15. Dash of Insanity
When I woke up it was still dark. It took me a while to realize Dash was in control of the body but was sound asleep. This in turn meant I could do little besides sit in the dark, enjoying the warm sensation of the blanket around her body. I imagined myself stretching and began to check my memories, trying to gauge if I had slipped any further into the pony mindset.
Memories of driving to a theater or giving a shot to a rowdy child were few and far between. Last night instead of dreaming of flying or being naked in front of a classroom, I had dreamed of being a pony. That was no doubt just because of Dash’s silly fantasies about Soarin. In fact, I wasn’t quite sure if I was done dreaming yet, because I still had nagging sensation in the back of my mind. There seemed to be a leg wrapped around Dash’s chest.
[Dash? Wakey wakey.]
Dash shifted and I felt the legs wrapped around her pull her in tightly, cuddling in their sleep. This proved I was either back in a dream or being spooned by a stallion. I felt something stiff brush against her back, and it set off alarms in my head.
[Oh god, Dash? Dash! Wake up!]
Mmmhmm, I’m trying to sleep. . .
[How much did we drink last night? Who are you in bed with?!]
Go back to sleep, Dude. Can’t you see how comfortable I am?
She curled up and snuggled in closer to the pony behind her. I couldn’t tell which was softer: the blankets or their fur. I tried to focus and fought the urge to fall back to sleep.
[No! What happened last night? Did we. . . Did I?]
Nah, we just had food and wine. Oh, then you put on this really cute little maid outfit.
[Soarin? I did invite him over for dinner. Did we sleep together?]
I don’t remember. It was such a blur, what with you waving your flank around in the air in that maid’s outfit.
[Shit! Ugh, I should have never agreed to dinner. . .]
Thanks, by the way, for showing Soarin a good time.
I felt Dash smirk, prompting me to try and slam my hooves against the inside of her brain. My ruckus continued until I felt her shift in bed to try and get comfortable and ignore the headache I was causing.
[Why didn’t you stop me?]
You said you wanted it, Dude. You were all, “Come on, I need this!”
[I was drunk!]
So was I.
[Oh, yeah. . .]
The difference is I’m looking on the bright side instead of pointing blame.
There was little I could do aside from rolling my eyes and take her bait.
[Alright, what bright side?]
Well, you’ve gotta admit it felt pretty good. If you’re worried about your manliness, I don’t think drunk sex in another pony’s body “counts”.
[There are so many things wrong in that sentence. . . Okay, I was drunk. Mistakes happen, but for the love of what humanity I have left, wait until after we fix this to bang him again.]
Heh, deal. In fact, I think I owe you one now. I was worried when this whole thing started that I might never get to go out with Soarin again. After all, you nearly knocked him out cold on the first date.
[Yeah, yeah, can we go take a long ice-cold shower?]
Aww, come on, isn’t the bed comfortable? It’s like six in the morning. The sun isn’t even up yet!
Dash reached over her side and tugged at something. A moment later I felt Soarin’s wing covering her like a blanket. Dash cuddled in closer with him, making her intentions clear.
[This means war!]
Heh, I wouldn’t have it any other way. Sleep tight, Dude.
I groaned in defeat and focused on my memories of Earth, imagining I was asleep in my own bed. If I was going to be stuck here while she wore a stallion like a fuzzy blanket, the least I could do was try to focus on the memories I had left of my life before this mess.
[Good night, Dash.]
By the time the sun did come up, I was thinking more clearly. The nap had proven refreshing, and blissfully devoid of any more of Dash’s fantasies. In a way, I had brought most of these late night debacles on myself. I certainly wasted no time jumping the fence to explore life as a mare. Perhaps it would prove funny a year or two from now when I recalled how a little wine had caused me to jump in bed with a stallion.
Dash’s face felt warm as the sunlight fell through the window onto the bed. She tried in vain to shield her eyes with a foreleg. As she woke up, I lamented the fact she got to be in control again. I had grown used to traveling around as her. It felt so natural to be Dash, that when I couldn’t it filled me with remorse. She twisted around in bed and put a hoof on Soarin’s chest.
“Hey, handsome,” Dash purred as she waited for him to wake up.
[Celestia, banish me now.]
Soarin yawned widely, giving me a view of his two rows of large, flat teeth. His breath smelt like gym socks, yet Dash wasn’t deterred. She darted forward and surprised us both when she locked lips in a kiss.
[Come on, now you’re just rubbing salt in a wound. Get your tongue out of his mouth.]
Hey, I’m just trying to be polite and a good date. I’d like to have a relationship last longer than one night for a change.
[A change? Wait, are you telling me you’re the kind of mare who goes to a bar and lets a stallion—]
Finish that sentence and so help me—
[Alright, alright! Note to self: Don’t call a mare a whorse. Haha, get it? A “whorse”?]
Dash hit herself in the head with a hoof to stop my laughing.
“Hey, Dashie, you okay?” Soarin asked. He had woken up and had seen her smack herself.
“Yeah, I. . .” Her eyes darted around for a moment. “I’m, not dreaming!” Dash smiled nervously.
[Wow, I had more game drunk than you do sober.]
So that’s how you want this morning to go, coltcuddler?
[Are you. . . It was your body!]
