• Member Since 20th Sep, 2012
  • offline last seen Feb 3rd, 2016

Gryphon Gaming


Just a YouTuber with likes of My Little Pony Friendship Is Magic

Comments ( 87 )

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! delete if you wish.....

Work a little on reformatting and Capital letters when starting a sentence or speech ex. "Hello" not "hello". Other then that it looks pretty good. Fav'ed and liked. I'll see where this goes. (btw; sergeant is the proper spelling) sargent is a painter in the 18th century.

just a few things were off, the Mollie vest that he had is actually 'MOLLE' and the time that you set for 2200 hours is actually ten P.M. Still reading though, not too bad.

Well! Where to begin on whats 'incorrect'.

1. Sargent is supposed to be Sergeant, unless you are referring to Sargent Manufacturing, which produces door locks.

2. Currently, there are no females in any direct ground combat roles (that im aware of) within the U.S. Armed forces. However, that is a small discrepancy that can be ignored, as policy is appearing to change.

3. The soldier's reactions to meeting equine life is ridiculous. "Don't worry, I'll get you out of here!" I think a much more realistic reaction would be,
"What?"

(Don't read this last one if you don't care about accurately portraying Special Forces and Special Operation members.)

4. If you are attempting to accurately portray a professional soldier, you are doing it wrong. Do not take what you see from video games and assume that is how such soldiers react in real life. SEALs are trained professionals that are extremely mature, extremely intelligent, and extremely humble. They are held to standards higher than the average G.I. They don't chatter and banter, they keep their mouths shut, and get the job done. Silent professionals to the end. I'm sorry if this comes off as angry, but I'm a little annoyed at reading all these fics with "Speshul Ops" and "Speshul Forsesz" being portrayed as potty mouthed braggards who follow no guidelines.

1760981 thanks for the uhh tips. ill try to incorporate them when it matters.

1761009

Don't worry about these, they're more like suggestions. I'm nitpicky when it comes to quality.

You only have to worry about it if you really want me to like your story for some reason.

1761023 considering how you have a chrysalis thumbnail...

Things I want to say to the author, first have you had any military experience? Next though I don't mind this much, girls can't serve in any combat rolls, though sometimes their job puts them in danger. I don't mind this as much though , you will see if you read my story which basically disregards most age and gender related requirements for the military. As said before the SOF operators reacted unrealistically to being sent to Equestria, they should be going "Wtf is going on?". I'll try to think of more critiques, I hope I didn't come off as demanding, I'm trying to help. :applejackunsure:

1760981 I agree with you as well, all SOCOM/SOF operators are either in training for five + years; or have to wait until they have been active duty for about the same amount of time. Like MARSOC for example you have to be active for five to ten years to be considered so they know you are mature mentally and physically as well. Such as our guy who was running with the M240B and only made it a few feet and had to stop because he was out of breath. Anyway, I threw in my two cents, so happy hunting.

1761170

Good point! I completely forgot to mention those facts.

I guess I'm not the only one who appreciates realism in my pony fics. Heh.

1761244 haha! yeah you and me both. I'm not really sure why but it bugs me when it's not really right on the money if you see what i'm saying.

1761269

You know what, that gives me an idea for a fic I should write! Thanks for accidentally inspiring me!

1761320 Glad I could accidentally help. :moustache:

This is the most cheesy, most illogical and definitly the most strange story that has ever captivated me while being written by a five year old.

Faved. You could conquer the world with a writing lesson or twenty.

so far, i fixed the following(Ill edit this comment as it progresses.)
Sergent

I don't have a problem with military snobs, just try to accept the following before you comment.
I know there are not that many girls in the army. I know Pinkie Pie will break the 4th wall. I know some of what happens would not really happen.

Hi

Interesting...

Hi

1768004lol first time someone said that to me... i am completely serious

Hi

1768010 i never said thank you and that was random almost like this picsphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash4/399574_409825272412766_1273371839_n.jpg

1760981 " Women have played many roles in the military, from ancient warrior women, to the women currently serving in conflicts..." -Wiki

1761570 BTW I'm not 5. I'm 14 and in 8th grade.

1772352

First of all, you're quoting Wikipedia, which is not the most trustworthy source of information, nor is it the most thorough.

