14. Never a Dull Moment
The train hadn’t pulled into Ponyville yet, leaving me a little while longer to go spelunking in our memories. Dash had been in control for the entire train ride, which suited me just fine. The sky was overcast, which lead Pinkie to announce she needed to throw a party to bring the sun back out. Focusing on my fading memories allowed me to drown out countless songs, the most offensive of which was “One hundred cupcakes on the wall”.
So far the results of my search had been disheartening. When I had first arrived, there was still a sense of self-image of my body in Dash’s brain. I still thought of myself in human terms: toes, fingers, and pale skin. The change could have been subtle or sudden, but now I would immediately imagine myself as a pegasus. I had to correct my mind, remind myself that I was—no, I am a human.
I considered it good luck that most of my medical knowledge seemed intact. Memorization of facts—often useless trivia—had allowed me to retain a lot of the things I learned in books. As for my other memories—family, friends, favorite foods—they proved very difficult to recall.
Memories of my hospital had proven the most troubling. I could recall the machines and supplies, but not my co-workers. There was a doctor I would hang out with after work. I can recall how he tapped his pen on his desk when trying to diagnose a patient. His cologne was as distinctive as his laugh. However, as hard as I tried, I couldn’t recall his name.
Hey, Dude, you pass out or something?
[No, just trying to recall the names of my co-workers.]
Which one? Anthony, Melody, or Henry?
[Seriously? Just like that?]
I imagined throwing my hooves up in frustration inside her mind, instead of hands. Mentally I berated myself: five fingers, five toes, no wings!
I remember it all pretty clearly, almost like I was there.
[You were, sorta. This is frustrating, so did all my memories wander off to your side of the tracks?]
Tracks?
[You know, like a train—ah, forget it.]
Oh, train jokes! Because we’re on a train, nice.
Groaning proved as futile as trying to throw my hooves in the air. At least one of us seemed to be coming out of this okay, though being reduced to a series of strange memories was far from what I was expecting to happen.
[How much longer do you think we can go on like this?]
As long as it takes. Now that Luna’s at the Canterlot library, and Twilight is headed back to her own, they’ll have to find something.
The surprising sensation of assuming control of Dash’s body was a welcome relief. Whenever I was in control of her body, I still felt real. There was certainly no way I could fade away while in the driver’s seat.
[Finally!]
What, Dash?
[I was getting so tired of playing “I spy” with Pinkie. Have fun!]
Turning my attention to the pony in question revealed her staring at me intently. “Is it a tree?”
Well, is it?
[No, Dude. It’s Applejack’s eyes.]
“Nope, Pinkie.” A long blast on the train’s horn signaled our arrival in Ponyville, hopefully signalling the end of the game.
“Hmm, then it must be the floral trim on the carpeting of the train!”
“Uh, not even close,” I answered. The Element of Loyalty was digging into my neck so I adjusted the necklace. Per Twilight’s instructions, we were all to wear our Elements incase Discord returned. For me, it was to ensure my illness didn’t get worse.
“Come on, girls. This is our stop,” Twilight said.
While everypony else was getting their saddlebags, Pinkie jumped onto my bench seat. “Aha! Your saddlebags have a green buckle!”
“They do?” I looked down to confirm this. “Huh, well I’ll be. But that’s not it either, it was Applejack’s eyes.”
Pinkie slouched and frowned. “Aww, I wasn’t done guessing yet! Oh well.” She leapt out of the seat and bounced towards the door. “I’ll get you next time, Don!”
How the hell does she do that?
[Bouncing isn’t hard, it’s just tiring. Luckily, she runs on pure sugar.]
No, I mean she seems to always know when it’s me, and when it’s you.
[Because Pink—]
Sorry! Forget I asked.
Rarity was the last pony off the train. She was guiding the conductor down the steps, as the pony struggled to carry her four suitcases. Someday I’d ask Rarity how she got ponies to do whatever she asked for. I would have offered to help them out, but I had the strangest urge to fly. It was like sitting in a chair all day without standing up. I had to stretch my wings or I’d have gone crazy.
Another long whistle from the train filled the air. “All aboard!” yelled a conductor in a red vest. He waved a few ponies onboard as Rarity got off. Now free from the confines of the train, I stretched my wings out as wide as I could and looked at the wingtips. It was hard to believe such large wings folded up so small when not in use.
“Say, Applejack, weren’t the girls supposed to meet us here?” Rarity asked.
I listened in on them while stretching out my legs, already planning a nice scenic flight back to Dash’s house for a nap. Then I could go to Twilight’s and pester her for a cure, before eating a delicious salad for dinner.
“Ah did tell Big Mac they were more than welcome to meet me here,” Applejack replied. “Look, there he is now.”
Sliding my hooves forward I stretched low like a cat, hitting a particularly stiff muscle and stifling a moan. When Big Mac walked by I smelt an odd musk that made my tail twitch. It took me a moment to put two and two together, causing me to bolt upright and fold my wings in.
Crap. Hey, uh, Dash, how long does heat last?
[A couple weeks. Why?]
Weren’t you in heat when I got here, like, four days ago?
[Oh. Well, uh, have fun with that also!]
This time I was fully able to facehoof and groan. Perhaps too much of myself had rubbed off on Dash as I seemed to be getting the short end of the stick when it came to cynicism lately.
“Sis, Ah’m glad ah found you,” Big Mac said.