Dash nuzzled his neck for a moment and smelled his rich scent. It was a bit like salt water and dirt, no doubt from our late-night activities. “Hey, I’ve got to get to the library. I’m still not out of the woods on this whole Discord thing.”
“All right, don’t let me hold you up. You, uh, want to do me one last favor?” Soarin asked. He gestured down at the tent in the blanket. “It’s one of those morning ‘guy problems’.”
“I’d love to—”
[Don’t you dare!]
“—but I really need to get going. How about we do this again next weekend?” Dash asked.
[Whew.]
“Sure. Good luck saving Equestria.” He stared at Dash awkwardly for a moment, and I felt a little bad for them. At least I wasn’t the only one who wound up in these situations on dates. “I suppose I’ll be headed back to Cloudsdale for practice this week,” Soarin said. He got to his hooves and began to stretch out on the bed.
Dash rolled over and got up, heading for the bathroom. Bits of the maid outfit fell off of her and she began to pull the rest of it off. Everything but the Element of Loyalty came off. Dash left it on since we believed it was helping keep my consciousness intact.
[Yep, nothing awkward about this morning after.]
You’re the one ruining my fun. Technically, I haven’t gotten to bang him yet. You sure you don’t want one last ride?
[Yes!]
Dash’s thoughts took on a sultry voice. I can hear you thinking about it, you liked it.
[I’m a guy, he’s a guy, and you’re a horny mare who is rubbing off on me. Hurry up on that whole ‘cold shower’ for me, okay?] The last thing I wanted was an inner monologue about the pros and cons of helping Soarin get laid.
Dash sighed as she reached the bathtub and turned the shower on. When she stepped in and the cold water began to pour over her, I realized it wasn’t as cold as I had expected. The wet hair and feathers almost seemed waterproof, as if they were forming a thin layer of warmth around her to help keep the cold from chilling her to the bone. Despite the amount of time I’d spent living in her body, there were still so many things about ponies that escaped notice.
[So, what’s the plan?]
Well, I figured we’d just go hang out with Twilight until she fixes it.
[You’re a genius! Why didn’t we try that in the first place? Maybe she has a book in a secret alcove that she just now found about restoring an alien consciousness to its original body!]
She began preening her wings and washing them out with the running water. I had to admit that she was still much more nimble and dexterous in her body than I was. Dash was able to keep her balance on two hooves while using the others and her mouth to straighten out all her feathers. I felt like I was going to fall just trying to imagine how on Equestria she was pulling it off.
Okay, you seem agitated today. Is there something else going on?
[No!]
Come on, Dude, I’m trying to help. Your sarcasm is more spiteful than funny today.
I imagined myself receding into her mind, hiding from her prying mind. My sphere of influence in her brain had been steadily shrinking. Each day it seemed that I had fewer memories to hang onto. They continued to slip through my fingers, joining Dash as if she were where they truly belonged. As such, I wasn’t able to evade her for long, before surrendering and admitting what I had recognized that morning.
[After we went back to sleep, I realized I can’t remember ever being with a mare—girl.]
Oh, you were a virgin?
[No! I mean, I don’t know! I can’t remember any women back on Earth; I can’t even remember that bitch at work!]
Melody?
[Ugh, see? I’m trapped in here! Every day another memory slips through my hooves. When I first got here, you were losing memories too. Now my life is just like a dream we had!]
Well, I’m still having trouble recalling some of the memories. I’m sure of it; we’re still in this together.
[Really? Because now I seem to be the only one losing them. I’m scared, Dash; afraid if we don’t fix this soon, I’ll have nothing left to hang onto. Waking up with Soarin reminded me of that fact. The less of “me” I remember, the more I fill in the blanks with your personality.]
Dash turned off the water and got out, quickly drying off with a nearby towel.
Wow, you’re right. I remember how horrified you were when we were trying to one-up each other and get even. Recently, you don’t even seem fazed to act like you’ve always been a pony. I can’t fix this, Don, but I can promise not to give up on you. Twilight is looking into this, and she will find a solution.
[Thanks. I guess all I can do is wait. . . I uh, appreciate you looking out for me, even if I was an ass.]
Things certainly have been a lot less boring with you around.
Dash grabbed a toothbrush and toothpaste, standing up to look at her reflection in the mirror. As she began brushing her teeth she froze. I was about to ask what was up, when there was a loud noise from the bedroom as something crashed to the floor. I stumbled off the bathroom counter to investigate.
Looks like I’m in control again, Dash.
[Hey, at least you seem to cheer up when you’re in control. Just go see what Soarin broke and then we can go visit Twilight.]
I walked out into her bedroom, expecting an overturned dresser or something similar. “Soarin? What are you up to?”
“Dash, I did it!”
A familiar orange blur hit me in the side, latching on to me. I tumbled onto the floor and bounced slightly on the cloud-like flood. Scootaloo was smiling ear to ear as she stood on top of me. “Hey! You flew up here?” I asked.
“Yep!” Scootaloo jumped off me and flew to the bed. Once she landed she stared at the maid’s skirt between her hooves. “Hey, what’s this?”
“Uh, ignore that!” I quickly got up and ran over, grabbed the scattered maid’s outfit, and tossed it all under the bed. “So, flying? You must have been practicing hard to reach this altitude.”
