2906171 That doesn't sound good

The things that made a 'good' story, is that it's told and inserts you in its premise. A 'good' story is so 'good' that it makes you pass without noticing the issues it has. A 'good' story doesn't give the reader’s attention for granted, a 'good' story takes it.

This chapter is the example of how to troll a reader and take whatever real attention he or she had for your story and kick him or her in the head. The humans whole day was unnecessary and the way he ended in Equestria was downright 'wut', the Chrysalis scene was funny, unexpected and too out of context to be taken seriously. And the repetitive and not necessary descriptions were just delaying the inevitable.

If you wished for this to be taken seriously you failed, if you wished this to be taken as a comedy you're trying too hard. If you want to make a random comedy, fine, but add the random comedy tags.

I was actually expecting something of this in the lines of actual story but that got out of the vision. This story can go on into its idea but until it gets into 100+ likes and has an actual griping purpose to be, serious or not. But for now, I'll not pass it.

See ya after you achieved the 100+ like mark. I actually mean it.

2906457 You seem like a real downer Luckily I literally can't get mad or sad

2906457 If you read the first four issues of the MLP Comic, you will be able to see the many references. The scene where danny was spawned into Equestria was from when Twilight was battling Chrysalis in her own castle.

“He immediately spit it back into the bowl, both from having too much in his mouth and how it was too hot.”

2915141 What got a problem with my completely logical logic?