I love that accent, it’s so. . . “quaint”.
“Mac, why do ya look like ya’ve seen a ghost?”
“It’s Apple Bloom. Nopony has seen her or the Crusaders since sunrise. Half the town’s out looking for them now,” Big Mac explained.
“I knew those fillies needed adult supervision!” I barked. “First catapults and now this!”
The nearby ponies all looked at me in shock, as if I’d just solved string theory in ten seconds flat. I shrugged my shoulders and looked around.
“They said somethin’ about findin’ Dash a cure, but nothin’ about the Everfree,” Mac explained. “Sis, ah’m sorry.”
“It’s not your fault, ya know how those three get when they get an idea in their head,” Applejack answered.
“This is the worst. Possible. Thing!” I heard a loud thud and turned to see Rarity out cold on a sofa.
Let me guess: because Rarity?
[Nope, she always packs a collapsible sofa in her luggage for fainting emergencies.]
Okay, now you’re fucking with me.
[What? No way I swear!]
Laughter filled my head as an image of Dash rolling around filled my mind’s eye.
Laugh it up, fuzzball.
“Big Mac, how can we help?” Twilight asked.
“Well, we need more ponies searchin’ the Everfree. A lot of the town’s ponies don’t wanna head out there. Only the ones on the weather team were brave enough to,” Mac answered.
“Damn straight! They know I’d kick their flank if they did any less!” I shouted.
“Dash?” Twilight inquired.
“No, it’s Don.”
She chewed on her lip for a minute as her eyes darted over me. “I, uh, think it’d be best if I teleport you to the library and you get some sleep. The stress of looking for the fillies could cause your condition to deteriorate, and I can hardly tell you two apart anymore.”
“What? No way in hell! I thought I was one of you gals now, and Scootaloo kicks ass!” Stomping my hoof, I shook my head and stared straight into Twilight’s eyes. “No way I’m gonna let anything happen to three little fillies.”
“Then it’s settled!” Pinkie cheered. “First one to find the Cutie Mark Crusaders gets a ‘best pony’ party!
There was a deafening bang as a large cannon fired into the air, showering confetti on top of all the ponies on the train station platform. Surprisingly, I was getting used to Pinkie and her ability to produce any object, anytime, anywhere, with any ammunition.
“Yeah, all that aside, just tell us where to go, Twilight,” I said.
“Oh, well, Fluttershy can check near her cottage. She knows the woods there best,” Twilight replied. “Rarity, you and Applejack cover the area near Sweet Apple Acres. Pinkie Pie, head to the southern end of the forest near the river. Dash and I will head for the old castle.”
“Yes, ma’am!” Pinkie saluted, having put on a green flak helmet and woodland camouflage. She turned and started to march off.
“Wait, do you have another pair of cammies?” I asked.
“No, sorry, Don.”
“Come on, you can’t be serious! What happened to stashing woodland camo all over Ponyville in case of zombie invasion, or search and rescue, or four-headed hydra attack?” I quipped.
Pinkie frowned. “I, uh. . . hid them too well and can’t find them. They are camouflaged after all.”
My jaw fell open in disbelief before I felt my stomach start to contract. My legs went limp as I laughed so hard I landed on my side. Moments later my hooves were flailing in the air in what must have been a comical sight. However, I was more focused on trying to breathe.
“That’s the spirit, Don! Just remember to giggle at the ghosties!” Pinkie sprinted towards the forest and vanished before I had recovered from my fit of laughter.
By the time I got to my hooves, the ponies had all started to head out towards the Everfree, leaving their baggage on the train platforms.
“You ready to go, Don?” Twilight asked.
“Yeah, but, no offense, we should split up. We can both fly and we can cover twice as much ground that way. Not to mention, we’re already, like, ten times faster than the rest of the girls,” I explained.
“I’m not sure that’s a good idea. What if something happens to you?”
I smiled and walked up to her, raising a hoof. “What if something happens to you, Princess?” I poked her shoulder. “We’re all heading into danger, and it makes sense to spread out. I think this is the best way to find those lost fillies.”
“I guess you’re right, just take care of yourself, Don. I’d hate to lose you, or Dash,” Twilight said.
“Aye aye!” I gave her a mock salute and with a single hard flap of my wings, bolted into the air.
It was exhilarating to fly, something I still hadn’t gotten used to despite having most of Dash’s memories. The total freedom of the open skies, and the feel of the wind as it broke over my wings was invigorating. Strong winds heading in from the East threatened to push me off course, and I turned into them.
Slowly, the clouds in the sky were being blown away, but the sun was already setting in the distance. It was going to be dark soon, and as confident as I was in myself, I doubted a pony in the middle of a wild forest at night had favorable odds of coming out alive.
So, you got any ideas on where to start?
[No, but whatever they went into the forest for must have been important.]
What about that zebra?
[Zecora? Nah, if they went to her they would’ve made it back. There’s a road to her hut that’s marked and the wildlife doesn’t go near it often.]
Large trees spread out as far as the eye could see in every direction. As soon as I flew over them I realized how difficult this was going to be, as the canopy blocked off my view of the ground completely. A literal sea of green spread out into the distance and somewhere inside it were three frightened fillies.
Looks like we’re going in!
[Wait, don’t!]
My momentum was already carrying me down towards the canopy, causing my tail and mane to emit a rainbow contrail as I sped up. The tips of my hooves touched in front of my head as I tucked my wings in and dive through the canopy.
