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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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You just made my morning!
Oh snap! Here comes round 2!
Oh hey, I got featured again. Huzzah!
I just moved today so I'm gonna switch it up a bit because I'm way too tired.
Instead of going trough all my opinions on this chapter, I'm just gonna say the ones that stand out the most in my head, and let you ask any questions you want if you want to know about my opinion on anything.
The flashback managed to be very romantic and sweet, and all around well written.
The banter between Ruby and Cab was as fun as ever.
The discovery back at the boutique was shocking and horrible (in the emotional sense. It was well written).
The flow of emotions after the discovery was written very well.
Cashmere's a fucking bitch.
I'm really sorry that I lack the motivation do a proper review of this chapter. If there's ANY questions about my opinion on the chapter you'd like to ask, go ahead. Just remember, what I've written in my previous ones, still applies. You are brilliant at this.
So long, Dref, and thanks for all the fish.
EDIT: I just noticed your second feature. Congrats. Again.
Not sure what Cashmere is going for there. They've been openly lovers for months, so having sex would be pretty much stock standard I'd imagine.
Embarrassing for sure, but not really good ammunition to hurt business or reputation.
im willing to bet it was Slate that did this horrible horrible thing out of envy and hatred. Cashmere wouldnt be stupid enough to do this because of what AJ said about slander. But cash did benefit from this im willing to bet.
689189
Completely forgot about that guy.
Yea, it just doesn't add up for Cashmere. Sleeping with the boyfriend isn't even gossip worthy, and Cash is REALLY openly sexual herself (Wouldn't be smart to attack the sophisticated mare, while being very, very flirtatious herself) . And if anything, it would get pity points from the towns folk. "Oh, have you heard? Somepony took photos of poor Rarity while she and her colt were being intimate! And then plastered them all over her home!" "Oh how horrible!"
Creepy stalker, who's not quite all there and not thinking things through logically, would fit the bill to a tee.
Cashmere probably hired Slate to do this.
Keep writing! Ypur strongest suite is the characters.
First off... This was a perfect Birthday present, thank you, Dref.
As always, amazing.
On to the suspicion position of this. Quite frankly, this has Slate written all over it. His jealousy turned creepy maniacal demeanor fits it perfectly. Cashmere is completely out of the picture for this little stunt. She'd probably just spend the time watching them, clopping. She's very open, sexually, and she knows it. She's also not stupid, so she could see the hypocrisy and potential feedback fom such a thing.
Something tells me that Pipe is going to go ballistic about this, and I hope Slate is not around to witness it because Pipe strikes me as the kind if guy who would have no problems with some flank kicking.
Somepony is going to pay for this....breaking some slat over a certain Slate pony....
Yeah, this sounds like Slate's work. I'm expecting a rather more vicious and underhanded angle from Cashmere.
Great chapter, Drefsab!
and remember Slate is a pegasus so he could have easily stalked them from the sky and not be seen.
I agree that this sounds more like Slate. He strikes me as insane enough to have nothing better to do than stalk people, whereas Cashmere at least has some semblance of a life. And it seemed too emotional for Cashmere; she may like sticking people where it hurts, but give the gal credit where it's due: She's practical. Of course it's entirely possible she's using Slate as a convenient attack dog...
If this is Slate, I doubt he'll let it go at this. Guys insane enough to stalk someone like that don't make a point and move on. They want to 'win' at all costs, because their wounded egos will allow nothing less. He'll be back. Just gotta be ready for him when he returns...
Fucking 1:00 AM when I saw the update.......fucking fuck I had to read it
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That was going to be my guess as well.
Damn this story only gets better and better.
But damn hopes he gets the fucker.
Now I'm not one for vigilante justice or wrongly accusing somepony, so PUNISH THEM BOTH!!!!
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Slate was more than likely the one who put the pictures up. Cashmere couldn't have left her job to stalk them, and writing "fucking asshole" is something a raging jealous prick would do. Cashmere wouldn't write that about the protagonist considering she wants to sleep with him.
