• Member Since 15th Feb, 2012
  • offline last seen Yesterday

malfarious


T

I am in a lost land unsure of its language and unsure of what to do. Maybe this Ce-les-tia person can give me the answers i need. Still everything i was and am don't seem to apply here and the strange creatures look so tiny.

Chapters (4)
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Comments ( 41 )
zel

Interesting. Let us see where this is going.

Hmm, interesting. I look forward to more.

This is very interesting, some corrections are needed but the story itself is solid and intriguing.

Woah. I really like the idea but the grammar, punctuation, and overuse of the word "fuck" almost completely ruins the story for me.

I strongly suggest you get a proofreader. This would be so much better if it weren't for the style of writing.

SlenderMan+Equestria=one good damn story,keep it up.

HOT DAMN!!! That looks cool!!! :rainbowkiss:

Alright, dude. Listen closely. On your keyboard there is a button that looks like a comma. We call this key: THE COMMA. Learn how to use it damnit. Aside from the serious lack of commas and plentiful run on sentences this is a good story.

Oh dear sweet Lord of Grammar, please bless this author with the ability use the comma button. Amen.:scootangel:

If you aren't that good with grammar I'll edit your story as a prereader.

I like it seems really good

Pretty good story, it puts a very interesting twist on the whole slenderman (slendermane WHATEVER) craze. However, like the Traintrax guy up there said, there were ALOT of places that could've used a comma. Do you proof-read or revise? (just a wee bit curious) As for the run-on sentence problem, I used to do the same thing. It takes practice and quite a lot of reading to overcome, but you'll get there. :pinkiehappy: Just a little constructive criticism for ya. :heart: Again, the story is pretty good, and with some grammatical tweaking and maybe a few revised sentences, this is as good as gold! I'm going to be following this story, so good luck!

The idea intrigues me, and by what I've read, it has great potential. However, I didn't get farther than halfway through the fourth paragraph because of the serious lack of commas and the multitude of run-on sentences. Other than grammar and the occasional spelling error, what you have is great.

All in all, I like the idea, but it needs some work.

I would definitely advise a proofreader as well. The story is intriguing, but all the errors are distracting.

1183635 that would be much appreciated

very interesting a story through the eyes of slenderman I LOVE IT!!!!

so many good things I could say.
Instead I shall say
more. We must have more!
This is so freakin awesome!

I can see real possibility in this one. I would suggest that you get a proof-reader ASAP though...

This is good, but there are massive fixes needed.

First. You got yourself an editor, good. I can definitely see improvements. You still have the occasional run on sentence every now and again, but there aren't that many of them. Good chapter all around, but it was a bit short. Update soon.

NO IT'S TOOOOOO SHORT Please make longer chapters

1191768 I will try, although it's hard enough to write a chapter a day.

Eh... :applejackunsure: I found myself wondering who was talking/ what was going on until the end... Not bad, but not really great either. I'd suggest taking more time per chapter, if that'll help you get more meat per publication?

1192047 alright i'll try to make it more obvious who's talking and take more time to add more detail and be more through with it thanks for the critique

I think I'll follow for the concept, as for the writing, well it seems rather rushed and not very descriptive, and it would be nice to know who is talking at any given moment. Keep writing, I eagerly await more.

i think at the beginning the story dragged out a bit but at the end it got interesting.encrypted-tbn0.google.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRquJSRGkXDCCDkAN0peTSairxswqaHYaKYRoumgaBg9tDDt3FK

Still a couple mistakes here and there, but overall it's looking pretty good. Except for how long it took for you to post this chapter.

1342117 yea i had it written awhile ago but i kept trying to proofread it and get rid of as many mistakes as possible and then i got lazy and eventually said fuck might as well post it. so hopefully won't take me as long as before but a lot of surprises coming up, with a lot of more questions.

If you need a proof reader/ editor I'd be glad to help. Cause, I'm just that amazing.dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Lyra_dealwithit.png

thank you, you have no idea how much help you'll be I tend to speed through while writing and i make tons of errors.
thanks a lot

Same here, if you need anyone to go through the proof read copy for any mistakes that may be left, I could go through it! :twilightsheepish:

1342725 sweet that's great may need help with the other crossovers as well if you don't mind everything will connect latter on and it's too big to put it all in one story and doesn't give justice to the main characters in it.

so this slenderman is the brother of slendy AWESOME!!!!!!!!!! :pinkiehappy:

1344049 slenderman originated from Slendy due to his wanderings to get back home.

Makes me curious on what would happen if his sister got her hands on that sword. Also, I could totally see the Faceless Ones starting a major cataclysmic event.

i.canvasugc.com/ugc/original/6889252912b6f37d5e8b1f106e2dde95e87c92e1.jpg

On a side note, I have read rare accounts of blind people seeing and, when they do, they describe the world more visually and beautifully than most that have seen it for the longest time. Just throwing it out there. Anyways, this is a great read in my opinion. Can't wait to see where it goes.

2221135 thank you for your input and i'll take your advice to heart.

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