“Oh, yeah!” She turned around and flared her wings, squinting her eyes and baring her teeth. “Well, after I flew through that forest, faster than a Wonderbolt—” She jumped from side to side on the bed, pantomiming her heroic flight. “—I realized the biggest obstacle to flying wasn’t my size, it was myself! I just had to believe in me and I could do it!”
I chuckled and walked up to her, hugging her tightly. “Wow, you’re smarter than a lot of humans I know.”
She looked up at me and saw me frowning. “What’s wrong, Dash? I didn’t tell anypony about your ‘problem’ with Don!”
My mind was wandering and I realized I was choking back a lump in my throat. “Heh, I know. It’s me, Don, and I just miss my home.” A tear started to roll down my cheek and I raced to get a hoof up and wipe it off before Scootaloo saw it.
Shit, I’m pathetic.
[Don’t beat yourself up. Crying isn’t a weakness.]
“Don.” Scootaloo stopped my hoof and wiped my cheek with her own. “I’m an orphan too. I never knew my parents. I figure you being stuck here makes you an orphan. So, consider yourself part of my family. Dash is my sister and you can be my brother! When you go back to Earth, I’ll miss you.”
Wow, what am I supposed to say to that?
[Try “thanks”.]
“Thanks, Squirt,” I said. “Why don’t we go hang out?”
“Oh, I’m sorta grounded.” She looked down at the floor as her ears and wings flattened. “I was supposed to be doing homework and I snuck out to come apologize for running off into the Everfree and scaring you.”
I can see why you like her so much.
I turned to the side and gestured to my back. “Climb on. How about I sneak you back into your room and we can work on that homework together?”
She leapt onto my back and dug her hooves into my ribs, eliciting a small yelp of pain from me. “My wings are actually really sore from flying up here. Thanks, Don!”
“Heh, better stick to calling me Dash in public, Squirt.”
As I went to the window I caught myself mentally thinking like Dash, instead of like myself. It was true I cared for Scootaloo, but somehow the closer I grew to the other ponies here the more I slipped into the personality of Dash.
Hey, maybe we better drop her off and get over to Twilight. It’s hard to tell when my feelings towards other ponies are my own, or just yours.
[Come on, just relax a little. I think you’ve earned it.]
What if I don’t have that much time left? Tomorrow I might wake up and not realize I was ever human in the first place.
[Then would you rather spend your last day with Scootaloo, or in a stuffy library with wires hooked up to your head?]
Huh, I guess I can’t argue with that logic. She really is a sweet filly.
The air outside was chilly and there was a strong wind headed in. Even with Scootaloo riding on me, it was easily enough to lift me into the air. I rode the air current down to Ponyville, barely having to flap at all.
It wasn’t until I’d landed in front of Scootaloo’s house that the wind shifted violently, almost with the force of a tornado. I squatted down to keep from being blown away, and then crawled over to the side of the house.
“Dash? What’s going on?!” Scootaloo shouted.
Yeah, what the hell?
[There shouldn’t be any inclement weather, and the weather teams haven’t had a rogue storm in decades—except for the one the night you came here.]
“Scootaloo, get inside and don’t come out. We need to go fix this.”
“But I can help—”
I stopped in front of her door, sliding her off of my back. “No, whatever this is, I don’t think you can help.”
The wind suddenly stopped and the temperature seemed to drop thirty degrees as the sun scorched down on the soil. Thick drops of brown rain began to land all around me, and the fluid stuck to my fur.
I have a bad feeling about this.
Knowing Scootaloo was safe, I darted into the air and flew towards the library while the winds were gone. Bits of the rain landed on my muzzle, and I began to taste something similar to chocolate milk. By the time I got to the library, I saw Twilight and the other Elements gathering outside of it.
“Twilight! What’s going on?” I asked. I landed next to them, joining the crowd of ponies that had started to gather in front of the library. There were muddy puddles on the ground and strange creatures flying through the air in the distance.
“This is Discord’s M.O. He’s got to be nearby,” she explained.
[You can do this, Don. Believe in my friends and don’t listen to any of his tricks.]
“How could he do this?” Fluttershy asked. “I thought he wanted to be my friend. . . This is all my fault! If I’d reformed him prop—”
“Hey,” I interrupted. “This isn’t your fault. Discord’s a fucking psychopath, and Elements or no I say we kick his ass.”
“Ah’ve got to agree with Don on this one,” Applejack said. “At least Ah assume it’s Don, or Dash has become a sailor.”
“Rather uncouth language, but he has a point,” Rarity added.
The rain turned to a snow flurry, blowing across the street and covering everything in a chilly white mist. I noticed that we were all wearing our Elements, and was glad that I’d been told to keep it on me at all times. As soon as Discord showed up, perhaps we could blast him back to whatever rock he had crawled out from under.
“Don, listen. He can’t use his magic on us while we have the Elements to protect us,” Twilight explained. “I’ll be able to counter his magic to some extent. I need you to focus on loyalty and try to activate the necklace. The instant you do, I’ll blast him and end this.”
“I’ll do my best, but how do we even know he’ll show up?” I glanced around to find squirrels on ice skates zooming along the frost ground.
She laughed. “An arrogant prick like him? Oh, he’ll be here to gloat any minute. Just remember what I said.”
“Yeah,” Pinkie chimed in. “The fate of every lactose-intolerant pony in Equestria depends on you!”
No pressure. . .
[Hey, if it makes you feel better I usually just stand there while Twilight uses the Elements. Sometimes just being there for a friend is all it takes.]
