An icy embrace covers the frozen north of Equestira. Creatures of tainted snow slowly head south, converting all they encounter to their cause. A united Equestira hasn't been heard of since the fall of Discord, but it will be up to a band of heroes to unite this nation, or suffer Jormag's corruption.
A crossover between the world of Guild Wars and My Little Pony. Set after the defeat of the elder dragon Zhaitan, and during Season 3.
My first fiction, please don't be gentle. Constructive criticism is encouraged.
Chapters (3)
I. Will. Be. The. First. Ever. One. To. Leave. You. A. Like
I loved the original Guild Wars and kinda like Guild Wars 2 as well, so I squeed when I saw that.
However, I think it would be better if you started it... from the end. You see, lore of GW2 (Orr, Zhaitan, Six Human Gods) that you write about for the large part of the story might seem important for an introduction, but it discourages people who would most likely like to hear about ponies. That said, real action begins in the few last paragraphs, and a reader might not get to them (IMO it's safe to say that line “Rise, Occultis. Grenth has need of you,” is where the fun begins).
Kudos on choosing Trixie for the 'first contact' (what could possibly go wrong?), and good luck on pouring Tyrian lore to Equestria. It can be done, just make sure your story to strongly beam with GW stuff rather then generic fantasy world/heroes.
Technical thingy:
Indentations, such as one in this line, helps keep the text clear. Use them whenever you start a new thought of a dialogue.
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Thanks for reading and taking the time to comment!
I'll keep all you said in mind, however, isn't indentations only needed if you do not double space your paragraphs? I believe it's one or the other, but not both.
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To be honest I've seen fanfics with only double space, only indentations and both options, and I currently find 'both' the most comfortable to read. But that might be just me.
You should totally continue this story!