There was a loud crunching noise as branches scrapped by my sides while I dove through the trees. I blinked and tried to regain my vision as I opened my wings back up. The ground rose up faster than I thought it would, and my flared wings weren’t slowing me down quick enough.
My legs hit the ground and buckled, only slowing me down a little. The ground slammed into my chest, knocking the wind out of me. I rolled across the ground and came to a stop against a tree trunk.
The forest was spinning around me, and I began to feel each bruise and scrap on my body.
Damn it. Sorry, Dash.
[Ugh, it’s alright. I’ve done that more times than I’d like to admit. Just remember to never fly blind!]
Wiggling my legs, I was quick to affirm nothing had been broken aside from my dignity. Both wings seemed no worse for wear, and the largest injury seemed to be my lungs, which were still stunned from the impact.
A loud roar filled the clearing, causing me to scramble to my hooves and look around. “Who’s there?! I know karate!”
Bushes crumpled under the weight of something large just feet behind me. Spinning around, I came face to face with a monstrosity of nature.
Hundreds of pounds of golden fur with a massive reddish-brown mane encircling its head stepped out of the bushes. Beneath its skin I could see large muscles leading down to his paws where large, curved claws extended. The face was instantly recognizable as a lion, though two horns burst from its head above the eyes. There was also what appeared to be wings and a scorpion’s tail peeking out from behind it.
Shit.
[Run!]
I stumbled backwards over a small rock and saw the large tail swing down at me. My first instinct was to fly to safety, and I spread my wings. The tail bashed into my right wing, knocking it off course and causing the stinger to hit my right hind leg.
Intense, burning pain shot down to my hoof, before the stinger tore out, and I burst back into the canopy of the trees. Flying blindly, I ducked under some branches and weaved through the trees. My heart was racing and I had no plans on where I was going or how I’d get there. I just knew I had to get away from it as fast as possible.
My aching muscles started to give out after only a minute or two; they felt as if it had been hours of flight. Landing near some small vines, I flopped onto my side to catch my breath.
What the hell? You never mentioned manticores living here!
[You never asked!]
Glancing down at my leg I saw a red puncture wound just above her knee and below her cutie mark. A burning pain flooded through the muscle and down to her hoof.
[Now we’re fucked. What are we supposed to do for manticore venom?]
I don’t know, Dash, but I can slow it down.
[How?]
I bit into one of the nearby vines, chewing until it broke off the tree. Once a few feet of the green vine had come free I started to wrap it around her leg. My vision blurred a little as I began fastening the vine around the leg. It would slow the flow of lymphatic fluid, and the venom. Whatever had made it into my blood had already spread, but with luck most of it would get trapped in with the muscles of my leg.
Now, unless you have any objections, we have three fillies to find. If anything happened to them I’d never forgive myself for slowing you down, Dash.
[Hey, I agree with you. We’ve got to keep looking for them until we can’t look any longer. So if something happens to us well, I don’t blame you for trying.]
There was a bit of a bitter taste in my throat which I ignored. My wings had recovered from the panicked flight and I began to hover in the air. Above me was a thick canopy of branches, and what little sunlight had managed to sneak through earlier was gone. The forest had grown silent and and I glanced around.
Which way?
[Just pick one and go. As soon as the canopy thins out we can get above it and figure out which way to the old castle.]
Left is always fun.
My attention shifted to dodging trees as I began to fly to the left, deeper into the forest. The canopy seemed to be getting thicker and the ground was covered in bushes. Occasionally I heard them rustling, but figured that if I kept flying fast I’d be safe.
It felt like something was watching me, and before long, the rustling bushes seemed to always be right behind me. Whether it was paranoia or not, I could almost feel the manticore breathing down my neck.
Every time that I stopped and looked back, I saw nothing. As soon as I flew forward, I would hear it again. My leg continued to ache as my heart pounded and I swerved through trees, listening for any sign of the fillies.
[We should call out for them, Dude.]
I don’t want to attract any attention. Something is following us.
[You’re paranoid.]
We just got attacked by a freaking manticore! Damn right I’m paranoid.
Something snarled to the right and I froze in fear. There was more growling and snarling, and the sound of something scraping against rocks. It was coming from far enough away that I couldn’t see what was making the noise. I was about to write it off as another predator I should stay far away from when something pink caught my eye.
Flying towards the source of the noises, I paused over a bush that had a pink bow in it. As I hovered up and down in the air above it I recognized it as Apple Bloom’s bow. The growling was louder and I heard something squeal.
That didn’t sound like a predator.
[The girls must be somewhere around here!]
I grit my teeth as I felt some nausea wash over me. It was followed shortly after by a headache, and a dry throat.
Looks like we don’t have much time to kick ass before we’re down for the count.
[Whatever happens, I’m proud of you.]
As far as last words go, not bad.
The dense cluster of trees ahead gave way to a small clearing with two large rocks. There was a narrow crevice between the rocks, possibly leading to a cave of some sort. In front of the crevice were three wolves made entirely of sticks.
[Timberwolves, beastily things that’ll eat anything they can fit in their mouth.]
Including us. Yay. How will we get past three of them?
[I don’t know.]
Inside the crevice I heard whimpering and made up my mind. There were three fillies in there and I had to find a way to save them.
Think, damn it, think!
