Just a pony who goes by the beat of his own drum and loves to play guitar
Lately in Ponyville, ponies have been disappearing, and then reappearing a few days later as a shell of their former selves. Some say that a mysterious 'ghost pony' has been taking these ponies, and then returning them. And something has been haunting Ponyville with horrible nightmares. Could it be this Ghost Pony?
Follow the Mane Six and other characters in this adventure as they battle to find out what this ghost pony actually is, and how to defeat it.
Page generated in 0.067 seconds
Total duration
1,066 users online
1,775,664 hits today, 2,205,040 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Hello there Rangeralex22,
My name's Sneaks, please just refer to me as Jerry. After reading your story I was very much impressed with your writing style yet it fell flat on executing the idea in your head properly. The chapters are much too short to be chapters(Minimum for a chapter is 1k in my opinion) but that's another discussion.
What did I like?
-Writing Style
-The original idea
-Explanation on what went on
What I didn't like?
-Very short "chapters"
-The less-than-adequately executed idea
-A gender confusion on Lightning Dust(she's a female, colt is usually reserved for a small male horse as stated here:
"colt
kōlt/
noun
noun: colt; plural noun: colts
1.
a young, uncastrated male horse, in particular one less than four years old."
A final rating on this? 5/10.
-I am very neutral about this. Your writing style makes me want to give you a better rating but with the faults of the story in execution and otherwise I can only give you a 5/10. Just get better at making longer chapters and executing your ideas and you'll be a great author/fanfic-writer in no time!
~Jerry
3410929 hi jerry! Thank you for reading my story. And also thank you for pointing those things out to me. In the rest of the story, the chapters will be much longer and have much more meat to them you could say. They won't fall flat. And when I put lightning dust, I wasn't even thinking! It was later at night, so I was, again, not thinking. I will go back and change that to be correct! If you see anything else that could use changing further on please don't hesitate to let me know! Thanks!
-Alex
I feel this story has some potential, especially since you released it near Halloween it's just that.... well, the narration felt uninspiring for me it feels like everything is rushed and not a lot is explained
you can practically fit all the three chapters in one! seriously
but I do like the story. or at least the concept of it.
like jerry said, you should make your chapters longer! you can make stories longer by adding more but not too much detail to the situations, actions, and... well, descriptions! thus making it more immersive and more attractive to read and will be more fun for yourself!
my first fan fic started with around 3000 words, that's only one chapter and a prologue. when I wrote my second chapter it reached around 6000, twice of all I read so far... what the hell right? but I kinda got ahead of myself, you should keep your chapters at least more or less the same amount of words.
the whole point is to have fun and love what you do, don't rush it too much. I'm telling you this because I know you can do it and improve the story
so work on the next chapter already.
3411002
I can't wait to see it happen, followed and liked. If you ever need any help just message me! I haven't had any successful writings on FIMfiction for the ponyverse but that's usually because of the fact I don't have time to do enough work on them to make them good.
Anyway, just contact me if you need any help!
~Jerry
3411096 I have taken all these things into consideration and am going to do this throughout the rest of the story! Hopefully you won't be dissapointed!
hey guys! i really edited this a lot so it's much better now. i hope you enjoy it!
3411096 hey! i took into consideration what you said, and made the chapters longer. the third chapter is only about 1000 words, but the chapters will get longer as i go and get more into the story! thanks for your help!
3413846
Heeeey! now you're on to something here! great job that's exactly what I'm talking about
and zecora's rhymes are seamless, don't worry! it's even better than how I wrote her... well uh only a little better ahem
writing zecora is hard, so it's understandable. but what I'm really interested in seeing is how you'll interpret pinkie pie, assuming you will of course.
wooooo... the burden of high expectations! waaaa, how will our writer handle his critic? find out next chapter on 'Don't go into the woods' on your nearest fan fiction site!
warning: viewer discretion is advised, apparently
3414713 thanks! Pinkie Pie should be a little easier than Zecora to do (I'm glad you thought zecoras rhymes were ok. That was hard!). The gore and dark tags will become more relevant in later chapters. It's going to be awesome!
Ok everyone. I basically re-write the whole first chapter and have done some minor editing to the other 2 chapters. I'm probably going to start chapter 4 tomorrow. I'm really hoping that it will turn out well and that everyone will like it. The teen and gore labels will take effect later on in the story. So just hold on! It'll get there!
ok, so for the next few chapters, I'm going to be focusing on other ponies than Twilight so we can see the other of the mane 6's experience with the 'ghost pony'. I'll do 2 or 3 chapters on each of the mane 6. so, i hope you like it!