Well, that's one problem taken care of, and a much bigger one just begun. Some ponies should have paid a bit more attention during health class, they might have remembered why having sex ends estrus.
Estrus is a valid excuse for the deed to happen fast. In any other fic, having a colt and a mare in a room would be a sorry excuse for sex, but it works here, given the circumstances.
My advice for future chapters, however, would be for you to include a little foreplay. I understand that's not exactly on these kids' minds, though. Do what you wish.
I strongly suspect a society where the females go into estrus and there's a lot more of them than there are males does not have nearly as much stigma or difficulty dealing with teen pregnancy as ours.
However, if Scoots gets knocked up and then Apple Bloom gets turned back into a girl, it's going to be very weird to explain to the kid who the daddy is. :-)
I'm going to go out on a limb and say Applebloom is going to get involved with most of the fillies in her class, a mare or two, and probably a handful of colts.
Some people like seeing the Apples' accent typed out, others don't. I like it, personally. It's no different to me than using a lot of fancy words and very few contractions with Rarity, or a lot of stuttering and ellipses with Fluttershy. Just a part of character voice.
And speaking of Fluttershy, with regard to your other comment, I have no idea what you mean by LUS.
3658959 I like it, helps when I share stories where people aren't familiar with the source. People are familiar with the source here, obviously, but a good story throws in at least one good descriptive intro per character when it makes sense, such as the focus being Fluttershy who was afar and the features matched the pony that would be Flutterhy.
I don't care what people say, they don't like it skip past it. Heaven knows how much useless bulk some other more known authors use just to pad their works, a small descriptive of what Fluttershy or Discord (past chapter) looks like, is the least of any reader's problems. So keep doing what you're doing, it's just fine as is. I personally like the written accents myself, though some others tend to just type a "she said in her southern accent" but it just feels lazy, they both work in the end depending on mannerisms, but spelling them out helps with immersion, though many others just read at mach 5 and don't really bother with immersion.
Anyways, I laughed so hard and blushed extra hard like you don't even know. And I laughed twice more before the fic was over, the way you described Apple Bloom's reactions and fantasies were great, some provided just the good comedic value at the innocence and first times. Looking forward to more!
(that ending )
P.S. Dat bucking moon tea... I so wanted to say 1 down, 4 to go. (Not sure how many fillies you plan to include in this insane mating season.) due to Apple Bloom facing a most crazy end with being stuck as the mare of so many offsprings xD
3658952 Nowhere has it actually mentioned what Moon Tea does other than make them feel better. There's no real indication of it being a form of birth control, unless I missed something.
So how does the relationship thing in this work? Do they have regular couples or do they have herds where a single stallion can have more then one mare? Either way this'll be a harem fan-fic.
A tall glass appeared out of nowhere in Discord’s more dexterous eagle-claw hand, and with a quick flick of his wrist he swept the glass through the stream, which for a split second had turned from a beautiful blue to a rather dirty brown. A second later it was back to normal and his arm stretched out impossibly far to hold the glass out right under Apple Bloom’s nose. It was now filled to the brim with the dirty brown liquid, complete with ice and a little paper parasol, and after a moment of bewildered staring she suddenly realized the glass was filled with Moon Tea.
“How did you--?”
“I promise it’s not drugged or anything,” Discord assured her with a grin. “Well, no more so than the fact that it technically is a drug. Ponies go to some rather creative lengths to medicate themselves through such a natural biological function, it’s rather amusing. Still, I can’t argue with its effectiveness. And I hear it works quite well as a contraceptive, too, in which case if you’re that interested in boys, you might want to drink up.”
Also, I've mentioned this earlier in the comments, but Moon Tea is actually a real historical thing, made from a flower called Tansy and used as a contraceptive. (though it's very dangerous in real life and is discredited by modern medicine).
3659582 I wasn't really planning on addressing the mechanics of potential herd-shipping with this fic. Harem is closer, though still not quiiiiiite right. All will be revealed in time.
3659644 The thing with harem comedies is that even with a broad range of suitors, it's still usually regular couples in the end, and eventually the main character will get with one particular suitor; the fun is in the journey and figuring out who it'll be.
Well played, Discord. Turning a filly into the more "Intrusive" sex, and straight in the middle of heat season too? Physical awkwardness aside, the social and psychological effects from such a change is going to cause quite a bit of chaos in the lives of quite a few ponies.
Whether she wanted to or not became swiftly irrelevant. The mere thought of Scootaloo wanting to take a good look at her new equipment was all the encouragement it needed to reverse course, come back out and say hi.
Okay, confession time: I went to a party tonight, and it didn't pick up until midnight. To occupy myself, I read this fic on my phone. I'm pretty drunk right now, so I hope I can remember everything I thought at the time....