Another fantastic chapter. You'll have to forgive the lack of constructive criticism but I don't think there's much I can add that hasn't been said already.
As others have said, this has Slate's name all over it, but even if it isn't whoever it is needs a savage beating. Intriguing possibilities for vengeance abound methinks.
Still, it's hard to imagine the rest of the town reacting with anything other than sympathy and support for Rarity and our protagonist.
Why must you post just before I'm about to go to bed‽ I'll never get any work done at this rate.
In any case, I'd just like to note that when the trio discovered those posters I was genuinely rather ticked off on their behalf, so you've managed to write a story that creates a genuine attachment to the characters as well as being excellent prose-wise. Every time I see this has updated I make a little happy noise.
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I'm dubious that Cashmere would be involved in this even by proxy. She's certainly not afraid of emotional manipulation, but this is a brash act - and I don't think she's sufficiently desperate to consider this at the moment. Besides, Slate hardly seems to need more reasons to act like a prick - his ridiculous "I saw her first" mentality is sufficient.
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I dunno about her wanting to sleep with him, I'm pretty sure she flirts with him just because she knows it will bother Rarity. I get the impression Cashmere doesn't really care about the human any further than however she can use him to hurt Rarity by proxy. But yeah, point taken.
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Agreed. I'm not sure about the sleeping with the protagonist part, but Slate is most likely the perpetrator. That doesn't make Cash any less of a bitch though.
689165 Yeah, that's what I thought, as well. Gee, who would have thought that a couple in an intimate relationship would actually try to get it on when they're together in a room?
689108
Heya Amppi. Just moved, huh? I know how that can be. Don't worry about being more to-the-point this time, I understand that moving is a tiring ordeal. Thanks for leaving feedback regardless. Take it easy for a while, will ya?
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Happy birthday, Agarwaen! Glad I could improve your day just a little.
689610
Sleep is for the weak anyway.
Everyone else, thanks for your story views, I'm glad you're all enjoying it. Sitting back and reading the speculation is just too much fun
I love the flashbacks. They are probably my favorite part of the story.
Just returning to see two new chapters of this to read for me this weekend, Huzza indeed. The previous chapter was unexpected deversion and a welcome one from the standard setting in Ponyville. I have said this previously and after reading chapter twelve I think it needs to be over stated that your talnet for creating excellent, detailed and fleshed out OC characters is a cornerstone of this story. I am always left with a feeling of amazement when finishing a chapter and characters such as Ruby and Cabernet stay with me over time.
I did want to mention one small area that I would like to comment upon. While I can gush endlessly about how much I enjoy this particular story I wanted to ask you about something I have noticed since the first chapter and how it has been progressing. Chapter twelve provides a showcase of how detailed you can be on setting mood, the scenry and desccriptions of the interactions of the two. Specificly items such as the entry into Frostvalley Medows, the inside of both the cabin and the Fidller's Run Winery. The detail you go into paints a solid picture and the time taken to deleve into details of the physical enviroment yet I have noticed over time the lack of detail given to the physical interactions of the characters.
The one scene in particular was when they entered the cabin and went into the bedroom. Several paragraphs were dedicated to setting up the bedroom, the living room and the fireplace. Even the bed itself was intricatly detailed both physicaly and how it felt to the characters when they lied down on it. Then when they began to become slighly more intiment between the main character and Fluttershy the detail level dropped considerbaly that it was jarring. I was keeping in mind your previous level of detail when describing the more personal levels of physical interaction and intamancy between Rarity and the main character this chapter seem to have so little I felt somewhat dishartened.
I know you have mentioned you wanted to move away from having a strait clopflic and I can appreacate that. However, speaking only for me of course, I really miss the detail you put into this factor of the story in the current chapters when I keep in mind what you have presented before. I just feel part of the story is being left out for me as the reader, which really hit home with the end of chapter thirteen when we find out that Rarity and the main character did more than simply go to bed after dinner.
