Fable 2: Equine Hijinks

by DarkParable

Chapter three: Who Lives in a Cave Stuck Under a Tree? I Do Apparently!

So, just for future reference, pissing off the fellow who's meant to be in charge of you is a bad idea. Most of the times this comes with a capital B on bad, but with Blue-bollocks not so much. Now I know I pegged the guy as a total prat, and he was, but apparently I forgot to make not of the fact that he was a fop too. Yep, total foppish prat who also happened to be a bit of a task master when the mood took him. Bloody tosser.

See, once he'd gotten over the head ache I gave him with that little force spell of mine, he got right down to laying down the law on my horny carcass. Get your brain outta the gutters, there's shit there. Apparently he'd been placed in charge of me until some six slick shits showed the sorry mugs back in town. A prospect I laughed at really. I mean seriously, if Lucian's overseer couldn't break me and death itself couldn't keep a hold of me, what was he going to do? I really wished I hadn't asked him that aloud as I now found myself suspended upside down and spinning fast enough to make my ponytail crack like a whip.

"Let!" I was spun around a few more times, "ME!" There's another couple rotations! "DOWN!" Me and my big mouth got me dropped on my head. Bugger all, some people are way too literal, apparently little horse things too. I'd had worse knocks to my brain case honestly, but not when I wanted the world to stop for a tick and lemme lose my cookies over the side. Ugh... Why'd I have to think about vomiting? Unable to help myself I did just that, all over bollocks' nice coat too... That got me spun again.

"Repulsive, vile, contemptuous, wretched thing! How dare you get such a noxious substance on me. Count yourself lucky that Auntie Tia forbade me from harming you or I'd treat you like a blighted apple and throw you to the flames... Though with that... Skin... Of your's you look like you'd enjoy it. May the pits of Tartarus swallow you when you eventually anger my aunts. I know you will too. For now though... You've had enough I think, now go find a dark corner and stay away from the ponies. Not even such dirt dwellers deserve to be subjected to your ugly face."

I'll be honest, through his whole tirade I was too dizzy and nauseous to really pay much attention, but I think I got the gist of it... Murder him later when I get my sword back. Either way, when he dropped me again I just lay there and waited for everything to stop spinning. I did catch the satisfying sounds of my apparent jailer complaining about never being able to get the smell of my stomach contents out of his coat... Serves ya right says I. That'd be how I spent my first day in Ponyville, motion sick and amused.

---

I'd like to say my next day here was filled with my favorite activities, but it wasn't. Instead of dragging villagers off to feed to the shadows via a wheel of misfortune, there was me sitting in a corner and zapping small bugs with lightning spells. Instead of putting people to the sword for money, there was me, twiddling my thumbs and wondering what barbecued pony tasted like... not that I ate meat really, who wanted to get fat? Instead of romping about with my dog in the great outdoors looking for more things to kill... The was me, sitting with my dog and lamenting on the lack of any of the above activities. Even Canis seemed more... subdued than usual. I suppose that was due to the lack of any rabbits to chase or hollowmen to relieve of their heads. What can I say, he's a loveable mongrel with big teeth.

That's how day two was going right up until noon or so when some purple horny-horse came a-busting into the basement in which I'd been stuck after my adventures with centrifugal force. Now when I say purple, I do indeed mean purple. I believe the proper term for that shade is lavender, but it really just reminded me of the color a lot of the nobles in Bowerstone like to have their coats died. I believe they refer to t as royal purple or something of the sort... I happen to like it because it looks black when you get blood on it. Speaking of black, this one's mane was black too, though the streaks ruined a perfectly good color in my opinion.

"This..." she said "Is the last thing I really need right now. My good mood was ruined when the princess told me about you. Can't even enjoy passing my test..." Well... I take that back, she was grumbling really. Griping would probably be a better word for it.

I just quirked an eyebrow at her and crossed my arms under my tits. Force of habit, Shows em off and gets al the little horn ball villagers to pay attention before I start extorting them or something... Don't judge me. Gold makes the world go round.

"...derstand?" Apparently I'd gone and missed a good portion of her ranting at me, not that I cared mind you. Rolling my eyes I just flipped her the bird. The gesture was of course lost on her, but her rebuttal wasn't lost on me one bit. That horn of her's started glowing and next thing I know I'm upside down again.

"Didn't I just get done saying that you weren't supposed to be casting any magic?" she asked, leaving me hovering near the ceiling. "Well you can stay up there for the night, I'll get Spike to start on converting the basement into your new home in the morning... I'm going to bed."

With that I was officially the world's first shadow worshiping ceiling fixture! ...At least until tomorrow apparently. Yay me...

Now, for those wondering what Canis was up to during all this... Sleeping... Bloody dog was asleep while his owner was being treated like a dead sexy chandelier. Dozy dog... Oh well, dogs is dogs I suppose.

Comments

[DarkParable]

3554711

You can expect more of that kind of thing later.

[Stoneificaunt]

DAMMIT THIS IS AN INJUSTICE WAY TO TREAT A HERO EVEN ONE OF EVIL NATURE.

[DarkParable]

3557137

How else does one treat a prisoner who's actions have marked them as dangerous? We're talking nuke in a mind field dangerous here.

[DarkParable]

3586391

His role in this story is going to be that of Celestia's "impartial" nark. As a way to teach him some responsibility she basically told him "You're not coming back to Canterlot until this... Thing... Is reformed." Twilight's just the medium for teaching Sparrow the joy of friendship... Yeah, this'll be fun.