Lan Party

by Crystalatrix

Lan Party

"Lyra, what are we doing?" Bon-Bon asked.

"Well, we're inviting our friends over to play some video games and have fun," Lyra said in a "matter of fact" tone.

"No, I mean right now," Bon-Bon asked again.

"We're preparing for our friends," Lyra responded in a confused tone.

"Nevermind...just...nevermind," Bon-Bon sighed in a defeated tone.

"Hey let us in, its cold out here!" a voice yelled from outside, banging on the door.

"Vinyl! Don't be so rude!" Lyra smiled then asked

"Hey Bon-Bon, can you let them in?" smiling from their friends antics Bon-Bon replied

"Of course dear." Bon-Bon replied. She pecked Lyra on the cheek causing a blush from the mare, then went to open the door.

"We hear you in there talking in there! Let us in!" Vinyl shouted from outside.

"I'm coming!" Bon-Bon yelled back from inside. Once the door opened Vinyl barged.

"WARMTH!"

"Vinyl! Where are your manners!" Octavia scolded her marefriend.

"I'll be polite when I'm not freezing!" Vinyl argued.

"Sorry about that." Octavia apologized to Bon-Bon.

"Why? Lyra's no different." Bon-Bon assured,

"Really?" wondered Octavia.

"Yeah, I guess that's how they became friends in the first place." Bon-Bon explained,

"You're probably right," Octavia agreed when she heard a fillyish squeal from the living room.

"OHMYGOSHOHMYGOSHOHMYGOSH YOU GUYS HAVE HAYLO FOUR. THAT IS SOOOO AWESOME!" Vinyl's outburst received some laughter from the other mares.

"Oh Vinyl, you can be so silly at times, but that's why I love you." Octavia cooed.

"D'awww...they're so cute." said Lyra and Bon-Bon in unison.

"Whatever," Vinyl mumbled.

"Well, now that we've talked how 'bout we get this night started!" Lyra yelled.

"YEAH! Lets do this!" Vinyl yelled back.

"Can both of you be quiet for two min-" Octavia started,

"How can we be quiet, we're playing HAYLO MOTHERBUCKING FOUR TAVI!" Vinyl interrupted

"Lets get this over with," Octavia sighed, defeated.

"Come on Tavi, this'll be fun," Vinyl assured her marefriend.

"Al-" was all Octavia got before they all got another fillyish squeal from Vinyl, as Lyra put the game in the tray and it loaded.

"SOOOO AWESOME!" all the mares laughed, except for Vinyl who was too busy fangasming over Haylo 4.

"Do I have time to customize my character?" Bon-Bon asked as the game loaded.

"Do you have to?" Lyra sighed.

"Of course I do, Lyra!" Bon-Bon replied, shocked.

"This'll take awhile," Lyra moaned. Vinyl whined. "Take it up with her!" and that's just what Vinyl did.

"Bon-Bon hurry uuuupppp!" Vinyl groaned,

"It'll just take a minute or two," Bon-Bon answered. Her response received another long,

"UGGGGGHHH!" from Vinyl,

"Fine, I'm done, happy," she gave in, frustrated.

"Very." Vinyl replied happily. Bon-Bon just sighed and looked over at a giggling Lyra and Octavia.

"Shut up," is all she said to them.

"So, what do you guys want to play?" Lyra asked.

"Why not Deathmatch?" Bon-Bon replied.

"Well, that sounds fun." Octavia replied sarcastically.

"Well, it's basically a free-for-all gametype where everypony kills everypony else," Lyra explained.

"Guns up, ready guys, let's do this, LEEEEERRROOOOY JEEEEENNNNKKIIIIINNSS!!!!!" Vinyl yelled.

"Who?" Octavia asked.

"I don't know, just some dude from World of Equestria," Vinyl answered, and with that the four mares began to play Haylo 4.

"Ok, so, how do I move?" Octavia asked Bon-Bon.

" Well, you move with the left stick and-" Bon-Bon began,

"Stop moving!" shouted Lyra.

"You'll never take me alive!" Vinyl yelled back.

"As I was saying-" Bon-Bon started, but again was cut off,

"Are you kidding me!" Lyra shouted. ,

"I found a shotgun." Vinyl replied giggleing. Bon-Bon just looked to Octavia and told her,

"I'll tell you after the game ends." Bon-Bon sighed,

"I think that'd be best, at least then I could HEAR YOU!" Octavia shouted at Vinyl who just gave a shrug. Throwing her hooves in the air Octavia gave a frustrated sigh said, "I need some water."

