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"I'm Not Known for my Compassion"2,679 words
"What am I, A Cow?"2,877 words

"What am I, A Cow?"

“Ooooooodieeeee! Oooooooooooooodieeee! Oooooodieeee!” Garfield yelled out as he walked through a grassy part of this new land. Up ahead, Garfield could make out another house, although this one was different compared to the other abode he trespassed upon. This house possessed a leafy roof and looked a place to unwind and relax, as opposed to the upscale and haughty purple house of the white pony. Garfield’s ears picked up a sound of streaming water and the common rustling of fresh, fallen leaves. As Garfield walked closer to the house, he could see more objects up close. Blue and pink flowers bloomed in glory, next to the river stream. Grass grew out from fallen logs. Bird nests and birdhouses were handled with care and love. To top it all off, the house itself was an observer to the clear, blue and fresh sky-

Garfield’s eyes widened. His brain alerted him of a surrounding, prominent only to him. “Birds’ nests and birdhouses?” He looked at the miniature homes up in the branches of the trees as well as the allocated sticks set up in a circular pattern. If large smiles were worth a thousand bucks, Garfield would be raking in millions. Already, his feline mind was formulating a complex plan to satisfy his innate desires.

“Hide in bushes, wait for birds to come and it’s Spectacular Bird Buffet for me!” Garfield’s teeth sharpened as his grinned deviously. He ran to a bush he felt would be both close enough to the birds, but no so as to give him away. “Heheheh. That stupid dog can wait.” At that moment, both a white puff of smoke and a red puff of smoke appeared on his separate shoulders.

“You can’t do this!” A little Garfield wearing a halo and in white clothing beseeched on the fat cat’s right shoulder. “Finding Odie is your top priority in this strange world!” The bigger one rolled his eyes.

“Bah, don’t listen to that goody no-shoes!” The diminutive Garfield wearing a devil costume and wielding a red spatula on the left shoulder blurted.

“What’s with the spatula?” The Garfield not wearing any clothing asked.

“All the other evil versions of other beings took all the pitchforks. It was either this…” The devil-Garfield held the spatula out. “Or a baby rattle. And I say, ditch the ugly dog!”

“No! Odie is as much as his friend and he is Jon’s companion!” The angel-Garfield argued with the Id of Garfield.

“Actually, there’s something here now that’s bigger than Odie.” Garfield conveyed onto his purity and primal instinct.

“Which is?” The two asked.

“Filling the bird capacity in my stomach.” The devious smile returned onto Garfield.

“Mm-mm! I could go for some bird grub!” The devil-Garfield licked his lips. “How ‘bout you, angel?” The angel-Garfield was in thought.

“I don’t know… I do like birds as both of you, but…” Before he could finish, another white and red smoke appeared simultaneously on the angel’s shoulders.

“Are you out of your mind?!” The second angel-Garfield chastised the other. “You’re supposed to be the superego; the consciousness and righteousness of the whole Garfield. You can’t succumb to your animalistic wants!”

“Boo! Boring!” The second devil-Garfield yelled to the angel of the angel-Garfield. “Hey, buddy!” He called out to his larger counterpart. ‘What say you and me take care of this guy?”

“You got it!” The devil hopped out from Garfield’s shoulder as did the smaller devil from the angel-Garfield’s shoulder. Together, the two head butted into the other angel.

“Wait! This isn’t how it’s supposed to work out in making moral decisions!” The angel getting pummeled yelled out. With a swing from both of their spatulas, the devils knocked the angel away with a white puff.

“Phew! Now that he’s gone, I feel much better about bird consumption!” The angel still existing proudly boasted.

“That’s good and all, but could you all just go away?” Garfield looked at his angel and two devils. “It’s getting crowded here.”

“Aw…” The three exclaimed in disappointed.

“Don’t worry.” Garfield smiled. “I’ll eat as much as I can for you guys.”

“YES!” The three shouted. “You heard the guy! Let’s amscray!” The angel said to the other two. Puffs of a white smoke and two red smokes appeared on Garfield’s right shoulder before they disappeared. Not a few minutes later, the sounds of chirping birds overpowered the swirls of the river. “Oh yes. Come to papa” Garfield moved a part of the bush to gain a visual perception of the outside world. As he could see, birds were flying back to the house. Garfield found it odd some of them were flying to his right, but the rest were flying to their houses and nests.

“Nine… eight… seven… six… five… four… three… two…” The birds were a few inches away from their houses and nests. “One.”

Garfield leaped out from the bush, mouth open wide, showcasing all of his sharp, eating machines. The birds were taken by surprise and some of them flew away. Two of them closest to Garfield could not fly away in time for the cat to snatch them by their bodies. The birds were moving towards a black abyss with white, sharp stalagmites and stalactites. They cried out for help.