Finally, on chapter thirteen, thank you for going back to the flashbacks! I really enjoy these glimpes back into the past to set up the relationship between Rarity and the main character! Please keep them comming as they are one of the reasons I became so hooked on this story. Oh, and I do not think Cashmere was behind the final deed at the end - kinda has me wondering who did it!
692019
Setting and detail has always been a strong point of my writing, I think. Mostly because all of my old stories, i.e. EVERYTHING BEFORE PONIES, relied heavily on describing the setting. Be it a battlefield or the interior of a space ship or what-have-you.
So when I moved on to this story and started tackling relationships and intimacy, it's become somewhat of a challenge to get it down right. I'll admit that it comes and it goes...but I do try my best to get them across.
In the past, I've had people tell me that I spend too much time on the physical interactions of the characters. Trying to find a balance hasn't been easy. I always feel like if I spend too long on every detail of what every character is thinking or feeling, then it will become boring to read. To me, it seems like there are some things that are best left to the imagination when something like the Fluttershy/Protagonist scene happens. Should I go into more detail? Perhaps. Ultimately I don't want to drag down the story in unnecessary details, but I will keep that in mind for the future.
In regards to the ending of chapter 12, I didn't want to add another clop scene there, because we'd had one fairly recently. Getting across that the characters can still be intimate without actually going into the details every chapter is a big thing for me. That's why you were only led on at the end of the chapter, not outright given a description.
Isn't "Frostfall" a month from an Elder Scrolls game?
Secondly: I blame Slate
I also forsee some violence in the future
I'm surprised at how petty ponies can be.
Not sure if that's supposed to illustrate how "human" they are, or if that's just some coincidence.
Cliff hanggeeerrrrr!
Ok, just throwin this idea out to mix i up. Slate could have been just following them the entire time, or because Fix and Slate said they worked together in construction, but then we find out that Slate worked in that shop. So was Fix lyin, and then got on "our" good side. Then his brothers tell Slate that "we" were in Frostfall. Because then he could have come up before night, being a pegasus.
It's not all that likely but its a possibily through some bits that ii noticed.
But hell Slate may just be a crazy stalker . Either way, it was him.
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It might be. It's been a while since I played Skyrim, but I wanted to give Equestria a similar style of calendar, to emphasize that it's not 'our' world. Frostfall just sounded like a good name for a winter month.
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That's exactly it. Ponies can be petty just as easily as we can. I think it makes things feel more real.
Rarity reaches across the table and rests her hoof in your hand, which your grasp gently, giving her a heart-felt smile. -middle/end of dream sequence
I think that should be "you"
It takes just under fifteen minutes to make the walk back to the corner of Mane and Withers, where Elegant Expectations sits currently shrouded in darkness, only a small desk lap near the back providing any sort of illumination. -walking home after cart ride
lamp
K I didn't trip over anything else but I hope those help a little. Sorry it took a whole day to finally read this but I got busy and forgot to check all my favorites. I would have revealed the amazing revelation of slate doing this, probably with cash finding out and possibly thinking of using him for her own purposes, but everyone already figured that out by the time I had read this and went "that's cashmere!... or wait that doesn't seem right if it was a stalk-... the pegasus did it." That bit of revenge was well placed and proved for a nice little "I feel smart" moment when people realize who did it.
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TYPOS! MY MORTAL ENEMY!
Just a second.
...
...
...
Okay, fixed. Thanks for pointing that one out, must have missed it somehow.
Gimme a break here, I tend to finish and proof-read these at 4 in the morning
My mind is full of rage and loathing, and I don't know who to direct it to. Very well done
689189 I was about to say I didn't think it was Cashmere right before I read this comment. You're right, AJ wouldn't let that slander pass.
The most engaging storytelling I have read in any fic by far. Hell, original background ponies feel fully fleshed out, even if they are only in 1-2 of the chapters. The only thing that could improve your writing would be if I could enjoy it more often. Patience is a virtue though and I am willing to wait for this type of quality.
