Darkshard Chronicles

by sevenofeleven

DarkShard Chronicles Chapter 3

DarkShard Chronicles
Chapter 3

The flight from the Ponyville camp to the Canterlot Refugee camp took longer than expected. Instead of traveling in a straight line, they had to avoid towns that were taken over by the crystals.

Twilight Sparkle turned to Rainbow Dash and asked,"I know it might be hard for you but can you tell us what happened to Cloudsdale?"

Rainbow Dash looked away to hide her sorrow. So many friends gone.

"Yeah, sure," Rainbow replied.

"I was flying around town..." Rainbow started.

"Really?" Applejack asked.

"OK, I was taking a nap when I woke up. The air felt different. It felt like it was filled with sharp razors ready to cut me. Then the sky changed to a black purpley color. Purple gems or crystals flew out of the sky. Lots of ponies got hit by the crystals," Rainbow spoke softly.

She looked at Fluttershy. Fluttershy could see the tears form in Rainbow's eyes.

"I got cut but it was nothing. Most of the main buildings were messed up. The smaller ones lost their magic and fell from the sky. My home..." Rainbow said while tears filled her eyes.

For a while, they comforted Rainbow Dash while she cried. Twilight and Fluttershy also cried a bit.

It was mid afternoon when the carriage approached the Canterlot camp. Twilight looked out the window eagerly. Canterlot Castle had a strange purple glow around it. She could see crystals growing out of the towers of the castle.

"I hope Celestia and Luna had a better time with these crystals than I did," Rarity said.

"I don't think so since they are in the camp," Rainbow Dash said.

"What happened to drive the princesses out of their home for centuries?" Applejack asked.

Twilight did not have any answers, she saw how big the camp was.
So many ponies were driven out of their homes. The refugee camp stretched on for miles. Even at this distance, Twilight could see ponies lined up at different tents.

The carriage landed and the Mane Six disembarked. Several Royal Guards were there to escort them to the meeting area.

Will my research be useful? What happened to my brother? Those and other questions bounced around in Twilight's head. She did not notice the crowds of ponies living out of makeshift tents or how large the cemetery area was. Most of the camp was ignored until they were at the War Tent.

The War Tent is the place where the commanders and princesses plan strategies and manage the war effort. Twilight and her friends were handed off to another set of guards. A short trot later they were led into a large tent set up for meetings.

A large round table was in the middle of the tent. Twilight and her friends took the last six seats. Celestia and Luna stood up.

Celestia held up her right fore hoof for silence while Luna cast a spell. Her eyes shone white and her horn glowed blue.

Twilight recognized the spell, it had several layers to it. On the surface, no pony could hear what was said in the tent from outside. The other layers would prevent scrying and other ways of divination. Wonder why security was so tight? Twilight thought.

When she finished with the spell, Luna started the meeting. Celestia sat down.

"We are under attack by an unknown enemy. So far we have not been able to gain knowledge about our foe. We know that the undead ponies are summoned by the crystals. It is important that we destroy them as soon as possible," Luna said and bowed to the assembled ponies.

Celestia stood up and continued,"We have been able to create a spell that will destroy crystals. I would welcome Princess Twilight Sparkle's help in tuning the spell. Using the power of the Sun and Moon, the elements of Harmony and other powerful artifacts we will be able to remove these foul crystals from Equestria.

Of course such magics have their cost. The casters will be weakened for a while. The places that were cleansed will not be safe to reclaim for six months.

The Foe will not sit idly by while the spell is started, armies will be conjured up against us. It is a gamble. We hope to destroy the crystals all over Equestria before the assembled might of our foe crushes this camp," Celestia finished and sat down.

"What about the Crystal Empire?" Twilight asked.

She wondered about Shining Armor and Cadence.

Celestia looked sad for a second.

"I have sent messengers but so far none of them have returned. We are on our own here. If the enemy had taken over the Empire, we would know about it. My guess is that they are still fighting," Celestia said.

"Sister, we do not have a lot of time to prepare, the spell must be cast before the Sun leaves the sky," Luna said.

"You are correct. I will need to prepare..." Celestia said.

"I am sorry Princess Celestia but what about Dis..." Twilight started to ask.

Discord appeared in a puff of pink smoke. He conjured up small glasses of chocolate milk for each of the ponies at the table. Pinkie grabbed her glass and started drinking with a smile on her face.

"Well, I am touched that you are concerned about my fate," Discord said with a tired smile.

"The crystal destroying spell does not fit with my abilities and temperament but messing with the enemy is more interesting to me. You do know they are so deathly dull. Anyway, if its in my power, you will be protected while you do your spell," Discord said and disappeared.

"We have one hour to cover items before the ritual starts," Luna said and sat down.

Luna and Celestia both eyed their glasses of chocolate milk. Any glasses that were not touched faded away. Twilight wanted to try some but she was just too nervous to drink anything.

Before the ritual, Twilight shared her notes from Ponyville with several ponies. A few minutes before ritual Luna and Celestia left to do their Sun and Moon duties. The other ponies and princesses started the ritual.

The first step was scribing the area for the spell. Unicorns with special quills drew up the circular containment area. Then they drew up the flowing control shapes. When those were done, some princesses started sending magical power into the circle. Twilight and her friends watched with a lot of interest.

Some pony said,"The Moon has risen."

Silvery energy from the Moon formed an orb above the ritual circle.

Another pony said,"The Sun has almost set."

Golden energy covered the silvery orb but it did not become totally golden, silvery spots would appear and disappear. The amount of power coming off the orb was starting to affect the other ponies. The ones that did not have an artifact to use left.

Twilight did not need anyone to prompt her to use her Element of Harmony. She drew upon its power and floated off of the floor along with the other Elements. Then she aimed the power at the orb.

