• Member Since 15th Feb, 2012
  • offline last seen Yesterday

malfarious


T

Discord is finally free again but something is different this time. This time however he's working with other ponies and he plans to covertly take out Canterlot but how? Patience, all in due, all questions will be answered,

Chapters (3)
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Comments ( 7 )

Well this is my first time doing something like this so i hope you enjoy and if i did any spelling errors constructive criticism would be nice Disharmony to all!!

It's interesting so far, These only one thing I would change about it. When a new person talks, you should make another paragraph. Like, when Mustang and Klondike are talking: Mustang starts out, then you make a new paragraph for Klondike, then a new paragraph for when Mustang talks again. It makes it easier for the readers to figure out who's talking and makes it seem less like a wall of text.

The story's good though, I like Discord's inner monologue. I'll track this and see where it goes. :pinkiesmile:

225115 thanks for the tip i will certainly add it to the next chapter

I agree with Muleicous. I think you should also give more details to give the story some general sense of direction. Give us some idea of what Discords going to do or at least what he might do. It will give the story a more interesting start. Of course you could always put that in the next chapter. I would recommend just adding it to the first one but that's just me. I feel like there are some problems with the wording in some areas but that's just my inner grammar nazi talking.

???

interesting

Here is the second chapter i hope i did better and i hope more people read it. I also took the advice form the previous chapter and would very much appreciate constructive criticism.
-Disharmony and Chaos to all!!

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