Glancing around revealed more of the same: twisted, black trees with dense foliage, dark-green bushes with bright-red berries, and wind whistling through it all like something out of a horror film.
A grin slowly crossed my face as I retreated back the way I’d come.
[What are you doing? Why are you grinning?]
Manticore.
While Dash was protesting loudly, I found what I was looking for. It was sniffing the air and making its way towards me. The large beast spotted me in an instant.
“Hey, asshole, want some of this?” I pointed at my flanks with my forehoof. “It’s nice and tender!”
The manticore licked his lips before barreling straight towards me. It took to the air and would have captured me, had I not turned tail and ran as soon as I taunted him. I could almost feel him nipping at my tail as I bolted towards the three timberwolves.
Sorry, Dash.
[I told you the manticore was a stupid idea!]
No, for this!
I burst into the clearing, surprising the three predators that were crowded around the narrow crevice. They all turned and bit at the air, attempting to catch me, as I dove towards the narrow opening.
Even with my wings folded in, I doubted I could make it. It took all my effort not to close my eyes as I dove head-first into the narrow opening. I immediately felt a rock bash my side, and fully expected the ground and a hard wall to smash into me.
Soft dirt gave way beneath me as I skid to a halt. I realized it had been a cave and not just a small gap in two rocks that I had entered into. My eyes began to adjust to the darkness when something leapt on me, pushing against my sore rib.
“Get off, I bite! I mean, karate!” I yelled.
“Dash! I’m so glad to see you!” An orange filly was sitting on my chest and was soon joined by two other fillies.
“It. . . hurts,” I whimpered.
“Get off her, Scoots! Can’t ya see she’s hurt?” Apple Bloom said.
I nodded my head. The cave was spinning and the annoying blurred vision was coming back. Blinking did little to help, so I got back on my hooves to put me right side up.
[Okay, what’s step two of the plan?]
I don’t know, but step three is flying to safety.
“Dash, are there more ponies coming to help?” Sweetie Belle asked. “We’ve been stuck in here hiding all day!”
“Why’d you come out here in the first place? You know what? Never mind. Let’s just get out of here. Stay back while I peek outside,” I ordered.
Outside our hiding place was quite the spectacle. Three timberwolves circled the manticore, who was now bleeding from several cuts and scrapes. The wolves seemed to have some fractured branches in their frames, though their hollow ghostly forms could not bleed.
A wolf dove at the manticore, sinking his teeth into its leg before the stinger descended, shattering the wolf’s skull. The branches fell to pieces on the ground as the creature died, and another wolf jumped onto the manticore’s back.
The sticks on the ground began to rumble and reassemble the wolf that had been knocked out. I turned around to the fillies.
“Okay, here’s the plan. We don’t have long while they fight. I can carry Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle, but Scootaloo. . .” I walked over, ignoring my numb hind leg. “I need you to fly above the canopy so we know which way to fly towards Ponyville.”
“But I can’t! I’m still new to flying, Dash, and I’m so scared. . .” Scootaloo’s eyes went wide as they watered up. Tears began to roll down her cheeks as her lip trembled. “It’s all my fault, I wanted to fix you and be a hero. . .”
I knelt down in front of her and wiped the tears off with a hoof. “Scootaloo, you are a hero. You’re the bravest pony I’ve met since I got here. You never let anypony tell you that you weren’t cool enough to fly or be a stunt pony. Heck, the one and only Rainbow Dash took you under her wing. If anypony can get us out of here, it’s you.”
“Yeah!” Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle cheered.
“Just fly straight up, clear the canopy and look for the edge of the forest,” I explained.
Scootaloo nodded. “I’ll try.”
“Do or do not, there is no try.” I smiled as she walked towards the opening.
[Seriously?]
What? It’s a new saying here.
Scootaloo was trembling, but spread her wings nonetheless. In a flash, she bolted upward and burst through the canopy. I watched as the predators continued to fight over their meal, no doubt smelling the blood leaking from my leg.
The manticore seemed to be losing the fight, as he was being battered relentlessly. The wolves were looking rather thin, having lost most of their branches. Somehow they continued to rebuild, though would doubtlessly succumb soon if they didn’t finish the manticore off.
I jumped back and hit my head on the ceiling as Scootaloo landed in the opening. “It’s to the right, I can just make out town hall but it’s far away!”
Wrapping both forelegs around Scootaloo, I hugged her tight. “Thank you, Scootaloo. I knew you could do it! Now we’re going to fly out of here and I need you to lead the way.”
“But, you’re a better flyer, you should do it,” Scootaloo said.
“Hey, I’m not feeling well.”
Scootaloo looked up and saw all the sweat on my face. Her eyes narrowed as she furrowed her brow. “I won’t fail you!”
“I know you won’t, now lead the way. Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, come here,” I ordered.
The two fillies came forward and I wrapped one foreleg around each of their torsos. My hooves were digging into their ribs, yet I refused to let my grip loosen lest I drop one of them.
“Okay, Squirt, I’m too big to burst through the canopy with these two. Stay low and fly straight. No matter what happens, don’t turn back.”
Scootaloo nodded and turned back towards the entrance. She gasped as she spread her wings. The manticore had won the fight and was limping towards the cave, painting the soil red with its blood. Splintered branches littered the clearing.
“Go, now!” I shouted.
