made a mistake in this way. She was worried about a relationship when she shouldn't have been. And now it's too late for RD because he's with Pinkie.
About A/N: FU*K MAN, I know what you mean... It's actually one of the few reasons why I leave a Story... to die... in the desert... piling a mountain of salt on it to speed things up... and shoot it after warts just to make sure...
4001440 planelly stated... Black and white, black and white, black and white...
I guess he really should not just pin her to the grond against her will.
I feel sorry for Dash, this is a bit sad.
10 minutes later at the Ponyville 7-11 on the corner of 5th and Clover:
*Rainbow Dash reaches into the cooler and grabs a large bottle of red ponyade*
Rainbow: "Wow, I can't believe how dehydrated I was! Can't believe that my salt levels were so low that I licked sweat off of Anon for salt!"
*Rainbow cracks open the bottle and starts chugging*
*The irritated 7-11 attendant looks at the three empty bottles of ponyade that are already laying at Rainbow's hooves*
Attendant: "I wouldn't care if you licked Celestia's sweaty wing pits after a marathon. I only care if you pay for all of that ponyade."