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That's some heavy-handed treatment. Very, very heavy-handed.
I know my reasoning is partly coloured by my liking his character, but even so, that's some true tyrant behaviour right there. Even if he breaks the spell, Blueblood has good reasons never to forgive his "Aunts", and I have my fingers crossed that they pay a heavy price for this as well. Especially "I-abolish-your-favourite-holiday-because-it-hurt-my-feelings"-Luna, who's being a gigantic hypocrite here.
Now, mistakes I found:
Edit: Had to edit the quotes, formatting ate the mistakes, ugh.
Prince Blueblood in the cannon is a static character and I wanted to make him a dynamic character. I hope to offer some ideas on how he became who he was as well as give him a chance to find out who he can be.
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...I'm sorry but I can't agree with you. From what we know of Blueblood from the show, he's an arrogant ass. Clearly that is what this author is going for and frankly this punishment is well deserved and probably the only way for him to snap out of his self centerness and teach him some humility. Also Luna tried and tried again to make peace with the ponies of Ponyville only to be treated as a monster over and over till she finally snapped. The way Blueblood works, he likely never batted an eye at his actions.
Now as for the story, there are several spelling mistakes and some misplaced words and missing commas and the like.
If you'd like I'll gladly be an editor as I'm really liking where this story is heading. My only complaint is that you still use 'He' when Blueblood is clearly a 'she' now. I think it'd be better to just use 'she' while he's a mare, unless your plan is to use the she pronouns when Blueblood actually starts thinking and acting like a mare.
PS: You got this idea from the 1991 movie Switch didn't you? :P I just hope you don't plan to end this story in a similar fashion...
I would very much like that Videomaster21XX.
Spelling and Grammar were never my strongest suits but I try and I would rather make an absolute dunce out myself trying to write something that may or not be good then not to write at all.
And yes I did get the idea after watching Switch and although I wouldn't change the ending for nothing I don't plan to end it the same way at all. ;P
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If you have skype, PM me your name. I find it's the best way to go over a story and point out all the things that need fixing up.
I'll have to look into Skype then. Will PM you when I get it set up.
And I am holding out on the use of the she/her pronouns until he starts to think like a mare.
3320797Agreed on the blueblood thing. People act like hes only character within the show whos ever been arrogant or rude. The ponies in canterlot hardly wanna talk to others who aren't from high society. Princess Celestia herself made a mean spirited decision at the gala. I get with immortality doing somethings for the 1000th plus time would get dull but having ponies over to cause havoc for ponies who like these kinda galas they go,just so you can get a chuckle is rude. Although for Luna since she hasn't had enough screen time to give us an idea I can understand the fierce ways they portray her,but when it comes to Celestia who not only lives in a City of snobbish unicorns and the god of Chaos,with a cool head I just can't see these portrayals of her banishing someone for something like being rude and getting cake on someone.
Mass genocide? Yes,Theft of the element? Yes,Attempt at assassination?Yes,Attempt to overtake the kingdom? Yes,Being a bad date to random mares?In alternate universe version of her,yes. That's like instead of your teacher sending you to detention for talking in class,she/ he dangles you from the window upside for an hour with rope.
Its not to say he doesn't need a lesson but it should fit the crime. Hopefully one of his Aunts is watching him to make sure he doesn't accidentally get killed or hang with the wrong crowd.
Sorry for the rant,between Tyrantlestia,and molestia, some portrayals of her just bug me.
The story itself put one twist that others of this kind doesn't with making him a girl. Although I have to ask if he as a girl gets another girl to love him and he falls for her wouldn't she only wanna be friends if this implies its romantic love from a girl who likes other girls or does it mean love him like a true friend?
Also,sorry if my former comment sounded hateful toward you,I've just seen a lot of fics with Celestia OOC and it gets to me sometimes.
Also where you see the little icon of a trash can,speech bubble box,and pencil on the comment box, you need to click the speech bubble box to give people your replies.
3322033
I think you are missing something here. While it's not showed, it's implied that this is happening after a TON of offenses from Blueblood. This likely isn't because of what he did to Rarity, but a list of mares he's taken advantage off, problems he's caused due to his arrogance, and so forth. Though I agree some clarification of his crimes is probably needed.
Guessing you meant, book shelf.
I'm guessing there's a word missing from there.
Anyways, I didn't expect anyone to make a pony story inspired by Switch. I didn't think many people even saw that movie.
I adore Switch!
As the story progresses I'm going to clear up the reasons for his current predicament.
As for the way the Celestia and Luna are treating him I wrote it intentionally making the two seem to be much worse than they are. I intend to clear that up in the next chapter. :)
I wonder if he will end up dating someone?
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No no, Charzoid pretty much nailed it. Consider this:
They took away everything he owned, even his name and identity, and banished him from his home on the pain of death, with a single slip-up condemning him to his new form until he dies.
What the everloving heck did he do to deserve this? Other ponies did things like trying to steal the Element of Magic, driving the Apples out of their home, and almost getting five of the Mane Six killed due to negligence without giving a damn.
If I were Blueblood, I'd consider sneaking back into Canterlot Castle to throw myself off the towers, just to teach them a lesson, seeing they are so fond of dishing them out themselves.
3323114
Oh I see the problem here. Okay get this: They need to teach him a lesson. If they just made him some other pony, or made him a mare all Blueblood will do is fight against it and not even bother to change. That seems like what he'd do even given what little we know about him. He's a stubborn high class ass. So what to do?
Give him reasons to go along with it, with fear of horrible punishment if he doesn't
Let me ask you this: How do you know he'll remain as he is if he reveals himself? The Princess's TOLD him that yes, but we have no way of knowing if it's true.
The way Luna talked to him in his apartment/dream at the start of the second chapter suggests they don't want him to remain as he is. They want him to change, and while these measures are extreme, given how Blueblood is considered to be. I doubt much else would work.
Basically I've seen this before in movies. Rich snob is made into poor begger and told 'this is their life now' but it never really is. That is just what they are told so they'll actually try. It's kinda really clear that's what is going on here. Least to me.
celestia is such an hypocrite , she says that she wishes more democracy yet she behaves like a tyrant punishing blueblood for what he does with his private life . even more she destroys his gender identity for such minor defects , there is no way for celestia or luna to justify this
3344740 Democracies can be just as tyrannical as any monarchy. But yes, Celestia is being a *bad word*. Blueblood isn't the only pony in this story who needs to learn something.