Second of all...

"2. Currently, there are no females in any direct ground combat roles (that I'm aware of) within the U.S. Armed forces. However, that is a small discrepancy that can be ignored, as policy is appearing to change."

Read that very carefully. Look at the date of the comment.

Now that you have read my comment carefully and thoroughly, let me explain how what little research you have done on an quote has nothing to do with the comment I made.

I pointed out DIRECT GROUND COMBAT ROLES within the U.S. ARMED FORCES. It does include any military force from any other country. Furthermore, I stated currently, referring to HERE and NOW. Not some distant time in the past or future, but the time in which the soldiers are from. Army Regulation 600-13, (AKA the Combat Exclusion Policy) is still in place, which means direct combat roles are out of the question. Yes, there are sometimes cases in where female soldiers face combat, but for the most part, they are not officially assigned to direct combat units.

Therefore, that short blurb from Wikipedia has nothing to do with the current situation. If you think I got this from wikipedia, here.

Army Regulation 600-13

If you were portraying soldiers from any other military from any other country or any other time period, I would not say anything. But you are talking about soldiers from this time period, this planet, and from the United States of America, which I have some knowledge on. So, I think I can say something.

Good day, and always improve on your writing.

1762640

Snob? Well, I certainly don't look down on anyone. I did nothing but state my opinion, and I worded it rather softly compared to what I have done to more experienced writers. Even if the person who wrote it was my friend, I would give my honest opinion. You asked for people to point out things that were incorrect. I'm sorry if you believe that makes me out to be a "snob".

On a final note, a warning to you. Over-sensitivity is a writers downfall. If one cannot properly handle criticism in any form, especially constructive criticism, then they are doomed to repeat any mistakes and flaws they have in style, structure, and mechanics, or anything in life for that matter.

Well, I'm done with you. I hope what I have said has helped you learn. If not, then I hope your peers and teachers can somehow help you.

1772897 lol, i didn't mean u as a snob. I found a mail in my inbox and some snob started listing problems and then said,"Dont post another chapter noob. you weren't in the army and so I would take down this story." I know him :raritystarry:

1772897 and I do appreciate your criticism. i'm using it,am I not?

1772921

Well, I am sorry to hear that someone was rude enough to do that. If you want to be especially mature for your age, (and sadly, anyones age) refrain from name calling. It lets them know that acting pretentious does not affect you.

1772925

I did not know that you were using any of it! I am glad to hear you are accepting input from your audience. If you need any further help, let me know, I have a lot of experience I can call upon.

Lol dafuq?

I did laugh at that so good job.

1772921 That guy sounds like a total ass but what can ya do people will be people.:twilightsmile:
*GAAAASSSPPP*:pinkiegasp:They should make a Blueblood Icon so we can use it to describe the stuck up people like that. It would be hilarious!:pinkiehappy::rainbowlaugh:

hhhhmmmmmmmm didn't see that coming interesting

1925782 talk to the admins about it. sounds like a good idea:twilightsmile:

Wow you were doing so well too. Instant shipping and romance killed it.

1929740 sorry that you didn't like the story, i was trying to get the clop audience in on this just in case i decide to... n-nevermind

1931098

If you want romance, make sure their relationship builds over time. Get rid of the other humans or send them to ponyville while James has to stay. If not, make a reason for James to stay at Canterlot with the princess. If you want a instant romance or clop; the story should be a one-shot.

1933480 i have it all planned out... i think. Thanks for the tips

I like it how it is now but took awhile to update this is one of the first stories I ever read

1938829 i was working on my other stories and i got FarCry 3 for my PS3. The updates should come out more often now though

He is only three years old.

was. Past tense.

Also, try to slow down the romance. Unless you're a horse fucker, I don't think you would fall for a pony on first sight.

spider cadence spider cadence does whatever a spider cadence does can she swing from a web probably its magic LOOOOOOOOK OUT here comes a spider cadence.:trollestia::facehoof::facehoof::facehoof:

1942410 it progresses, trust me. It is like love at first glance plus the benefits of both being the leader of powerful people/objects

1942650 lol. My mind was completely set on making her so that. What sane persion wouldn't? *TWITCH TWITCH* :pinkiecrazy:

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