nolongerinuse
Joined 17th Jun, 2013 ·
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Loved it! I can't wait to see more
3112258
Thanks, first time writing, plus I had a certain time frame I HAD to get it done in.
3112444 I want to favor it but because it is private I can't. But I can wait until you want to make it public.
3112466
It says I need at least 1000 words, so I'll go back later today and edit it a little. :l And thanks!
Not bad You really have to preread though:
should be dribble
needs a full stop after 'mouth'.
Capitalise 'record'.
Needs a comma after 'Cobalt's'.
Should be an 'and' rather than a comma here.
Also, who was Draco? I presume it's the first name of one of them but the name is introduced suddenly and it confused me.
3114379
Yeah my auto correct on my iPod screwed me over on that when I was trying to edit it so it could be approved, so I'll edit it again soon to fix the errors because I read through it and face desked acouple times. Thanks!
3114379
*Face desk*
Its hard to not use Draco because I'm so used to saying his name instead of Record.
Draco is another alternate character of Record, and first name of another character. Draco Nightstalker. Crap so hard to not use that name so used to it, once again thanks that'll help me a lot to fix this. xD
This is a pretty good job for a first try. I'd recommend you get an editor (pretty easy to find around here. Just ask a friend if your stuck and they can usually catch the big mistakes.) Your scene is a little short, but not awful (though it fell apart at the end. Seriously get an editor.)
A little more setup would be nice though. It's especially important with OCs because of how little we know about them going in. What is their relationship? What do they look like? These are just a couple of the questions people have, but as much information as you can elegantly provide is usually a good idea.
when's the next chapter?
3267883
UNKNOWN. if i ever get off myass and work on it i guess
MORE!
3363713
dont hurt me man!
3378069 Then get to work!
3378127
3387288 Don't cry.
3387324
I'm not crying!
3394000 Hehe, I know.
3394083
dang right you know
3452063
mooooaaaaaar...
3519798 You have more people who are attracted now