“No one’s gonna hear you in two seconds!” Garfield mocked them as he placed the birds in his mouth. Garfield’s tongue pushed them into his stomach. Fight as much as they could, Garfield’s stomach acids went to work. Soon, Garfield did not feel their struggles and he mentally congratulated himself for a job well done.

Or, at least he would have if something hadn’t stomped on his tail with the force of a falling anvil.

“YEEEE-OOWWWW!” Garfield shrieked in pain. The sudden upstart caused the birds to be pushed back to his throat. At the glance of the blue sky, hope surged inside them, giving them the strength to push out from their predator’s mouth. Granted, this caused the predator to begin choking, but the birds saw this as incapacitating him. With a forceful ptoo!, the carnivore spit the birds out and they flew as fast and as far as their wings could take them.

Garfield, in short, was not happy.

“Okay, who stomped on my tail?!” Garfield demanded to know.

“Right down here, buddy.” A smart-aleck, guy voice responded. Below Garfield’s eyesight. Garfield eyes pointed down to see a bunny with his arms folded and disapproving eyes. “That. Was not cool.” The bunny jumped up and stomped Garfield on his right foot. Another energy of pain spiked throughout Garfield.

“Ngh! Owowowowowow!” Garfield jumped up and down, caressing his foot with his hands.

“What is wrong with you?! Do you know how heartbroken Fluttershy would’ve been if two of her birds had suddenly gone missing?”

“I don’t…” Garfield jumped. “Know what this… Fluttershy is… but it sounds… like a pansy.”

The bunny stomped Garfield’s other foot with all the might he could muster up.

“Ah. Ah…” The pain in Garfield’s left foot sent him onto the floor and rendered him speechless.

“Oh my gosh!” Despite the agony in his tail and feet, Garfield heard another female voice. “Angel bunny, what happened?” Garfield focused his eyesight on the bunny and then now-present yellow pony. The bunny performed a series of fast hand motions, some pointing at the bush, the birdhouses and to Garfield. “Um…The birds found this cat in pain and left him here?” The pony guessed. Angel shook his head. “He thought he was a bird and tried to fly but landed in the bush?” Angel shook his head again. He opened his mouth in front of the pony, pointed at the birdhouses, clasped his tiny paws and put something imaginary in his mouth, where he chewed and swallowed.

“He tried to eat a birdhouse and got a tummy ache?” Angel facepawed before shaking his head for the third time. “Well, never mind. He needs my help!” The pony rushed over to Garfield, who still couldn’t move from pain. The pony placed her head underneath Garfield and placed him onto her back. Wasting no time, she rushed back into her house and closed the door.

…Leaving Angel and his mouth agape in aghast. He wasn’t sure what to feel more shocked about: at his owner’s idiocy or that the cat would get off scot-free. A multitude of emotions pounded against Angel’s head: Initial shock followed by suppressed anger, sympathy for the birds that may have been scarred for life and pity for his caretaker’s naiveté. The mental onslaught wore Angel out and he passed out onto the ground.

><><><><

“You poor kitty-cat!” The yellow pony showed concern as she brought Garfield onto her couch. “You really shouldn’t be trying to fly from a birdhouse.”

Garfield looked at the winged-being. He wasn’t trying to fly; he was trying to have an avian lunch. But it didn’t seem like a good idea to mention it. “Good thing Angel saw you when he did, or Celestia knows what would’ve happened.” Before Garfield had a chance to speak up, she trotted away to the restroom. He heard the sound of an opening door and the rustling of supplies.

“I’ve got to get out of here…” Garfield noticed dozens of different animals inside the pony’s house. A snake, a raccoon, a goat, a toucan, a seal, bunnies, mice, dodos, bats, bees, chickens, butterflies, a bear… A plethora of wildlife in this one tiny house.

Garfield found both his feet weren’t sending a shooting pain up to his spine, but he could not move them as well. His brain said ‘Move at a hundred percent!’ His feet could only muster two percent. If he could throw himself to the floor, he would be able to use his hands to pull himself out of this house of claustrophobia. Too bad for him, the pony emerged out from the restroom holding a bag of supplies in her mouth

“Okay! Now, where does it hurt, Mr. Cat?” She asked through the bag. Now, Garfield couldn’t escape. This decibel-deficient pony would keep her eyes on him at all times. He may as well make the best of it. Until he can find a way.

“Just on my feet and tail.” The pony jumped back from Garfield, letting her bag fall to her hooves

“Y-You… can talk!”

“Yeah… Doesn’t every animal talk here?”

“Oh, no! Not with words. Well, except for one dragon I know.”

“Wait… how can you hear me?” Now that Garfield thought about it, how was the white pony from earlier able to understand him?

“I shouldn’t?”

“Usually, my owner can’t understand anything I say.”

“You already have an owner? She must be so worried about you! First thing I’ll do right after I bandage you and feed you is go around the town and post flyers.”

“First, my owner is a guy. Second- Wait, did you say ‘feed’?” Garfield could see himself eating to his heart’s content.