Scootaloo took off, surprising me with her speed. Once I squeezed through with the other two fillies, the manticore was nearly on us. I felt his stinger pass through one of my wings, narrowly missing my side as I struggled to catch up to Scootaloo.
The forest was rocking back and forth, with the trees blurring until I was seeing three of everything. All of my attention was focused on the orange and purple blur in front of me. The burning pains in my leg had spread to my stomach making the urge to vomit worse.
With my singular intent on following Scootaloo, I managed to hold it together. When we burst out of the treeline near the edge of Sweet Apple Acres, I nearly cried in joy. Scootaloo continued to lead me onward, though I was unsure where we were headed.
There was a loud crashing noise as something else burst out of the Everfree. My mind raced in fear as I knew what it was relentlessly pursuing us. Scootaloo flew into a small treehouse and I followed her inside, bouncing off the floor into a wall.
“Go, girls! Code black!” Scootaloo barked.
The room was spinning and getting more and more hazy. Scootaloo slammed the front door shut, barring it with a plank of wood. The other two fillies were slamming large shutters on the windows closed, barring them with similar pieces of wood.
Haha, hahaha! Cutie Mark Crusader fortress builders! Oh thank Celestia, I love these kids!
[T-thanks, Don.]
For saving the kids? Don’t sweat it.
There was a loud jolt as something barreled into the treehouse at full speed. Dust flew out of the rafters and paint flakes fell from the wall where the large manticore had rammed it at full speed.
Claws raked against the wood and tried to bash the door down. At one point I saw the stinger punch clean through the wall.
I could feel cold creeping over me, wondering if this is how it would all end. Outside there were ponies shouting now, and the manticore had stopped pounding at the walls.
“Good job, S-Scootaloo,” I said. “I knew you c-could do it.”
The Crusaders turned to face me, as if they’d forgotten I was here.
“Her leg!” Sweetie Belle rushed over to me and began poking at my wound.
“Ow!”
She tightened up the vine and produced a wet washcloth from somewhere to wipe off my forehead. Apple Bloom was going on about something but I couldn’t make out the words.
The pounding at the door resumed, startling the crusaders. There was a loud flash of purple as Twilight burst in. No sooner had she appeared, the door had been unlocked and more ponies rushed inside. Apparently our little chase out of the Everfree had drawn the attention of some of the other pegasi in the sky.
I could feel the Element of Loyalty burning against my neck, and was thankful I had to wear it at all times. Whatever Twilight had activated in it was restoring my vitality. Her magic continued to wash over me and I felt as though I’d been sleeping for weeks. My empty reserves of energy filled up quickly.
Once the fog had been lifted from my head I got to my hooves.
“Dash, Don, are you two alright?” Twilight asked.
“Yeah, Twilight,” I answered.
The Crusaders and Elements of Harmony alike jumped forward to hug me, nearly crushing me in the process. After they were all certain I was fine, I managed to make my way free of them.
Outside the tree house was the weather team, who Twilight hastily explained had spotted the manticore. They had split up, half to try and lure the manticore away while the other half made a beeline towards the Element bearers. Luckily, none of them had gone half as deep into the forest as I had, and were located easily.
Another pony among them was unexpected: Soarin. He stood there with a wide smile on his face as his eyes lit up in joy. I felt my heart fluttering as he walked towards me.
[He must have been in town and wanted to help.]
Is it me, or is he more handsome than last time?
“Hey, Dash, I’m so glad you’re alright,” Soarin said.
“Thanks.” I stepped forward and hugged his neck. “Thank you.”
“Are you feeling better? I could always, uh. . . stay with you. I mean, you could totally kick another manticore’s flank. . . I just, you know, if you want. . .”
[Invite him over for dinner, please! He’s dying out there!]
Yeah, I know that feeling, but no funny business!
“Soarin, why don’t you come to my place for dinner? I’m sure I have some salad in the fridge,” I said.
His eyes lit up and he raised his eyebrows. “Yeah, that’d be nice.”
I turned to face Twilight. “Hey, I owe him a dinner without punching him in the face. So I’ll stop by later so you can fix all this.”
“But you nearly died, and there’s so much more research we need to do!” she replied.
Fluttershy walked up and winked at me, then whispered in her ear. It caused Twilight to blush as her eyes darted back and forth between me and Soarin.
“Hey, it’s just dinner!” I rolled my eyes but I could already hear them all giggling as I nudged Soarin and flew off towards my house.
I wasted no time flying home, even if it meant giving Soarin a peep show of my well-toned ass as the wind batted my tail out of the way. It couldn’t be helped—I was starving. Some food and a little wine would help me ignore the fact I was a dude dating another dude. I’d follow with some small talk, send him home, and take a nice hot bath. Tonight would be perfect.
The sky was nearly pitch black when I landed on the porch. Inside I found Tank sleeping on the sofa, so I turned on the lights in the kitchen. The dining room was still fairly clean from Dash’s last attempted date.
So, salad?
[Yeah, top shelf of the fridge. And thanks again for not telling him about this whole crazy mess we’re in.]
I think you’ve earned a little good news, so if I can un-screw up your first date with Soarin, you deserve it.
“So, Soarin, make yourself at home,” I said.
He grinned. “Thanks. This is not quite what I expected, but I’m just glad you’re feeling better again.”
“Well, it’s fun to be spontaneous sometimes. Oh yeah!” I reached over to pull a bottle of wine off the counter. Flying over to the table I set it down, then came back with two glasses. The wide rims would make it easy for a pegasus to drink from them.
