Twilight receives word that both princesses have fallen unconscious and when she and the other elements arrive at Canterlot something even stranger has happened to discord, he's sane. To make matters worse Trixie has just turned up in Ponyville again. so when strange things start happening to twilight and the others they realise something bad is happening and the only ponies who could possibly know what are in a coma.
for units go to http://www.fimfiction.net/blog/177880/first-fic-and-units
Contains twixie(mainly) and rarijack (more background)
Chapters (1)
for the two that have already disliked this at least tell me why
This...wow. Okay, let's get the ball rolling.
There is several problems in this sentence alone. For one, it's a run on sentence. There is no comma's, periods, or anything like that. That's a big no no. Also, you used &. Don't use that, actually write it out.
Also space your paragraphs, it's prettier that way.
All in all, I've seen worse. I recommend reading the FAQ's writing guide, it'll really help you out.
3145176
how is that?
It's looking better. There are places that needs commas and periods. And some of the names aren't capitalized. Needs work, but I think it has potential. Again, I recommend reading the FAQ's writing guide, there is a lot you can learn from it. At the very least, it's better than anything I could tell you.
yay my first like
Interesting take, dood.
You may need to check with a proof-reader first though, as it was kinda hard to read it at times, dood.
3152508
thanks for the input i plan on refining my technique as i go