“Of course.” The pony zipped out from the room.

“How did she do that? I thought only my world could do that.” Garfield scratched his head. The pony zipped back in front of Garfield, holding a bowl in her mouth. Inside the bowl was an assortment of various vegetables. She set the bowl down in front of him and smiled, “Eat up!”

“What. Is. This?” Garfield frowned.

“It’s lettuce mixed with tiny pieces of cucumbers and olives along with cut-up broccoli and cauliflower with trimmings of celery!” She beamed at her job well done. While this dish was not hard to make, she did not make it often because it used most of her usual ingredients.

Now, how could Garfield put this in a way as calmly as he could and with as much tact as it required?

“WHAT AM I, A COW?!” Garfield questioned with irritation. Garfield kicked the bowl across to the other side of the room. The vegetables spilled out from the bowl onto the floor, ruining both the pony’s hard work on the food and her carpet. Garfield should’ve thought better before using his numb foot to kick it as it sent a volt of pain up his back, but the satisfaction from rejecting one of his most unfavorable foods made up for it. All the animals stopped what they were to look in horrified awe at what Garfield did.

“Uh-oh…” One of the dodos uttered. The animals surveyed the look of both dismay and horror on their caretaker.

“But-but-” A look of shock and sadness formed on her face.

“If you got any lasagna or steak around here, I’ll take that. Otherwise, I’m not eating any vegetables.” Garfield placed his arms behind his head with the composure of a spoiled prince.

“S-Steak? As in meat? As in from an animal?” The pony quivered.

“Hey, I don’t care where it comes from as long as it enters my mouth.” Garfield said without care. The pony dragged herself back to the kitchen, head down on the floor.

Garfield waited for her to bring something more edible and tasty, but his mental list of options were diluted by the quiet chatter of the animals.

“What?” Garfield turned to the animals, demanding to know.

“You are so in for it now.” One of the chickens glared disapprovingly at him.

“Am I now?”

“It’s not uncommon for Fluttershy to hear of other animals that eat meat,” The bear spoke up. “But she doesn’t take rudeness and disrespect. Ever.”

“So that’s Fluttershy?”

“Yep, buddy.” The three mice spoke altogether.

“And you are-” The first mouse said.

“In for-” The second continued.

“It” The third mouse finished mice spoke separately. The animals turned back to Fluttershy, who brought a new bowl with the vegetables the other one had.

“I already told you, I don’t like vegetables.” Garfield caustically reminded Fluttershy. After hearing such coarse language, she decided it was enough.

The animals knew what was to come. Some turned away while covering their eyes while others like the flamingo clenched their eyes tight-shut, since they didn’t have anything to cover their faces.

Fluttershy flipped her mouth more to her right side so the cat could get a better look of her stern gaze.

She let loose one of her most powerful weapons: her eyes.

Fluttershy widened her eyes yet stilled her cold, spine-shivering irises. Her mouth frowned in such a manner that contributed to her heart-stopping eyes. The Stare, is what she called it. It was both powerful and terrifying enough to render even the toughest animals into servile submission.

To say Garfield was frightened would not even be close. He forgot all about the numbing sensation on his feet and tail because a new feeling set inside him: fear. Never had his fur been so raised and stiff. His eyes widened to the size of plates. His mouth drooped in fright as he slowly sank himself on the couch. That proved to be a mistake, because the more he sank, the higher Fluttershy raised her neck while not losing her focus on him. It may as well be a manifestation of Garfield’s worst nightmare and he was powerless to do anything.

Without losing her iron gaze onto the ungrateful cat, Fluttershy set the bowl by his side. Garfield wanted to do anything to escape from the unnerving moment. Anything. Garfield reached out for the bowl to grab it with a tight grasp; he feared of even letting one piece of lettuce drop to the floor, lest her eyes became more terrifying. Garfield dumped all the contents of the bowl into his mouth without even chewing it. Nevertheless, the food settled down into his stomach.

The Stare disappeared and a warm, smile replaced took over.

“Now that wasn’t so bad, was it?” Fluttershy asked and Garfield instantly response, “No. Not at all” It was safe for the animals to look again. “Now, just sit down while I help place this gauze over your feet and tail.”

“That won’t be necessary. The lettuce helped soothe them.” That was a lie, but Garfield wanted now more than anything to run from this house.

“Oh, how wonderful!”

“And I just remembered my owner is supposed to…” Take a jog? Go to the post office? Go to the bakery? Grocery-shopping? List of alternatives ran down Garfield’s mind. “Go to the groceries todayyy.” Garfield drawled out, hoping it was enough to convince her.

“Okay then.” Fluttershy replied. Garfield jumped up from the couch, onto the floor. He still felt the numbing sensation on his feet. “Bye-bye!” Garfield ran from the house as fast as his feet could carry him.

Garfield thought it would’ve been useful to ask if she had seen Odie, but he could only think of distancing himself from the scary pony as much as he could.

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