The cork of the wine bottle was made with a plastic stopper, making it easy to pull off. I then poured us both a full glass of wine, figuring a little social lubricant was only rational. When I sipped from my glass of wine I tasted a sweet and tart berry flavor. Mixed in with the grapes were strawberries, cranberries, and possibly other berries I’d never known existed as a human. In fact, I’d never been a fan of fruits and figured it must be Dash who was familiar with all these tastes.
I smiled, licking my lips, and set my glass down. In my enjoyment I had drank half the glass, and blushed. “Oops, it was a good vintage.”
“Heh, well it’s a twelve-years-old Canterlot Reserve. I’m honored you’d share it with me,” Soarin said.
[That bottle of wine was the best reward a pony could ask for after defeating Nightmare Moon.]
No kidding.
It only took a few minutes to get the salad ready. Dash had put it in the refrigerator after the first failed date. I wasn’t about to question how it was still fresh. With some fresh croutons, dressing, and ripe baby tomatoes it looked as good as new. Hopefully it would taste just as good. There was even a platter of celery and carrots with peanut butter or ranch to dip them in.
I slumped back in my chair at the table and finished nibbling on a carrot. “Well, how’s the weather?” I asked.
Soarin laughed causing me to frown. “Sorry, it’s just I usually ask you how the weather is. It’s hard to imagine you’re as nervous on a date as I am.” He ate a few stalks of celery, crunching them softly in his teeth.
“Pfft, don’t be silly. I punched you on the first date, we’re well past nervous at this point. Just relax and I’ll try not to punch you again.” I grinned and lifted up my wine glass. The liquid ambrosia tasted better each time I took a sip. It seemed impossible to have this many flavors in one bottle of wine.
“Yeah, I guess things can only go up. Here’s to second chances.” Soarin lifted his glass and sipped from his wine.
This is really good.
“So, how’s Wonderbolt training going?” I asked. The salad wasn’t as crunchy as I was used to, but the fresh croutons and tomatoes more than made up for it.
“Good. We’re thinking of throwing a show in Canterlot soon.” Soarin took a bite of salad and swallowed. “Rumor has it we may get activated from the reserves. Some ponies are talking about Discord going rogue.”
“Oh.” I glanced down at the table, not wanting to cause any panic by confirming that rumor. My gaze drifted to the wine bottle so I poured another full glass for myself. “I, uh, don’t know about that.”
I was feeling warm and a little light-headed, so I ate more of the salad.
“Sorry, I’m not trying to grill you. I know, Elements of Harmony stuff.”
“I could tell you, but then I’d have to kill you.” I looked up at him and smirked. “Sorry, I’m no good at small-talk.”
Soarin smiled and his eyes darted over me. “You know you’re really cute when you’re flustered? The way your eyes go wide, and your wings flutter, not to mention your blush.”
As if obeying some hidden command, I felt my cheeks warm up and go rosy. My wings fluttered and I stared at him, trying to find some retort. “Oh yeah? Well, the way that spandex Wonderbolts outfit hugs every muscle is amazing. And that blue fur of yours? I’m kinda jealous. It looks so smooth.”
[Nice one, Dude.]
Huh? But it’s the truth.
My mind seemed to be trying to warn me of something about humans and men, but I drowned it out with some more of the amazing wine. Part of me recalled that a couple glasses of wine shouldn’t have me feeling this tipsy. I’d gone to bars or drank with dinner all the time as a human.
A human, but I was a small pegasus now.
Have I drank too much?
[Nah, heh, feels so good to me.]
I noticed Soarin’s glass was nearly empty. “Such good wine, want more of thish?”
Soarin let me fill his glass up. “Alright, but two cups is plenty for both of us. I don’t want you to get drunk.”
“Heh, so noble. I’m Rainbow Dash! I never getsh drunk!” I smiled, my brain awash in the warm glow of my buzz. I felt something itch in my groin and realized my head wasn’t the only part of me flush with warmth.
“I really liked dinner, even if our small talk was really awkward and all,” Soarin said.
“Yesh, but it’sh all gone already?” I looked around the table seeing that most of the food had been eaten. “Aww, I don’t want thish night to end, we were just getting started.”
“Well. . .” Soarin got up and walked around the table to whisper in my ear. “It doesn’t have to end if you don’t want it to.” He nipped my ear, sending a shiver down my spine.
I felt heat radiating from below my belly. When I looked him in the eyes, he leaned forward and kissed me, parting my lips briefly before I pulled back in shock.
Soarin looked at me and raised an eyebrow for a second.
Oh, Celestia, he’sh so sexy.
[Yeah.]
My brain was adrift in a sea of confusing emotions, but the strongest of them lead me to lean back forward and return the kiss. His lips parted for my tongue and I tasted an almost minty flavor in his saliva. A warm tingling was rushing through my head and I finally pulled back, breaking the kiss.
“Want to head upstairs?” Soarin inquired.
“I thought you’d never ashk, shince the firsht time I punched you in the face!” I giggled and stood up, leaning on him a bit for support. “Shorry, I think it wash that whole manticore thing. I’m normally not a lightweight, I could drink like shix beersh and be fine.”
“I don’t want to rush you,” Soarin said.