1) I like how you kept AB's pronouns the same. Even though she has a dick, she's still a filly, and you refer to her as "she", which doesn't clog up or confuse the narration. Good job. 2) Discord's Ursula reference was a funny nod, but subtle enough to fit into the story. 3) The hints you dropped were clever. I've seen far too many fics where a girl wakes up and "feels two pendulous orbs hanging under her huge throbbing dick" which is just... ugh, please. 4) Props for being the first fic I've ever read that describes it as "boy-cum". THANK YOU!!!
Applebloom! you got your cutie mark! O Celestia, please tell me its just a skipping school cutie mark! Heh, not quite! I think its great though, so congrats!
Ehh, the double orgasm is a bit much, but you see it all the time in stories like this. Scootaloo really needs to study more. It doesn't seem like she knows just why it quenches estrus. I guess that goes for most of the fillies. Bitter tea, really? And drinking it with your mouth? Wrong end, ladies! There are so many more satisfying ways to account for a dearth of boys. Maybe they should ask Pinkie I'm sure she knows what you can put elsewhere than your mouth to soothe those lonely nights.
th00.deviantart.net/fs70/300W/f/2010/281/2/a/me_gusta_by_megustaplz-d30cns2.jpg
wut. good. but wut?
static.guim.co.uk/sys-images/Money/Pix/pictures/2009/2/18/1234958613426/A-bottle-of-champagne-exp-002.jpg
Damn! You managed to advance the plot, deliver a masturbation scene, AND our first full on sex scene without any of it feeling rushed!
Nicely done!
You.
Author with the complicated name.
I love your author brains!
Well, that's one problem taken care of, and a much bigger one just begun. Some ponies should have paid a bit more attention during health class, they might have remembered why having sex ends estrus.
Well that was very hot, I do hope there is one with Sweetie Belle.
Well... I have to say, I think this premise is actually pretty good, and well written too.
Poor Apple Bloom, she/he is in for an exhausting time I bet...
Hawt.
3 Days Later...
i3.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/420/386/32f.gif
It's... HERE! And it's a glorious near 8k chapter
I... I need a moment.
THIS IS SO BEAUTIFUL!
Must...contain...emotions...!
Just.... oh no. Teen pregnancy all over the place. May their potential futures rest in peace.
Estrus is a valid excuse for the deed to happen fast. In any other fic, having a colt and a mare in a room would be a sorry excuse for sex, but it works here, given the circumstances.
My advice for future chapters, however, would be for you to include a little foreplay. I understand that's not exactly on these kids' minds, though. Do what you wish.
I've missed you so much. Don't leave again
Cutie Mark Crusader School-Aged Mothers YAY!
I sense scootamom coming up
WELP, I'M OUT! SEEYA!
The only thing i thought when i saw the update in my email.
a.abc.com/media/primetime/suburgatory/gifs/sbg207_imbackbitches.gif
Fuuuuuck..... Literally and figuratively.... They're fucked..... Welp this might be added to the new pregnancy group soon.....
reactiongifs.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/05/THISGONBGUD.gif
MOAR plz!
3658446 awkward sex is awkward
3658268
I strongly suspect a society where the females go into estrus and there's a lot more of them than there are males does not have nearly as much stigma or difficulty dealing with teen pregnancy as ours.
However, if Scoots gets knocked up and then Apple Bloom gets turned back into a girl, it's going to be very weird to explain to the kid who the daddy is. :-)
3658254
I'm going to go out on a limb and say Applebloom is going to get involved with most of the fillies in her class, a mare or two, and probably a handful of colts.
I saw the update and clicked it as fast as I could, and after reading it...
media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m8f4orrTHw1rs483c.png
encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSEHx7tg-xAxFivwi-UvkXm7yyFAjBniUi-opmpqXe1Yjjqslyd
3658663
3658213
Some people like seeing the Apples' accent typed out, others don't. I like it, personally. It's no different to me than using a lot of fancy words and very few contractions with Rarity, or a lot of stuttering and ellipses with Fluttershy. Just a part of character voice.
And speaking of Fluttershy, with regard to your other comment, I have no idea what you mean by LUS.
3658268 3658395 3658437 3658475 3658642
Y'all need to go back and remind yourselves about Moon Tea.
3658932
I'm not allowed to describe what a character looks like, once, upon their initial introduction to the fic?
Yeah okay sure.
encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQ3lO6Vf2BSOtIGf1c-4ZWvjxbpTzgjzE2noS-whrCJgY3KYYcBvQ
"Atta mare Scoots. On AB's dick in ten seconds flat!" dashie.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw10463-1387235647515.png
3658959 Its not a rule but a style of writing that a few people like to enforce as a rule.
3658959 I like it, helps when I share stories where people aren't familiar with the source. People are familiar with the source here, obviously, but a good story throws in at least one good descriptive intro per character when it makes sense, such as the focus being Fluttershy who was afar and the features matched the pony that would be Flutterhy.
