(First fanfic, ever, for anything)
On the Wings of a Pegasus is about the journey of a Pegasus, Crimson Flair, and her two Earth Pony friends, Hexa Byte and Metal Forge. It takes place far, far into the future, in a land called Mestrialus, which is just what the Unicorns renamed it to after they took over in a violent coup. The land was known as Equestria.
The only other thing I can think of mentioning here is: no cliche Elements of Harmony ending!
(Cover art is shamelessly made with [url=generalzoi.deviantart.com/art/Pony-Creator-Full-Version-254295904]General Zoi's Pony Creator)
Chapters (1)
SELF INSERT! AAAAHHHHHHHH!
Another self insert
Also unicorns are master race
Why isn't there any dislikes! LEAVE DISLIKES!
2743529
Can you leave a dislike? THERE IS TOO MANY LIKES FOR A SHITTY STORY!
2743529 Zlyfire is a guy, so it's not a self insert. He's actually new to this and I tried to tell him to change the color of the character he created. But he wouldn't do it...
2743519 He never self inserted himself into this fic.
Ok I'm pretty sure this is not a self-insert but still having trouble wraping my head around the idea that all the unicorns decided to oust the Princesses, or that the unicorns allowed technology to progress since that would put Pegasi and Earth Ponies on equal footing, or that there wasn't a civil war. I'm still going to have to vote this down.
2743609 Well, you're being fair at least.
2743622
I also read it
2743629 That's good, at least you gave it a chance.
2743636
Most of the time I wouldn't but I had to see how bad it was.
2743609
Here's a little bit of extra information then:
As far as the narrator, Crimson Flair, knows, it was all the Unicorns. Add to that the propoganda from Tyr Nightenstar, and most ponies would believe that to be right.
Technology progression is just something I wanted to have some of, but not too much, so I really didn't think about the why of it, at first, but then I was like "Who says the Unicorns actually release up-to-date technology for the 'lesser' ponies?"
As for no civil war, I was self asuming it to be equivalent with the ousting of the princesses, but I guess that's a misjudgement on my part, since I do have more knowledge on this history I've given this Mestrialus/formerly-Equestria, than I've given Crimson.
But thank you for not just screaming for people to dislike it.
2743659
And depending on how far in the future the story takes place, the ponies that lived during the civil war are long dead and no pony actually lived it, and the ruling class would have destroyed the history.
I gave it a chance, and yes I am not pleased with the story but I'm generally is with fics that use "all unicorns are racist a-holes*. I won't follow this, but I wish you luck and want to give you one thing to think about, if the Princesses weren't killed (and I mean all four of them were killed) then would they be waiting to take back their nation. Equestria-in-Exile, Concordia Invicta.
2743699
I left the between-times to be an ambigous length, for just that reason plus I could just ignore all the original cast, for the most part. And I wasn't even aware racist unicorns were a common thing, I thought of it and went with it. I don't read many fanfics, the only ones I have are Fallout: Equestria and Dr. Whooves by Dr. Perseus. But thank you for giving this a try. Merry ways.
2743732
Having a big distance between the series and the current time makes the story a bit more believable since we know full well that the Mane6 wouldn't tolerate the coup.
It's not common much any more, but it's some that annoys me to no end. I would recommend to read some more fanfics, and to make sure to think about how the story will play out and end.
2743519
Why don't you stop trolling and do a crappy youtube video or something?
Not every story is a self-insert you damn A-logger.
2743988
I know, but this story is one.
Stop being a big dick
2743998
Prove it.
Make me Connor.
2744018
It just is.
2743998
Please, do tell me how this story is a self-insert. I'd love to know, since you know me so well you can tell when a character is me /sarcasm
This story is not a self-insert. I just tend to write in first person, and do try and remember, OC is just an original character, not the author character.
2743576
Conner does that because he's trying to troll shield himself from his own crappy stories.
My suggestion to the author, just block his ass. He's never going to provide you with anything positive.
2744045
2744111
Stop projecting and come back when you can actually grow facial hair.
2744111
2744121
No personal snipes. Take that to your own walls or pm. If you don't have anything constructive to say, either good or bad, then leave.
2744121
2744045 Yeah, I can understand that. I looked at his stories and they all seem to have major hate on them. I helped this guy with some of his characters on this fic. I think this story has a really good chance, but it has to get past fail trolls before it can do much. I'm really hoping that this story will make it past the people who downvote out of spite.
2745833
I'll be honest as I'll say I've seen worse, but this story really did nothing for me. The prose at times is bordering on purple and the OC has a hint of Mary Sue in that her look is overly explained.
It's not bad for a first attempt, but you're right when it doesn't deserve the hate that Theater Critic seems to want to inject into it.
Ehh... I've read worse, trust me.