Weakened and demoralized from her defeat in Canterlot, Queen Chrysalis attempts to find a new way to sate the appetite of her subjects.
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 11th Oct, 2013
- offline last seen Jan 17th, 2014
DesertfoxShyER
I'm an oddity I suppose. You'd understand if you talked to me.
DesertfoxShyER
Joined 11th Oct, 2013 ·
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It's one shot, looks like one but have incomplete status huh?
3337581 Because expanding on it is a possibility. I wrote a brief blog about it. Sorry for any confusion.
The ending feels rushed, but the plot is solid and not(too) full of holes.
So many puns abound.
I do, however, recommend a pre-reader/editor. There are groups for that.
3337631 Thanks for the feedback! I hope it wasn't too bad.
I may expand on it a bit more, making it so the ending does not feel as abrupt as it does now. I wanted a bit of feedback before doing so though.
Once again, thanks for the comment!
3337678
I did enjoy it. I am looking forward to your expansion.
3337605 you better expand
I like the story. It´s very interesting. Thank you for the first chapter of this.
LG
Egonuss
It's a bit short (and the part about AJ reminiscing about her parents feels out of place), but I enjoyed it nevertheless. I hope you'll decided to expand it, I'd love to see more details on how Chryssi's hive transformed after her return!
One tip for writing Rarity: it's not 'dear' or 'darling' added in nearly all of her lines that defines her. She surely uses these words while addressing somepony, but I think you overdid it this time.
3363801
Thanks for the feedback! It's much appreciated. Not sure when I will ever write more with so much going on, but we will see. I should have some time here and there. Glad you enjoyed!
As far as writing Rarity, it doesn't surprise me that I may have gone a bit overboard. I was trying so hard to make everypony sound right.