“Listen, everypony! Go home now,” Twilight shouted in a booming voice. “Get to shelter before Discord shows up. We’ll handle this,”
All the ponies nearby began to run back to their houses, shielding their eyes against the snow. The sky cleared out again to daylight as a large throne appeared in the middle of town. A few ponies turned to watch from a distance they assumed was safe.
“Well, this brings back some lovely memories,” Discord said. He was leaning back on a chair made out of royal guard armor. Thousands of breastplates, shoulder guards, and helmets had been melted down into his chair. He wore sunglasses and had a margarita with a small umbrella in it. On his chest was a reflective silver screen to help him get a tan.
“Discord!” Twilight wasted no time, firing a bolt of magic at him. The purple sphere of energy smacked the drink out of his clawed hand, but did no damage to him.
“Really, Twilight, where are your manners? I think we both know that one alicorn is no match for my power.” A martini appeared on his throne and he pulled out the olive and ate it.
“And you’re no match for the Elements!”
Discord smiled and leaned forward. “But the Elements aren’t working, are they? I guess you could say I broke them with. . .” He tossed his sunglasses to the side. “A dash of humanity.”
I rolled my eyes and huffed. “Just kill me now if that’s the best joke the god of chaos can come up with. You’d think that after a thousand years as a garden ornament you’d have thought of better last words.”
He snarled and snapped his fingers. The air around me instantly sizzled and sparked with a red flash, as the Element hanging around my neck deflected whatever spell he had attempted to use on me. The air stunk of sulfur, yet I was unharmed.
“Hmm, well it’s about time you warded the ponies and not just the jewelry. You wouldn’t believe how easy it was to brainwash Fluttershy into saying whatever I wanted her to say,” Discord explained.
“How could you?!” Fluttershy screamed, her eyes wide and brow furled. “I thought I was your friend! All those lies because all you cared about was your petty revenge!”
Discord moaned, glancing around at the several ponies which were hiding behind bushes and benches to watch the battle unfold. “I hate ponies that eavesdrop.” He snapped his fingers, causing half a dozen ponies to transform into stuffed animals. They fell over behind the nearby park bench, a glossy finish over their eyes.
Twilight managed to deflect his next spell, but couldn’t do so for each consecutive trick. Ponies began to scatter for safety again as Discord continued his monologue. The slower townsponies were now littering the ground like cheap carnival toys.
“Fluttershy, it’s true I am such a lonely being.” He snapped his fingers and appeared in the air around Fluttershy, curling along her sides. “It doesn’t have to be this way, you know. Take off your necklace and I’ll whisk us and your animal friends away. Why, you could be the queen of chaos!”
I looked down and saw my Element still glowing faintly.
How long until we can blast this asshole out of here?
[Normally by now the Elements are all glowing and Twilight’s eyes go white. You need to focus, Dude!]
Focus on what? I don’t want him to hurt anypony, especially Fluttershy. Isn’t that enough loyalty? They should have built this with an on button!
“You’re not my friend, Discord. I never want to see you again!” Fluttershy stomped her hoof and had tears flowing down her face. “I. . . I was stupid to ever trust you!”
“Et tu, Fluttershy?” Discord asked. He snapped his fingers, rematerializing on his throne. “And I was going spare you. I plan to build a lovely aviary with dozens of bird species, and use you six as statues to decorate. I wonder how many millennia you’ll adorn my garden before you lose your minds. It’ll be so fun to count!”
“Cut this out and get lost, Discord! I’ve had enough of you screwing up my life!” I shouted, and walked forward a few steps.
“We seem to be at an impasse. You can’t stop me. I can’t kill you, but I can hurt everypony else you care about.” Discord snapped his fingers, causing Big Mac to appear in front of him.
Grey stone formed around his hooves, slowly spreading up his legs. Mac turned to face Discord, realizing he was a doomed pony. Big Mac glanced over at Applejack. He nodded and smiled, as if to tell her that he’d be just fine. The stone finished engulfing him and turned him into a statue.
“Ya turn him back right now!” Applejack screamed. “Or so help me ah’ll rip that head right off your neck!”
“Don’t you see? Even when my plan backfires, I always win. I can burn Equestria to the ground around you six, unless you surrender.” Discord conjured a portal into the air, showing us images of Canterlot in flames. Ponies were wailing and gnashing their teeth in agony. “The millennia before Celestia overthrew me was just a warm-up for what I have planned now. That pathetic little human here is standing in your way. He’s the reason the Elements won’t work,” Discord said.
I felt despair start to wash over me as color drained from the world.
“Tell me, Don, how’s it feel to know millions will suffer and die because of you?” he asked.
He’s right, you know.
[No, don’t listen to him!]
“Wouldn’t you like to go home? Wouldn’t you like to get there before they ‘pull the plug’ on your life support?” Discord asked. “This isn’t your fight; you need not suffer with the rest of them.”
“You’re bluffing! Villains like you don’t just do things for free,” I said. My confidence was faltering as his words sunk in, and I realized for the first time that this was all my fault. He had used me to disable the Elements, and willing or not, that’s exactly what I had done. “You probably can’t even send me home. And if you could, then what? You kill all the ponies here? How would I live with that?”