The score was Lyra: 24, Vinyl: 16, Bon-Bon: 4, Octavia: -1

"Why are you so invincible!" Lyra shouted at Vinyl, who just smiled ,

"I'm not invincible, I'm just too awesome to die." That got a laugh out of everypony except Lyra, who just sighed and continued to play the game. After a couple more minutes Lyra and Vinyl were tied while Bon-Bon had simply stopped playing altogether.

"I swear to Celestia if you beat me-" was all Lyra got to say before Vinyl scored the final point and won the game. Bon-Bon and Octavia just busted out laughing.

"What the Fuck! I'm done- Let's-let's just play something else," Lyra sighed feeling defeated as Vinyl did her victory dance which involved the robot from the 80's.

"So what do you want to play now?" Bon-Bon asked. Lyra had an amazing idea. She grabbed the newest "Super Pony Sisters" game popped it in the tray. As soon as everypony got situated, and talked a little the game started.

"Oh my Celestia, look how fun this is!" Lyra shouted.

"I know this game is awesome!" Vinyl shouted back.

"You really should play too Octavia. It's fun." assured Bon-Bon.

"Ok, fine. Just try not to yell too much," Octavia asked.

"No promises, Tavi!" was all Vinyl said. With a sigh Octavia sat down and joined her friends in playing the best game ever.

Comments

[Theater Critic]

No.

[Tom From Myspace]

2872889 <<I agree with this guy.

A technical definition of what's wrong: It's all dialogue. And things just seem out of place and jarring.

[Theater Critic]

2872923

Wow. Somepony disliked my comment.

UMACHAN!

TheaterCritic vs. Umachan!

[Tom From Myspace]

2872932 I gave your comment a like to balance it out.

[Crystalatrix]

2872889 Well again as I said in the description it's my first story and there'll be more ( hopefully better ) to come thanks for the feedback

[Lokimen]

2872932
No, it was me.

[AppleBandit]

2872952

If I might make a suggestion for your next story. Perhaps add some description as well as find yourself an editor to take up your stories. This actually could have been a good one were it not for the fact that there was literally nothing but speaking.

[Theater Critic]

2872941

Either it's UMACHAN! Or the author.

Thank Celestia he isn't a comment deleter.

[Theater Critic]

2872961

Please don't be biased. Just because it was me who wrote the comment, doesn't mean you have to thumbs it down.

[slayer 13]

I don't write much but i just want to say this.in your next story you might want to describe stuff more. It was a good idea but the story is horrible written. I love your profile picture tho and i liked the story.sorry if i sound like a dick

[Lokimen]

2872988
Yes I do, because I don't like your face.

But seriously, you need to stop with this type of comment. If you don't want to give serious feedback to the author at least be funny about it.

[Theater Critic]

2873006

serious feedback

be funny about it.

Wut?

[Crystalatrix]

2872972 I'll definitely try. Thanks

[Lokimen]

2873017
Read the sentence again. I said that if you don't want to give the author serious feedback then you need be funny about it. Posting 'no' and an emoticon is neither helpful or funny

[Windchester]

I don't understand why people are thumbing this down, I'd admit it does need a spit shine;But come on, We all started out abit rough.

[Theater Critic]

2873040

So, I have to to a moviemaster review, or an actual Fiscus Cat review?

[Benny]

Video gamez and the background ponez?

Into the read later pile you go!

Edit: So much good that idea, just finished it. Was pretty good, but like some others said, suffered from a lack of destruction and glaring grammatical errors. I would've liked to see what was happening in-game alongside IRL. The negative was outshine by gloriously cheesy puns and a well written Vinyl, though.

[Lokimen]

2873047
A full review is not necessary, just pointing out some things he did wrong is fine. But if you do want to do a full review then yeah.

Or you could be like La Barata and just post a funny image.

[Theater Critic]

2873069
Thank you, Lokiemen.

[Lokimen]

2873080
Your welcome. Is good to see that you're trying to improve. But you better take what I said to heart, because I will be watching.
i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/132/582/Weegee.png

[Theater Critic]

2873090

WEEGEE!