• Member Since 21st Jul, 2013
  • offline last seen Aug 29th, 2021

Game Design


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Star Swirl has finely begun to warm up to the thought of friendship. However, he has also created a spell, that would turn him and any normal pony into an Alicorn, but the spell back fires and his friends, and Equestria will be changed forever.

Chapters (3)
Comments ( 3 )

Do not rely on just spellcheck, and always read your early work aloud.

Years ago, before the years of rule by Clesetia and Luna, the nation of Equestria was seeing a great change.

Or Clesetia happens. I like the idea a lot, and it's pretty passable overall, too. A bit of aid from another writer would have made it go far, though. :twilightsmile: A very good first story, sir. You did far better than many of your peers. (Still a ways to go like many of us, as well, though.)

I must second MerlosTheMad's words, as there are a few "oops" moments in your story with your spelling, but overall, I must say, I enjoyed this! I love the concept you have here (I wasn't expecting to see a story about Star Swirl the Bearded, let alone the six ponies of Hearth's Warming Eve, so that was a delight, in my eyes,) and I'm going to say, if this is your first story, it's pretty good! *applauds* Rough around the edges, sure, but you do have some natural talent and plenty of creative thoughts and ideas (as evidenced by your writing,) and all it needs is more practice and nurturing! I really love this story, and I hope to see more from you in the future! You show a lot of promise!

Comment posted by Game Design deleted Nov 28th, 2013
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