“Tsk, tsk, this isn’t your world. Who cares what I do with them? Just take off the necklace and I can send you home just as easily as I brought you here. This will all be nothing more than a dream.” He snapped his fingers causing a familiar black cat to appear in his lap. “See? It’s that simple.”
“Bagheera?” I recognized the cat as my own. He clawed and hissed at Discord, before jumping off and fleeing.
“Surrender, Don,” Discord ordered.
He’s right. Maybe if I let him send me back the Elements will work, at least you’ll have a fighting chance.
[No, Dude! He’ll kill us both the instant our guard is down!]
Sorrow washed over me like icy water, stealing my breath away. As the color started draining from my vision again I felt a heavy weight collapsing on top of me. This whole world was now on the brink of war and I was the pawn, the first move in some evil scheme. He had used me like a common garden tool and I was powerless to stop him.
“Discord, we can talk to Celestia. Why not just leave this world? Agree not to come back, she’ll be reasonable,” Twilight said. She still stood among the other ponies, her determination not faltering. “We may be at a stalemate, but if you can cross dimensions so easily, why do you want to destroy this one so badly?”
“This one? This ‘dimension’ is my home! A home Celestia and Luna robbed me of. Two insolent ponies who mutinied against the beautiful world I had created. And look at your ‘hero’, the human you placed so much faith in as he crumbles to my will,” Discord stated.
I could hear his whispers in my mind, and knew what Discord said was true. I needed to take the necklace off—it was my only hope to be saved. It was also Dash’s only hope to activate the necklace. Even if he killed me, it was better than I deserved for dooming an entire planet.
It’ll be okay, I’ll only take it off for a second.
The red lightning bolt in the necklace appeared a dull grey to me. It was no longer glowing, and was hurting my neck. It was so heavy that I had to take it off, had to be free of the burden. As I reached for it, I felt tears rolling down my cheeks.
There is no hope to fight a god, Dash. Sorry, I can’t—
[Dammit, Don! This is how he works! He gets in your head! You have to fight it!]
My hoof found the clasp on the back of the necklace. It clicked softly as my hoof slid across it, beginning to depress it.
“No!” a pony squealed. I recognized the voice, and glanced to my side. “Don’t do it, Don! We’re family!”
Amidst the bleak grey landscape—my world, completely devoid of color—stood Scootaloo. A brilliant orange aura seemed to surround her, restoring some confidence and hope amidst my despair. The way she looked at me, smiling as her purple eyes shimmered, made me believe that I could still fight this. I still had the strength to resist him.
“See, Discord! Don’s winning!” Twilight shouted. “I’ve had enough of playing nice, so leave now!”
“Winning?” Discord laughed. “But hope is so fickle, so easy to crush!”
Scootaloo ran towards me to stand by my side against our common enemy. I felt so much pride and hope welling up inside me, and then she vanished in a puff of smoke. Glancing over at Discord, I saw what he had done to her.
Inside a small metal cage, no more than a foot in any direction, stood an orange chicken. Scootaloo had some purple feathers along her neck, but aside from the unusual color, looked just like any other farm animal. She began to chirp and peck at the bars of her small cage.
“Tell me, Don, do you think she’ll taste like chicken? Or perhaps I’ll keep her around to lay eggs for breakfast,” Discord taunted. “Give up now, or she dies.”
Twilight said something I couldn’t hear as I focused on the filly that he had imprisoned. Flashes of purple light filled the air as I heard a ringing in my ears. To my side, she was trying desperately to undo his spell. Though I couldn’t tear my sight from Scootaloo, I could feel the rush of wind and heat as Twilight tried futilely to gun Discord down with her magic.
I began to walk towards Discord, feeling emotion well up deep inside of me. There was seething anger and hatred, a desire to slit his throat and watch him bleed out. All my human emotions resurfaced. At the forefront was a violent desire to protect my loved ones.
That was when I felt something else, much more tranquil and empowering. I would gladly die to save Scootaloo.
I didn’t have to kill Discord, or burn cities to the ground. All I had to do was let go, to be loyal no matter the cost. Loyalty wasn’t something I had to force or activate, but a constant commitment to stand up for the ponies I cared about.
Discord scowled, lashing out at me with a fiery whip. A shocked expression crossed his face as his eyes went wide in horror. The whip vanished harmlessly. Something was burning hot against my chest, radiating heat. My hooves left the ground as I was pulled up into the air, causing him to drop the cage with Scootaloo in it.
Red sparks shot from the Element of Loyalty as it struggled to activate, feeding off my loyalty yet tainted by my other emotions, clouding it. My hearing began to return as the last bits of grey faded, restoring the world to its rightful order.
“Unbelievable, human. Let me know if you change your mind, or die. Looks like I have no further say in the matter.” He muttered a few more phrases and cast a few more spells, causing the sky to explode in blistering heat, rain, snow, wind, and humidity.
A trail of rainbow shot out of my necklace, weaving around me. Discord must have known at this point his magic was useless. I watched helplessly as he snapped his fingers, vanishing as I was blinded by a brilliant prismatic light. Time seemed to slow down as a sphere of energy expanded, chasing after the fleeing Draconequus.
I felt as if someone had punched a hole in my side and drained out all my emotion and energy. As I fueled the Elements, I could sense things nearby returning to normal. The next thing I felt was dirt in my mouth, and my legs crumpled beneath me. The spell seemed to have finished, and I looked around for a rather ugly statue that would signify we had won.