The orb shone so brightly that no pony could look on it. It was golden, silvery and now covered with a rainbow glow. The other magical artifacts were activated and used to add even more power.

While Twilight was in the rapture of being an Element of Harmony, she could See many things. Her Sight focused on the defenders of the camp and their foes.

Discord was bathed in a lavender glow and bleeding from a score of small cuts. The ground below him was soaked in blood. His eyes were still clear as he fought hundreds of the undead unicorns. A hundred would blow up but more would appear to continue fighting. He must have sensed Twilight because he looked right at her and gave her a wink before continuing the fight.

The Royal Guard and the regular soldiers were not doing so well. At least the heavy soldiers had armor but they were prime targets for the undead unicorns. Some pegasi had brought clouds and were making them fire lightning at the ground. That caused a lot of damage to the units behind the ones that were fighting.

Twilight could see that even though the defenders were fighting hard, the enemy just had too many units. She desperately hoped that they would delay the enemy long enough for the spell to work.

"Twilight focus, we need your power. Its almost time," Celestia said.

Twilight focused her Sight north to the Crystal Empire. She could see a purple dome, have to look deeper!

"Twilight focus, it is time!" Celestia said in a commanding voice.

Twilight focused on the spell. She could feel herself being drained of power. So hard to even think. Could feel her mind slowly fading to white.

While the ritual was being done, a small group of the enemy broke through the ranks of the defenders. They headed to the tent. Celestia and Luna had kept a few guards nearby in case of this situation. The small group of guards found themselves facing a much larger force.

Silverhoof gritted his teeth when he saw the attacking force.

"Make those hits count!" He yelled while firing magical blasts at the enemy.

Deep down, it seemed pretty hopeless. The undead outnumbered them five to one. Well, that just means more kills for me. Have to keep fighting until the ritual is complete.

The spell swept the furthest towns and cities clean first. Ponies that watched from a distance saw a pure white light strike and a flash. The ground would shake for a few minutes.

Ponyville Camp

Lyra used up her last blast of magic, she was ready to use her hooves to at least slow the advance of the enemy into the camp. Most of the fighters were down or in the hospital tent. Sweetie Belle, Scootaloo and Applebloom and a few other ponies moved up to fight.

Applebloom ran out towards the undead ponies. She managed to give one a good kick. Scootaloo hovered in front of the zombie pony to distract it. Sweetie Belle tried to zap it with a spell but she did not have enough power. Another pony took advantage of the occupied enemy and took it down.

Just like that, there was bright flash in the distance. The ground shook. The bright lights in the heads of the undead unicorns went out. They fell like puppets with cut strings. The undead earth ponies were now dead. Lyra could not believe her eyes.

What had been a destroying wave of death was now just a bunch of dead rotting ponies. A ragged cheer arose from the throats of the defenders.

Canterlot Refugee Camp, War Tent

"Twilight are you awake?" Spike asked.

She opened one eye, it was just too much work to get the other one open.

"Did we win?" Twilight breathed out.

"Yeah, all of the undead ponies are dead. It was real close. Some of the undead got into this tent. We lost more ponies defending this tent. Twilight?" Spike asked.

Twilight thought about the victory and it seemed a bit hollow. Somepony or creature was behind this. We need to find out who. Any more thoughts were lost as she slipped back to sleep.

Northern Reaches

Far away in the frozen North well beyond where adventurous ponies tread stood a dark purple crystal tower. Deep in the tower sat it's mistress, the First Bringer of Silence.

She watched impassively as the view gems went dark as her crystals were being destroyed. The Noise on this world is resourceful but it is now more vulnerable. One of her view gems showed an undead pegasus. Purple filmy wings glowed along its sides.

In a voice colder than the frigid winds that swirl around her tower, she said, "Phase two begins soon,"

A voice colder that the distance between worlds replied,"Good."

Comments

[Commissar Rarity]

Well your prose is fairly good, I'll give you that.

However your dialogue is rather bland and samey. Nobody really sounds very different from each other. My recommendation would be to try and imagine the characters saying their lines. If you can't hear their voice in your head when you read one of their lines, rework it.

The plot seems alright, if not a bit rushed. Slowing down would be a good idea.

Also, this does not seem to be complete, so I'd change that to "Incomplete" in the edit screen. Ignore, I'm a retard.

[sevenofeleven]

Thanks for taking the time to give a critique.

I would like to know more about
"The plot seems alright, if not a bit rushed. Slowing down would be a good idea."
Can you be more explicit?
----------------------------------------------------
"Also, this does not seem to be complete, so I'd change that to "Incomplete" in the edit screen."
I would like to know why you do not think this story is complete.

[Commissar Rarity]

3588833
Like, you go from a scene where everyone is discussing the crystals to a fight scene very quickly. It feels breakneck and rushed. A better transition would be good. I'm not the greatest at pacing, so I'm a bad person to ask how to fix it.

I would like to know why you do not think this story is complete.

I see now that I missed a huge chunk of story due to a browser mishap. I skipped from the start of the ritual to the teaser at the end somehow. I rescind that part of the comment.

[NobleValor]

I would like to add that adding a bit inner conflict would not be entirely remiss.

[sevenofeleven]

4823488
Good suggestion.

Who should have the inner conflict?
What should they be conflicted about?

No attack, I would like to get more details.

[NobleValor]

4823765 I have no particular suggestions. I assume you are aware of the show, so just expound their personal demons to fit into the situation at hand (or hoof as the case is ).
Case in point: Magic is Twilight's particular forte, so (from what I've read) seeing as how she can't use it against the crystals, make it seem as though she is feeling useless. Something along those lines.

[sevenofeleven]

4823789

Thanks for the tip.