• Member Since 20th Feb, 2012
  • offline last seen May 4th, 2017

Victor Whiterock


Twilight Sparkle and her friends take a cruise on Equestria's premiere air ship the Day Star. However, when a notorious thief announces a caper of princely proportions, it's up to the Ms. Sparkle to thwart the felonious pony's plans!

My submission for the February Write Off. The chosen prompt was "The mane six go on a vacation".

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 5 )

Really enjoyed this story (though I did not think I would).

The 'twist' was a bit predictable, but I didn't feel like it wasn't supposed to be. Basically it was a pony retelling of any number of mystery stories. I did feel that there was a plot hole (I wont mention it to avoid spoilers), but it was easily overlooked.

The characterization was really good.

"Her eyes began to twinkle. “Just like Miss Mareple!” she could barely contain her excitement."

That line and the following exchange with Spike made the story for me.

The pain of your dialogue tags burns me like the fire of ten thousand suns. Apart from that, your style is good, discounting the standard assortment of typos and misspellings.

There are a few typos, and the entire story was extremely cliche, but I enjoyed it none the less.

Very enjoyable, bravo.

I'm glad you liked it!
I had kind of forgotten I even had this up here.
One of these days I'll have to update it with the edited version that fixes the typos and such.

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