I don't care what people say, they don't like it skip past it. Heaven knows how much useless bulk some other more known authors use just to pad their works, a small descriptive of what Fluttershy or Discord (past chapter) looks like, is the least of any reader's problems. So keep doing what you're doing, it's just fine as is. I personally like the written accents myself, though some others tend to just type a "she said in her southern accent" but it just feels lazy, they both work in the end depending on mannerisms, but spelling them out helps with immersion, though many others just read at mach 5 and don't really bother with immersion.
Anyways, I laughed so hard and blushed extra hard like you don't even know. And I laughed twice more before the fic was over, the way you described Apple Bloom's reactions and fantasies were great, some provided just the good comedic value at the innocence and first times. Looking forward to more!
(that ending )
P.S. Dat bucking moon tea... I so wanted to say 1 down, 4 to go. (Not sure how many fillies you plan to include in this insane mating season.) due to Apple Bloom facing a most crazy end with being stuck as the mare of so many offsprings xD
3658952
Nowhere has it actually mentioned what Moon Tea does other than make them feel better. There's no real indication of it being a form of birth control, unless I missed something.
Missing a "
... Now. Get EVERYPONY. Even Rumble.
... And Applejack.
I want AB to get so much action that when Discord comes back even HE feels bad about how far this went. XD
So how does the relationship thing in this work?
Do they have regular couples or do they have herds where a single stallion can have more then one mare?
Either way this'll be a harem fan-fic.
3659347
From Chapter 2:
Also, I've mentioned this earlier in the comments, but Moon Tea is actually a real historical thing, made from a flower called Tansy and used as a contraceptive. (though it's very dangerous in real life and is discredited by modern medicine).
3659475
Thanks, fix'd!
3659582
I wasn't really planning on addressing the mechanics of potential herd-shipping with this fic. Harem is closer, though still not quiiiiiite right. All will be revealed in time.
3659638
Alright, just wondering since some stories go by a different mechanic.
3659638
I had forgotten/missed that.
Thank you~
I think the term Moon Tea for tansy is from A Song of Ice and Fire, though; at least, I have never heard it in relation to RL historical tansy usage.
Didn't want to end the story with tons of knocked up teenagers huh?
3659644
The thing with harem comedies is that even with a broad range of suitors, it's still usually regular couples in the end, and eventually the main character will get with one particular suitor; the fun is in the journey and figuring out who it'll be.
damn, can't wait to see Apple Bloom make Diamond and Silver beg for some action
Well played, Discord. Turning a filly into the more "Intrusive" sex, and straight in the middle of heat season too? Physical awkwardness aside, the social and psychological effects from such a change is going to cause quite a bit of chaos in the lives of quite a few ponies.
3659663
Ah.
Never thought of it like that...
Eloquent way to put it
Okay, confession time: I went to a party tonight, and it didn't pick up until midnight. To occupy myself, I read this fic on my phone. I'm pretty drunk right now, so I hope I can remember everything I thought at the time....
1) I like how you kept AB's pronouns the same. Even though she has a dick, she's still a filly, and you refer to her as "she", which doesn't clog up or confuse the narration. Good job.
2) Discord's Ursula reference was a funny nod, but subtle enough to fit into the story.
3) The hints you dropped were clever. I've seen far too many fics where a girl wakes up and "feels two pendulous orbs hanging under her huge throbbing dick" which is just... ugh, please.
4) Props for being the first fic I've ever read that describes it as "boy-cum". THANK YOU!!!
Applebloom! you got your cutie mark!
O Celestia, please tell me its just a skipping school cutie mark!
Heh, not quite! I think its great though, so congrats!
You should stop buying butter from a chemical factory. If it's the same color as fluttershy... you might be eating poison.
LAWL I forgot how much I missed this fic.
Yes Pinocchio you are a real boy
This chapter...
i.imgur.com/KdvVE8E.jpg
3658690
3659535
i.imgur.com/fk3KKCf.jpg
This is somehow insanely adorable in addition to being insanely hot.
Ehh, the double orgasm is a bit much, but you see it all the time in stories like this. Scootaloo really needs to study more. It doesn't seem like she knows just why it quenches estrus. I guess that goes for most of the fillies. Bitter tea, really? And drinking it with your mouth? Wrong end, ladies! There are so many more satisfying ways to account for a dearth of boys. Maybe they should ask Pinkie I'm sure she knows what you can put elsewhere than your mouth to soothe those lonely nights.