Discord was nowhere in sight.
It appeared that he had run off with his tail tucked between his legs before Twilight’s spell trapped him. Even this failed attempt had taken all the effort I could muster. I had no idea how we would pull it off again.
I struggled to my hooves, noticing Scootaloo had been turned back to normal and was clutching onto me. Glancing around, the town’s ponies who had been attacked by Discord had also been restored. His throne was gone, and the other Elements of Harmony were rushing around me.
“Don, are you okay?” Pinkie asked.
“Did we do it, Twi?” Applejack asked.
“I don’t think so, girls. . .” Twilight used her magic to help me to my hooves and gently remove Scootaloo from around my neck. “Don, are you okay?”
“I think so. What happened? I felt so many emotions and my body seemed to be on autopilot.”
I shook my head and coughed, glancing around at the others. They all looked no worse for wear, as if they’d just gotten out of a relaxing massage. I, on the other hand, had a jewel around my neck that was glowing a little brighter, but was covered in dirt.
“The Element activated briefly, and I was able to cast a spell at Discord. However, the magic was turbulent and he ran for it while they activated. I’m afraid he no longer doubts our power, and isn’t going to stand still while we imprison him again.”
“Wait, so we can’t beat him because the spell takes too long to cast?” I asked. “Well, this is just great!”
[Hey, we’ll still beat him!]
With a telegraphed punch? He’ll see that spell coming and just run again!
“Well, that’s an oversimplification, but yes.” Twilight looked to the other girls. “You’d better all sleep at the library tonight. I doubt he’ll move on us again so soon, but we had best be safe.”
“Don, you were awesome!” Scootaloo cheered. “Thank you, I knew you could do it.”
I smiled and tilted my back towards her. “Climb on. I’m not letting you out of my sight.” I turned towards Applejack and Rarity. “You better find your sisters too, lest he uses our families against us.”
Applejack turned to where Big Mac had been turned into a statue. He was standing there watching us and chewing on a piece of straw. “Hey, Mac, go get Apple Bloom and Sweetie, and bring them to the library,” Applejack ordered. “Let Rose know we’re keeping Scootaloo with us too.”
“Eeyup.” He galloped off to do as he had been asked.
“We best get back to the library and send Luna a letter,” Twilight said. “Things didn’t go at all like I expected.”
I followed the other ponies towards the library. Several of the town’s ponies were clapping their hooves against the ground, or shouting out their thanks to us. Slowly the locked windows and doors were being opened as they felt safe enough to leave their houses. The strange weather had vanished too, with the small amount of snow that had fallen having fully melted.
“What’d you expect, Twilight?” I asked.
“I found some notes and sent them to Luna that might have been useful. However, whether we can send you home or not, Discord is gone. He won’t come back until he’s confident the Elements aren’t working.”
Heh, that’s it.
[What’s it?]
Discord. He’s arrogant and cocky and expected me to roll over and die. “Let me know if you change your mind, or die” was his last warning.
[Yeah, so?]
So, he’s still convinced I’ll cave in to his demand, or die. Either way he still thinks he has won. So, I’ll do exactly what he expects. I’ll be the bait to bring him to us. Then we can use that rainbow explosion on him.
[That could work, Dude, but how do we know he’ll buy it? He’s probably spying on us or expecting a double-cross.]
Hmm, good point.
I walked up alongside Twilight and felt Scootaloo shift forward on my back to eavesdrop. “Psst, Twilight.”
“Yeah?” she whispered.
“I have a plan to get Discord. Have Luna meet you and me in our sleep. It’s going to take some convincing acting and secrecy to pull off,” I said.
Twilight grinned slightly. “That can be arranged. He can’t spy on us in a dream.”
“Exactly.” I glanced over my shoulder at Scootaloo, who instantly looked away and played innocent. “And I have a feeling Scootaloo just volunteered to help.”
She tightened her grip and looked back at me, smiling. “Really?!”
“Shh. The first rule of covert ops is don’t talk about covert ops,” I explained. “Or at least whisper. . .”
“Oh, this is gonna be awesome! I wonder what a covert ops cutie mark looks like!” Scootaloo leaned forward and began rambling on about zip-lines and black “dangerous mission outfits”.
When we got inside the library I was exhausted, and it wasn’t even afternoon yet. I would need some sleep to recover my energy and meet with Luna. While the other girls made themselves comfortable and kept an eye out, Twilight and I went up to her bedroom.
Scootaloo hopped off my back and was about to leave when I stopped her. “Hey, I want to thank you for earlier. What you said, well, I would have done something stupid without you, Squirt. You want to take a nap with me?”
[Wow you really have gone soft.]
I was serious. I’m not letting her out of my sight. Discord sounded serious about murdering ponies. I wouldn’t call his revenge very petty anymore.
She smiled and ran over, jumping onto the bed. “Sure! Can I help plan with Luna too?”
“I don’t see why not.” I looked at Twilight, who was pulling a thick curtain over the window to darken the room.
“No playing around, Scootaloo. We may not have long to contact her in the dream,” Twilight explained. “Spike has sent a letter, so as soon as we’re all asleep we can begin.”
I got onto the bed, spreading a wing over Scootaloo and getting comfortable. “Thanks, you make an okay body pillow, Squirt.”
“Hey, what are friends for?”