If this was me....well, there would and WILL be blood sheed for that. No one posts a private and intimate moment for all to see and use vulgar language on. I have a few suspects of who did it. Cashmere. that one pony guy that tried to drop heavy stuff. Those are the top two! MURDER AND MAYHEM! Standard procedure VENGANCE WILL BE MINE!!
alright some drama! i was just thinking before i checked fim fiction and seen the update that it needed some drama. what ever pony is responsible for that is pretty low. like most people here I'm leaning towards Slate. who knows maybe cash and slate teamed up somehow because wasn't slate out of the job last time we seen him? wouldn't making posters cost bits that the jerk probably doesn't have. idk but hey is that a hint at getting more serious with shy i can't take it, it's right there but just out of reach it's like this story is teasing me with shy. that necklace keeps coming to mind when i read this it just sounds cool the way the sapphire was described, it was a sapphire wasn't it? damn i have to re read those chapters because i kind of want to see if i can draw it.
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That'd be neat! I have an idea of what it looks like, but seeing another interpretation of it would be awesome.
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glad to help again!
BTW! I'm not sure you noticed but I'm the guy who gave you that massive review after reading through this awesome fic in a few days: Totalolness
Apparently you can change your name just like that so I switched it to my pony insert's name. Probably stick with this one for a while though!
The opening flashback was a very poignant scene, my heart was fluttering as they confessed their love for one another, and when the protagonist soothed Rarity's anxieties by explaining how he loved her for who she was, it just about melted... that's exactly how I feel, indeed it is as if the words came straight from mine own mouth.
The rest of the chapter was, of course, excellent, and I enjoyed the conclusion to this delightful romp through Equestrian wine country, which I particularly fancied as it combined two of my favorite things, wine and Rarity, though I could not help shaking my head at "my" lack of sophistication regarding the former. As for the ending, it left me livid, and though the act of solidarity between the three was touching and took the edge off some of the anger, somepony is going to have hell to pay.
Thanks for the wonderful chapter, so until next time, you have my regards and wishes that fortune will be in your favor.
>Someone did this
Yes, and that someone is one of two ponies. It's either Slate or Cashmere, though I have a sneaking suspicion that it's the former. Or perhaps they are working together.
Also, I demand more Morning Blossom.
I'm betting my cupcakes that Slate took those photos!
Somepony is sure going to pay
Wow I feel kinda awkward coming in this late
anyways, It seems like the story is building the suspense very well at this point and you've gotten me wondering how this story will end
(sorry about taking so long to read, I haven't had the attention span lately to sit down and do anything for very long)
.....slate you prick -_-'..well I'm assuming since some of the slander is directed at Main and cashmere doesn't give a flying fuck about him as far as I can tell.
also...this isn't really an "image breaker" if they've been seeing each other for a year+ I mean its embarrassing and I'd be scared shitless if someone was watching me and hated my guts and I was unaware of them until then, but she cant really be seen as a slut in that context..so probably isn't cashmere...or shes just being as intrusive and wants the masses of "gossipers" to latch on and make it into something more
Now look what you made me do!
derpicdn.net/media/W1siZiIsIjIwMTIvMDcvMTgvMTdfNDNfNTVfMTgyXzQ4MTczX19hcnRpc3RfcnVzc2VsaCJdXQ/48173__safe_rarity_crossover_alternate-hairstyle_cigarette_tiara_artist-thelastgherkin_cigarette-holder_artist-russelh_tiaras_audrey-hepburn_breakfast-at-tiffany-quo-s_50f6b8c87f123b40080.png
And I haven't even got past the flashback bit yet!
media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m1rbw5l1aT1r8t443.gif
Needs more of this pony.....well, needs her in her somewhere. Hope it's a flashback scene, when they met!
th06.deviantart.net/fs70/PRE/i/2012/329/5/3/sweetie_belle_by_blahmeow_pony-d5m4133.jpg
............what the fuck just happened? Ponyville know's about them, so it has to either be Slate or Cashmere.
Maybe they're working together.
Hm, I'm a big fan in general but the huge flashback scene at the beginning seems... Weaker written than general. Or maybe it's not. I dunno.
Also not thrilled about what seems to be a run up to a threesome with Fluttershy but meh.