To Be That Kind of Pony

Fluttershy, having just moved to her cottage outside Ponyville, is invited to a welcoming party. At the party, she hopes to be the kind of pony who is invited to parties.

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Comments ( 7 )

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Soft Shell

Soft Shell #1 · Oct 30th, 2013 · · ·

I was invited to a party once.
There were no survivors....
Not.....Even.......Me...

Waterpear

Waterpear #2 · Oct 30th, 2013 · · ·

3417810

That-One-Brony

That-One-Brony #3 · Oct 30th, 2013 · 1 · ·

I'm not really sure what to think of this fic to be honest. I think my main problem is that it doesn't really seem to have a point. It's just sad for the sake of being sad. You might as well have gone all the way and added an epilogue saying "And Fluttershy died alone and regretful of her life.." Nothing was really learned or accomplished by Fluttershy in this story. A better way to write this would've been to make it bittersweet. Sure Fluttershy will never be that kind of pony that gets invited to parties all the time, but that's perfectly fine, life goes on. That doesn't work here though because Fluttershy is clearly upset about her failure at the end. Or better yet write a story about how she does become that kind of pony. Write about how it happens and how Fluttershy develops and grows as a character. Although I guess you wanted to write a sad story, so whatever.

Don't be offended by this critique. I'm just suggesting other ways this could have been written. Your writing overall was good though! It's just this story didn't seem to have a point...

Waterpear

Waterpear #4 · Oct 30th, 2013 · 1 · ·

3417892

Thanks for the critique!

Yeah, now that I think about it, you're probably right. My thought process here was that, well, she hasn't met Twilight at this point, so her character development hasn't been set in motion yet; I suppose that means this is basically a prequel to the show proper, so it's not yet time for Fluttershy to learn her lessons.

There's no point to Fluttershy's suffering here, and I wasn't trying to give it a point. In retrospect, as you seem to be saying, there should have been at least a little glimmer of light at the end.

Maybe she should have lit the fire after all, in other words. Ooh, I was so close.

Grey_Mane

Grey_Mane #5 · Nov 20th, 2013 · · ·

I can somewhat relate to Fluttershy, which is why she is my favorite. I am not a party guy. I hate being around a bunch of people. I am actually afraid of being around a bunch of people. I would loved to have left early as well. I also have a thing when it comes to food as well. When snacks are set out for anybody to have, I never take it unless the host was to say that I am allowed to have some.

That is why I like this story.

ObabScribbler