As Twilight only had one bed, she climbed in next to me and made herself comfortable. She didn’t choose to cuddle, which is probably for the best. There was a limit to the amount of manhood I was willing to surrender in pursuit of a comfortable nap.
I closed my eyes, expecting it to take a while to fall asleep. However it was reassuring to have the filly nearby. She had that youthful naivety, the belief that as her hero, I was invincible. Scootaloo’s faith had just saved the town, and made me realize for myself how far I’d go to protect my new friends.
Wrapping a leg around her, I held Scootaloo close. No matter what it cost me, I’d make sure she had a safe world to grow up in.
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Yay, new chapter!
Poor Don is nearly gone...
Goddamned RIAA rules, this would have been perfect!
it would be really funny if don didnt get to go back to earth but ended up stuck in equestria as a pony..... female!
I'm quite happy to see the chapter.
wow
3608337
Nice rhyme!
3608371
Lol, I woulda put it in anyway while making Capital letters line up to say: FUCK THE POLICE:
ALWAYS LOOK ON
The bright side
OF LIFE
Always look on
The bright side
Of life!
Life's a pieCe of shit
When you Look at it
So always Look on
THE BRIGHt side of life!
Wonderful chapter!
Moving the plot along, a good bit of action in, and the humour is always perfect!
I still stand by my theory on the way the story goes though.
Also, a reference of which we can not talk about, I approve.
3608411
I was thinking the exact same thing....
I wonder how much thought Don or Rainbow have given to the fact that his body is under going total lysis? A body tearing itself apart and dying from a few days ago seems like a bad spot to go back to... Since that was over a day ago I think it is probably dead anyway. I wonder if the ponies can do necromancy? Or maybe advanced cloning techniques?
Whelp! Enough conjecture! Ponies.
3608411
pfftch, beat you to it. :p
3608657 True.. But now there's DOUBLE the Family Guy.
i suddenly have the urge to quote Luna but i'll resist.
Awesome! Pure awesome!
Why am I reading through these chapters so quick?
Ah well, I guess I just enjoy them too much.
This is wrapping up pretty well, I'm excited to see how this little tale of yours ends.
Awesome! This was a really good chapter :D. I can't wait to see what happens next
So sad the end is so close though
I think things are going to turn around a bit for Don now. Remember that the Element of Loyalty went so far as to cross dimensions to protect Dash? Now Don's wielded the element too, even if s/he really struggled at it. My guess is that when Dash started wearing the element she stopped loosing memories. Now that Don has a stronger connection to it, the Element might protect him a bit more too.
3608976
If I had my way, stories would never end.
3609084
I like the cut of your jib. I guess we'll have to see what the Element of Loyalty does next chapter
3608899
Wrapping up in time for Christmas :D
3608540
Yeah, either Discord gave him a one way ticket and is lying, and he's dead, or there's still time to betray the entire planet and live happily human after.
3608411>>3608334
I think Discord watches family guy. It's the simplest explanation.
3608371
Such a great song.
3609164
So, if I can get this answered without spoiling anything, what exactly is happening to Don? I mean it sort of seems like he's getting...erased, almost?
Like, is Dash's subconsciousness erasing his own, is he just being absorbed into Dash's mind, or...?
Nice chapter.
The entire word should be capitalized or the s should be lowercase.
Well, Dash is playing pirate in the latest arc of the comic.
Twilight has been around Don too long.
I love reading your stories, there are so few typos.
Literally, I dreamed I was fighting a battle against anthropomorphized misspelled and misused words and they were kicking my ass. 
...
...I know that that is an odd compliment, however, the stories I have been reading lately have been giving me grammatical nightmares.
I look forward to the next chapter, which looks as though it will be the final chapter. KBO.
3609236 both i think.
Good thing Don was not the one in control when he woke up, I assume there'd have been a lot of kicking and thrashing about.
We're approaching the finish, there's multi-dimensional ass-kicking to be done!
Well, Don is basically too much like Dash now, even if SHE wont' admit it.
3609515
Oh snap, if that were the case Don's reaction would be 
...that scene with the glasses, and how he threw them off....just....wow.
Why do I get the feeling there won't be fireworks now?
another great chapter! cant wait for the next
probably good Dash didn't help Soarin with his morning wood. what if Scoots happen to show then?
aw poor Fluttershy.... ill always be your friend and would ever lie to you about it.
gotta ask, what makes authors urged to have someone say the title of the story?
someone needs to tell Discord the news, now Scoots can fly, nobody can call her a chicken anymore.
hmm maybe now that Don has the ability to use the element, the element will be able to protect his part of the mind better now
3609500
I know that feeling all too well. It's the whole reason why I started editing on this site. Fixing the stories that I find entertaining means that the next person to come along doesn't need to be assaulted by typos, and the feeling I get from knowing that is pure pride.
Poor Don just can't get a break. There's practically nothing left of him by now. It's just Dash and Dash pretending to be Don. If only they could merge in a way that doesn't kill one or the other. Like you remember being both people but you're one person... or something. It'd probably endanger the element though if Dash didn't stay purely Dash.
You might want to put the Scootaloo family scene earlier in the story, because it's a bit plot devicey that the very morning Don needs someone to be loyal to is the morning that Scootaloo adopts him. Plus then she doesn't have to walk in on a horse blow job.