“Heh, sho noble, but we both want to have a little more fun tonight, don’t we?” I nipped at his ear, causing him to drape a wing over me.
“Come on, I’ll take you up to your bedroom.”
“My Wonderbolt in tight shpandex! What would a poor mare like me do without shuch a handshome bodyguard?”
I let him lead me up towards my bedroom. Between the wine and the hormones, I was genuinely happy, and looking forward to a good time.
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What?! How? Whuh? What did they bribe her with?!
Pinkie do not listen to them! I know they say they have cookies but they are on the dark side.... The bad dark side.
Just think... they will keep you from singing in public! They don't even have to own the copyright if you are doing it unauthorized to an audience! Run! Run!!
Ooooh shit.
GayDon. It's like Gaydar, but a person instead of a thing. I wonder if Pinkie's gaydar has picked up on GayDon yet.
don makes Discord eat a nuke and the day is saved! the sequille is the happy ever after where don and dash get separated using e=mc^2 and magic and don becomes a white and pink unicorn mare and changes her name to lyra
ALL THE CONSPIRACY!
...Anderson?
Oh fuck.
Someones jimmies will be rustled
NOOOOOOO!!! Don's gone to the Dark Side!
Yeah, I fit another Star Wars joke into this chapter.
Its official. "Whoever find the Crusaders first is best pony." Dash wins!
Also I love the subtle way you make Don lose his humanity and make him pretty much full on lose it there at the end! Well done!
"What if I told you there was a sequel?"
Oh CELESTIA ON LUNA YES! MAKE ONE!!!
Kaidan, what is this fuckery? (hur hur)
3564614 Actually, black and red alicorn. Mane six = harem. Don = best pony.
3564612 GayDon hasn't picked up on GayDon yet. But oh boy is what's left of him going to be upset in the morning.
3564580 The RIAA gave her a lifetime supply of Pixie Stix™. What jerks.
3564641 Yeah, he's downhill slide is a large hint at how close the ending is getting O.o
3564645 I read that in the Protoss voice (Zeratul, I believe.)
What Fuckery is This?
3564635 I'm pretty sure I had "Never tell me the odds!" in another chapter somewhere... notice how I only quote the 3 Star Wars episodes that didn't suck.
3564570
What's a "shit nigga?" And why would want "an" update?
Yipee, a new chapter.
3564668 aliDon!? or dose generic alicorn get nuked? if i remember correctly the princesses can separate the two but don could die. i presume because there's nowhere to put him but 4 alicorns +human math (E=Mc^2) = pony body from energy
3564668 Yeah you did, but there were several more references than usual in this chapter.
If there is a sequel, I hope the whole threat of permanent brain damage thing is resolved before then.
3564710 Bah, You don't need to create something from raw energy. Only idiots do that, it is a waste of energy.
See, Transmutation is far cheaper, and easier. If you can convert energy into matter sufficiently well to create a pony body, you darn well should be able to unmake matter, like, say, that big rock over there. And then, take the released energy, and create your body out of it. Sure, you have the risk of anti-matter tier explosion if you screw up and release the energy, but you are dealing with that much energy either way.
So, they basically merge and Don gets folded into Dash? Seems that way.
It would be really funny if all that alcohol somehow cured Dash's/Don's dilemma. That or the manticore venom. Or both.
3564834 oh but if you do that you will suffer an anti matter explosion because if you turn something into energy and then turn it back into matter half of the matter will be anti matter which will detonate
There should be a space between the period and "However."
The a, in this case, should be capitalized.
Apple Bloom's bow is pink, it is her mane and tail that are red.
You need a comma between "Acres" and "I."
You need a comma between "fine" and "I."
I am glad that this has updated, unfortunately, I will have to wait a while before I will be able to read chapter fourteen a. At least I have something to look forward to. KBO.
This fits.
Personally? For me the fic was mostly about the clash of the two personalities, and the threat of blending.
Now in the last chapter you seem to have expedited that blending for unknown reasons. The only reason I can imagine there is fast forwarding the plot.
It kind of ties into the whole stinger bit in the hind leg. Causing trouble during, but once in Ponyville, you need 2 paragraphs or so to resolve that matter and toss it behind you. Again, this feels as if you are pushing the plot forward faster then is good for the story.
Lastly, I'm not sure where (or why) you're going with the closing bits of alcohol and Soarin, nor if I'd want to know. If the plot built up to it so one could potentially see it happening, I'd be accepting of what happens there. As it stands it feels rushed, unreal to the characters and very much as if you're trying to force the story in a certain direction...
Just wanted to point those things out.
Wow, he is TOTALLY gonna be scarred when this is all fixed. As for chapters, I can really just say 5-10 from what I can tell
Don is really going to regret this in the morning, only Dash will be in control then.
Soarin doesn't seem like the type to take advantage of somepony while drunk. I'm betting he puts her to bed and goes home. Although, Don's still going to be horrified at his own behavior in the morning, and Rainbow will almost certainly take advantage of Don's lack of memory to torture him for a while before revealing the truth.
3564992
That doesn't follow.
See, in both cases, the same thing happens. That is, Energy is converted into matter.
The only difference is that in the second case matter is turned into energy first. (however you do it) and then it is turned into matter.
if you take what you said, that is, when you convert the energy into matter (back into matter), it will be half antimatter, then that means it will be half antimatter either way. This, obviously, is a problem regardless of whether or not you destroyed some matter to get that energy, or if it was stored in some other way.
