I am Sterling Sketch: author, artist, musician, brony! ^^ Thanks if you take your time to read my amateur stories! :D
Lightning Flair, a cousin of Rainbow Dash, has arrived for his first time in Ponyville. He expected to find a nice crowd of friendly faces, but he never dreamed of finding such a wonderful mare as he has. Season 3 spoiler, Twilight>OC shipfic.
NOTE: Previously named Thunder at Sunset. Name changed for the cause of possible misconception.
Page generated in 0.05 seconds
Total duration
648 users online
1,374,421 hits today, 2,139,894 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Awww~!! Personally, I think this is an incredibly solid start to your story. You have a pretty fun double-hook in this story, you have a gift for visually-cinematic writing, and your OC so far is fun, intriguing, and I consider him to be a nice counterweight to Rainbow Dash's character. Plus, I'm a shameless OCxCanon junkie, so a TwilightxOC fanfiction? I'm all for this!
I must say that all in all, I am VERY impressed with this for a first chapter and I am looking forward to more! *applauds*
3499890 Thank you so much~! ^U^ Thanks for renewing my faith in myself as a writer, good sir/madame!
3499926
You're very, very welcome, on both counts! And hey, just calling good writing where I see it! ^^~
I find this to be a pretty solid start and is like to know what happens. Sorry for the short comment, but hard to go in depth from my phone ^^;
Well, for starters, let me say that I adore Rainbow Dash giving Lightning the nickname "Flair-Bear." I don't always see her as being quite so prone to giving cutesy nicknames out to her friends like Pinkie Pie, but for some reason it's very easy to read that in her voice and picture her saying it.
(And Twilight probably doesn't realize that, as per the norm. 
)
Again, loved this, and I'm looking forward to more from you!
The chapter does feel a little fast-paced, but personally, I don't mind it. Sometimes shorter chapters are just more fun for a story, and in the long run, it can help with the overall pacing.
I am also enjoying the interaction between Lightning and Twilight. Sounds like Lightning is getting swept off his feet pretty quickly!
You have also done an excellent job with writing the rest of the girls here in this chapter! *applauds* It's very easy to picture them all in my mind, and I'm loving where this is going so far, especially with the way you end your chapters! The endings aren't entirely cliffhangers so much as they are dramatic (I'm not sure what else to call them aside from that,) but I like that, personally.
3502879 I'm glad you enjoyed it! ^^
I'm also glad that Twilight's denseness was conveyed to you. I was struggling for a while regarding conciseness in that section where Lightning is fangirling hard, and Twilight has no clue. :D Thank you for assuring me that the message was recieved! :D
As for the chapter sizes, I prefer the shorter ones because each one has a different flow to it. I find that with shorter chapters, you have easier changes of beat, and it makes for a fairly decent story. :D
As for the endings, they may or may not eventually transform into full-blown cliffhangers. Just saying~
Thanks for reading the second installment, and I'm glad you are awaiting the third!
*rolls around in joy* I finally got to read this chapter! :D
I'd say he's having some very natural responses to them all.
Am I sensing an introduction to a source of plot conflict here?
It's no problem. I'd do no less for a friend! 
*hugs*
I must say, I'm really loving how you write all of your character interactions. Don't worry about the perspective-jumps; you've handled them incredibly well! You've given plenty of work to the different scenes that the perspective-jumping between the characters does not detract from the read.
I really want to learn more about Dash and Flair as cousins. :3 They just seem to have such a natural dynamic together as family members, and I'm really enjoying that. I'm also seriously enjoying how he's taking in meeting the girls and trying to keep up with all of them.
Ohhh, that ending! I'm wondering what you have in store for us now.
*hides under the desk* Aww, Sterling!
Hmmmmm periwinkle mare you say? I'm LOVING this fanfic and I absolutely can't WAIT for the next chapter bro!
Personally, I loved and enjoyed this chapter!
I'm only sorry that it took me so long to get to it!
Still loving Lightning's acquaintances with the girls and his crush on Twilight. Not to mention, seeing more of his interactions with Dash. They really do feel like cousins, in a very natural way!
As for the mysterious "Shady" and everything going on with the other end of the plot, I'm still intrigued, and wish to learn more! Looking forward to the next chapter, Sterling dear, as always!
Pretty please continue this!Im loving it!!XD But seriously, continue this piece of fan art!( see what I did there?) XD
3794487 I shall continue this story, definitely! Though, getting the next chapter out there is a little frustrating at the moment. ^^" I'm glad you enjoyed it, and I loved your pun! :D
3846385 thank you, and YAY