It's been a fun ride, but I'm also glad to see it coming to a close. Nothing lasts forever. All that aside, I'm greatly looking forward to see how this turns out.
3610027 I know, editing in the comments has become compulsory for me. I cannot not do it. If I see a typo, I need report it, otherwise it leaves a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach.
3608479 Why thanks!
You sneaky little manx...
3610082
Hopefully it turns out half as awesome as your avatar.
3610072
Well, Don did scold Dash for not spending more time with Scootaloo, taught her to fly, helped her try and get a siege warfare cutie mark, Scootaloo tried to find Don a cure, and they both fled carnivorous animals together... I'd say Don had that whole "I consider you family" bit coming for a while.
3609939
The fact that it exists made me do it. Like, it's so wrong that I couldn't resist, and had to lampshade it, and even then I'm just copying Family Guy who copied South Park who copied Simpsons who copied Superman: The quest for something or other, in a proud tradition of saying the name of the show in the show. ("Don't give him a ticket, he's a Family Guy!")
3609666
Indeed.
3609236
The "made up science" I'm using is that one brain doesn't have enough space for two consciousnesses. So, Dash's subconscious mind is trying to protect her and her body the only way it knows how: Clearing out old junk to make room for the new consciousness crammed inside her.
Of course, Don's subconsciousness doesn't want to let him be deleted either, so it's throwing out old junk to make more room... so Dash and Don are losing bits of themselves to try and make room to fit, though even then they can't both fit. Don's lost more because it's harder to hold on to what he was when he's in a new world, new body, etc...
And then they can't just throw away all their own memories so they're throwing out bits of each other or trying to combine experiences and memories to save space.
So given enough time, eventually they'd either have 1 consciousness assert itself and 'win' becoming the new Dash. Or, it gets to a point like a 80/20 split where the second mind has just enough room to exist. Or, they just have an anuerysm / stroke / seizure and die.
Now, for extra credit: How can Don, or anypony, prove he is real? Nopony but Don has been to "Earth" and for all we know, Don is just a mental illness of Dash, a schizophrenia of her wanting to live out a fantasy life: One where she isn't the Element of Loyalty, isn't beholden to so many responsibilities, and is able to sleep with mares (yes, I went straight to lesbian pony. It could happen.)
So, even if they can save Don, does Don even exist?
3609720
I got quite a fun 29% of an idea for the epilogue, where Dash and Dash go on a date with Soarin, and then Soarin turns into Don and Dash turns into Fluttershy and other Dash turns into Luna and there's a wild three-way...
Okay, so they're very similiar now, but luckily I'm not sadistic, I won't erase Don.... for another 5k words.
3609515
"What? But Don, you said you really liked Fluttershy. Now you're her new pet rabbit. Oh, Angel? Uh, doesn't ring a bell. . . I mean, she had this rabbit once that fell in a wood chipper, very tragic. . . you know what, don't worry about it. Enjoy your new life!"
3609500
Yay! I have perfect grammar, and horrible style.
3609790
There most certainly will be fireworks! But they may be the kind you get when you close your eyes and press on them with your fingers... or the kind you get when neurons in your brain are dying and firing randomly as you well... die.
3610277
I'm sensing foreshadowing...
You can tell things are getting serious when Pinkie Pie is included in a scene but never says anything. Even she is silenced by the raw awesome contained in this chapter.
3610277
Though to answer your jabs and attempts to mindfuck us, I'd like to counter that question with my own.
If Don is nothing more than Dash's overactive imagination, then why is Discord openly acknowledging that he had a cloven hoof in this? I mean, it's Discord so all we know is that he could be playing along with it cause it's chaotic, but unless either this whole story is in Dash's head (HAH! That would be such a troll ending!) Or Discord has ascended to Godly extreme being who collected all seven chaos emeralds and can now read ponies' minds, I don't think that Discord would know anything about Don, or have been able to do half the things he's done to fuck with them if Don is in fact just a part of Dash's imagination.
3610357
Or Discord cast the spell giving Dash schizophrenia in the first place. It's like they tell psychiatrists: Never attempt to talk to the voices in someone's head, unless you put them there.
3610380
Well shit, there goes my head canon.
The new hero of this story =
3610303
I still think Luna should just clone Rainbow Dash and put Don in the cloned body, after all, Discord didn't said anything about fusing souls, and since a body cannot contain more than one soul normally...
You have no idea how happy I am that this WASN'T the finale. I swore that it was up until that very last second!
Ya know, it's still not too late to make Discord a victim in all of this...
It would actually make for a REALLY kick ass reveal if something was controlling him. I mean, what's strong enough to control Discord?! And how could Don stop it?
3610380 Oh man that gives me something to think about. I've come to really like Don.
Wait! Didn't Twilight sense Don inside Rainbow Dash at one point
Several minutes later
Found it!
Though I guess there is still the option of him just being a figment placed by Discord and Twilight just made a mistake.
3610610 That would be crazy to see. Having two Dash's running around. i wonder what Soarin would think of that.
The chicken reference was enough for me
3610277
Q:
A:Don exists.
Don, as an abstract personality, does exist. You, at minimum, brought him into an abstract existence when you wrote about him. His body's existence may be in question, but Don certainly exists as an abstract concept. It would be more apt to ask, "Does Don actually have a body?"
3610277
Yeah you're right. I forget these things so easily...