Regardless, it is academic. This is fiction. We cannot yet turn energy into selected matter, or selected matter into energy. We can do something like that with partical accelerators, and nuclear reactors turn specific, radioactive matter into less, more stable matter, as well as releasing energy. The sun turns tons of hydrogen into helium and tons of energy in the form of light.
However, we cannot turn raw energy (Actually, pure energy doesn't exist, instead, say light, or electricity, since those are the two we have any serious control over) into matter of any type (as far as I know).
I believe any matter created from energy was paired with antimatter, but, since this is fiction, we can and will ignore that. And, even if we didn't, just dispose of it in the sun or something. It will, admittedly, increase the sun's luminosity by a couple percent for a second or two, but not really a big deal. (so long as it is all converted, and doesn't explode and you lose track of it, like real life nuclear explosions do with radioactive materials... Causing long term fallout)
3565639 Cuz Magic
(that answers all of your statements)
Yay! Update!
Loved the chapter. It did feel a tiny bit fast paced but I still can see how it works with the story. You're showing how quickly the process is speeding up and the scene with Soarin is more evidence of that. I can't wait to see Don's reaction when he wakes up
It's going to be AH MAY ZING!!!
Keep up the awesome work Kaidan!
dude another great chapter, i know a while back you got all
and 
about some of your stories and your effort not being appreciated but DUDE YOUR WRITING IS 
and 
. i loved the action scene between rainbow don and the manticore, the dramatic tension as they flew through the woods as the poison slowly took its effect, the climax scene when they found the CMC trapped and the desperate run to safety all had me on the edge of my seat.
and then you are able to flip the emotional tension around from an adrenaline rush to the lusty romantic scene between don and Soarin so smoothly. All the while maintaining the undertone tension that comes from don and dash merging without taking away from what is currently happening but instead adding to it. it is amazing and i have to say i hope to see more of your writing and this story. i hope you keep of the great work
PS: Merry Christmas, happy holiday and merry month of good feelings
3565750
Indeed.
Also, Is Fiction.
After all, Scifi ignores science and technology almost as much as any magic universe.
Countdown to Don freakout, anyone? If he manages to remember?
6? I like nice, round numbers.
images2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20111230151245/wikia2011/images/thumb/0/0a/Rainbow_dash_awesome_face.png/333px-Rainbow_dash_awesome_face.png
oh no Don is turning bisexual! haha
so it seems Don is becoming Dash and Dash is becoming Don. more like there switching brains than just merging. a failsafe plan of Discord maybe?
another great chapter. I don't care how long this goes ill still read it. make 10 sequels for all I care
well at least don and dashes body's are not becoming one id feel bad for soarin if that was the case I don't think he would like that sort of surprise
either I'm not paying attention or you missed some detail...
last I checked twi was a unicorn so when did you turn her
into an alicorn princess?
And then Don became a true mare...
3566308 I was thinking that as well though I think that was just a brain issue on my part
From chapter 12 a convo between Don and Twilight
3566426 I do find it funny that he's almost about to say bacon as a pony though,
essentially combined with dashie's remark in the human world when going through his fridge.
I couldn't stop laughing for a moment after that one.
Aw, everypony knows theres nothing left and it's all right!
So Rainbow Dash is the Yoda of Equestria? Awesome.
I detect a cloptional *checks his fimfiction.net feed* yup! *reads*
I expect her to wake up in the hospital the next morning, finding out she didn't have sex and that the combination between wine and venom putting her into a coma. Elements keeping her alive of course.
MAKE IT HAPPEN!
Oh, believe me, I'm forming conspiracy theories. But it's more along the lines of Ananta(A.K.A. Overkill) actually being an evil hydra-Orochi-thing instead of an eight-winged, three-horned, super alicorn.
i would sit here and wait patiently while you slave away, and if there is no sequel i would find you and tape you to a chair so you would make one
...Sequel?
SEQUEL!?
SEQUEL!?!
SEQUEL!!!!!!!!!!
HAVE ALL MY 'YES's
My theory: Soarin' gets killed by a psycho that can jump between worlds and Dash and Don have to learn how to shift between their bodies to track the psycho down and bring them to justice.
1) Get small bit of Don from earth.
2) Using magic that you dont gotta explain shit and science you grow a clone of Don.
3) stick Don in body
4) ????
5) PROFIT
5.5)release half life 3
6) release steam OS
7) create Don OS (off of linux)
8) Don@don-os:~$ finger all the mares.
9) invest in bitcoins
10) release the hobbit
wait, what am i dont again.......
3567522 wat
The force is strong with this one
Dashie is so lucky
If you recall my theory from last chapter, I'm now expanding on it.
Dash gets pregnant by Soarin, Soarin dies in some final battle, Reformed Discord separates Don into human and pegasi, PonyDon then raises Dash's child along side her.
Sequel then comes up showing that Discord was never truly reformed, made the filly evil inside the womb, only allowed Don to be saved and separated so that he could raise the filly alongside Dash (since children of single parent homes tend to have more difficulties growing up), and the filly would then grow up to serve willingly under Discord so Discord could then take over both the human and pony worlds.
Calling it right now.
3566179
I think more that Don is getting absorbed into Dash's subconsciousness, very soon there won't be any 'Don' left.
3568110 That has to be the boldest, out of right field prediction I've never come up with.