In a world where Alicorns and immortal ponies rule the underworld and mortal ponies live on the surface without knowledge of the underworld, chaos rules silently in the background. One pony will soon change all that. a once powerful Alicorn, Twilight, ran away from her home after her sister, AppleJack, tried killing her. But now after thousands of years of hiding with the mortal ponies, AppleJack has found her and wants her back to steal her powers. But after finding an old friend, Spike, Twilight and Spike escape to further strengthen the rebellion and to find out the truth behind AppleJack's greed for power. Along the way, Spike and Twilight learn that love can be found in many forms...
-side note- this story is in P.o.V's, but I will show when each view changes:D and A.J , Twi, are alicorns in this. Also Fluttershy is a half Alicorn. All the characters look like ponies but walk and have the bodies of humans. Like they have the pony faces and horns and wings. They look like the cover pic.
FIRST!!! nad intresting gonna track and see wher this goes
299227lol thx!
I'll be sure to update as much as possible!
Their are some errors need to be corrected, such as calling Dash Derpy's boyfriend.
Are you sure it would not be better to use an OC for the role you are putting Applejack in? As it seems you are completely redoing her character, in which case there is no point in using her.
I will be tracking for now to see if things get better as the premise of Twilight being an alicorn in exile sounds interesting, but the execution could use a lot of work (I may send some more thoughts on how to improve it in a private message later).
299264you're right, but I forgot to mention the the mane 6 and spike are based on the 7 deadly sins. And also I know I have a bit of typing errors so I'm gonna go through it and double-quadruple check to make sure I got everything down! thx!
299305Hey if y0ou ever felt the want to redo it withou AJ being evil i could supply some OC's for the main antagonist position if you wanted them that is
299305
299344
Or you could look at the latest information leak on Equestria Daily, as it seems Twilight will be getting a sibling in an upcoming episode.
299359already saw that
299344 i may idk but like i said in and earlier comment, the mane 6 and spike are based on the 7 deadly sins so i'll see how ppl like this version of the mane 6 and spike but thx!! i'll be sure to go to you if i need any!!:D
299359 i saw that that on G+ the other night!:O very shocking!
299390meh I've been wating for somethinlg like that I was excepecting some type of marrige thing would come up and thae fact that it's Twilight's brother to boot just combines it with something else I've been excpecting
299481 well i'm still in the process of getting it all typed up and ready for public view, i've written up to the point where Twi goes looking for her sword (pretty far from the end but pretty far in) so i'll see what people want, A.J changing to twi's actual brother or staying the same
Too bad your in 1st person pov, 3rd person limited is much easier to transition from character to character.
299520 well i write my stories as if i'm actually the person talking and thinking...3rd person is really hard for me
299528
Are you sure about it being hard? The wording is not that different. Here is a sample of the first paragraph redone to third person:
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Sweat possibly makeup and tears raced down Sparkie's face. I'm not about to be late again. I do not need my teacher asking why I am late. She got to class looking like i had just got done running 8+ miles. She walked over to where Rainbow Dash was sitting and sat next to her.
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Mostly you just change pronouns and some times the verb tense for thoughts. I use italics to show thoughts here.
299694 yea xD I just like writing in first person, keeps the gears in my brain working
300551
By the way, let me know when you have done any clean up you plan on doing to the first chapter (and maybe the second as well), and I will then add it to the relavent groups. It should be at its best when submitted so that people will like it.